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QUESTION:
"Hey me and my partner of 8 years I am a female he is a male. We went out with friends the other night. We we’re all out drinking and having fun! We ended up back at the apartment and one thing turned to another and things started getting hot and heavy with the other female we were with and you can imagine what happened in the bedroom than My partner walked in and for about five min I was trying to convince him to join this is something we have never done before. He was saying no to the offer which only lasted 5 minutes and than finally he gave in. Obviously you can also imagine what happened there. We made a deal afterwards that we would try with a guy. Two days later he told me that he is not happy with what happened and he feels disgusted in me and in himself for participating in something like that . I feel kinda hurt as I feel it’s different that I didn’t get to get with a man but he got to get with a women and he no longer wants to introduce anyone into our sex life. Am I wrong for being upset about me feeling that is not fair as he is saying I initiated and participated in the situation with the female too."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Well, you did start it. If he doesn’t wanna do anymore I wouldn’t push it."
"It was new. He tried it. He didn’t like it. Respect his wishes. You can’t be mad he got with the female when it was your idea and he said for 5 mins he didn’t want to"
"I mean… If it took 5 minutes of trying to convince him that should’ve been a sign that he wasn’t comfortable with it. I don’t think it’s fair to bully him into doing it again just because you want to do it with a guy this time…"
"If you expect men to respect the word no then you should respect when they say no. He told you no to BEGIN with and you coerced him into it for 5 mins… honestly you were in the wrong to begin with in my opinion"
"You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. If he felt disgusted by it why would you push him to do it again with a man this time? If you feel you want to be with another man, maybe it’s not the right relationship for you."
"You should of talked about this beforehand. It sounds like a drunken, spur of the moment. Now you have expectations of something & he isn’t into it. So yes, you are wrong."
"You pressured him into it. He’s not into it. Get over it."
"U pushed him into doing something he didn’t want too. And now he’s saying he doesn’t want to do this… leave him if u want other partners. He clearly doesn’t"
"It may not seem fair to you but either you keep pushing for it to happen and possibly fight over it. Or you let go the idea of bringing a man into the bedroom and he’s happy and you’re resentful. Or grow up and realize he just didn’t enjoy it like you thought he would and stop complaining."
"You had to convince him after he said no. Red flag. Respect his boundaries, imagine if the roles were reversed. If you gave into something you weren’t comfortable in because you felt pressured or to appease your partner, you wouldn’t be happy either."
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