My partners family doesn't buy my son gifts: Advice?

Your partner needs to step up or step out all the kids should be treated the same if you can’t buy for all don’t buy at all the only ones being hurt and confused are the children because they don’t understand hate

You have every right to be irritated. I would be. Your husband should be handling it because its his family, if he chooses not too, then you need to say something. Its not fair to your child.

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Your partner needs to talk to them and make it clear this won’t be tolerated and if not maybe not have them go around anymore. If your partner won’t do that maybe you need to rethink the relationship because these issues will keep happening.

If your partner respects you and your child then he would fix it. And i agree send it back with a note that is not accepted unless both kids are included.

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Even though you are right, you cannot control what others do, only how you react. Either donate his gifts or purchase her a bonus gift or 2. Don’t play into their one sidedness. They want it to bother you, Don’t give them that benefit. Be above it, if you cannot be above it send them a message, letter, card that states that if they can’t or won’t send a gift for both, his will be donated.

You husband/boyfriend, needs to step up and set them straight. If everyone won’t play nice it’s time to cut ties.

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Do you see that your husband also part of the problem? He is essentially allowing his family to treat him this way by not saying anything on his own. You shouldn’t have to ask him to fix it.

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You need to leave your partner immediately!! If its this bad now its not gonna change. Your daughter comes first ditch that toxic family and go find someone who will lovr your daighter as their own

You should’ve even be asking this question because he should have put a stop to it before it even started!


You need to approach your partner about it first. And he should approach his own family about it. If he doesn’t then honestly you should have a problem with them and him. My family is doing for my stepdaughters and his family is doing for my son. And that’s how it should be. Otherwise stop your family from doing for his daughter and see how he likes it. He won’t.

Nobody is obligated to give your child gifts so stop making it an issue. Your partners family dont owe you anything. Love your child and be the best mother that you can be. Be mature and stop taking things personal.

In my kids families I have hers, his and who’s (my son is raising his wife’s ex’s daughter) I treat them all the same. They are all mine. All 12 get something or none do.

Good luck is all I have. I tried the blender family but left even though we had our own children. It’s just too much when no one is willing to bend.

I just don’t get how people can be like that. My son was in a relationship with a girl that had a baby by someone else. I included him with all my grandkids. I didn’t necessarily get along with his mom but he was an innocent child and I loved him because my son did. Unfortunately that relationship didn’t last and I miss him as though he was my grandson.

This appears to be more than about gifts, there are other deeper issues that need to be resolved, sending back the gift or demanding they buy your son a gift may only make matters worst. If you want progress don’t put a band aid on it( temporary fix), this is an issue that requires stitches (long term fix) for healing.

People suck. Your partner needs to speak up on your behalf. They’re kids and shouldn’t be treated as less than. If they don’t like you then fine don’t get you a gift, but don’t take it out on the kids.

My husband…of 27 yrs now…came into my sons life when he was 2 in February and turning 3 in July…his mom and her side were ok…his dad had passed on and his side were not accepting…after a yr. We had a son…his aunt would send my son gifts and nothing for my oldest…i finally got tired of it…one yr she sent a card with money for Christmas…i sent it back with a letter and told her that her nephew and the other side of the family had accepted my son and he was now raising my son as his own…if she could not accept it do not send any gifts at all…and u know what…she didn’t…and we didn’t give a hoot…it made absolutely no difference in our lives at all…so put ur foot down…don’t let yourself be walked over…don’t let ur son be left out…it’s all or nothing…

Your partner needs to put his foot down with his family as you did with yours. If they want to be in either of your lives they need to respect your children and your partnership.

Tell him flat out that it is un acceptable and if he doesn’t feel the same way than it isn’t meant to be and only going to get worse. The children have to be number 1 or its not worth it

Something went wrong in the transition! You & partner are the only ones that know the answer

Your partner needs to step up and talk to his family and let them know of behaviour is not ok or tolerated. Both children need to be loved and cared for. It always disgusts me how petty people can be

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What BS that is. Partner needs to stand up for you and your child. If they can’t do that maybe you need a new partner.

Simple solution… if gifts aren’t send for both children, return them to sender with a note stating that you have 2 children in the family and if gifts aren’t sent for both children, please do not send any gifts. Please consider the feelings of both children. This will be our family rule from here on out.

I agree if they can’t buy for all the children in the home then send the gifts back

Well no they shouldn’t have to. Are you married? And did you set that expectation from the beginning with his family? It would be nice if them to buy gifts but it shouldn’t be expected.

If your husband isn’t supportive and by your side then no matter how much you try with his family it won’t work out. HE needs to man up and speak up!

Same they do that to my daughters too so we don’t go to get togethers anymore on Christmas

You’re partner needs to confront his family. Why hasn’t he yet is what I’m wondering!?!?

Your partner needs to fix it. It should have been addressed properly the first time it happened!

If your partner hasn’t intervened yet, not worth staying.

Sometimes it’s just time to cut those toxic people out of your life.

Sounds like pointless drama and your feelings are hurt due to over sensitivity.

Straight forward and if he doesn’t put a stop to it, leave his butt. He is not worth the effort. He should have already put his foot down to his family. You don’t punish the children. His family should be ashamed.

Speaks volumes on those folks characters to exclude a kid. Same type a folks be out here like " save our children ".

Your partners family is 100 percent wrong

He needs to grow some and stand up to his family tell them to knock it off and accept your child as part of the family as you guys are now his family as well and the nonsense of teaching his daughter the things she says is unacceptable if my family did that and didn’t stop I’d take a break and tell them we need a break until they can learn to accept your child and you and stop with the nonsense and hatefulness

Kids are ALWAYS to be included. Always. Period.

Your husband should send the gifts back and tell them why.

Send gifts back with note if they can’t do for both don’t bother doing for one


Send the gifts back with a note saying we have two kids we don’t need this negative energy :angry::angry::angry:

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I think until you are married it will be this way and it’s an uphill battle to try and change people.

Have your partner give your son a gift in front of his family to show his family he chooses you.

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You have a couple of options…return the package to the sender, with a polite note explaining you do not allow discrimination in your family. Or you can make sure you attend a family gathering, and be sure to exclude one child from each family. When asked how dare you do this, politely explain the same thing is being done to your partners child, so you wanted to ensure they had to have a conversation with their own children as to why one of them was excluded.

In our family, we were a blended family. My first inlaws were AMAZING and still send things for all 4 of my children, 3 of whom are grown. They even send things for the half-siblings that may be visiting who are no relation and they have never met. That is called compassion, kindness, and precious love. My 2nd inlaws have never treated any of my children or grandchildren, even stepgrnadchildren and different. I am so blessed in this. I dont buy gifts or expect them for my blood family for the very reasons you describe above. Seen it once and never again.

Send the gift back and let partner deal w it. Im going through something very very similar.

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I always buy gifts for my kids and have them wrapped and stashed ready for them when a gift comes for one of them at Christmas, and not the other. I also always open mailing boxes to see if I need to add a gift under the tree- I always call the sender first, “D’s package came today, thank you! I’ll give M a gift and sign your name onto the tag.”

I also explain to my kids, who are now [email protected], that not all adults gift kids the way that we do and that this year especially, some just aren’t able to gift because of Covid. I’ve also blatantly lied to my kids saying “oh! I forgot to tell you, X donated a present in your name to a needy child as you have tons of things. Don’t forget to thank them!!”

Girl your better then me cause no child would be getting gifts if all child’s didn’t get gifts

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Dont keep quiet. Your son deserves to be included.

Time to hit the door if he can’t fix the issue & if they can’t act like mature adults. Your children come first and that’s wrong what they are doing!


If ever a money gift, split it with both equal, she dont like it, she will stop sending.

Send gift back say if you cant buy for both dont send anything not fare to your child

Maybe they don’t like him.

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Return to sender. Period. Every time.


Ur partner needs to deal with it

Tell him to grow a set and talk to his family. If he refuses, time to leave.

Well I had the same situation and had to remind my family that my boyfriend has kids also one lived with us they would by for our kids but always forget his other two, my side would buy gifts for his son when we would come down for the holiday but would always forget about his daughter. It’s kinda our fault too cause we’d never say anything at first. But then one day I was having a birthday party for my youngest son and both families where there, and my grandson came and asked me for something and my mom said who is he calling grandma ? I said me she said you ain’t his grandma right in front of my daughter (step) my daughter looked at me like wtf? I turned to my mom and said I have been with her dad 10yrs I’ve had these kids apart of my life for 10 years his son I’ve helped raise his daughter I’ve helped raise so don’t tell me I’m not this babies grandma! She said well your not. I said well you can leave! I explained to her my step sisters are not biologically hers and neither are there kids but she claims them as her daughters and there kids as her grandkids. It’s the same situation. Just like she had to tell everyone in our family they needed to do for them to not just me well same situation. I told her she needs to do the same.
You need tell them if you do for one you need to do for all it’s not fair.

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You need to speak to your partner asap and nip this in the bud.

If he doesn’t see any issue, then run.

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Was in same situation they only sent to there side of the family. I sent it back and said I have two kids if you don’t want to send to both send nothing. After that they alway sent to both

Your partner needs to say something

Your partner should b sorting this

your partner is the one who needs to fix it. you cannot do anything

Your partner needs to grow a pair and deal with his rude immature family.

Maybe your son’s a little turd

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You send them back.
Treat both or none.

Your partner absolutely needs to speak up. My now-husband and I got married pretty quickly after we met and his family has taken my son in with open arms. My MIL even got all of her grandkids names tattooed on her in October, my son’s name included because genetic or not, he’s her grandson now. They love and treat him as one of their own even with him knowing that my husband is his step-dad.

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This is not for you to fix. You don’t address his family - that’s his job. You sit him down and tell him that you made sure your family includes his child and his family should do the same for your child. Let him know that it isn’t cool to make a child feel left out and that you won’t allow his toxic family members to mistreat your son. He needs to stand up for you and your son. I’m wondering why he doesn’t already notice this and say something without you having to address it. Wtf? :neutral_face::unamused:

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Partner is an interesting word. Partners have each other’s back.

There are 2 children period. That’s how it worked in my family

I know someone like that only the kids are biologically his and he doesn’t get the kids anything…

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Stop talking to them they are morons

Not wrong at all, your man should be jumping his family’s ass! My family acted differently towards my stepson for a while n I told them, if u ain’t getting my son shit don’t get nothing for my daughters either! That shit is so hurtful n I wouldn’t stand back n watch

Dont give her the gifts she got. Make it a freaking point. This is why we dont speak to my husbands mother she and her daughter pulled this shit. It went over like a lead balloon.

That shit happened with my In laws and an adopted child. They were lucky it wasn’t my child, or the wrath would have been 10 x worse! I made it a point to buy that child a lavish gift, and crap for every other grandchild for a couple years. Trust me, it didn’t have to be said more than once how I felt! And after other siblings in laws feeling butt hurt over their child only getting a coloring book for a few years, the lesson was learned!

No ur not wrong… dont go period

This angers me on so many levels

Well, thats petty…whats wrong with his family.

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Speak the truth to everyone

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It is very normal for a young daughter of 2 to feel insecure about the relationship you have with her father if she does not get to see him too often. She may be feeling left out and hurt as well. However you should in no way ever stop expressing your love for one another. The father needs to try as best he can to explain his love for you to the child and explain that he loves her too and that will never change. The father has to step up and talk to his daughter. The father also has to step up and speak to his family about including your son. He needs to make it perfectly clear that you guys are in his life whether they like it or not and the child should be included no matter how they feel about you he is an innocent child. You need to choose a quite time with just you too maybe with a glass of wine to discuss and be honest with emotion, no anger. If he doesn’t take it seriously then you may want to reconsider the relationship. Your son deserves better. You and your family have stepped up and done the right thing his family should as well. Also be sure to have a talk with your son and make sure he knows its not his fault and he hasn’t done anything wrong. These type of situations are difficult with ex’s and children are always difficult. Being open and having discussions about feelings will help. If your husband is not listening or doing anything about it and the situation doesn’t change you need to seriously consider leaving the relationship.


I was married to a man who had a daughter and I have a son and every Christmas his mom would always send his daughter presents and never my son. I am no longer married to him and his family were nuts. It’s a blessing I got out of that. Hoping you are not too invested in this relationship. This is a red flag.

Wow 5hats messed up. I’d be thinking about divorce bc what kind of partner is he that he doesn’t already see what’s going on :thinking::thinking::thinking:

I’d be having the chat with your partner first !

If they can’t include all the children. Then give back everything that the one got. Better that no one gets anything vrs. The one.

Talk to your husband and discuss the issues that you feel are going on and ask him to intervene. If after that they can’t play nice then disengage from them during the holidays or make sure that you bring an extra present for your kid so he isn’t left out

You buy your child so much stuff until it won’t make a difference it’s Best you see this now than later…

Children are very adaptable and in time your child will make up his own mind, x

The solution is a united front from you and your partner. If he doesn’t back you, you should rethink the choice you made. “His/Mine/Ours” should be treated equally by you both.

Wow so wrong. In my family we include all kids. blood related or not. My cousin’s wife’s 2 oldest kids are of no relation to me. Yet they are still my cousins and still get gifts, His wifes sister again no blood relation. They get gifts for birthdays, holidays and If we just see something cute to get them. The sister also took in a baby that is her boyfriends Niece. and we got 2 gifts currently under the tree for her. I have a huge family. and all kids get the love they deserve.


I wouldn’t bother. Rise above their ignorance. By your son a couple few small gifts from those family members and even let him send a thank you note. It will show them who has more grace. Just my two cents. As for the little girl. Both of you should sit down with her and talk and shower her with hugs and kisses. Letting her know that in “this house” lots of hugs and kisses makes everyone feels special and that everyone needs and wants hugs and kisses.

Sometimes you can buy an extra present and give that to your child when the others are getting theirs. Works a lot better then hurt feelings. Older grand patents have a hard time dealing with “step-children”. I have been there, done that. For the children it is how you handle it so their little feelings don’t get hurt or your relationships with your spouse or in-laws.

Teach your child about the flaws in other humans. Then explain how some people only have a tiny space in their hearts and are not able to feel and show very much love for others. These people are defective, and their actions are rude and hurtful. Don’t base your opinion of yourself on how anyone treats you. And don’t allow anyone to treat you as less than. Be a good person and know you are a good person. And stay away from people who don’t recognize your value. Friends or family.

Stand up for yourself don’t ask him too it’s ur kid and ur feelings I went through the same thing until I told them they will.spend dollar for dollar on all the kids in my house . They said they could only afford a gift for their 1 grandchild. I let them know it unacceptable and would not b tolerated if u only have 5 dollars to spend they each get a dollar period. After I stood up for fairness to my children it stopped the favoritism. And that was the last time I had problem

You have to be her voice. I would send the gifts back and tell them you appreciate the thought for your son but it’s not fair to your daughter. That if they’re not going to treat both children with this same love and respect, that they do not need to send gifts at all. You have every right to be upset/annoyed. Your partner also needs to step up and say something. As I said your kids depend on mom and dad to be their voice. Best of luck to you all. :blue_heart:

You shouldn’t fix anything, if you mattered to your partner and he knows how you feel. He should be the one to tell his family to grow up , and treat the kids like equals and have some respect for you . It shouldn’t have to come from you. It should make him upset and angry if it bothers you. If he doesn’t looks like you should be looking for another partner

Your partner shouldn’t accept his families rudeness !! Period ! He needs to step up and show them that your child is his family too, if not he should let them know he won’t be welcoming them around or their gifts

Not the family i would still let my son be in if they dont respect me and my child. And this is on your partner. He needs to tell them that if they dont intend sending gifts for all the children involved than no gifts are allowed for neither. Im sorry but where the heck is he in this situation? Total disrespect and toward a child in top of all. Thats a stupid bunch of adults thats what they are. I wouldnt be irritated i would be furious.

No. Get them a present but do not lie for that family and let your child think they are good people just keep her out of their way so she doesnt realize

I am sorry.
The best course of action here is to fight firee with fire. Start getting the girl to call you mama… Harder for them to manipulate the child…
Also send the single gifts back. Get your partner to protest to them as well…

Ask for a gift for the family for everyone that was no one excluded. Board game .video game .gift card.if they dont return the gifts.

Your partner needs to step up and fix this. This isnt on you to do.
Id be fuming too

Your partner should stand with you and open his mouth… his family are the most disrespectful beings