I really could use some advice for anyone that has been in this situation… So my child’s father barely ever comes around so far this year he has seen him twice and doesn’t help provide him with anything. He doesn’t even barley ask about him. My fiance and I do everything for him. And my child barely knows him. And I’ve never held my child away. We’ve been open to letting him see him whenever. We’ve tried meeting up at places and there was always an excuse to why he can’t. And I just found out that when my child would go to my parents house they would have his father come over without even letting me know. I feel like I should know whose around my child.
61 Likes
It sounds like that the father is not really too vested into his child .which is sad . clearly mom felt he was at one time worthy of her love . since now there a child from this union every attempt to further a good parent relationship between all involved should be a goal . perhaps mom has some animosity towards her ex . so perhaps it is better for grand parents to be the go between for father /child visits . i do agree that to sneak behind the moms back is not right . but now that mom is aware she can set some boundaries . no child should ever grow up with out knowing each parent as long as the parents are not abusive and a danger to the child . and no child should Ever hear the other parent speak ill of the other one .
Your last sentence “my child” is wrong and this way of thinking is probably the problem here. That child is just as much “his”. The idea of one parent thinking the other needs “permission” to see their own child is why there are so many issues with broken and unhealthy parenting. A child is NOT a possesion.
20 Likes
Your parents should keep you informed because that’s your child. I hate to say this but I had a disagreement with my daughter a few years back and of course the first thing she did was take my granddaughter away. I see her from time to time through the other grandparents.
One day your child will be old enough to form their own opinions about the biological father. At no cost should anyone be sneaking around behind your back especially if you’re saying you aren’t keeping the child away. Kind of makes me feel like they have something against your fiancé.
My parents are pretty shady as well. I’m a mother of three grown kids and I’m raising my brothers 12 & 16. They will still defend my brother at any cost! Protect yourself, your child and especially the fiancé that has stepped up
4 Likes
In one sentence, you say you’re not keeping your son from his father… yet, you’re mad at your parents? It seems like you are just angry because you weren’t able to control the situation. If he was the “bad guy”, you wouldn’t want him around your son at all, not only when you didn’t know about it. Seems to me that them sneaking behind your back for a visit means they didn’t want to deal with the drama. 
42 Likes
This will be unpopular I’m sure, but no matter the circumstances don’t ever keep your child from their parent… They will hold it against you later. When your child is an adult, they can decide for themselves whether or not they want to continue a relationship or not. 
18 Likes
I’m trying to understand why your upset if you have no issue with him seeing your child. It’s obvious that the reason he doesn’t come around with you is because he doesn’t want to be around you so it’s better for him to see your child while your child is with your parents…it doesn’t matter where or when just so that the child gets to see both parents. It sounds like you do keep him from seeing your child.
1 Like
My OPINION is this. He’s that child’s father. If he’s not a bad person, I assume not because you’re open for visits, let your child know his/her father. Trust me, It’s a win in the end. If it’s bothering you because you’re not in control then try to just let it go. I have been there. I know it’s hard. Maybe the father just can’t handle being around you or your new man for whatever reason. As for the grandparents, talk to them. Let them know they should have talked to you first. You entrusted them with the care of your child. I do feel like they should have been upfront about it. However, it is his child too.
2 Likes
I would allow it. Your child is getting time with his father in a safe environment (if you feel comfortable with your parents caring for him, then I would imagine it’s safe). Your son will know who did for him, who showed up for his events, he will know his father came and went. Allowing him to see his dad while at your parents is a good thing. Abandonment issues from childhood divorce grows into adulthood abandonment issues. If you can minimize that even slightly it’s a good thing. I would speak to your parents and let them know sneaking is unnecessary and you’d prefer they were honest with you. That’s the only issue I see here…your parents hiding it from you. I would let them know you have no issue with him visiting while your son is there, it’s the being devious your feeling hurt about.
3 Likes
If you are so opened to allowing him to see the child, why would it matter he sees the child at your parents? Maybe ypur ex feels more comfortable not being around you and your fiancee. I think its great your parents are willing to help out. After all, isn’t the most important thing that your child and his father have time together?!
17 Likes
You sound bitter… Your parents did no wrong… Let that man have a relationship with his child whether he can financially support them at the time or not… Maybe he just would rather see him at your parents house so he don’t have to deal with your drama… If you don’t keep your child away and let him see him whenever then why are you even upset? You’re right you should know who your child is around but obviously you’re the unreasonable one otherwise your parents wouldn’t have felt the need to go behind your back to provide your child a relationship you’re denying him… That’s nice that your fiancé helps out but he’s not the father and he never will be and keeping the dad away won’t change your child’s biology… If you really don’t keep your child from his father you should be happy he found a way to see him without inconveniencing you
1 Like
That is not good! You have every right as his parent to DON’T LET YOUR PARENTS GET AWAY WITH THIS, PERIOD.
12 Likes
Try to do your best to go with it as “in my opinion” the more love the better for your son. The father may not have a dime to his name to give that’s okay. Love and just being there will make your son a well rounded man. Was it done the right way in your eyes possibly not but, it’s a new chapter; grow and evolve and more importantly be happy for your son that he is lucky to have two fathers in his life
1 Like
So you say he never sees his child or makes an effort or has an excuse why he cannot see the child… then you say your parents have the father come over to their house when they have the child? So he actually DOES see his child? Your beef is probably with your parents🤷♀️
8 Likes
There is more to this story then what you are saying. Your parents wouldn’t just invite him over if you are really allowing him to see the child whenever.
3 Likes
Your parents are wrong for doing that and not telling you. You need to have a talk with them. You are the mother and need to be informed of what they are doing. Makes you wonder what else they are doing without you knowing?
Your child is going to see this and think it’s ok hide things from you. 
Maybe you could clear up that you want to be informed of the visits from now on. Simple courtesey. Especially since he’s a child & you’re his main (only) caregiver. You have a right to be ticked off, of course. They’ll have to get over it. Everything will be okay.
But, you said you are open to the bio seeing the child whenever. And you’ve never held the child away. So, what’s the big deal. Maybe the bigger question is why has your child not said anything to you about seeing his father? Maybe he thinks you are not as open to him seeing his dad as you say you are.
13 Likes
If I felt my mother went against me I would ask her about not social media but that’s just me. But why will your ex meet your parents but not you? There could be many reasons. But guess what visitation with his son does not require your presence.
There is definitely something going here but the fact that your own parents help this man see his child tells me that you need counseling to work in your control issues. You sound petty to me.
4 Likes
They are wrong. And let them know that they aren’t going to see your child until they decide to respect your wishes. Your child, your rules. End of story.
6 Likes
She is the child’s mother & she’s not saying he can’t see the child, she just wants to know before this situation happens!! Her parents should have had her back!!! Doesn’t sound like the father has much to do with the child and doesn’t help take care of the child financially!!! She is the mother and she should control the situation!!! I believe fathers are just as important as mothers, but she has every right to want to know what is happening with her child!!! Good luck with all of this, just do what is best for your child!!!
2 Likes
Not allowing the other parent to see their child is abuse period. You cant control every situation and apparently there is a reason he isnt ciming to your home. Do you give his grief when he comes? Or yell and scream at him?. Im sure we arent getting the whole story here
1 Like
Every child has 2 parents. What effort they chose to make to be a good roll model is up to the individual parent. It’s not ok what she did but why she did it we can all understand. Remember one thing that I have learned to live by. TOMORROW IS NEVER PROMISED!!!
My opinion only, without knowing the whole story,I think neither parent should keep the child away from the other parent,it doesn’t matter who pays what or who does what for the child,as long as the child is not being abused in any way both parents should be in the child’s life,the child will learn as time goes by what’s up, but for me it doesn’t bother me that your parents let the ex see the child,they didnt let the child leave their premises
5 Likes
You are damn right you have the right to know. Your parents should stay out of it. That’s not their job to let him visit your son. That is up to you and to you only. If he really wanted to see him he would make the time. Your ex is a bum.
Hmmmmm… Me thinks something is “off” here. God made parents, original biological parents, in sets of two for a reason. Step-parents can be amazing…especially when they really invest in having a healthy relationship with all kids… but a step-parent is a “bonus” parent, not a replacement parent. Perhaps you should have a calm, meaningful conversation with your parents. Your ex may feel more comfortable seeing his son when you are not involved… Maybe it is too uncomfortable to see you with your new fiance… Maybe you should chat with him 1-1 about what is happening, and why. What is most important is for your son to grow up to be a strong, capable, happy, responsible, well-adjusted citizen. His best chance for that is if he has a healthy relationship with both biological parents. (and yes, i have both biological and step-kids, and my advice is from experience).
6 Likes
Similar situation 
while I agree we don’t know the whole story, I disagree with the “a child needs both bio parents in their life” 1st off my mom was adopted & when we met her bio mother, I was in middle school. That woman never wanted my mom or us & she died without telling my mom who her biodad was even after repeatedly being asked. 2nd my son’s bio dad isn’t an active person in his life & hasn’t been unless it makes him look good. Blood doesn’t make you family. My husband has stepped in & stepped up to be the dad my son needs. If your parents don’t respect you as a parent, they can see your child at your house & can no longer take him off without you &/or your fiance. Just my opinion, but unfortunately speaking from experience. A REAL dad wouldn’t care when or how he sees his child… he wouldn’t need to sneak around to avoid the mom or new bf/fiance/husband… it’s my impression, he does it for the wrong reasons…
5 Likes
Whosr around your child? Like his dad? Regardless of your angst against him its his child… Maybe you should evaluate if you arent the reason he stays away instead?
3 Likes
Maybe your ex is uncomfortable with your fiance? Definitely he should be supporting the child, but have you talked to your ex and your parents about why this is happening?
3 Likes
Ok so if you say you never held him from seeing him and open to letting him see him then what’s the problem?? That’s his child also doesn’t matter who pays for what ! I mean he doesn’t abuse him !!
3 Likes
Your parents over stepped their boundaries, and you need to let them know that in no circumstance is it their place to do that and you would appreciate it if they ask your permission first… It was not their place whether they agree with you or not
3 Likes
You need to put your foot down on your parents if your ex wants to see his son it should be under your rules not the grandparents
3 Likes
They are in the wrong and need to let you and the child’s father work it out. But out gramdma
2 Likes
Let it go. Tell your parents that you know, and that it’s ok. Put yourself in your child’s shoes. The child benefits from seeing his father, and knowing that his father wants to see him.
1 Like
ITS HIS CHILD TOO. Not just yours.
1 Like
You have every right to be upset with your parents and your ex why all the sneaking around if you’ve always have left that door open for him to see his child? Why was it chosen for him to see his child without your knowledge?There’s more to this story theres pieces missing because if you have left that door open for him to see his child your parents wouldn’t be letting him come to their house to see their grand baby. They made this decision for a very good reason apparently he is at great standing with your folks. Now if your not letting your child see his father because you are with someone new thats not right your w/ your man not your child. My next question is how old is your child? And if old enough your child with held it from you also! Something doesn’t add up here. You asked so I’m telling you what I believe
2 Likes
Not cool on your parents part. That is not a decision for them to make. Personally if your parents want to see your child then they can do so at your home. Not seeing your child is his problem. He will be the one to regret it later. If you have a custody agreement he could actually be held in contempt of court for not seeing his child
3 Likes
Not my business but you are asking for opinions…so, no they should not do anything behind your back, however you need to revisit this situation and if he is not hurting the children than let him see them. A child can’t have too many ppl that love them.
All the judging is crazy. Maybe she has full custody and he’s supposed to have supervised visitation by mom? I’d lay down the law with my parents that that’s unacceptable and if they did it again, they would no longer be left alone with my baby.
Do they condone him not being responsible for his child? Sure sounds like it. I would be curious with them.
1 Like
You should know who comes into contact with your child. First talk to your parents about it. Tell them how you feel. If that doesn’t work, only let your child see your parents if you are there… If that doesn’t work cut your kid off from your parents. Talk to your parents at each stage, letting them know what the next step will be. And be firm don’t start it if you will back down.
2 Likes
BOUNDARIES!! If you don’t like it(which frankly it’s just down right disrespectful to you) then communicate that to your parents. If they can not respect you or your wishes, then a boundary has to be put up. As parents we should be able to trust that whoever we leave our children with respect our desires regardless of how they feel things should be done. When the child sees his father should be between you and father no one else. You are the one to establish when and where that happens.
1 Like
If you aren’t keeping the child from the father then I assume you are okay with the child seeing the father. There is def more to the story.
That’s messed up. Those are supposed to be YOUR parents. They shouldn’t go behind your back. It’s not their choice. They may not like it, but they should abide by it. My wife and I went through the same thing. Hope everything works out for you.
2 Likes
Yes you should …my daughter had done the same thing but she allowed him to visit them and while she slept he stole them and ran off with them hiding them then took her to court saying abandonment
What’s dads story? Why cant he see him at your place? Or pick up or whatever
1 Like
As a mother of three children and been in a situation very similar. Keep your business private and always put your child first what is best for the child is what’s important not your feelings… again keep it off social media… and go to GOD he will guide you all in the best way to rear your child.
Isn’t this page supposed to be about marriage??
What does the kid want? If he wants to see his Dad, you should permit it.
Don’t be upset with your parents. Life is too short.
If u dont have a custody agreement and he isn’t dangerous then what’s the problem
What’s his background?? His past? Does he do right by his kid? Or does he just specifically choose to not partake him his life? Have yall had that conversation about moving on separately but coexisting and all coparenting? If your kid is around family you trust watching him and your son, what’s the issue??
sounds sneaky and I don’t like sneaky. besides, you should know so you can (when needed) process it with him
she is open to him seeing this baby but the fact of the matter is is that her family is sneaking around about it. Deception is never ok. Be honest and come see your baby
I wouldn’t make a big deal about it if he’s not a bad guy like you said. Just simply tell the parents you would like them to tell you. Maybe he sees the child like that because he’s not comfortable around you and your fiancée being there while he’s interacting with the child. Not saying you are but some “other” parents can monitor and be critical of how you interact with your child.
Good luck
Sounds like he doesn’t want to deal with your drama, so he goes through your parents instead. I don’t see a problem with that. If you want him to provide financial support, take him to court, but remember that money can never replace a child’s relationship with their father.
Unacceptable, he needed to go through YOU, the mother, your parents should NEVER have played the game against you…unless there is something here you are not telling.?.?.
It’s your choice if you want your child see them not your parents…not nice going behind ur back in first place…they need to respect you…
Don’t let your kids stay w/ your parents!
6 Likes
It’s your child FATHER. Get over it.
That’s so disrespectful of your parents. Not even sure what to say.
I agree with all the above
It’s very easy to read thru this. The fact that you say you try to get him to see “your child” is not true. If he’s putting effort into seeing his son by going to your parents to see him, says a lot. He is trying. What you’re doing is trying to push him away so your fiancé can become the daddy. Your parents, evidently, see this too. Was it wrong of them to go behind your back? Yes. But they know the child needs both parents. Learn how to coparent and it’ll make your sons life easier.
I would sit down with your parents and let them know there is now a trust issue with them. What else do they do without your knowledge with your son. They should have your back 100%. The idea that your parents thought it was an issue to not ask you from day one if this would be fine is a problem. This should have been your decision not your parents. With that said so long as your ex isn’t abusive to your child or saying things about you to the child, his relationship with the child should be nurtured by you. You and the ex need to sit down and go over a plan to raise that child so both of you always have a United front. If he doesn’t want to cooperate or you think you can’t cooperate the only one who will suffer the burden of a bad situation is your child.
So you wouldn’t do anything to keep him away from his dad yet mad your parents are doing a better job at keeping him involved in your child’s life? Lol
2 Likes
When people show you who they are
BELIEVE THEM
DISLOYAL IS DISLOYAL
Thank you Dr goko for helping me to bring back my lover with your love spell am so excited we are living happily together now truly your love spell 100% guarantee and it has no side effects Viewers out there if you are passing through relationship problems I advice you to contact Dr goko for his love spell. Cause his love spell can fix broken relationship in a twinkle of an eye. Here is his details email him on Email (Dr.gokospellhome12@gmail. com)or you can WhatsApp him on +2349064938931,