I was wondering how to handle this. So my partner and I have been together for quite a while. He has a child from a previous relationship that we have 50% of the time. I adore them. When they are sick, I stay home; when we don’t have someone to look after them, I take the day off. He works all the time, and I care for his little one. Don’t get me wrong I have absolutely no problems with this. I love it. I don’t have any kids of my own, and I want one. I watch everyone else having babies, and I feel so jealous. My partner has said he doesn’t know if he wants more kids as it is too much work. I don’t know what to do. I love him. I love his little one, but I feel incomplete. How would you handle this? What would you do?
I would definitely talk to him about it.
Maybe get him sit down and have some conversation about this see how it gose maybe that little one want siblings never know
Major communication about the subject
Find someone else or change your mind. If he doesn’t want anymore children you can’t make him Change his mind. Find someone who wants what you want in life.
If you two aren’t able to get on the same page about having children, it may be time to end the relationship. You can’t force someone who doesn’t want kids to have them, and you can’t force someone who does want kids to not have them.
I’d sit down and have an in depth discussion on your wants and expectations for your relationship and then decide whether or not you want to stay in it.
Tell him that’s a deal breaker for you. It’s better to figure this out now. You need to have a serious one on one talk with him about how important having a child of your own is to you on your life and if that’s really something he cant do for you, you guys may not be the match you thought you were. This is not an issue you want to waste a lot of time on. You guys need to have a serious sit down about your relationship and your future.
You cant. He has already said no, and you dont force someone to be a parent or have a kid if they do not want to. It is now time for you to do some deep thinking…is he worth not having kids, or should you leave? Because that is your only options with this man. Period.
I didn’t want anymore when I got with my husband… I had one from a previous relationship…
But we talked about it and agreed to try. It took us 2 years, but we finally had a little boy together. We thought about having more, but my pregnancy was just to hard on me, so I got tied.
Now we have two perfect little tornadoes and we wouldn’t change it for the world.
Have a open conversation.
I would make that a high priority topic, so you can both choose what will be best, in the long run for yourselves.
Your partner cannot be the only one to make this descision because he has children from a previous relationship. If you want your own children he has to understand that also.
Sit down and talk to him. Explain how you feel. It is not that you do not love the other one but you also want to experience motherhood with pregnancy and all.
Both have pros and cons but… wanting your own biological child should be a gift you can have!! I realize all situations vary…
Don’t go without to please anyone… if that’s what you want with all of your heart!! You might have to let him go and remain friends with his kids… to have the child you want… but don’t force or beg him him to have a child because that will be a life long headache and heartache…
find someone who can share what you want… for yourself and the kid… or do it alone… but… make the choice that you can live with peacefully.
If it’s a deal breaker, tell him. you have to communicate and be honest. If he’s not willing to budge, find someone else that wants a child.
I would ask about making a commitment or marriage-if that was not on table would not be a shack job
You have been with him for quite a while but he has a little one? Maybe he just isn’t ready for more yet
How’s it too much work if you’re the one taking care of his kid from a previous relationship anyway
I would explain to him what you told us…and go from there
Did he know you still wanted a baby even before you got together?
If it were me I leave having kids more important to me
Maybe this child /no child conversation should have taken place before you got married…You should both be aiming for the same things in life
Leave or accept not having kids. You are not doing yourself or any kid favors by negotiating with him over it. Leave get a job save up for your own kids. You may think you have a lot love to give for children but they are very expensive.
You don’t force someone to have a baby with you to make you happy. You said “partner” too. Do you mean boyfriend? Husband? How long have y’all actually been together? Is his work life stressful to where he doesn’t have enough time for his kid now so he doesn’t want another? We’re missing some stuff here. I wouldn’t leave because of this reason. I’m sure he will come around. Guys just don’t like to think about babies things especially if they aren’t ready.
I bet if it were to happen, he would be ok with it
Well if kids of your own is a deal breaker leave. But talk about it he will either change his mind or not but then inform him of the fact u will leave to find someone who will want children he may change his mind if he knows your serious
If you want a child of your own than you deserve that! Do no settle for less than that. You will regret it down the road.
Sit down and have a heart to heart and explain yourself. Maybe he will see how much this means to you and change his mind. If not, I wouldn’t stay in the relationship
You have every right to want a child of your own
You have to decide if you love your boyfriend & can live without children of your own , or , leave & find someone who wants to have a child with you . Only you can know . Maybe once you leave he will come get you cause he can’t live without you . Ready to let you have his baby . Good luck
Would be a deal breaker for me for sure!
You should be allowed atleast 2 kids.
I have one from a previous relationship. I have 3 with my boyfriend now 6,2, and 3 months old.
I would move now may be hard but he told u how he feels so take that and move on
That is a big deal breaker. If they are small children I can understand why he wouldn’t want another one so soon and I commend him for acknowledging that he can’t handle it. If you already know you want more than one, then it’s time to really think about if this relationship is right for you. He may just not want one now. If he is adamant that he doesn’t want more, then you know what to do. Don’t give up such a huge part yourself. The last thing you want to do is have a baby with someone who wasnt ready for it.
Why is everyone answers always saying leave. Leaving someone for every little thing is not cool if u people just gonna leave then why get in a relationship in the first place stay single
I definitely think it’s a bad idea to talk someone into having a child that they do not want. You need to find out if this is a deal-breaker or not.
Find someone who wants to have a baby with you
I would tell him you love him and his little one but you want to carry a child of your own. If that is not in his plans then that’s absolutely fine, but it’s a deal breaker for you. I couldnt imagine not carrying my three. But if he knows what he wants, and that not in the cards for him, then it’s not his fault either. I guess it’s your choice. Do you stay and accept you’ll never have a child of your own, or if you do force him into and it damages yall relationship it’s your fault. Maybe finding someone new with the same future plans as you is better.
Did you guys discuss this prior to becoming serious?
Has he always had this stance?
Here’s the thing:
If you knew these were his feelings beforehand and still let yourself become so involved, then you made the choice with “your eyes open”. You probably thought ok and have recently-ish changed your mind. That’s ok. That happens…but he doesn’t have to change his just because you have.
For now…you have options (because there’s always options) but every choice has consequences
-leave. Find a man who definately wants kids. You may not find someone you connect with the way you do your current partner. You’ll hurt over leaving his child.
-continue insisting. Eventually this will cause arguments and discord (if it hasn’t already). And very well may push him away
-give it some time. Wait until his child is a little older and doesn’t need so much. Wait until things are a little more settled. Then sit down and have a real conversation. Explain your feelings. Tell him what you want. If its a deal breaker then say so.
If it’s a deal breaker for u then u need to tell him that and be very clear and if hes not on board with another kid then move on… don’t waste your time with him if that is a deal breaker because that is a big thing to sacrifice and u will resent him for it.
Get pregnant and say oopps he cant deprive you of that joy .he will love that little one. He just needs a little nudge
Find a way to deal with it. Move on if you have to.
Get pregnant anyways and tell him your birth control failed
Let him know that it is this important to you, if you cannot come to an agreement, you need to leave him and make yourself open to finding someone who does want more kids.
There’s no compromise here – so you need to come to an agreement or split.
There’s two ways to handle it, leave and find someone who wants a child, or stay and not have a child of your own. There’s no right or wrong answer. But I don’t think you should try to get your s/o to have a child if he doesn’t want one. I’m 34 and single, I have one child and I refuse to have another and I can give you 24 reasons why. I’m extremely up front with anyone I could potentially date about not wanting more children because if we don’t agree on that, I’m not even going to bother with a relationship, it would be a complete waste of our time.
If it’s something you don’t think you can ever get over than you need to find someone that will have kids with you or talk to him more about it. It’s not like you’re married and one of you found out you can’t have kids ￼￼
You have to decide if that is a deal breaker or not.
Could you live with never having your own? Or would you slowly start to resent it?
Cuz here’s the thing. I wanted NO kids. My man wanted 3.
I got a surprise. I decided to keep said surprise. Cuz I decided I could do ONE.
After I pretty much told my man if he wanted more, then he’d have to go find a new baby momma. Cuz I was done.
So he had choices to make.
Thankfully he realizes we are fine with just one. Kids are harder then he thought lol
But I was serious tho. Same as I wanted HIM to be happy to. If more kids is what would make him happy, then I wanted him to go find that. But it wasn’t with me. Cuz I knew I wasn’t having more.
Bringing a child in that a parent doesn’t want…is just gonna destroy the relationship anyways. Everyone should be on the SAME page…not in different books all together.
So he has choices to make, and you have choices to make. Both of you need to be on the same page and y’all are in different books altogether.
You both need to sit, talk and be completely honest with things. Then make choices.
My husband has wanted children but when we got together I told him straight up "I been told I can’t have children and if I got pregnant there is a 90% chance it wouldn’t last " he stayed with me after I told him neither of us had children at the time he stayed with me, we suffers a misscarage last year I got pregnant again 4 months later and now we have a health baby girl, but he was willing to live a life without having but children because he loved me, if you can’t get past he doesn’t want a mother child (now or ever ) maybe you need a new spouse it could be finances it could be yslls house ain’t big enough he may have gotten snipped and aunt told you or he may not want a bunch of kids he can’t afford find out why before you leave but if you still can’t move past it leave
Honestly you have 2 options: stay with him and have no more kids or separate and have kids with a new partner. You can’t force someone to want to have another kid.
Well, he said what he didnt want so it’s up to you to accept this and move forward with the relationship or move on and find what will f uh lfill that void!!! Your choice but please dont trap this man and get pregnant cause he WILL NOT be the same great awesome daddy to yours.
Move on do not have a child with someone who isn’t on board! If you pretend oops you may get much more than you bargained for like being single parent with no father or sibling in sight. Sit down and have a talk tell him you feel a strong need to have a child and won’t feel complete without one. Don’t just be okay with him saying okay have one make him promise to help 50/50 and be truly involved in the rearing of this child. If you don’t discuss this first you may have a child he resents and still be a single parent who lives with a SO. Lots of people on this page complain about just that problem, they mess around get pregnant and then end up having a baby that the father was in no way ready for and now they wonder why the guy who just partied and played video games won’t step up and help them now that the child is there. Tell him if he can’t agree to 50/50 work with the child you want to have then say we’ll we need to break up cause I need a man that wants at least one child with me.
I would leave him. he got to experience having children and it’s not fair that he is not wanting you to have that experience. It’s not like you’re asking for multiple children just one. Also his kids don’t even live with you guys 24/7 so what does he mean by “hard.” you deserve someone who wants to have a child and you deserve to become a mother yourself. find someone else girl.
I have a child from a previous relationship. Amd we have been together 5 years. We both wanted more but me being pregnant now after thisnone im getting ky tubes tied. I have discussed with him amd he agrees i cn get my tubes tied. He wanted two but sometimes you have to decide if its really want you cn live the rest of your life with. I still havent turned in my form. If I didnt want to have another child. Which i could have gone either way. I wouldnt expect him to stay with me bc his heart desired his own bio child even though my daughter is his. My point being a child is a huge thing to people. And to a couple. It needs to be discussed but also realize that if one doesnt or does want one its ok to seperate but still love eachother. You could spend the rest of your life slowly resenting the other either way or side of the story. If he absolutely doesnt want one. You need to decide in yourself if havi g a child out weighs settling for less.
“He works all the time” seems to be the most overlooked part of every post. (Down right ignored usually) Do women even care if they can afford it? Quality of life? Time spent?
Some of y’all are so conniving. You’re messed up in the head if you saying get pregnant without him knowing. I pray for the guy that ends up with y’all. Sick!
My DH had a conversation about this when we were dating, long before I even met his kids. He has 2 from a previous marriage. I’ve always wanted kids (thought I would have 4), so this was a huge deal breaker for me. We agreed to 2 more. We had our son 6 yrs ago, and when life happened, it delayed this one, but currently pregnant with our last.
I say this because my DH was reluctant at first as well. He actually never thought he would have kids, his ex claimed she couldn’t have kids and trapped him with the first. He knew kids was important to me and was willing to discuss and agree to certain things to let it happen. Talk it over with him, many times, see what kind of compromise you can reach.
Unfortunately there is no right or wrong. I felt like I was in the same boat, my partner has a son from his previous relationship and had said to me he didn’t want anymore children. It was still early days so I left it at that but the closer I got to my step son the more I wanted my own and like you felt incomplete and I 100% love and adore my stepson.
Eventually I sat down and spoke to my other half as we was talking about getting our own place - I was honest and said I couldn’t move in with him knowing I’d never have my own child though I loved him I knew myself and what I wanted and that i would eventually resent him for it. I was the lucky one and he said then he’s happy to have another child and that isn’t something he wants to take away from me especially as I love and care for his son like I do… but he did say he only wanted one more child and that what we agreed one and now I have a wonderful stepson and 4 month old baby boy.
Unfortunately you’re going to have to sit down and talk to him, and see where you’re both at. He can’t expect you to change your wants for him and you can’t expect to change his for you xx
TALK TO HIM!
Actually tell him your feelings. Have a deep convo, don’t just mention it. Get on the same page and things will be less stressful for you either way!
Sounds horrible, but I would explain to him how important it is to you, that your life will not be complete without one of your own, and if he is dead set against it, I would leave and find someone who would be happy to fulfill that part of your life, it is a horrible situation, but I’ve had a close friend go through what you are going through, but she stayed and he said in a few years maybe they can have a kid, then a few years go by, and he said he still didnt want any, they ended up breaking up because of it, she now has a beautiful baby with a new partner and shes soooo happy!
Go to counseling, then after going for a period of time readdress the issue
You guys never discussed this before starting an entire life together?
You will have to move on and don’t even think about having any kids on the slick because he may resent you for it and possibly leave since you guys aren’t married. Be very careful of your decision as you could end up a single mom and you don’t want that unless you like suffering
I know you love him but he doesn’t want what you want. And that’s not fair. So in my honest opinion, I would express this to him about how you want a child of your own and if he still doesn’t or won’t even consider it, it’s time to leave. You’ll regret it down the road.
Talk to him but don’t wait around wasting your time hoping he changes his mind and wants another kid.
Sit down and have a long talk with him about it.
The relationship isn’t going to work. You’re either gonna have to settle for taking care of his kid or find someone who wants the same as you. My ex was the same way. I took care of his kids but didn’t have any of my own. Unfortunately it wasn’t until I got pregnant that he decided to tell me he didn’t want anymore…he made me believe for almost 9 years we were going to have our own babies. In the end I was given the ultimatum him or my baby…I chose my baby. Be glad he’s being honest and figure out what you really want and what’s gonna make you happy. Don’t waste years…if you can’t agree then the relationship isn’t meant to be
Just gonna say this, the other post where the WOMAN DIDNT want more kids and the MAN DID, everyone said how awful he was if he wanted to leave for that reason, but everyone’s telling this lady to leave… The double standards on this page kill me lol
According to the post the partner says “I dont know if I want another child”. I suggest you have a serious talk with your partner about your wants and needs/his wants and needs (without any interruptions) and try to get to the bottom of why he may be feeling this way. If you are dead set on having a bio child and he is not wanting another, then you discontinue the relationship. If he doesnt want something that you yearn for, you will just start to resent him and things will only get worse throughout the relationship. He’s your partner, not your husband
Think of yourself that is what i would do! If its burning inside u to become a Mom then thats what u need to do with or without him.
He should understand how u feel and at least give u a definite answer of either having a child together or going your
If you stay with him and dnt have a child u will resent him forever or u stay with him and the years go by u resent him and u become to old to become a mom and your relationship ends… its a tough one but how much do u want a baby! Good luck
Is he your boyfriend or husband? This take a huge role… even though a lot will disagree. If you’re still a gf he probably doesn’t take you that serious. You probably have nothing to lose but his little one moving on, lately I’ve been a firm believe in finding happiness. If he doesn’t want kids and it’s affecting your relationship. Don’t force him to have kids but def talk about it and go from there.
Too much work for whom? Him? Seems to me from what you posted you are the caregiver for his child. Have a serious conversation with him about your wishes as a woman. If he doesn’t take it to heart an comply I suggest you rethink this relationship.
This is why I’m going through a divorce right now. Except he knew prior to marriage that I wanted more kids. Changed his mind and blamed my son (not his biological)
Why are you taking care of his child all the time, that his responsibility not yours.
Respect that shit and if you really want more kids then you may want to consider another partner.
The women who have kids anyway even after he has expressed his feelings about not wanting anymore end up being the same women in a relationship but raising your children alone… complaining that he has no interest in your kids and doesnt help out.( he may be decent and do it anyway and resent you forever)
This is a total set up for failure and No ONE wins especially not the kids.
Find a partner who wants what you want or settle.
I just want to say. Before me and my s/o got together I was dead set on not having anymore kids. I had my first young, at just 16. My second I ran away from an abusive relationship early into the pregnancy. Both times I spent the pregnancies alone with no support from the dads. So I didnt want to go through another pregnancy. My s/o knew about this from early on. I wasnt going to hide that feeling. He completely understood. He took my two as his own. But the love I have for him has changed my mind. I want to give him a child of his own because deep down I knew he wanted one. We are currently 29 weeks with our second. Sadly we lost our first to a late miscarriage.
It can go either way with yours. As in the post it says ‘he is not sure yet’. But sit down and have a deep convo about this. Think about the future. How will either decision make you feel later down the road. If you have that burning feeling inside to have one of your own and he really does not want one, it may be best to leave. Have a serious talk about it. See what his real reasons are for not wanting another. Explain what makes you feel that need to be a mother to your own. Best of luck to you
Tell him flat out that your going to have kids and it’s up to him to decide if they will be his or someone else kids be truthful and honest make him understand that you are not willing to change your mind then let him decide that’s all you can do
Lol he scared because his past relationship didnt go well. Go to therapy and talk about it.
He could have serious ptsd from past relationship because she could have used the kids agaisnt him etc. He doesnt want it happening again
All you can do is both sit down and explain what your wants and needs are. My husband dosent want anymore kids. He acually got fixed. I would never leave him just cause I’m not sure if I was done or not. I love him and that is his choice. What if the tables where turn and you had a child but didn’t want anymore. Would you want him to leave?. If you live someone you repeat there wishes, even if it’s not what you may want. He’s being honest with you, you should be honest with him but also understand.
Get married first, see how much he loves you
Sounds like you do most of the work now for a child that isn’t actually yours so I’d say that wouldn’t be much different and you’re probably more prepared than most first time parents. I would explain all of that to him and that you feel incomplete without a child of your own.
My husband & I had 3 & I wanted 4… we have 4
Babies are expensive and get married first before you demand.
You need your own little person. I went through the same thing with my husband. I wanted my own and it got to the point where I was beginning to get bitter because I wanted to carry my own child. I gave him the ultimatum. I asked for just one. My son is now 4 I wish I had asked for two. . Good luck I really think you need to sit him down and let him know you want a child of your own then decide if you can stay with out. I personally was ready to go
Sit him down and explain That you don’t have any of your own kids and you would like one of your own it’s not fair to you to stay in a relationship where your SO has his own child, you don’t and you want a baby of your own but he won’t give one to you.
I gave my husband an ultimatum. We either have another or I was leaving. He already had 3 children from previous relationships and we had one son together. I have been raising 2 out of the 3 boys that are not biologically mine since they were babies. I wanted to try for a girl, he was extremely reluctant but given his options he chose to have another. Our baby girl just turned 3 in June
Doesnt sound like it would be too much work on his part.
If you have reached an impasse, move on. Otherwise you’re going to regret it.
This would be a deal breaker for me especially if I had no children with my dna
Did you know his feelings before the two of you got married? If yes, and you still married him, you honestly have no one to blame for your situation but yourself. If not, it should have been discussed once things became serious.
Take advantage of him over the holidays…
Honestly if he’s certain he doesn’t want more. You have to ask yourself if he’s it for you. If he’s not willing to give you that or if you’re willing to stay and give that opportunity up. It’s a bottom line honestly. I have two kiddos with my husband. I wanted three and he’s topped out at two. It’s a little different but I did side with him. I love our boys and I respect that my husband is honest in saying he’s done. Because that’s something I can’t force. And I realize he is an amazing dad and I need to listen if he says he can’t do it anymore. And I’m fine with that. Granted we have two so it’s not the same thing. But it is a serious matter. He compromised after our first and agreed to a second. You have to really be sure. If he can’t give you a child and you don’t want to not be a mother then… You have your answer however hard it may be.
Some ppl have a child or more children its option some its must. My ex ,does not do crap with the our children. Huge was issue - I like when I can get along with his girlfriend but I know she the one care for my child.
I can still have children- If I have another relationship- its must love children- mine, yours , the possibility of ours.
Sounds like you want a child. Trust me you don’t want with this man. You cant force a man to be a father. He honestly just taken responsibility, probably only has custody to reduce children support. My ex only want our children 20 days a year- its heartbreaking its a child not a paycheck for child support. Not I raise it because its too much work. Its a human who needs a relationship. Which he not giving because he too selfish.
I think its,selfish cause as a partner in marriage , those things are very important, and your suppose to care about each others feelings in I believe everything!!!
It’s too much work? How would he know? From what you have said it seems you are the main one to take care of his child and you would most likely be the stay at home mom if you were to have a little one so really what’s the problem? You guys should have a really long talk about your future together and make sure it’s what you both want and no one ends up with the short straw
Stay in or leave up to you if you feel that way
This can either make or break a relationship. I would have thT talk with him and do whats best for YOU. No matter how the outcome will be… if you both have a different focal point for your lives than its best to make a decision NOW,Than later.
I dnt believe neither of you are being selfish you both just have different views. And you have to understand that it is okay.