My parents are dealing with health problems. They are divorced, and I’ve made the decision to move back home with my little family to be with the one whose health has really been struggling over the past year. Now the other is sick and in need of help, and I’m already stretched and worn out over the decline and rebound of one who I live with. I’m a wife and mother who is starting to struggle with it all now, taking on responsibility of both parents. I have other siblings, but they are in denial and have had an extremely hard time coming to terms that we’ve almost lost both parents. I’ve had to tell one parent I can’t handle everything and I need help but no matter how I explain to other siblings that they both need constant care and I’m about to run myself in the ground but I can’t do that to my kids and husband need me too. I’m so tired and wore down that my kids are now telling me to “go rest, mommy. Daddy said you need rest, I’ll hold you sleep.”My five year old shouldn’t have to say that to me. I’m lost at what to do.
Hire help in home care provider to take some of the load off during the day
Is it possible to get your parents a home health aide who can assist you with their care?
Go to Social Services and apply for help. Ask the doctor of your parents to give you something written saying they need in home care. Paying someone can cost thousands a month but if they qualify a home health agency can start coming in 4 hrs a day
Understand I have my father I too similar four siblings only one and I do all plus he has liver cyrosis final phase he gets mad aggressive I understand no great advise for either of us be strong and pray
I am a cna for over 40 years…love private care…would love to help out…
Apply for help. DSHS.
If your sibbilings aren’t willing to go there and physically help. They should be paying financially for help. Seriously. That’s Bull. Hire someone and they can help pay for it!
Sit down with your family and lay out in no uncertain terms what the reality is and what each can contribute what resources they could help you apply for, if they can cook, come on a certain day, etc. Are your parents on SSI and Medicare? There are services that they can apply for and your siblings can help you with that. If not, then you know where you stand with your family.
No kids but I did the same no family to help
So your siblings were upset that their parents were about to die yet cannot help you after they survived ? Something doesn’t sound right ?
Put them in the same nursing home then you can visit and go home
The greatest weight…is the emotions and trying to do what is right…You can’t be good to others,if you are Not good yourself…Obtain home care help,ask your Doctor…All the Best too You🙏
But they will all be there when their gone to see what they can get
I was in the same boat your in however I had a lot of help from family and it was alot of work and your doing it yourself. You go to thier.physision and tell him or her what’s going on thru sources homecare can be if need. U shouldn’t take this on yourself it’s way too much for one person. Good luck my dear
You may need to call in Hospice care
You can’t pour from an empty cup, you have to set boundaries and prioritize your health and family first. Your parents had more than one child, you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself and family.
Time to say enough. There are care givers. Social service, time to contact them.
There are programs to help depending on which state and insurance u have…check into those and see if a family member can give u a day off here and there. I know the feeling also
Oakley Place would take very good care of them. You should give them a call and take a break.
Tell your siblings to get off their lazy asses and get home for a visit so they can see how their parent’s are doing. If they can’t manage that then tell everyone you are going to hire help and they will be responsible for paying for that. I would NOT be shy in expressing to my siblings that you are NOT an only child and if they don’t step up and help while mom and dad are alive then they best not show up once they have passed!!! Go see an attorney and see what you can do. If your siblings won’t help now don’t expect help with funeral arrangements or payment. Get your folks to make you the executor of their wills and then you can determine which sibling, if any, gets anything!!!
Contact Social Security, they may pay you for being your parents caregiver.
Tell your siblings that if they cannot physically help atleast try to help financially so you can afford caregivers if not full time but atleast for a day or two so you can have a dayoff to rest and have time for your own family. You deserve it. no need to feel guilty. you are doing your best. Tell your siblings stop the bs and you dont have time for their denial. If you can step up for your parents there is no way they cannot.
In my state you can be paid to take care of a relative or friend this might. Help if you have someone willing. Ti help with one parent
If your siblings wont help with the care then maybe they need to chip in on the process of a caregiver
Speak to social services if your in the U.K.? They will offer a care plan do an assessment…you also have to look after your self
Talk to their doctors and get assistance from home nurses or carers. Depending where you are you can get payments as their cater and are eligible for respite carers. Talk to a social worker at Centrelink,they can help with advice and options.
Look into programs that can help and elevate some of the work so you don’t get sick by exhaustion. We try to do it all but we can’t. Dept of aging etc will give you info and maybe their doctored of what services are out there.
Try getting In Home Health Care, seek outside help for them. That’s a lot of weight for one person to carry. You’re already raising your own family, you also have your own life to live as well. Hopefully you won’t have to leave one of your parents with one of your siblings so that denial will turn into reality, and they will see first hand what you’ve been trying to tell Them .
Have a family meeting no parents around, just siblings and you all discuss what can be done regarding your parents and try to agree with each other, I know it’s not easy, been there with my mom and out of ten siblings, only a few were there to help. All the best. 
Everyone is being nice but I’m gonna be blunt either put them in a facility that can handle their medical needs or quit complaining and step up. If you cannot adequately take care of them without being overwhelmed then the responsible thing would be to send them to a care facility that can fully care to thier needs. Not trying to mean but sometimes you need to hear it.
Apply for home health for them with health insurance. I have seen Medicare cover 100% for someone to go 40 hours a week to help older people. If they both get home health, that gives you a huge break and you can focus on YOURSELF first!!!
I have a daughter who had health issues for years. I am a single mom, no family here and it was a huge struggle! You HAVE to take care of yourself first because if you are not taking care of yourself and running yourself into the ground, you are absolutely no good to ANYONE! You care for your self, get assistance from home health for both your parents, be a mother to your children, wife to your husband and you will not resent your parents or your siblings when you are not running yourself into the ground. Trying to get your family to help when they won’t, don’t even keep trying because you will frustrate yourself even more. But love, you have to care for yourself or you will get yourself so sick and that’s not fair to you at all
Check local senior services. They can meet with you to look at how to find other resources to help.
If you break down, you won’t help both. Think of nursing homes. Prioritize your health and your young children
Maybe your husband could help with the other parent
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Have you looked into a home health nurse?
Is there anyway to get help with their needs as far a a home care nurse or someone to come in a few times a week to help with them so you can have a break? Will other siblings come sit with them one day a week or so?
Is there a possibility of getting an in home nurse or something for them? You could call the hospital and ask if there’s a respite program that you could look into. They won’t usually take over 24/7 but they can help a lot on days where you just can’t do it.
You can’t help anyone if you don’t take care of yourself. If your siblings are not willing to physically help they should be helping financially to get extra help between both homes. It isn’t fair to you or your family.
Hire some help and send them the bill
You won’t be any good for anyone if you don’t take care of yourself first! Can you afford a hospice nurse? Even if it is for a short time until you can take care of yourself?
Well your parents didnt give up on you when they were raising you… but maybe look into nursing homes or in home care. Good luck
call area on agency and get care givers and cameras. I had to get one for my husband and they stole a lot of stuff
You need to get a nurse for both of them, you have your own responsibilities as a mother,
Get the other kids together and tell them straight out that they need to pitch in.Check with Dr office, Senior Center if there are any programs around to help lift the burden off you.
Prayers for you! My parents are in good health luckily but I’ve already told them when need be they will be living together again to make things easier. You must take care of yourself also.
Don’t know where you are but we have an agency called Senior Services here. Check with social services and also local agencies. There’s help out there. Best wishes
What about assisted living or a home nurse?
Your siblings need to help you
Home health care check with their doctor to see if insurance covers it.
Look into respite care. We had it for our terminal son for 40 hours a week, insurance covers it. Your local hospital can put you in touch with programs that employ nurses.
We spent a few years without respite care and all the care my son needed was brutal. His nurse saved us.
Just heads up, you have to date a few frogs before you find the right nurse for your family. It took us a couple of tries to find our match.
Look into home health care, I am sure there is some agency in your area that assists the elderly, my area it is called “The Counsel on Aging” they help you find all of the assistance you need and qualify for. As far as your siblings not wanting to help, I understand completely, they don’t want to face the fact that your parents are aging and nearing death (we all are one day closer to death each day that passes) it should not be all up to you, but at least you are trying. Also you might consider looking into assisted living, or nursing home care, but look into the places thoroughly not all nursing homes and assisted living places are good, not all are bad.
You need to get home helping caregivers in there. If you don’t know who to call, call their doctors and ask for a list of them. They have programs that help with payment, help with food delivery, also if they need medical supplies. Each company has a social worker that has all this info. If they are veterans they can also receive help from VA. If they are sick with a terminal Illness i would also recommend Hospice care. It’s a fantastic program as i use to work in hospice. They offer spiritual care as well. Being in this field of work, you are not alone! There is help out there a lot just don’t know where to turn. Once you are able to get care coming in use it to your full advantage! You need to be daughter to them and mom and wife to your family. You also are allowed to be picky and strict with them. These are your parents. Also check your local nursing homes a lot of them have what they call respite stay where they can go stay for 5 or 7 days and that gives you a break. With covid however some of the process may have changed. If you need any more advice you can message me. I have a lot of family and friends in the medical field and if i don’t know the answer i will get you one. Best of luck!!
Find out what both of your parents are eligible for. Can I get so security, disability, nurses aids.
I have been a Caregiver for my papa, my nana and then my own mom when i was raising my first and pregnant with my second. Being a caregiver is an Extremely exhausting mentally and Physically. Its almost impossible for one person to take on.
Needs to be a family meeting, talk about all. Their health issues, wants and needs, and final plans. Yes, its necessary!!
Gwt a scedual pulled out and start scedualimg any family member Welling to help Web certain care tasks in other to help with paperwork in getting so security or final statements will wills written up. It is an entirely easier thing to do when they’re still here and can voice their wishes. Its never an easy thing to accept but its completely selfish of them to lay all the burden on you.
Tell siblings they step up and help or you are hiring outside help and using their inheritance to pay for it.
Check with there Insurances and see if there can get help I am an in home aide that gets paid by insurance companies to help people. I hope this helps
Home nurse, assistant living home, nursing home.
Please try looking into a nursung home are , a nurse that can come over to be with your parents
Literally just went through this, unfortunately, my mother passed in Feb and my dad passed last week. I did have the help of my older brother, but even with his help, it was extremely overwhelming.
First thing we did was google “help for aging/elderly” in Indiana, we have an agency called CICOA. I reached out to them and was able to get my dad a Medicaid waiver. I also got myself appointed (with his signature and consent) as his medical power of attorney so I could handle things for them.
I then reached out to his doctor and the doctor wrote a statement saying he needed home health care and sent it to his insurance. Turned out, his insurance covered 38 hours of home health care.
I also applied for a Medicaid waiver for him. That allowed him to receive additional care and allowed us to look for assisted living at a fraction of the cost. Medicaid will also pay you, up to 40 hours/week as his care giver.
Going with assisted living isn’t giving up on them. And assisted living is easier with Medicaid than a nursing home, in regards to depleting assets. I looked at it this way, I’m not a medical professional, and while I can provide care, I can’t provide the care they need because I’m not a medical professional. Also, if you utilize assisted living, then you can visit and spend time with you parents, enjoy them while they are still here, and not always have to be “doing” for them. I hope this helps.
Get a carer from ur local council you just get a referral from ur gp explain situation and they will fill out a form for u hun even if she comes twice a day it’s helping you somewhat
I agree with in-home care. If they are in real need of assistance, check out assisted living facilities, only if necessary. I’m a big believer in keeping loved ones in the comfort of their home as long as possible.
If they’re sick, they should qualify for home health. Accompany them inside of their appointments and ask thier doctor for a referral.
I would also ask the doctor for any kind of document or paper they can give you detailing your parents ailments and the care they require and show it to your siblings.
Denial is a difficult thing to deal with, I’ve seen it several times and sometimes making it official is the best way to shake the denial.
I’m not sure where you live, but I live in California and there is this program called IHSS ( in home supportive services) maybe there is something similar where you live. Basically your parents would apply and if approved they get so many hours of care provided to them by the state and then you hire a caregiver that also works for the company.
Get home care…
Depends where you live and parents income you might be able to get respite care for very little cost
Can your husband help maybe switch off just a suggestion I know it would be ideal for your siblings to but you can’t change what they don’t want to acknowledge so maybe your husband or a really good friend can help if your parents are ok with it
maybe even a home health aid will work
Check the insurance for whatever is available. Then tell your siblings that they have to either help out caring for your parents OR help pay for a home health aid which comes out of their inheritance (if any).
My prayers are with you. I applaud you for taking care of your parents. It is heartbreaking that your siblings are not helping you. I ask Gods guidance for you and the strength you need to keep going.
See if you can get some home health care it will help tremendously hun
hire a caregiver to help you a few hours a week.
but continue to help them as much as possible on the weekends so that you still have time with your family.
Best advice homecare for a couple of hours a week or some daily depending on where u live get them assessed for assistance and see how u go … cause momma if u don’t look after u who going to look after your family when u fall … 
Call your local department of social services. They should have an aging/elderly department. They might have programs to help.
Their insurance should cover home health care to come in for a certain number 9f hours each day or over night to give you a break here and there
Find out what care you can access for them from government. Do not try to do it yourself, because it only gets worse, not better, and your own family needs you to be healthy and not worn out.
Home care, Assisted living (if they can afford it,) home Heath aides/nurses. The very first thing you should do is find out what their insurance will cover. Also contact their doctor and let him/her know what’s going on. They will be able to assist you and steer you in the right direction and the resources available in your area.
U can apply for home care for each parent. There is also assisted living. If u choose assisted living, they will each b placed in a home for people who need assistance with their daily care. If u choose home care, ur parents will remain in their homes with a home care attendant . In either case, u will need to speak to their Doctors who will make the referral to a Social Worker. U need help. U have a family to take care of. Call. their doctors. Apprise them of the situation.
Id get everyone together for a serious family meeting. Tell them in no uncertain terms how bad it is and if they refuse to help or acknowledge the problem tell them that a nursing home is going to be the only option and they will be expected to share the cost… I’d probably have some pricing ready to go (even if you have no intention of following through). This way they know what they’re going to be expected to pay. Time and help costs nothing for family if everyone pitches in. You cannot be expected to put your own health at risk trying to do everything. Your siblings are being selfish and you are absolutely right to expect them to help you.
I’m so sorry for you, this is an awful situation to be placed in. Maybe your siblings don’t know what’s been going on. Bring them up to speed. Don’t pussyfoot the facts. Get support. You’re not an only child. If no support, walk away with head held high. You’re not the loser here…
I would do home care or assisted living. Then you and you sibling can divide it out along with parents. Easiest way, especially if noone else wants to help. The denial thing sounds like an excuse to me.
Look into in home help it’s through medical Medicaid and if that’s not an option it may be time to consider a home .
There’s this term, crisis fatigue. The whole world is suffering from it. It’s like there’s a revolving for it bad that’s been going since 2020 (and before really) began. Your immediate family is your husband and kids. There is most definitely an obligation to parents, but it’s there no one else? Other relatives? What about Medicare options for a home health nurse? Your roll might be best as their advocate.
Look into having a nurse come in a 3 or 4 days a week for both of them then you are only helping them a couple days a week. Look into their health insurance to see what kind of coverage they have for that kind of thing.
In my city we have all kinds of outreach programs if they can not afford some help at home with aides contact a counselor at the hospital and see if they have any such luck in your city! Good luck I have dealt with parents who were in need of help but luckily we all helped also hired 2 aides to help so we took turns working the 1 shift as we had full time jobs as well as families takes alot of patience and heartache but our parents would most definitely do the same for us !prayers!
Homecare. That is the best for everyone involved. Most insurances will cover some of the cost at least. And that way the siblings can contribute to the care by helping to pay the bills. You get a break, and the parents get medical care they need.
Although your parents need you, so do your children & husband. It is draining you, physically, emotionally, and possibly financially.
Look into nursing homes, do they have Medicare? Medicaid?
Do you live in one of their homes?
If you do, here is what to expect:
Nursing homes/assisted living have stipulations.
They will only be able to own so much…homes will have to be sold to help pay their expenses, life insurance policies, cars, anything of value will be taken.
If there is another way of caring for them it would be best to keep them home.
Possibly together. ( difficult as it may be)
Your siblings have no choice but to help.
The cost otherwise will be difficult.
May God help you.
This may soumd harsh. But, it’s time for nursing homes for your parents. If you’re stretched too thin, you’ll do no one any good. If they’re in a facility, you can still go daily & take care of them. But, you’ll get more rest.
As much as you don’t want to is it possible to either get homecare for 1 or both parents and/or maybe a nursing home? That’s a lot for 1 person to take on.
Maybe the other ailing parent needs to make a move closer to you, so you can care for them both in one spot. That’s the most logical thing to do if the siblings won’t help. If they aren’t able to move, consider hiring a care aid for the one that’s furthest away.
You may have to do nursing home. If they don’t have the money, then the State Will help. Don’t jeopardize your health
Sounds like your siblings are selfish jackasses. If they don’t want to help, I would definitely keep them out of the loop of how your parents are and look into home health. You could probably call your local social services to get help.
My husband is disabled and unfortunately his insurance wont pay for any help, he worked the the county so he cant get medicare til he is 65 which is 3 more years. So hopefully they are both on medicare, it really helped when I took care of my father in law in our home.
It’s hard but either you work to figure out their benefits to get the help they need or you will lose out on you and your family. Your husband and children need you, if your parents are Ble check into meals on wheels, in home visits and Healthcare, or it’s flat out time to do a nursing home. You cNnot o this alone.
Take care of yourself first Family meeting outside help be firm with everyone involved
Honestly at this point it sounds like a long term care facility may be a better option. They can still have their freedom to go places (depending on COVID rules in your area) but if they are needing full time care its safer for all. You cant care for yourself, your parents and your own family if youre ran into the ground. Take care of you too.
It’s time for you to stand up to your other family and tell them you can’t, and stress the word can’t do this anymore. Your first priority needs to be your own family. I had to do the same. I was lucky that my sister was willing to take over because I had a toddler and my autistic son was going to be coming home. So things had to change.
Im so mad at your siblings i could scream! I want to shake them and tell them step up they are their parents too! They were there we you needed them. But i already know you cant make anyone do what they already decided they arent. Im sorry i was no help, but you do have to take care of yourself too.
I know that feeling all to well! My mom is living with us and has dementia. I have a sister who doesn’t even call her! Won’t help at all. It hurts soo much! I never really got along with my mom ever and my sister was always her favorite! Life definitely isn’t fair…
At home heath care for both part time or full time yes you should care yes you should help( if your close to your family) but no it should not take over your whole life it’s ok to get help for both of them your heath and your family need you too and you will get sick yourself if you dont get some rest…get some help
Good luck!⚘
PS I think it’s amazing what your doing!
Call medicaid or your local dept of senior services and see what programs they offer, reach out for help, and if your siblings aren’t willing to help physically then they should financially, this isn’t your burden to carry alone
Sounds exhausting but also like you’r teaching your children a great lesson about family, compassion and love. You need to follow through on getting some backup to help you have time off. Do you have siblings that can help? Then they should be. Are any of your kids old enough to help out? Then they should. If not, you need to hire someone, even if it’s only for a couple days a week. There are countless agencies and resources, even church with people willing to help, you just have to find them. I will not put my parents or any family in a home knowing what happens at even the best of them having worked at a nice one, no matter the pain or toll it takes on me and my life. Think about what you would want if you were in the position your mother is. There has to be someone else that can alternate helping you out.