My partner is great but I am constantly looking for issues in our relationship: Thoughts?

Have you talked to your Partner? I hope this wasn’t your first call for assistance beside your family? How does your partner feel about your issue’s? Did either of you cheat to start your relationship? Have you been faithful to your partner? Have they to you? Have you been propositioned to be unfaithful?
It’s kinder to get out of the relationship freeing both you and your partner to recover from your issue’s. Especially because there are children involved. It is inhumane to drag your partner and children through your issue’s especially because your in doubt and for no admitted reason.

Definitely go to your gp to rule out any health issues first,thyroid,hormonal issues can make you think like that,but do your best to hold on to him,he sounds wonderful,if it’s not a health problem,then maybe a councillor,good luck…

Are you comparing your relationship to others?
People are different behind closed doors.
Like others have said, maybe see a counsellor for you to see where you are at personally.
Write a pros and cons list of the relationship look at it and try to get a better understanding as to why you are feeling like this.
Steps that I would take

  1. go to a doctor and ask for a full blood test, this could be an imbalance of hormones.
  2. counselling for yourself.
  3. try spending so one on one time with your partner.
  4. give yourself time not everything will change over night. Decide what you want. Hopefully after everything you will have a clearer view on whether or not you want this relationship. :slight_smile: all the best.

Are you in love with him? Can you see yourself with him 30yrs from now into old age, if not move on, let him find someone who deserves this lovely man

Try living on your own then and see how that works out for you

Are you unhappy in your marriage or unhappy in yourself. Sound like you need an interest for you?

Maybe because there is something missing romantically??

I am starting to wonder if these are actually problems that people are seeking help for or are they generated to boost Facebook activity?

Grouchy Marx famously said “I wouldn’t join a Club that would have me for a Member”…are you insecure about why he loves you?

Do you only have sex when your getting pregnant, your man needs your taco woman let him get in there you might like it too.

If you have unresolved issues from the past , you may need therapy.
Address this now or you may lose everything

Happiness is found in yourself first, if you are not happy with who you are, no one can make you happy…

I think maybe you’re not in love or attracted to him anymore

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She’s controlling that’s why she is in a second relationship She needs to see her problems

Take your concerns to Jesus. Ask him to bess u with his unexplainable peace. Talk to him as you a friend and make him your friend.

Sounds to me like you are subconsciously trying to screw yourself! I know, I did that a lot! :woman_facepalming:t2:

Heal ur trauma girl before he leaves you

Do more stuff for yourself, hobbies, daytrips etc… just for yourself.

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Sounds like YOU need intense therapy.

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Go get yourself some therapy to unpack that

You answered your own question luv You need more

Go see a counselor and work it out. It sounds like you have been picking shitty men and finally found a good one so its catching you off guard. Talk to a professional therapist about it and they will help you get over it and start being grateful for what you have.

You’re not ready to be in a healthy relationship. You need to work on your issues

sounds to me like your very self centered…

I’d say this, Run, partner, run! 🏃‍♂️

get a hobby. You’re bored.

Ditto… Ik how you feel

Story of two wolves… Google it

Nowt like a couple nights on the lawn, to make you realise grass is never greener

Yeah, there is something wrong with you.

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You’re not “in” love with him

Was your relationship with your previous partner traumatic? Did he leave around the time your child was 2? I only ask because this is typically a trauma response. It’s a self-sabotaging behavior meant to shield you from more trauma. Whenever I come across someone who I perceive to be “too good to be true” I’m constantly looking for flaws, red flags, a catch, etc.
Be open and honest with your partner and have a genuine discussion on how you’ve been feeling.

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You’re not alone. I was in an extremely toxic relationship before my fiance and I got together. I am very open with him and let him know when I am getting those feelings. He reassures me everything is ok and sees what he can do to help. I did counseling for years and while it helped me feel more in control of my emotions, it doesn’t stop the feeling or the triggers. Have you sat him down and spoke to him about it?

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You need to have a talk with him about all of this. Not the internet. But with him. And who knows maybe it will make your relationship better.

You are a restless looser who is still in love with your first baby father who don’t want you.

I second anyone who suggested therapy.

I’ve had this same issue and only therapy helps.

Your friends and family aren’t giving you any help by telling you you’re nuts or crazy.
They obviously don’t know what they’re talking about.

Let him go and find someone that won’t try to find any fault with him, as If you keep on doing it you will drive him away, personally you should be happy you have found a great guy not try to find fault with him. Personally the problem lies with you and your being selfish just enjoy your life with him as we aren’t here for a long time…

Maybe you love the comfort and security but not the man???

What needs of yours aren’t being met? Love languages? Quality time? Connection? Being seen? Heard? Intimacy? Something is amiss for you. Negotiate yourself into this relationship

You belong to the streets lol

Yes your a mess you made your bed now sleep in it.

It’s ok hunny your just a self obsessed selfish bitch who through her own connivance tries to find faults in anything and anyone whilst failing to see the sordid reflection that glances back at you, the fact that you even are in a relationship continues to baffle christedom and nothing and no one will ever satisfy you as you yourself stand alone on the highest pedastal Not even afroditide herself could reach.

Yeah something is wrong with you. You’re an IDIOT!! Quit bitching and fucking appreciate what you have!!!

Yep…:open_mouth: I’m an overthinker

Are you male, female, or transgender? That would go a long way helping you out.

Go talk to a therapist

Maybe this person is just racist Or something😂

Therapy!! You are deserving.

Does he notice your discontent?
I think your in need of some self soul searching ? Maybe even medicating with cannabis… for a mood lift

Yes there’s something wrong with you. Your a cunt

Believe in the process, the best quality to
have when chasing your dreams is patients, Hard
work and Dedication. This is a process
Ricky Andrew

Then your the issue😬

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Maybe your hormones are off.

If you’re a woman that is perfectly normal. Don’t worry about it too much.

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Depends on how your relationship history is. If you’ve been through the ringer with partners in the past and let things go for longer than you should have then this is probably just a defense mechanism. For a lot of us that have had our share with abusive or toxic relationships in the past and then find someone that actually treats us how we should be treated, we tend to be waiting for something to go bad or to find a dealbreaker so we can process and prepare for those things emotionally.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, just make sure you’re not starting conflict out of nothing and talk to your partner about how you feel.

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Seek therapy, maybe fear of abandonment?

I have been in that boat myself, and I remember how much it sucked. I would suggest talking with your doctor/ therapist about how you’ve been feeling. Something very well may be off. Good luck!

See your dr. I think it sounds like you could have some issues with post Partum depression. A lot of us have it only we believe its something else so it goes untreated a long time in many of us.

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100% agree,see a Dr, You have a lot of issues, PPD last only 10 months to 1 yr, the most, So something else is going on here

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It might not be you at all. You just might not be fully invested in the relationship. And that’s ok. Maybe this isn’t the relationship for you. It happens. I’ve been in relationships where people tell me I’m so lucky, but I don’t feel that way at all. When I left I felt better and more myself. Personally I know I made the right decision. I wasn’t fully invested, and nothing anyone said was going to change how I felt inside. Take time to reflect. Do you really love this person? Is this someone you want to spend your life with? Then decide how you go from there.

Maybe to much time spending home.if so think about getting a job or some kind of activity to break away from your dwelling for a bit.maybe go to the gym and pump some iron and blow off some steam but just dont put all the weight on your partner and for god sake give that hug its worth a million words

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Imo
It comes from your childhood and pervious relationships. You’ve experienced trauma and have A.C.Es ( adverse childhood experiences)
I would suggest CBT therapy and -or salutation based therapy.
I’d also communicate with ur partner what you are feeling - experiencing 2 help them better understand what’s happening ,so not to make them feel they have done something.

Go to a dr & ask for help if you feel you need it…

Maybe try going to counseling to help get to the bottom of your unhappiness.

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Therapy therapy therapy
I used to be like that… alwaysssss finding reasons to complain, or make one up. Self sabotaging is a very real thing. If it came down to it, I would do something to fuck it up (cheating, starting fight for no reason)
Eventually, I got better. But not before ruining countless relationships

If you were abused in previous relationship makes sense to e I did that fix it biggest regret of my life should have loved him better he passed in 2007he deserved better don’t make my mistake good luck and God bless you

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Could it possibly be because of a previous relationship before being with ur boyfriend? This was my issue from my past plus I have ptsd from 2 of them I have a wonderful man now we have no children together but he has taken over the father role he’s amazing but myself to I find myself looking for flaws even tho ik he takes care of us I went thru counciling this was his exact thoughts because of previous abuse so I’m always looking to see what’s happening in my surroundings sometimes I sit there and think I am happy our relationship is healthy and ik for a fact he will never due harm to us good luck and make sure to seek professional support

It’s called self sabotage . Look it up . Its very sad what we do to ourselves!

The toughest relationship is a healthy one that comes after toxic relationships

It is because he is a nice guy which is so incredibly awesome and so hard to find I think you are lacking that spark, that fun dangerous spontaneous type of fun but your guy is just so focused on the family and goal oriented that it just might not be all that exciting to you anymore, if I were you I would definitely not give him up, guys like that are truly hard to find, what you need to do is sit down and tell him that your relationship is lacking something and that you both should go explore fun places and be crazy and spontaneous together and do a lot of laughing, I think right now it’s just you guys are so comfortable that your routine is probably the same day in and day out but I bet if you talk to him saying that it’s missing the fun aspect I bet he might be on board with you, I would get a babysitter for the week and go on a fun vacation and just be wild and crazy together!!! I wish I would have done that with my now ex-husband, was such a great guy great father was really good to me but I kind of was trying to find ways to be annoyed or irritated with him and then before you knew it him just even whistling would trigger me LOL I really wish we would have went to counseling because we have now been divorced 10 years and I miss him like crazy I wish I would have rethought the whole thing cuz I think it could have been fixed!!! But to make a long story short I think you are missing that fun dangerous type thrill!!! Do you think I might be right?!?:grinning:

Try reading about The Gottman method. Sounds like Gottman’s love maps would be a great place to start. Also, try couple’s counselling.

My daughter went threw something very close to what you are describing she sought out help but still had the same issue continuing a battle within herself until one day she asked me moon what is wrong with me. I took into the bathroom and we looked into the mirror there I asked her to ask herself in the mirror three questions. 1). Are you truly happy 2). Do you truly love your partner 3). Do you believe in trust. She didn’t like the questions but she thought about them for a few days and found her answers. Changes were made for herself and now she is happy with her life and then she asked me what therapist taught me this she was shocked and amazed by my answer. I explained to her it wasn’t a therapist that taught me this but a dear friend who was blind. I went to explained my friend said I am blind this is true but I see and feel the soul deeper than most and that’s where all truths lay

Sometimes it’s just not a match I doesn’t matter if they are a literal saint sometimes it just doesn’t work. Do what’s best for you but sit down and really evaluate your whole life and situation maybe talk to a therapist whatever works for you that will make you happy in the end. Your partner deserves that too! They should be stung along in a relationship that you aren’t happy in even if they are

You sound like you are looking for trouble that isnt there. Instead of stewing about these feelings u have fill that time doing something you want - maybe your self esteem needs a boost - make a plan and follow thru but make it about you

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I agree you seem to be unable to accept that you deserve a good guy. Given your past relationship you are always waiting for the shoe to drop. When it doesn’t you stay on constant alert and that puts you in fight or flight mode at all times. It’s exhausting. Your body can’t take that for long. You will find yourself pulling him in with one hand and pushing him away with the other simultaneously. It’s confusing for him and you don’t realize you’re doing it. Eventually it will cause the problems you are trying to avoid. You may need to talk to a therapist to determine ways to be more mindful of your value and how you two increase in value when combined.

When you are not happy and everything is fine, it is usually not the other person. Seek counseling to find out the source of your discontent before you end up leaving. Think about the children who need the stability of 2 parents.

Another first read from me. First observation: Do you think you don’t deserve him? If so, this needs to be explored. With a couples counselor.
It is not clear if there is to be a wedding in your future. Is the lack of commitment in your relationship a factor? (I can understand if you are picking at him why he would have some doubts.) Do not use the poison pill of being passive aggressive. Talk to each other. OK. That’s my first take.

Maybe boredom same old same old , try something new or plan a vacation, try to have fun doing something idk could help your mood

I would suggest talking to a therapist.

Nobody is perfect and your partner should understand that about you. You have many faults and that is ok, just love yourself

Think about the old saying … a dog and his bone … the dog doesn’t bother with his bone at all UNTIL ….another dog comes around sniffing and chewing it … Motto … don’t wait around for that to happen to appreciate the bone you have, it might be to late ….:heart:

There is a human phenomena that is called “Impossible to Please” this may be you.