I’m a young single parent in my 20s, and my parents were not around when I was growing up for personal reasons. But when I had my daughter, I was nervous yet excited. I had no choice to move in with them when she turned two months because her father left. She’s now one, and every time I want to enforce a rule of things, I don’t want her doing such as candy early in the morning or before bed and stuff like that. But when I tell my parents, they don’t let her eat candy so early or late and please don’t laugh if she hits when she’s mad. But they take it as that I’m coming after them when I’m just trying to stop something from becoming worse. I can’t even say well she’s my daughter I have the right to say no without a big argument happening how can I tell them how I feel without a huge fight.
I would look into moving out. Living under their roof, it’s going to be hard to change how they live daily and what they do in their home. It is your daughter and you should choose how to raise her.
Set boundaries, if that doesn’t work then move out.
Time to be a big girl and move out!! You are living in their house.
As a Nana myself. I had respect for my daughter and if she was present…she handled the kids even in my home
If I was watching them, My rules but of course I had sense not to give them candy in the morning for example
I encouraged my daughter to get herself self sufficient and get out for all our sakes
My moms the same way its hard.
Raise bubba your way…
This is why I don’t live with my parents. Not that I’m bashing you… but after 3 years I tell them DO NOT COME BETWEEN A MOTHER AND HER KIDS! and they have backed off… but I know the struggle. Until you move out you cant say much
Yep. Move out. Do it your way. You know you’re capable.
You have to move out. They don’t yet have respect for you as an adult and a parent. They will not accept your rules just their own. The fact that they provide the roof over your head gives them that leverage, although they may not be intentionally using it as leverage. Grandparents are always going to bend the parents’ rules a little when you aren’t around. But when you’re in their house, they have the ability to do it 24/7 and right in your presence.
Possibly sit down with your parents have a heart to heart. Start off with thanking them for having you. Appreciate it I would like to express concerns with whatever you feel. You just want all of us on same page. May go well. Give it a shot. If not then no choice to find your own place. Good luck.
First of all you always have a choice second move your dead beat ass out of you folks home miss ungrateful
I moved out fast… Your child will lose respect for you. They feel like they will be able to do and say anything because Nana and Papa are going to stick up for them. I learned that hard lesson with my oldest child. So after I was older and living on my own, I had more children. I moved far away from my parents. My babies are doing just fine.
Spend less time in the house and limit their interaction with your child until you can move out.
you tell your parents that first rule you’re the mother so what you say goes and if they don’t like it they need to bring it up with you and not in front of the child I went through this with both of my children with my parents
They realize that they dropped the ball concerning you. So they maybe trying to make up for it when the grand child. If you cannot come to an agreement with them, as son as possible, make a move.
Pull your big girl panties up and move out, as soon as you get the chance to do so. Good luck to you and your baby girl in your future
You need to move out asap. You have been there approx 10 months? Definitely time to branch out on your own with your daughter.
Grandparents are different than parents. My daughter gets away with everything with my parents. Don’t take it personal. If you don’t agree, then it’s time to change your situation.
Lay down your parenting rules otherwise move out
This is worded a bit oddly. Regardless, you’re the parent not them and if they can’t respect that, you’ll have to work on leaving. If your child is already hitting people and thinking that’s correct behavior, it’s already time to work on reversing that. Raising a child alone is difficult but it’s even more difficult when your support system is inadequate. I would suggest going to a social work agency, where there are resources available to help you better your life, where I live they even pay partially or fully for certain schooling, especially medical. I don’t think you should completely cut off your family but once you’re more stable with your own footing, explain things to them then. Your child is still young, their minds are like sponges, your concerns are valid. Good luck.
I had this… Took 6 years to move out… Totally worth it
Move out as soon as u can dear. U have to create boundaries/rules to raise a smart, independent & confident human being. U can do it alone. It’ll take time but remember this happens even with older mothers. It has nothing to do with u & everything to do with them. So removing urself from their space will help u do this without the added stress. Take care. (U r a smart mum to say no to candy, ESPECIALLY early morning & late evening).
If you don’t have a choice of moving out. Try sitting down with them and explaining calming how you are trying to raise her. I have three adult children with kids of their own and I don’t agree with things they do but acknowledge that they are my grandchildren and not my children and your parents need to understand this. Sitting with them calmly and explaining how you feel about the rules you are implementing for your daughter is important to you and you would like them to follow as well and if they cannot then you will have no other alternative but to seek other living arrangements. I believe if you speak to them calmly as well as tell them that if they cannot follow your rules with raising your daughter, because she is your child not theirs, will make a difference. Don’t be afraid to tell them she is your child and their grandchild and it’s your rules with her not theirs. I don’t think they will want to not have either of you there living with them. One thing a grandparent does enjoy is being with their children and grandchildren. Good luck
They are grandparents and that’s what grandparents do my daughters do the same thing and it’s like a contest it’s like remember all the trouble you gave me when you were little now I can repay you for some of that it’s not serious it’s more to get a response from their parents so they can see just because they got something you didn’t want them to have there was no harm done so chill but we all love the children the same and wouldn’t give them something or encourage bad behavior or habits we all want what’s best but sometimes things don’t like you want and it’s still ok if it bothers you that much sit down and talk to them and ask them to take it easy on them and see what happens just don’t order them because then it’s a contest I’m sure they care about you enough to not want to hurt you also
Everyone says to move out like they got money falling out of their ass. Do you have a decent job where u can support the both of u on ur own? Doing that is the first step. Maybe ask friends if theyd be up for a roommate while you save up
Crystal Mary Burchett
Get off your butt and move out! Tell them if they don’t like to bad and get bent and if they don’t respect your wishes you’ll move out and they won’t see her at all.
By getting yourself together, moving out on your own with your daughter
See as long as you’re under their roof they are going to feel like they have every right to do what they’re doing. As grand parents it kinda comes natural to do that & not see it as overstepping because most times it’s not meant to be
Move out asap. They are disrespecting you snd it will end up confusing her and then she will start to disrespect you also.
It’s just began. They are “that type”. You’ll nvr want it so u might start saving to move
Your in your parents house. They’re house , their rules . Don’t like it move. It’s just how life is . See what you can do to get on your own two feet and move.
Save your $$$$ and move out !
You absolutely say “this is my choice in how I parent MY daughter. Stop taking it personally. It isn’t about you.”
Yes you MUST move!
They need to butt out & let you parent your child & respect your parenting choices.
Tell them it’s not about them, it’s about your child. You are the mother YOU make the rules regarding your child. Try your best to save as fast as you can for your own place too. I’m a 19 year old mom and I’ve been dying to get out of my moms house, finally will this summer I wish you the best of luck!!
As stated, save and leave when you can.
Im kinda in the same boat as you are. I currently live with my parents and i have an almost three year old daughter. My parents helped me out big time but when it comes to me parenting my kid they seem to over step boundaries and try to parent her. But ive had to really sit down with them and have a hard but needed conversation with them and we now seem to have a better relationship
It’s a hard thing to live with your folks with a child. You could try making a list of rules for them to follow. Do they watch your daughter while you work? If so that makes it worse. If you are working look into affordable housing in your area then they only take a 1/3 of your income for rent and there is help with other things as well. Find another single mother who is struggling and see if you can join forces to help each other. Just be very careful and get to know each other for a while be jumping into anything.
Start with how you love them and appreciate all they’ve done for you and would appreciate it they would please whatever you want to say then say because you are trying to look out for child’s best interest
Tell them, thank for helping me when i needed it. But with much respect, she/he my child. And i am trying to set boundaries.
My current situation with my in laws and I’m moving out very soon.
If you’re working, you need to save your money. Hell, if it’s that bad, to go housing and get an apt that’s income based. At least you’ll have your own space and be able to parent as you see fit.
Move out. You’re an adult.
I too moved back in as a young mom. They over stepped. Didn’t like being told so. Its their home. Move.
I would say hey look… I’m not trying trying to sound mean or rude but please dont give the little one candy before breakfast or before bed. As for hitting make it very clear that your child is learning we dont hit and that you dont want anyone laughing to entice the behavior to continue. Just try to stay calm in the situation and hopefully they respect your wishes.
You must move end of story
EveryBody has boundaries. Sitting down and having a down to earth conversation with them on how you are feeling, how to fix it, and maybe how they can help change it. Respect eachothers thoughts & opinions. Just simply explain to them, you appreciate everything they are doing and being there for you and your little one. Let them know that your the one who needs to figure out how to parent your child the way you want to. Its a part of growing up and learning how to become the mother you want to be. Also let them know that if you ever have any questions, you will ask them and try their suggestions if they have any but if their suggestions don’t work your gunna try your way too. I know personally how tuff it can be. hang in there. Your doing a great job as a mother. You have the right to have these frustrating feelings. Just be open minded and ask them to be opened minded as well. Then eventually when your in the position of being able to have your own place then do so. But You cant rush having your own place if your not financially able to yet.
I would look for a place to live. They will not respect ur rules because they think they know better
If u stay it could ruin ur relationship with them
You want to raise her alone move out their house their rules get it.
What are you doing to live on your own? If you don’t want this interference do something about being self sufficient
Leave with her. My parents undermined my parenting constantly, they had no respect and it caused severe issues later in life with my daughter and I. They damaged my relationship,
Please set boundaries and of course move out
Do they expect you to follow the rules they set in their home? Do they let you hit when mad? As long as you follow their rules in their home that’s your baby and you have a right to be respected as her mother. I too struggle with people not enforcing my rules. I’m bold enough to speak up when I catch it and I’ll speak to whoever it is just like I do my son. “I said NO!”
Believe me. You are NOT alone in this. Have the same non stop issues. Message me if you need to talk! I’ve been going through hell with it.
That is your kid you have a right to raise her however you please
Bust your butt so you don’t have to depend on them.
Maybe something like “ I don’t want you to be parenting her. I want you to be the fun grandparents and me be the parent and disiplinarian, but in order for that to happen you need to respect when I say no to something. Or when I discipline
Maybe Have a conversation w them outside of the moment’s you’re upset w them and explain to them that you want to enforce certain rules w her and you need them to reinforce them. If they can’t abide, leave…
You can sit them down and have a discussion with them about your boundaries for your child, but ultimately you are living in their home. If you don’t appreciate their influence and they don’t change when you ask them to, you need to focus on doing what you need to do to move out and live independently with your daughter. Period.
Talk to them…communication can go really far! Tell them what you would like to change the rules you would like enforced and also listen to them and what they have to say take it into consideration and compromise! Parenting is always seen through more than just your eyes and yes you can raise her your own way but you do have to consider them when you are in their home…just be openminded thoughtful and courteous avoiding confrontation is always wise!
Communication is key!
But honestly… u wouldnt hv to worry bout that if u had ur own place. Talk to them or suck it up🤷♀️
I think it’s really hard to live with ur parents while being a young single parent. But talk to them. Communicate ur feelings. if they want to argue, walk away until they are ready to have an adult conversation and don’t feed the fire. I’m sure u are working hard towards becoming financially independent but just keep working on it and u will get there soon! It’s better to save up an emergency fund before getting back out on ur own with a child just in case anything ever happens. Best of luck to u, and my inbox is open to u
tell them NO! that’s your baby! they had their chance to parent with you! let you have your chance with your child. speak up. you got this💕
this isn’t candy related but before my daughter started saying words, me and her father was trying to get her to say dada and mama. meanwhile, his grandma and dad was trying to get our daughter to say mamaw and papaw. I WAS PISSED. i did not want my FIRST daughter’s word to be mamaw or papaw. i told both of them to start saying mama and dada instead all they wanted. when my daughter finally said them for a few weeks, i told them they could start teaching her mamaw and papaw. i didn’t really care how they felt about it because she’s MY daughter. not theirs.
afterwards, get 2 jobs of some sort (if you don’t already have one) and work your ass off for a apartment. sign up for cash assistance. call local places to help you find somewhere to live. your a single momma that’s struggling and that’s normal! but YOU have to make it better for you and your daughter.
Your child, your rules!
You deserve to make the rules as a parent that is normal parents request even for sitters I do not have my family close to me never really have and I am 21 with a almost 2 year old boy and it’s a struggle even on your own or with a partner stand up for yourself and your child hunny
I was in the same situation with my father and step mother right after getting out of the Army. Some parents won’t understand, narcissists won’t no matter how you explain it. Definitely explain it when nothing is going on, be very clear what you desire, and stay consistent. Let them know that when you do move out he needs to know YOU are the parent and they can’t be involved like that. Stay firm, respectful (even if they aren’t) and don’t ever give up. It’s probably going to get ugly before it gets better, sometimes our parents are as bad as children!
If they watch your kids it’s to be expected.
There’s only one way to actually stop this. Move out. Get a government apartment if need be. Whatever it takes. Your parents are being typical grandparents. They just don’t see where that baby can do any wrong. I have been where you are only I was the one that left. It gets better though. I’m remarried and going through it again only I don’t live with my parents anymore. It’s kinda nice to take the kiddos to granny’s and pawpaw’s so they can spoil them for a visit at a time.
Alot of GRANDPARENTS have the tendency to do this. My dad gets on my case for popping my son, he’ll tell me dont hit my baby" and I go down my fathers throat to remind him , this is my child and if I feel like he deserves to be discpline ima do it. It doesnt stop there. I’ll get on my dad for giving them popcorn in the mornings like its breakfast . He has cereal there. He’ll say oh it just popcorn.
My mom wasn’t around she couldn’t handle having kids I had my oldest at 19 and her and my grandma constantly told me I was doing things wrong since I moved 30 minutes away they’ve calmed down and don’t tell me what to do so much anymore.
Your child your rules. If they give it to her when they know better make her spit it out. When she gos to a dr. Appointment take grandma, and ask the dr in front of her about the candy issue and anything else. I would be looking for place of my own. Does your town have low income housing, check it out.
The only thing I have to say to that is no baby at 1 should have any candy anytime
I understand it’s your rule, but grandparents spoil with love and sweets. It’s what they do because their children have grown up,and it’s fills that void .You can look into housing, you’ll be put up further up the list to get into housing bcuz you’re a single mom
She’s to young for candy anyways, she shouldn’t have it at all.
My mom raised my nephew (for the most part) and my sister was a bit abusive when she did have him. So my mom became used to questioning every bruise and protecting when someone is mad and yells. I had to get after her a few times about how 1. I’m not my sister and 2. My son has a mother who loves him and he doesn’t need a second one, he needs a grandma to spoil him. It took almost a year before she settled into that roll and now enthusiastically spoils him with candy and cookies when I’m not looking lol I think that it’s hard to step out of the parenting roll and into a grandparenting one. It’s been ingrained in them to do things their way since the minute their first child was born, and with you living with them it’s even hard to adjust.
I’m the Grandparent in this situation. My Granddaughter is 17 months and they live with us. Keep in mind that we already raised our kids. In my case, I raised 6. Now I get to be the grandparent that spoils at times. No child ever died from eating candy for breakfast. Seriously. My granddaughter loves dumdums. I give them to her a couple times a week after dinner. Since her mother works and I take her to daycare and pick her up after work and keep her until her mother gets home, she really spends about 50% of her time with just me. My daughter has jumped down my throat before about letting her nap too late or something and it pissed me off. Not because she questioned the schedule but because she raised her voice at me. She insulted me. It was her tone and timing. She jumped to conclusions and I didn’t appreciate it and had to remind her that this is my house and I allow her to stay in it and she will respect me even when she disagrees with me and I will show her the same. So I would make sure when you are asserting your authority over your child that you are doing so respectfully and that you are making sure to show your appreciation for all that they are doing for you and your child. Let some things slide as long as the major rules are adhered to. Sometimes you have to let it go and sometimes you have to put your foot down. I’ve been on both sides of this. Good luck.
Sounds to me that they are just trying to get a second chance and of course be grandparents. You know grandparents love spoiling the grandkids. But if it bothers you that much, you all need to get on the same page. Let them know how you feel about some things. You are very young and are living in their house, they probably see you as immature, not responsible enough to even take care of your child due to the fact that you are young and living there and needing your parents. So dont get too upset about the situation, cuz they can easily kick you out. be greatful that they are there and trying to get that second chance and that you have a roof over your head. And try to make compromises. Let them do their job as grandparents, its not going to hurt much. But yes you are the mother and may have to talk to them and set some boundaries so they can see that you are doing whats best for your kid, but at the same time dont be too harsh with them. Be nice about it. Let them enjoy the time they have with your kid. If it bothers you that much then maybe you need to get your own place and really set boundaries. But be greatful, my mother is a piece of crap and was abusive to my kids, so we dont go around her. She also wasnt a good mother to me, so be greatful that you have your parents to help you out especially since the father walked out. Get up on your feet. Im a single mom of 5 and have my own place and never needed anyone to help me, I had my oldest at 20 as well. But I did everything on my own. So stand up, be strong and get your things together if you dont like where you are and what your parents do for your kid!
Set down and have a conversation and let them know at the beginning that it is not an attack on them, that it just your personal views and values you want your daughter to learn and have. She is your daughter and this is how you want her to be parented and that all you ask is their cooperation and support on that. Set down rules for your daughter that you would appreciate them to up hold also with her. Maybe look into finding your own place also. I know it’s easier said than done but look into options. Sometimes living with family doesn’t work out for the best. All you can do is talk and explain what you want and go from there.
Your child = your rules. Their home = their rules
You all need to sit down and discuss things like adults. It sounds like you are trying to be a great mom and they are trying to be good grandparents. The 2 don’t always go together. They need to think of her health first and you need to remember grandparents want to spoil the grandkids.
Their house, their rules! Find a sitter when your not able to be around or look for a room for rent with a good friend/relative.
I know your trying to set ground rules but your in their house. You piss them off enough, they can ask you to leave and it may not be worth the argument right now because of the situation you put yourself in (not able to afford to be on your own) they didn’t cause you to be in this spot so be grateful they’ve made room for you in their home.
Just being honest. Good luck mama
Going through kinda the same thing with my parents,their not gunna like it but you need to start putting your foot down with them telling them to back off shes your daughter, they should help you when you need it but stop interferring in the way your raising her and start laying boundaries for her .otherwise your right it does get worse . Mine’s 3 now and i have another on the way and sometimes holy shit I just want to go stay on a island alone for a week
Sadly it’s their home…time to find a way to move out. Their home, their rules…unfair I get it…but it’s true.
You really cant because to them you’ll always be their baby and for somereason thats just that.
Getring parents over the hill of ok i raised them up and hope they know what to do.
When you move out it will be much different. Then you can call and actually ask advice without them jumping the gun before you even say anything.
Some of it is just grandparent thing. An that is exactly why there should be some separation between parents and grandparents.
They spoil they’re the fun ones.
Parents are different.
Itll change when you have your own place and yall are not all trying to do your own parts right over eachother.
Just doesnt work that way.
Unless you have an awesome parent that is totally supportive in everything you say when you are being a parent and dealing with a tantrum or every day things.
Other than that. Its hard.
Let them! They obviously have more experience , since they managed to raise you.
Unfortunately by moving in with them you have placed yourself in the position of a dependent adult. They are automatically going to spoil a grandchild but it is exacerbated by the fact that you are their child too. They are back in the mindset of ‘raising’ you. When you move out it will get better.
You need to move out! I was a teen mom and lived with my mom it was miserable and my son used me as a door mat until I got my own place and was able to enforce my own rules without my mom correcting me correcting him. You can speak until you are blue in the face move out.
Don’t like the way they do things then I suggest finding a roof over your own head. Use it as fuel to get out of there. Otherwise, their house, their rules
You’re not gonna win darling lol, they see us as the children oh and when you live in their home its worse
Try to fix it now! My husband got a divorce when his son was young, like 3-5 years old and he relied on his parents to help him with his son while he was single. I came in to the picture when the boy was 11 and I see that my husband parents act like they are the parent of the boy and my husband won’t put his foot down. We just had a son of our own and I promised my husband they will NOT be doing all this with my son. I mean they sign his school papers, signed him up for piano lessons without asking us, sign him up for summer camps without asking us, etc.
Communication. Thank them for the help and being a part of your lives. Let them know that you appreciate them so much. Also that you need to set boundaries for your child because it is a part of being a responsible parent. Healthy boundaries that everyone knows and can support. Then talk about a few rules you would like to have followed. You need to set up some rules when everyone is calm and open and not feeling defensive. Thank them fir loving you and her and supporting your rules for her.
Move out ur parents house. Pretty simple.
Its crazy people think “their house their rules” is ok! Wtf thats YOUR CHILD not theirs. I been in the same situation a few years ago but f that! I put my foot down. I dont care where we are my child listens to me. My word is law when it comes to my kids. Cant no one hold a higher title to override my word.
My parents did this with my oldest.
You have to move out. It won’t stop and shit will go south real fast. Gotta find a way to get out on your own, honey.
Move out, they’re going to create hell on wheels for you.
The issues you face have little to do with your daughter and everything to do with your relationship with your parents. Talk to them, openly. Tell them you want to raise your child how you decide. If they don’t like that, ultimately the only choice you’d have is to find housing and help outside of them.
You put your foot down and tell them it’s not okay to undermine you. Idgaf whose house it is. Your kid, your rules. Do it quick before you have a very spoiled sick child.
They can only do what you let them.
I had this same issue. My parents wouldnt let me be the parent of my own daughter. I ended up having to move out in order to become the parent. I honestly would sit them down and brush the subject. It takes all the authority figures in your childs life doing the same thing to be consistent and make the rules stick. If one person doesnt then it goes in the ear and out the other with the children. Keep in mind though. As grandparents alot of people think that they get to be the “good” guys. Spoiling and no rules pretty much. Grandparents are supposed to be the fun. Which is why its easier to move out and enforce your rules and let them be grandparents once or twice a month rather than having them there constantly. My parents while i was living there told me that they were basically her parents too. Which is unfair. Enforcing rules for your child is going to be hard when your parents have a different version of your rule book sorta speak.
Save money move out. Although you are totally right you are living with them so it’s their house. It’s SOOOO hard parenting with parents or inlaws in the house