Stop reaching out. Stop inviting her, stop acknowledging her at all. She will figure it out or just keep being her. But you will love a peaceful life without her I’m sure.
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Live your life. Don’t wait on others to be happy. Just live your life and be happy. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes your immediate family happy. Live
Relationships take both people putting in effort. Car works both ways. Maybe offer to come see her?
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If she doesn’t wanna be involved, close that door. Shes made it clear she doesn’t wanna be involved so don’t force her to be involved.
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Be happy you don’t have that mother in law drama… 
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My late husbands mother was the same way. He saw it as normal but I never understood myself
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Like the song in ‘Frozen’, “Let it go. Let it gooooooo.” If the kids ask, just shrug and tell them the truth; you have no idea why g-ma isn’t more of a part of their lives, but that’s her loss, not theirs. Forcing it will only make things more tense and the kids would pick up on that. At least this way the only real drama is your thoughts about it, which you can keep between you and your husband without involving the kids.
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Man it’s going on 11 years with the same problem. My kids are her only grandchildren at times it does hurt but honey you can’t force that woman in y’all lives.
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Honestly through my years of marriage I have learned who cares. It’s their loss not yours. I know it’s very sad. I have gone through this with family myself. That is toxic and you don’t want that in your life anyways. It’s a waste of your breath and time and energy and words and it’s a waste of your aggravation and heartache and everything else. I’ve had family I’ve begged for years to come see my kids. Even when I had no vehicle or any way to see my family myself. They don’t care. If it don’t benefit them then they’re not going to do it. That’s like holidays. It’s the three of us and that’s the way it says. Why bother cooking a bunch of food that I can barely afford and cleaning up after everybody who is so ungrateful about it.? I can make the holidays and every day special for my kid by myself. Who needs that type of family and friends.? Forcing somebody I’ve learned in my marriage and life time that it’s a waste of your time because it just makes it worse. The child gets to see the side of the person you would rather them not see. But on the other hand hey at least they’re not getting their heart broken with promises that don’t follow through or crappy gifts that break as soon as they open it and things like that. Having their family lock them out of the house where they can’t use the bathroom or take a bath for school or watch TV or enjoy the air conditioner. Hey it’s their loss. Half my family don’t even know where I live. I’m planning on keeping it that way. My daughter knows the family that loves her and that’s enough. She knows it’s their loss. And at the end of the day it’s only the three of us that matter to begin with
I say let it go at the end of the day your kids are not the ones missing out! She is missing out on them and kids will remember who is there and who isn’t so just try your best not to stress over it it’s her loss
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I would say it’s favouritism, she favours the other son/daughter and the other grandkids and therefore you are stuck having to put in all the effort
Her loss, not yours. Just be honest with your kids and tell them like it is.
Cant force someone to want to be in your life.
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Some people have mental health issues and/or personality disorders. You could try asking her, but she may not even recognize how she’s acting or find a rationalization for her behavior
Just let her know it bothers you. Simple. And see what happens from there. U cant just bottle up all this resentment, it’s only going to grow.
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I have a brother like that. We haven’t spoken in 20 years. I would try to initiate things but his excuse for not having a relationship with me was that i was a bratt when i was a kid.
These are all very good comments and I hope you find a way to live a happy life with your family. That beings said, you could always go full toxic and show up to her place unannounced with the whole family, proceed to say that she is no longer the woman in charge and you are now the head mother of your family and she is not to be included in your families business unless you decided to allow if she is worth your, and your children’s time. Then walk out and live your life with or without her. If she does decide to come around, make sure she is on a tight leash with you at all times until she earns your respect 
I guess I would try to find a gentle way to tell her how your feeling, be honest, maybe she is just oblivious to it all, life travels fast and with elders remember, their perspective can be coming from a very set way of thinking, maybe she feels you all dont come to her house, just show up at her house constantly and smother her with kindness maybe the tide will turn, just remember we dont know what each other is feeling so dont assume, just be the loving/forgiving soul Im sure you are and then feel no guilt if things dont change, just stay kind and loving and teach your kids that its okay to love gramma as is a grouchy stubborn grams if that is what she is then so be it…
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I knew someone else like that but the kids took care of her at night when her other kids didn’t want to,and were sad to see her pass. They never complained.
That sounds very familiar
Maybe stop reaching out and inviting her. Let her wonder…if she cares enough to.