My parents favor my daughter over my son. My daughter is six, and my son is 3. My parents never let him come over but always want to keep my daughter. They say he’s too rambunctious and would get hurt. Recently, I confronted them. They said that my son needed to stop hitting his sister. ( they fight about toys, play wrestle, etc.) they’re both guilty of it and are always disciplined for it. My mother says my son has anger issues. My father sent me some messages saying that he would make sure a stop would come for my son, specifically hitting his sister. When I confronted him on this, he added he would send someone to my house once a week to check on her. What am I supposed to do in this situation? I feel as though despite all they do for me and my daughter, them leaving out my son makes them very toxic, and I should distance ourselves.
Look. You know the answer to this one in your heart. Do what is right for you and your kids. Period. Regardless of title no one can treat you or your kids any other way than the way you allow them too. Best of luck!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My parents favor my daughter over my son Advice? - Mamas Uncut
For me, accept both or none at all. Just my opinion.
Tell your parents that they can help with a difficult situation by helping your son gain self confidence so he doesn’t need to act out. But, they must always be kind
In my house you take them all or you don’t take any of them. We do let them take one kid occasionally and sometimes one kid doesn’t want to go.
Have they ever parented boys before? Is it possible that they don’t realize the between boys and girls?
Maybe he is more then they can handle at their age. I am a Grandma and I don’t take a few for this very reason. I don’t want to have to bounce up and down all day or chase kids and he sounds like a lot of work.
Kids will be kids. Hes 3! Anger issues? If your son does act out a little over there it may be because he can sense the way they treat him differently than his sister. Id imagine it would only get worse as they got older and developed into other issues (anger, resentment, self esteem). If they cant treat the kids fairly and evenly, they shouldnt be around either child.
I mean… the baby (son) is clearly seeing this and feels jealous so that could be why he hits her . Not that it’s okay, but siblings do it! To act like they gotta send someone to your home to check on your daughter cause a 3 year old hits is absurd and they do sound toxic in my opinion.
I would say spend more time over there with both your kids. And discipline as soon as bad behavior starts . For both children, so they can learn it won’t be tolerated, especially at grandparents.
Good luck
I mean I agree with your parents, your son needs to stop hitting his sister. It’s not cute behavior and the older he gets the more problematic he will become. Your father is clearly concerned about your daughter. I wouldn’t take him either if he was aggressive and didn’t mind.
Is he attention seeking at their house maybe?
Yeah neither of my kids would he around them anymore
I wouldnt let either go and certainly not my son what disgraceful grandparents they should be ashamed
Maybe he does it MORE at their house because he feels like he doesnt get the attention she does from them and he acts out worse to try and get their attention! Accept both or get out simple as that!
dont let her go over both or none
Maybe he is to much for them ever think of that? What is really going on if they are that worried about your daughter. Like to hear their side…
I imagine at their age he is too much for them. Nobody can change how anyone else feels or what they do. Accept help with her, or just stop contact.
Omg lol the fact that you guys defend the grandparents. I don’t think most of you realize how toxic you really are.
I agree with most take both as are or none. You’re doing the best you can but I’d say if it doesn’t stop by 4 then seek therapy. They do at therapy and work on communication at the age so just a little more of what you may already be doing but sometimes they learn better from an outside source
I would distant yourselves and cut them off it’s not ok for them to pick and choose which one of your kids can go to their house
Id tell them if u cant do the same for both then they get to do anything for either of them💁💁
The fact that he threatened you 
NOPE. You are grandparents equally to both children, so love them both, and don’t show favoritism. He’s 3, he’s learning what to do with big emotions. As long as you’re disciplining your son for hitting her, then you are doing your job. But you are your child’s advocate, don’t let your parents threaten you and demean your parenting choices and concerns.
She’s older and can listen better so I don’t exactly blame them
Just the fact that your dad said he would send someone to your house once a week to check on your daughter is way too much for me. He’s not only favoring your daughter but, in my opinion, questioning you as a mother. I mean, siblings fight. My younger brother hit me when we were kids. He didn’t get treated any differently than I was just because he was a boy. 
I have no problem cutting people off
Grew up in that family. Boys were favored, in everything. You learn to suck it up as a kid. Nothing you say or do changes anything. But your parents are gone over the edge.
The problem is that your son keeps hitting and they are concern for daughter . You need to put a stop to it before it gets worse he’s gunna think its ok to hit people . And it sounds like your daughter is well behaved so it’s easier for your parents to have her .
question do the kids have different fathers? if so that could be why they treat him different.
I wouldn’t let either of my children go over unless they both go.
He’s only 3. They need to understand that at that age, they are still learning boundaries and right from wrong. They sound super toxic. Time to cut them off.
All for one or none for all. Don’t let either one go. They are creating a situation wherein the siblings will resent each other. Don’t do it!
Maybe he is a bit too much…
You can cut them off but there’ll be consequences cause of that from them they’ll probably call cps and your dad already said he’s going to send someone over once a week to check on your daughter which is a red flag that they’re trying to gather evidence against you to try and take her from you. And tbh it sounds like there’s more going on than just your son hitting your daughter cause I don’t believe your parents would be this worried over a siblings fighting n hitting each other so there’s more to this then you’re saying.
He is probably too active for them and she is easier to watch. Cutting them off is a double edge sword, it cuts both ways.
I wouldn’t let him take either one of my kids if they wanted to see my kids I would tell them to come to my house and see them but I wouldn’t be for letting them take one and not the other
I used to tell a family member who had this complaint… My advice to that person was…Move on to where you don’t need them. When you take care of every detail of your life, no one has a say or have a false idea they have any decision in your family life. But that person didn’t and carried on the complaint for years and years
Maybe have them take them at different times? Boys are different than little girls and ya 3 yr old little boys can be crazy bit the grandparents saying that you need to be checked on is too much maybe the little boy needs some alone grandparent time to learn how to behave at grandparents house he is younger and may be acting out because he wants their attention and feels that they prefer the sister over him. They also had the sister before him so she knows how to behave there since a younger age he just needs one on one time maybe have them take him alone for a few hours at a time also so you can have mommy daughter dates with your daughter… it will be a learning curve but no reason you all cant work together little boys always throw everyone for a loop they use their bodies and anger to show their emotions rather than crying like girls. They are much different. He just needs a different type of love and some one on one attention from grandparents in small doses to get used to it the behavior will change when He learns. Maybe use a reward system too.
What does your daughter tell them
If he does it understand their reaction
Not gonna lie, I didn’t read the whole post but that just don’t sit right with me.
Or maybe just maybe your son really is rambunctious and difficult to handle and you might need to address that first, instead of getting mad at your parents bc they don’t like seeing him hitting your daughter…
Have the children go at separate times.
Are you an only child? Maybe they are not use to the hitting. And, keeping up with a 3 year old is exhausting.
However, I understand both sides. I would be upset if they wouldn’t let one of my children visit. It seems they are concerned. I would take them both for a visit and see how it goes.
My mom was doing the same and she was my sons godmother and still treated him less than. I’ve recently cut my mom out of my life due to that and other reasons but it’s very toxic.
How many 6 year old sisters dont clock their little brother eventually if he’s getting out of line, the far more damaging thing for your children is disfavored child status, it can quickly make permanent damage to someone, a gift you dont want them giving either of your children
As someone with 12 siblings they’re gonna fight with each other I did with mine and they did it back but at the end of the day they still love each other.
As a mother of a wild three year old boy with other children, I get what your parents are saying. My son is on a death mission 24/7. He doesn’t listen despite discipline. He is WILD. He’s the one who gives me a daily heart attack. And he is ALWAYS hitting his sister. Their grandparents won’t take him either. And honestly, I don’t blame them. They say when he calms down a little more (or a lot lol). Which I understand bc he can be even hard for me to handle sometimes. I solved the “feeling like favoritism” issue by not allowing my other kids to go by themselves. We go as a family so I can reign him in though. But though I understand, his feelings do get hurt. So I no longer send the others without him.
What does your other half think about all this? I think its wrong in so many ways. It will affect your son as he gets older not so much now as his young but ide really put your foot down as the parent and talk to them. To be honest I wouldn’t even send my son if they are saying things like that about him.
My daughter was too much for my mother… My son was not. I didn’t send her unless I was going too. It’s not fair to the grandparents, they are done raising kids. It is what it is… sometimes they want to visit and play not raise and babysit.
Boy mom of 2 for 7 years before I had a girl. There’s a saying on a shirt I’ve seen that I wanted badly “support wildlife, raise boys”. They are definitely a different animal. Wild, no fear, and full of nothing but bruises and a pocketful of worms. Damn but they were exhausting. I can see why they might not want to expend that kind of energy with a 3 year old boy because you can’t turn your back on them for one damn second. And yes siblings do fight, but they shouldn’t be hitting out of anger and your daughter should never be expected to just be hit.
Maybe it’ll be different when he’s not so little. I let my terminal bachelor brother spend time with my daughter who’s older (5) and potty trained because my son, 18 months, is a handful including for me and in diapers. If they don’t treat them the same after about school age, I’d cut them off no problem. Babies are hard for older people to deal with.
If your son can’t behave and cannot be disciplined or your parents can’t manage him that Isn’t favoritism. Your daughter is older and 3 year olds are a lot of work. If you don’t want your daughter spending time with your parents alone because you don’t think that’s fair to your son , then so be it. But i don’t think it’s fair that your daughter is being punished by not being allowed to spend time alone with them just because her brother is too rambunctious. I would just wait til your son is older and you’ve taught him manners and how to follow rules when he is at someone else’s house before pushing the issue.
They dont need to see either of them
That’s a stab in the heart!! I’m so sorry 
. From your own parents but toxic is toxic u need to do what’s best for you and your kids!! Big hugs
They probably just can’t handle him at this stage. Wait until he is older and just bring him there to visit with you for now. There’s no reason she shouldn’t be able to spend time with her grandparents. Babies are hard.
I’d tell them until they can treat both grandkids the same they can stay away. It’s not fair to ur son. And siblings fight it’s normal
Start again with supervised visits only. And when they have proven for at LEAST a year that they will treat them equally and fairly you will decide if they can start having them again. I think together or on their own is great (one on one is good too) but only if they treat them the same. And if you decide not to try this or any other suggestion at all, just no and you’re done that’s fine too
Siblings fight and DSS and the police have better things to do then clear up sibling rivalry. Put your foot down, they take both or none.
It’s totally wrong no matter what!!! My dad n step mom will only take my oldest son but won’t take my daughter n idk about the baby yet as they haven’t asked yet but my daughter screams n cries when they r around n that cause they r not much involved in her life n they kinda cut back on being involved in any of the kids plus my daughter really don’t remember them that much they pretty much walked away from having a relationship with her when she was about 8 months old n she is 2 now
If he is feeling left out, don’t send your daughter. Also there seems to be more to this. The fact that your dad has made such a threat means that he may be really injuring his sister…is this the case? There is too little info in your post to give concrete advice.
It sounds like your parents dont want to raise and discipline a child seeing as you’re an adult & they want to be grandparents instead. Your daughter is at a more independent age so it makes sense. Get your son in line and there wouldn’t be an issue because it sounds like they’ve mentioned his anger issues on multiple occasions and you keep reverting back to favoritism. Yeah they’d rather be around a less hostile child. My kids are 3 years apart but never seemed to be as extreme as it sounds yours are.
You need to move away.
Distance yourselves I feel like this might escalate, my parents would never favor one over the other, but I feel like this might escalate to q situation where they start threatening to call CPS and you’ll be way more stressed out…moving would also be a good thing too
How bad is little dude hitting his sister?
Don’t allow him to go till things change maybe why he acts out to rhem because they have a excuse to leave him out. It’s not going to change unless you do it.
No, if they weren’t taking them both I wouldn’t send them. My kids get same treatment around the clock. Siblings fight, if he’s not marking her, bruising or breaking skin or bones, it is completely normal.
“cUt ThEm oFf ThAtS sO ToXiC”
Have any of you thought about how that might affect them? The little girl especially? She’s 6. She has had 6 whole years of her grandparents and quite clearly has an amazing bond and relationship with them… why on earth would you stop that? Are we just trying to send young kids into a bad mental state at 6 years old now orrrrr???
The little girl has probably confided in her grandparents about the younger ones behaviour. Maybe that’s why they’re worried? Just because they don’t like to have him overnight it doesn’t mean they don’t love him equally. No matter how much of a twat your child/grandchild is you still love them. But by loving them, you CAN also not be capable of taking care of a tantrum fuelled 3 year old toddler. Our 3 year old is SO full of energy, she’s constantly on the go… it’s tiring for me and I’m only 26! If I was an elderly grandparent too I wouldn’t be able to cope with a hyperactive toddler either.
I’d set your focus on the toddlers behaviour. Don’t be a ‘oh it’s not that bad’ mum… because without even realising you probably make excuses (“wrestling”) etc to cover his bad behaviour. Don’t pussyfoot around it, he throws a tantrum - address it. If he hits someone - address it. Go round there all together, spend some time all together so they can start to have a bond with him. Go for a family trip to the park, go out and make your time fun so there isn’t a minute spare that something could escalate and become irritating. You don’t just cut off a healthy leg that’s a little strained… you work at it. Put a plaster on it, help it get better. You don’t just cut someone out of your life 
My parents simply cannot handle both of my children at the same time for long periods. Mine are 6 and 3. One on one, they’re totally fine. Put them together, and they are a handful. My mom also won’t keep them overnight until they’re old enough not to have accidents or need a diaper change anymore, so my 6 year old gets overnights with them, but my 3 year old, who has some bladder issues, doesn’t. I totally understand why. My parents are in their 60’s. Both have health complications. I refuse to take the overnights away from my oldest simply because his sibling isn’t old enough. He is making memories with his grandparents. My 3 year old will get his day, too.
My mother was like this between my daughter and son. I removed my children from her because she wouldn’t stop clearly displaying the favouritism between them. She didn’t see them for 9 mths and then apologized and it was never a problem after that. But I’d remove them for awhile from them and state until you can treat the children equally then you will not have access to either then, that’s what I said to my mama anyways
Hitting is communication when a child doesn’t have words to express the big feelings that they have. Kids don’t like to be in trouble and they don’t like to be angry and they do well when they can. When they cannot it’s because they lack a skill or language or understanding to convey what they’re feeling or words to ask for what they would like. Rather than focusing on whether to send the children to the parents or not you might want to focus on why he is hitting or she is hitting and work with them so they can express themselves and be understood and not have those great big angry feelings. Once you resolve that then they can both go to the grandparents because they will be happy healthy children. The Explosive Child is a wonderful book for children who have a hard time dealing with their big emotions…
You already answered your own question.
Different fathers???
They wouldn’t be getting my daughter.
Sibling fight but most granparent prefer taking an older child because smaller ones don’t listen or don’t understand what is being said
If they can’t treat both the same then they shouldn’t have access to either
My kids would not go to their house again… After a statement like that
I have a son and a daughter… both were total turds at age 3. It’s hard to go on just the info we get from you but they seem genuinely concerned with the safety of your 6 yr old and that’s hard for me to ignore. Cutting them off affects your children unfairly. I’d hear them out and see what can be done to ease their concerns. 3 year olds require extra attention… Maybe they aren’t showing favoritism, but giving the 6 year old the attention she needs when most of yours is focused on him.
Bottomline, your parents are to old (maybe not physical age) to deal with a 3 year old. Your daughter is self sufficient and it’s something I now understand as a gma. My brother was critical back in the day when his daughter was young and my parents would take my daughter everywhere. He is now a grandfather and understands that they cant handle more than 1 at a time.
I’ve literally cut off my mom’s side of the family due to mistreatment of my older daughter. I would rather protect my child than to have people be hateful towards her for nothing
I know all about that. My son isn’t my bf kid. And he’s 8 now. And that family don’t take him nothing. He’s a ADHD and nobody on his side does nothing with him. But his 2 kids does everything with there family and my son gets left out. It’s BS. Kids fight, they argue, that’s kids for ya. I would distance myself too if I was you. I have to do that too with my son. We been together 3 years. It’s sad what people do to kids. It’s not the kids fault ya know.
Dude they’re trying to raise your kids for you. Tell them to beat it
Explain very clearly that your parents have to take turns one time your daughter the next time your son. or they get neither never!!
They have no right to send someone to check on you or them them space. Visits at your house. Keep working with the kiddos
I seen this happen to my niece and nephew and all it did was make the one who was left out play up more and be more resentful. Kids have feelings too and they know when adults are being mean to them…
First of all he is 3! TF is wrong with your parents?! 3 year old don’t even know how to control their own emotions. He is there grandchild and they act like he is not even human by saying they will send some to check on your daughter! What do they think he will murder her? Clearly they do not love your son let alone like him. Please for you child’s sake cut them out! You don’t even know what they are doing to him when you aren’t round. If they say this to your face imagine what they do behind your back. Your children deserve better. Do not let them hurt him anymore. I have cut family out for so much less.
Bottom line he just may be too much for them to handle. & It may be just because he’s a hyper toddler. That doesn’t mean they should be cut from his life or vice versa. Maybe you need to consider a stronger approach or think about what makes them feel like he’s a danger to his sister. How often is he hitting her, does he leave bruises, does he stop when you tell him to, ect. All that could be reasons they wouldn’t want to be responsible for him. All I know is, if I don’t think I can physically handle the child, I won’t baby sit them.
I wouldn’t expect my son’s grandparents to keep him overnight (or even babysit him)
He’s ENERGETIC.
They have had knee surgeries, etc and can’t physically chase a 5 year old.
My best friend’s daughter can happily hang out quietly with her grandmother. 
I think you should be there and take both kids to visit. But not expect grandparents to babysit, keep young children overnight, etc. or force them to take a more energetic little boy vs. a quieter little girl.
Don’t let them see either child until they are ready to treat them equally. Your son is younger and he is learning. They are the ones with the issues.
This is pretty typical of grandparents who don’t want to deal with a little boy at such a young age. My mom was the same with my kids. Chances are she’ll enjoy him more when she can sit and have a conversation with him.
Speaking as potential grandparents, cause I have grown children but no grandkids yet, o can if they are older, aging and especially if they have any health issues, having both kids together, or a rambunctious boy, might be overwhelming for them. Look at what they are saying about your son with an open mind and make sure you are not closing yourself off to your son needing more discipline or having some issues.
Double or nothing if they won’t take both they can’t have just the one and hitting is NORMAL with siblings I have 3 and we used to fight and my kids fight
Can they take your son by himself? Maybe take him someplace like Chuck E Cheese, a trampoline park, a class for 3-year olds (tumbling, dance, swimming, free play), water park with small kids area, or someplace contained where he can have fun & blow off all that energy while getting all the attention. Plus if the area is contained and designed for kids, the grandparents wouldn’t have to be on him every second, especially if there are lifeguards, attendants, or instructors.
Boys can be exhausting, especially “threenagers.” We had to tell my son “Grandma and Grandpa have fragile bones and they can break, so you have to be very careful and not run at them full speed.” Getting him out of the house is key. Playgrounds, drawing with sidewalk chalk, going for walks, visiting parks with learning or activity programs.
Or if they attend church or other religious institution they can put both the kids in Sunday School and take them to a family friendly lunch afterwards (strap that kid in the high chair on the opposite side of the table from sis and make sure he has something quiet to play with). They have time with the grandparents without the grandparents having to corral them too much.
My grandmother will only accept my oldest she won’t even mention my youngest I just don’t let her around that much and have very Lil to do her it’s toxic and it’s not fair to the kids
Maybe grandpa needs to spend some one on one time with the 3 year old doing fun things and. Making him feel important. Sounds a lot like jealousy.
ties until they change their attitude or he’s older
Perhaps your son n daughter need a little help in expressing their emotions…properly…b4 they get much older…maybe parenting classes… therapist…
She is 6 … He is 3 … the arguing is normal… tell him to butt out… and that you’re handling it yourself and that you are the mother … if they don’t stop cut them off
Of corse he has more hyperness he is 3 terabl 2s3 once you Start kindergarten you come down some let them call after the call than tell them you and children need a break from them for a few months.