My partner’s (17 years) mother does not want to be in his or her grandkid’s lives. There hasn’t been any kind of fallout or no reason. She travels 45mins to see her other son, who lives in the same town, actually passes our street to get to his house. Do our kids ask where she is? She never acts like she has a problem with me, so I don’t know why she doesn’t want to be in our lives? is it jealousy or resentment. She gets invited to family birthday parties, BBQ, Christmas gatherings… and nothing. Her last reason was it was too hot to travel???
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Maybe shes too fake to admit not liking you…
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My mil is the same…i don’t try to invite or involve her for anything anymore…my husband is in full understanding with all and my son will learn as he gets older, Its her lost not ours
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My MIL was the same way when my kids were younger. It bothered me alot back then. I’d say just let it go and live your life. Not much you can do about it, speaking from experience…
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I personally would confront her asked nicely if there is a problem how it could be fixed. But as a gramma there is nothing or no one that would keep from my kids or grandkiddos. My kids have significant that haven’t been my favorite but I have always found away to get along with them for my kids and grandkids. I know it might sound mean but it is her loss. Just make the kids know that its in no way something they did wrong.
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At least you ask hun, I would not bother her again, leave her to herself then, you can only try, and if she can’t be bothered, just leave her to it and get on with your life’s, sometimes wen u leave people, they come running then, good luck 
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I’d count yourself lucky! You and your kids aren’t missing out!
Then don’t include her. She doesn’t want to put the effort, than it’s her loss. Concentrate and be happy with your kids and your husband, still make fun memories with your lil family. 
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My MIL is the same way. Plays on FB like the best grandma yet the people who know - they know she’s not at all who she portrays to be. It still bothers me but I stopped trying to let her be involved because if she wanted to be she would. And the rest of the world now sees it too. My kids know who is around and who isnt and I won’t force them to love someone who doesn’t love them.
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Consider yourself lucky. Better to have one not around than one constantly burning or tossing u and ur kids stuff when around.
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Maybe she don’t approve of the relationship-you have to do what is best for your family
Sounds like a blessing in disguise in my opinion. If she can’t be bothered to show up for her own child or grandchildren that’s a sign that you’re better off without her. Let that be on her conscious, not yours.
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I had a mother in law like that. Would drive right past my house to go to her daughters or granddaughters and never stop. But then call a couple of days later and boo hoo about us never coming down to her house. So not fair…
All you can do is invite her over to your events and if she comes then cool. If not then cool too. Thats on her. Live your life ans know where she stands. You cane force a relationship.
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My mother would travel 2 hours to come to the casino (where I lived) and gamble but “didn’t have the gas money or time” to see me. I have not spoken to her in 7 years now. She didn’t even have anything to say to me after our daughter was stillborn. 
stop inviting her. When she asks your husband why he can tell her.
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are your kids brats? Maybe they’re annoying. I don’t like annoying kids.
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You’re just now asking after 17 years? Hahahaha stop inviting her and think of it as a good thing. Tell your kids grandma is crazy and be done with it. Once you stop, she may change her mind but you should NOT start inviting her again. Just wash your hands of the whole thing. Not worth the headache you’re giving yourself
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Mabey shes hiding sumpting from you a seceret of ur husbands?and just cant look u in the eye so avoids looking at all
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It’s truly her loss! You are so much better off in your life than having to force someone to love you if they don’t want too…you can’t make people want to be in your life so you have to move on an some day she will regret it! I know my family is the same way…I moved on without them! Best thing I ever did for my own peace of mind!
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This is my father. The only time I see him is when I go to his house. And after feeling very unwelcome the last time, I won’t do it again.
My mil is satan…we have nothing to do with her straight up toxic and our lives have been so much better without her in it
So stop trying. She’s being clear where yall stand. It sucks. I get it more than you know. But you just have to take it as their loss not yalls
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Yeah we had the same issue we stopped inviting and just cut them out completely. I don’t even have them on social media and neither does my s/o
I don’t have to worry and my kids don’t ask cause they have who they need
I’d just come right out and ask her.
You will run in circles trying to figure people out.
Stop wasting your time worrying about someone who has shown you over and over she isn’t worried about you. Just because you’re family, doesn’t mean you have to be in each others lives. Focus on those that want to be around you and your kids. They are what matters and your kids will see that in the long run.
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Yep, just pretend she’s dead at this point. Find other, loving people to play the grandma role. Lots of lonely seniors out there would love to have you and your family in their lives. Go to therapy/counseling if you can’t get past it and find some peace.
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Do not invite her again.
Why worry about trying to have a relationship with someone who clearly doesn’t.
Rather than view it as a bad thing, perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise. Maybe she wouldn’t be a good person to have around.
Put your energy into people who want to spend time with your children.
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Does she feel the road goes two ways? Or maybe because you aren’t married she will do visits far & few between? Parents are hard to figure out especially since we are in different times.
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After all the efforts and still none, it’s okay to stop trying. You cannot force family to be a part of your life because sometimes it’s better that way. Don’t be stressed out, it’s affecting you but not her.
Stop trying ur wasting ur time and energy… if she doesn’t wanna be bothered then don’t bother. Ur kids will know the truth as they get older
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Just move on She’s the one missing out my husbands sperm donor is an a part of our child’s life for various reasons most of them are toxic but my brother-in-law’s grandparents on his dad side more than make up for it they love our son as if he was one of their own
Come right out and ask her what the problem is if you don’t get nowhere stop including her in things your children will c the differences being made. Focus on the family who are there for yous and who love your children
My 1st husbands adopted mother was the same way. He passed away while I was pregnant with my youngest and I don’t have anything to do with her now. I tried for 9 years to figure out what I was doing wrong or why she didn’t like me. Now I don’t give two craps. I never have to see anyone who treats me like that ever again. I tried for my husband. Now that family has never even met our youngest.
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Sounds like you need to flat out ask her, I mean if she’s not involved now then you have nothing to lose,
Let her know it hurts you your partner and to an extent the kids because they should be able to be close with a grand parent
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So, she’s a grandmother. She doesn’t owe you to be in your kids lives. Damn, stop acting like people owe you to be In your kids lives
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Enjoy not having to deal with a mother in law.
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Ask her again id see what she had to say but let her crack on her loss
Maybe its a blessing in disguise , could be better this way
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Messed up grand parents suck!!! My dad’s the same way but I dont feel bad any more but thank full i cut out the bad problems they would bring to me!
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That is your partners job to figure it out. It’s probably for the best.
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Just go on with your life it makes it easier for you…
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She doesn’t have 2 be in ur lives and u cant force her 2 be. It just builds hate. Maybe she will come around and if she does then have an understanding and listen 2 what her reasons may be. U dont have 2 agree with her or her decisions either. Although u may want her there it may just be something u might have 2 live with or without however u want 2 see it.
One way to find out, confront her.
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Just let it be. You can’t force anyone to be a active part in your lives.
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why on Earth would you chase somebody who clearly does not want to be part of your lives?
okay, so you do say something to her and she starts coming around more. Now she’s only coming around more because she feels pressured or obligated to. not because she genuinely wants a relationship with you or your children.
does that look like a healthy relationship? Does that look like something that is going to enrich your life or the lives of your children? Do you think your children are going to feel great having a grandma that only comes around because she feels she has to?
if you want to be in my life or my daughter’s life, then you will make it known. We don’t need to fight for anyone in our lives.
there are people who live a thousand miles away from us that make more of an effort to be in our lives than people who live a mile and a half from us
so why do you even care? Because society says that she’s your family member? Because there are some share DNA? family does not begin or end in blood.
I only want people in my life that actively choose to be part of my life
that’s what I deserve and that’s what my children deserve
and so do you
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If she won’t come to anything stop inviting her.
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Why force someone to be around who clearly doesn’t? So what honestly
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Perhaps she finds you toxic or abrasive and staying out of the way is her way to maintain peace.
Dont fight for someone who doesn’t want to be around.
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People find time for what’s important period.
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Leave that old women alone, there could be a million reason why people do what they do, clearly you’ll aint her favorite reside yourselves to it and move on…
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I’m in the same boat with some. They don’t say hi to my kids when any one does see them or say bye. And it seems like no on wants to be in their lives. So It would be her loss if she doesn’t want too. That’s what I say about some of my family members that don’t care about being in my kids life
If it was me I would stop asking
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My brother is like this.
And it hurts why he wouldn’t want to be part of my 3 kids lives (who adore him, when they see him at special occasions.)
I confronted him. He said I just need to accept that’s how he is.
Now i have just given up trying with him.
Why waste my time. It’s him that’s missing out.
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You can’t force people to be i your life
If she doesn’t want to irs her loss.
Sometimes blood does not equal family
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If she doesnt want to make an effort I wouldn’t bother with her honestly. Its not fair to you or ur children . 
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My own mother is like this. I am the middle child and only girl. I have always been treated like an outsider. Sometimes mom has said it is because I don’t need anything and can provide for myself and family. Well I wonder why? She is the same way over grandchildren. She would not buy for my 2 but would spend on the other 4. Because they needed it and mine didn’t. Including birthdays and Christmas. I would have to drag it out of her. She would throw money at me and tell me to go shopping. Now the one granddaughter that she has picked as her favorite and stolen from her for the second time. And I am the troublemaker for pointing it out. She told me to get out of her life. Done. I have a grandbaby on the way and I have much to be proud of. I don’t have it in me to stress about her and her favorites anymore.
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Have husband ask his brother if he has any idea why their mother does this. I imagine he is aware of the reason cause the mother probably confided in him.
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Lol. Same. Only father in law. Guess what? Oh Well. I used to be upset because it upset my spouse but then the realization of him not being around was probably for the better and I don’t stress it anymore, Ultimately its his loss, not having his son or grandkids around. He also sees other kids and grandkids in the same town we live in. Everything happens for a reason and I don’t question it anymore. We all are loved and have amazing family without the absent parental.
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Your partner needs to ask his or her mom why she don’t come around. Your partner needs to tell mom how it feels when she sees her other son but not his or her family. The only way you get to the answer is by communicating. You could stop by and see her too, have your kids make a cute card for her… who knows why she feels this way, but not saying anything is not going to get the answer.
Sounds like it’s her loss and she’ll regret it one day so pay her as much mind as she does y’all and just move on and li e your lives!!!
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Keep inviting. Missing lots of special moments. It’s her problem. Prayers that she realizes what she’s doing.
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I think her really lame excuses is your answer. Her loss! 
Honestly don’t push it no point in being upset over someone who doesn’t care. she’s missing out. I’ve learned to never force my kids to be around family members who don’t mak the time to be in their lives toxic is toxic. Just keep living your lives and she’ll realize one day and by then your kids will hate her and it will probably be to late sorry yoire going through this
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Hmmm…been through this. Even though she seems nice to you, it’s possible that she’s jealous of you, but acting nice to your face just to not rock the boat. Passing YOUR place, to go to the other siblings place isn’t a good sign… Even if you confront her, she may lie and act like nothing wrong but eventually it will come out. Actions speaks louder than words!! Pay attention to the ACTIONS
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My mother in law never had anything to do with my kids either. Only one of them was her grandchild though. She swore he wasn’t up until about a year before she died. Then all the sudden they were her grandkids. My kids would ask from time to time and I would push it off to she’s old and doesn’t drive ect. I always said it was her loss but it never took away the wonder or pain. Sometimes you just have to let go unfortunately. Your kids will eventually form their own opinion
Why don’t you have your partner ask her since that is their mother? There is clearly a reason why she would she would completely avoid going to your home to visit… it’s either you, your relationship, or something your partner has failed to mention.
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Watching her grandchildren grow up is her loss. She can’t spend time with your family again her loss her regrets. Your family it’s trying that’s all you can do.
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That’s her loss!!! Just focus on yall and the kids. I don’t force anyone to be around me or my kids.
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I’m not sure why your complaining… that could be a blessing
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The only person that can really answer your question is her. Ask HER. Make mention of the fact that she has to pass your house to see her other son, so you’re confused as to WHY she doesn’t visit YOUR home and children. There is always a reason for people’s behavior.
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More to the story somewhere!
Sounds to me like she’s a self centered person
Are you and your partner the same sex? That’s still a sticky subject to address with the older generation.
My father in law done the same cut us out. He sends birthday cards to the kids. But will not come and see them.
Then I would say fuck her and go on with your life with your family remember asking someone to come into your life when they don’t want will cause so much trouble between you and you spouse
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Sad clearly she isn’t Worth worrying over
Ask her outright. It would make me very suspicious. What went on between her and your husband that would make her not want to visit or see her grandchildren. You won’t know unless you ask.
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Her loss.Ask yourself this question, do I really want someone at our home, that doesn’t want to be there? Agree w/other posts…something is not right, but she obviously doesn’t want to share her issues. If u want to confront her, be prepared for the fallout-I keep my circle small, less opportunity to be hurt-sending u good vibes 
…don’t let it bother you.
We aren’t meant to know or understand everything.
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If you don’t know, your partner and his brother & wife don’t know, or won’t say. Like others suggested I’d straight out ask her. Over 17 yrs she can’t keep coming up with excuses that are legit if she’s seeing the other family who live right by you. If still no answer that makes sense let it go. Be sure to tell your kids it’s her and not them, and remember that for yourself and husband. 
I’m sorry. I have similar issues. I have many loved ones outside my family. I call them my soul family. They support and love, are compassionate and understanding. They offer more acceptance and unconditional love than my birth family does. It’s helped so much in healing. I hope you find your soul family. Wishing you all the best.
Go to her home, and sit down for a heart to heart…takes more than one to make a relationship work…talk to her about it
I would have a heart to heart talk with both of them see what the problem is . If theirs no problem u need to tell them how u feel and see if that makes a difference
Don’t try anymore let it be on the end she will know she made a mistake because when the kids get older they won’t want anything to do with her
And that’s on her
Her loss. She does not sound like a very nice person. Just make sure the kids know it is not their fault.
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My MIL and FIL were like this. I had their only grandkids. Only time they saw them was when we traveled 4 hours to my husband’s sister house. After several years of trying, I finally stopped. It’s not you, it’s her. Try not to take it personally. My in laws treated me like dirt because I am from the south and they were from NJ. Told me I was ignorant and southerners were just lazy, ignorant no good people. After 7 years of marriage I just quit going around them. My husband had to drive the kids by his self to go visit with them.
Has he talked to her privately?
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I say focus on the people who love you and your family and forget the ones who don’t give the effort. Life is too short to waste it on worrying.
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My parents are like this…only a 12 minute drive. Plenty time for my sister _ family (same town). Some relationships are just weaker I guess. Leave them be, if they wanted to be part of your lives they would be part of it. Continue to extend invites, but don’t have any expectations. They’ll show up sometimes… eventually 
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I have the same issue with my husband’s mom, she recognizes his other 2 kids but our son together is 18 months old and she’s met him once! I honestly don’t care because she is missing out on a super chill baby and she can’t blame anyone but herself! My father in law lives in Florida and we’re in Ohio and he comes to see him every few months! I have rules for being in my son’s life and I don’t think she likes it but I’m his mom!
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Its sad but some people play favorites…its her loss…one day she will want to be a part of their lives and they wont know her.
I have the same issue with my in laws 
they drive through the town we live in daily to go see their daughter or grown grandchildren but have no time for my husband or our children (whom aren’t grown) after many many years of the same crap we have just gotten to the point of “screw them” they are the ones missing out but it still hurts 
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It sounds familiar. I was one of those children who was shunned by many on one side of the family. Unfortunately, it was because there were ill feelings (one sided) against one of my parents. I had a relationship with a few people from said side of the family, but very few. I used to care, and now I don’t. I don’t feel I’ve missed out on anything… the children will ask uncomfortable questions, but it’s important to be honest with them. You can’t force someone to love your children.
Have a conversation with her. Write a letter. Something. Put the ball in her court. Life’s too short to overthink and make assumptions. 1 of 2 things will happen - she’ll start making an effort or you’ll know to just put any hopes of that relationship up on a shelf. But at least you’ll have your answer either way.
Let it go. Some people don’t have a valid reason to act the way they choose. Less stress for y’all if she continues to stay away. Tell her you recognize her actions and let her know that she’s more than welcome to call and set up a time and date to hang if she doesn’t take the initiative just know you have done everything in yalls power to include her and go on living yalls happy little life and enjoy the family that shows y’all love.
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Hate to say it but … learn to not care! It’s not your baby’s loss it’s hers😢
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Let it go, it’s not worth your energy & honestly it’s her loss! We may never understand the reasoning behind some family members behavior but they have to be able to lay down & sleep at night with their decisions.
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You refer to him as your Partner of 17 years. Could that be the problem, she is resentful of the fact you’re not married? Some people have old fashioned beliefs. Anyway, I would let it be, too.
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