My question I suppose is am I bad for feeling so anxious about this? Any advice on what to do if he goes by dad? Should I talk to my 2 year old? How would I explain? Is she gonna feel left out knowing she has a different bio father than our son?
My daughters bio father broke up with me when I found out I was pregnant. He told me he couldn't give a crap about her at all even when I pleaded to just see her. Despite this I sent updates anytime I found out anything new plus ultrasound pics, no response. Did this up till I had her then I stopped saying anything. He called me 5 days later asking why I never said she was born talked about coming to see her and sending her some stuff. Well he not only never came or the stuff he sent but he completely ghosted me. Cut to her being around 6 months old we headed towards Austin family trip and see some family. We stopped at his house to let him see the baby. Also found out he did come to where I live but to the shady spot where you can only be up to no good. He never once stopped by to see her. Then the guy makes plans to see her more and send some money to help out. Never once came through she is now 2. I am on some government assistance, but to continue it they wanted me to put bio father on child support so he can pay for her insurance. Well we went to court a couple months ago and he was just like I have never seen her before I want nothing to do with her take my visitation rights away etc. Complained to the lady the entire time to the point where she was like grow tf up man. So here we are now and now he wants to see her. After 2 years of teething and fevers and rashes chicken pox covid literally so much. He wants to visit and be called dad. Now while all that was happening when my daughter was 3 weeks old I met my man now. We also have another little one now and he is just dada daddy all she has ever known he seen her first steps her first everything he was there the entire time. Tomorrow her bio father wants to meet up with birthday presents and I feel so anxious he put padre on the from part. Pretty sure he wants to be called dad, but I feel lile it is gonna confuse her. I also feel like it is tech also his daughter so I can't just tell him not to go by dad.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My question I suppose is am I bad for feeling so anxious about this?
Personally, because she does not know him, I would start of with small, supervised “get to know him visits” and not allow him to force the issue of calling him dad. She has to come to that on her own
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I don’t think a 2 year old has the ability to understand this conversation. You should always tell your children the truth about where they come from as it will turn into a huge issue with self acceptance later in life if they find out they were lied too their whole lives and aren’t who they thought they were. My dad is a POS but I’m so glad my mom didn’t lie about who my father was. His family has a lot of alcohol issues and knowing this has helped me avoid alcohol and the possible familial addiction it causes on my dad’s side. You don’t have to make her call him dad, but make sure she knows that is her father.
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Should have just let him go…
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Nope he has no right he left and lost the privilege the minute he said that stuff in court honestly you don’t even have to meet up with him. You should take your man her “dada” with you if you decide to and make him see who her dad really is.
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Dont let him see her. I wouldnt even want child support from him. Close this Door on him completely because having a dead beat dad that comes in and out of your daughters life will affect her in a bad way so much more.
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If he give up his right the answer should be no . You walk away a long time ago . You did see her feed her clother her . Your not farther . Your just man that give me baby. I feel you need to say no . To all ballshit walk away . You have family that love her all there for her . You can make baby but take true man to be farther to that baby . He not a farther he just fuck tool . Sorry but he wait of time .
I wouldn’t be sending her with him, at least not unsupervised, without a court order.
My youngest daughter, her father dipped out when he found out I was pregnant and said he didn’t want her. Ended up coming back, then walked out of the hospital 15 minutes before I was supposed to go in for the c-section, because he didn’t like what I wanted to name her. We worked it out and even got married. That didn’t last long. When we split, he went 6 months without seeing her, saw her twice then dipped again. Hasn’t seen her in 5 years. During COVID, I applied for state assistance, which resulted in the pursuit of child support. During this, we started a petition to the courts for my now husband to adopt her on the grounds of abandonment. As soon as my ex-husband found out about the child support order, he started threatening that if I didn’t drop it, he was taking custody from me and blah blah blah. It was a scare tactic. I have zero worries about him taking her from me because he’s a POS. Now, he’s agreeing to the adoption so that he doesn’t have to pay child support.
Unless a judge has said that you MUST allow visitation, you do not have to send her with him or allow him to see her at all. Custody/visitation is separate from child support. With the way he has been towards her, I would pursue the child support, but make him pursue visitation. He will have to take it to court himself. In the mean time, protect your child and stop sending him updates and randomly stopping by his house. If he wanted to see her and he wanted to be a dad, he would make the effort. The two of you made her together. It’s not on you to enforce him being in her life. Let the loser do what he’s gonna do and let your little one enjoy the dad that chose to be her dad!
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I feel if you want to be dad you have to earn it it’s not because I’m coming makes you a dad you earn it
He doesn’t get to be dad. He already voiced that’s not what he wanted. Don’t talk to her about it. She has a daddy and she’s happy. Set the boundary against him.
“You had your chance to be daddy to this little angel and you cried and complained and left us. You can be an uncle or soemthing but I refuse to upset my baby with your wushu washy commitment to her.”
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My oldest daughter is a little over two and adopted by my husband( her bio father was in and out, never met her, never wanted to, never paid for anything and never showed up to court- so his rights were terminated)
We are 31 weeks pregnant with our son( my husband and i).
So first things first? What happened at court were his rights terminated? If they were then he has no legal standing for visitation and exempt from child support.
Child support and visitation are usually 2 separate things unless in a divorce. The state can go after him medical but that does not guarantee visitation a court order would.
We plan on telling the kids. I don’t want my daughter to find out from someone else or him popping back in 10 years later. I plan on seeing a therapist in the future to navigate this conversation but id rather do that then my daughter resent us and be upset because we didnt tell her.
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You should make him take you to court to get visitation rights. He hasn’t been a part of her life so why just let him decide when he wants to pop in and out. She would be very confused at this age of why he is there randomly.
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He wants to be a part of her life now that’s all that matters . You can’t predict the future. You and your boyfriend now may break up . Then what? He may or may not ghost a child that’s not his . He may have not been there at first but he’s paying his support it sounds like and is trying . He’s her father
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You could have claimed he abandoned her long ago. But now if he wants to fight for rights, especially if on child support he CAN ask to see her and get visits set up. There will be abridgement visits to get child used to him but as far as her being forced to call him Dad…he is Bio Dad and not much you can do if he does tbh.
You need a custody order. 
Keep records of everything, the no shows especially.
Start off with supervised visits and see what happens. Find out what the time frame is for termination. 
My state is 6 consecutive months of not contact. In the event he starts ghosting, it’s reasonable to do so. It benefits her in no way to pop in and out.
Shouldn’t beg someone in people life move on another great dad with step up
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He is too inconsistent and children so young Won’t understand what’s really happening and it will definitely confuse her and honestly me if I was in your position I wouldn’t let it happen until she was old enough to fully understand and she can make her own decision about wanting to be around him or whatever he has shown major red flag since the very beginning in the inconsistency is not cool it’ll just break her heart and confuse her and you have a man that has been around for three weeks I think you’re doing great just stand your ground don’t buckle
Meet up with him so he can meet her. Maybe even get a picture of them together for her when she gets curious later on in life. I would not let him take her alone. If he shows up good but with his track record he probably won’t stick around. Let her get a couple gifts out of it. She’s only 2 and it won’t bother her as much as it will bother you. She already has her daddy at home 
.
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She needs to know the truth regardless.
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If he gave up his rights my answer would be No. don’t need the child to be apart of that drama
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Shes gonna find out this guy fathered her with you at some point. Dont lie to her about it either. And she’s 2 she can’t read so who cares what he puts on the card. If he has the right to access then do it. If you do refuse and it’s not for a good reason it could go against you. Follow the court order if necessary.
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I absolutely would not let him see her period unless it was supervised by the state. His inconsistency is going to be damaging in the long run. Horrible man.
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It’s still her dad nomatter how things went down. It’s still her dad♥️
He’s an ex for a reason. Move on…
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I wouldn’t lie to her. My bonus kids mom lied to my bonus kid for 14 years. We eventually told her the truth. Now she hates mom and wants to move in with us.
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Please don’t give him any more chances. He already made his choice in court. Let the little girl be in peace and not confused
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I wouldn’t do it at all. That’s just me
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Personally I wouldn’t introduce him as dad or father at first friend till he sticks it out not fair to confuse her or hurt anyone incase he does one again , her dad is your partner regardless of dna he’s done the hard work , coming from someone who was raised by my dad no bio met mam when she was pregnant never knew any different till I got older and he’s still my dad regardless who made me she will see for herself when she’s older
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If he wanted to give up his rights then just cut him off. He gave up his rights. Parenthood is not when it’s convenient. It’s 24/7. He gave up his right to ask anything. She already has her dad. When she’s older let her know he wasnt ready to b a dad so he made a decision to not b around. When she’s grown if she wants she can seek him out. But right now it looks like she has a daddy that loves her. The title of “dad” is earned. That guy is just a sperm donor. 
Let you daughter decide who he is to her. Having a baby doesn’t create a daddy.
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He’s dad, tell her who he is and go from there
Never lie…that will come back to haunt you. If you start with lies you’ll have to back pedal at some point. I would do baby steps into their introduction and see how it goes always supervised. She’ll either like him or not. Two is a little young they don’t understand but in my case I had to explain to my GS I was grandma and not Mom. He started asking why his name was different at 6. I drew him a picture book story and read and showed it too him step by step and he finally understood. He went on as usual after the story…his questions were answered. 
Honestly why are you having them even meet? Is there q parenting plan in place? Tell him if he wants to see her, he needs to go to court to figure it out. I wouldn’t even let them meet.
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Too late now but, you should of omitted him from your life when he left you pregnant. He obviously didn’t want to be a dad, and for years you used her to either try to get him back, or force him to be a dad, that NEVER works…obviously.
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Don’t tell her anything, she is 2 yrs old, As she gets older, she might want to know who her real dad is, especially is he isn’t in her life & she does have that right, But for now, don’t say anything, If her dad shows up, he shows up, presents or not. It might happen or it might not…so let it go
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He didn’t want any visitation before so he shouldn’t get the right to have her call him dad I would introduce him as his name and when she gets older you can explain to her but she’s 2 she won’t give him a second thought after he leaves
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I’d give him this last chance. Of he doesn’t show, he’s done. But be honest with her. Even if it’s not till she’s older. Another man raised me and now I’m older and I know the truth and now my bio father and I are very close. This is a hard thing to deal with. Just always be honest. She deserves the truth.
I wouldn’t let him see her. Especially if he’s made no effort till now. He lost his chance when he ghosted you. And if he tried to go for custody or maybe even visitation I’m pretty sure the courts would laugh at him
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She is 2 she’s not gonna have a clue what’s going on!! Smh
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It sounds like if he truly wants to be in her life he is finally growing up. He is her father and should be called FATHER, not dad only special people should be called dad. I suggest if he wants to see her he needs to have supervised visitations that he has to pay for. Also document every contact, if he texts or emails save them, screen shot the texts so you don’t lose them when you get new phones. Also it is important for your daughter to know the truth, that she has a different father than her half sibling. If you hide it and she finds out when she is older that will cause resentment. Honesty from the beginning is best policy.
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I’d wait to see if he sticks around. Just introduce him as mommy’s friend. If he truly wants what is best for her he will understand and give her time to get to know him first.
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I wouldn’t even take her to meeting he’s never been there before why now
sounds like a disaster waiting to happen 
to be honest I wouldn’t introduce him as dad and I’d be telling him the same cos he’s not her dad he’s her sperm donor explain to him if it happens he’s gonna be mammys friend until your comfortable to talk about another title depending if he sticks around or not
Bring a parent is a full time job not when it’s convenient for him. I would not allow them to meet on her birthday, why should he get that privelege. Make a time on another weekend and when it’s convenient for you and your hubby. This man is nothing but the sperm donor and deserves to have to earn any title.
Don’t give him anything. Make him work for it. Make him prove he’s not just going to be temporary.
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If there is no court order for visitation, tough luck…plus he has skipped out so much do u really think he would show
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The man has a black belt in disappointment, its up to you if you want to give him a shot at doing it to her now that she’s old enough to be aware of his lack of follow through, protect her from his crap
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Do NOT let that man tell your daughter that he’s her dad. He isn’t. He never earned that title.
And how disrespectful would that be to the man who ACTUALLY acts as a father to her. All the work he’s done and this random gets to come in and be called Dad just because he wants to.
Introduce him by his name. If he REALLY wants to be her dad and get to know her, he will do whatever it takes.
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Sperm donors think they can come and go as it pleases them. Make it on the terms that suit you and your new family unit. If you don’t think it is what you want to do, the don’t do it. When your daughter is old enough to understand who he is in her life then be honest with her. Tell her what you did, what he did and didn’t do (money never comes into access and kids don’t like to think that was a reason). Let her know that he was inconsistent and this was unsettling. She maybe angry with you for awhile when she gets older but as a two year old she won’t know who he is.
In my state, if your man wants to adopt, sperm donors can consent & slither off & never look back.
How difficult. Don’t confuse this baby.
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I had a real dad and a step dad my stepfather was there for everything my real dad was not but I knew he existed when I was 4 I met him my mom said he said do you know who I am and I said yes your my dad but this is my Denny jo ( step dad) and I climbed on my stepfather’s lap . Kids know who is there for them it doesn’t matter what they call them they know . So be age appropriate honest and dont have bad vibes just let your child have all the love available and dont count on him .
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Sounds like he really doesn’t want to deal with her or you, just putting on an act for the courts. He probably won’t show up for visitation or pay any child support anyway. Think about terminating his rights (he’d have to sign off on it) and having your new BF adopt; you may have to be married to do this though. You’d not get any child support, but you and your daughter would never have to deal with the POS again.
If he will pay court-ordered child support through wage garnishment, OK, but you may want to specify supervised visits only until you know what he’ll be like as a father.
Your daughter can call the men Daddy name and Daddy name. Kids are surprisingly OK with this, though it might be weird at first for her.
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You need to have along serious one on one talk with him. Ask him if he is truly ready to be in her life. Like really truly, if he not he needs to wait till he is sure needs consistency and stability in her life. Remind him of that. Not someone coming into the picture to confuse her and get her hopes up. I would sit down with him and tell him everything you have mentioned to us and find out if he’s truly ready to step up this time. If he’s not it’s ok, and you would understand, but up he is he has to do it and not let her down
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My youngest is 8 now and I’ve been with my husband since she was 2. He is her Daddy. When my ex expressed wanting to speak with her I reminded him that he’s been MIA her whole life and he was not to refer to himself as Dad in any way. That’s a moniker he gave away by being absent.
Lay down the law. He lost rights to run anything when he dipped.
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It wont mean anything to her at this age , it’s just a stranger giving her presents if he shows up at all . She knows who her real dad is . She knows who has always been thee for her . It takes more than sperm to make him a dad it’s the person who is there in her life every day . The person who comforts her and loves her and has always shown her that he is her dad .
Do you have a court order for visitation? If not he would have to go to court and file for visitation rights. ( I hope you have full legal custody of her)
I’ve said this a million times on here unless you have a court order cut off your ex completely. If he’s serious about being her daddy he will step up & apply for rights through the courts. You are not obligated as her mom to let him see her! Your obligation is your daughter & family. Going outside the courts gives him too much room to manipulate you. You have no way enforcing any agreement. Don’t let him know where you live & block him on anything. You have a CS order so he can reach you through court. Leave it in his hands. If he files for rights (doubtful) get a lawyer! I can’t say that enough. Lawyers can do things we can’t on our own.
As far as your daughter calling your bf daddy. He is her daddy. There’s a lot more to being mom or dad than providing DNA. Your bf is who has been taking care of her, he’s dad period. Call him by his first name. When she’s older explain that a dad takes care of their kids.
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Why are you letting a total stranger see your child ? He gave up his rights at court .
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My son and daughter meet their bio Mom when they where 3 and 4 years old. I’ve been there since my son was 1 and they’ve always called me mom. She tried to have them call her mom but they still don’t, they refer to her by her name. She has been full of disappointment for them since she came back in their life. After they meet her she disappeared for another year. After coming back on and off now she has been gone another year. My kids are now 8&9 and they never even mention her.
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Idk about the whole situation but I highly encourage you to not lie to your daughter. Even if she never meets him she has a right to know the truth.
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He is the biological father, he can be called by his first name. If he wanted to be a part of the child’s life he would’ve been a part of it from the gecko or he would’ve wrapped up. Instead he didn’t want to take any responsibility wanted nothing even according to the courts well he got what he wanted now he wants to change his mind or wait let’s see if he actually shows up and does anything more than what he claims. But like any typical person he only wants to be a part of it when he wants to be a part of it and that’s it. Same thing goes for some of the moms out there that do the exact same thing to their kids they don’t wanna be a part of their kids life and then all of a sudden when it’s convenient for them they want to be.
I thought he complained to the judge and didn’t want nothing to do with her so why wasn’t his rights taken away???
Don’t let him see her. Take him to court over abandonment and ask for he’s rights to be signed away.
Once you are out of a child’s life and you chose to walk out because you don’t want to be a parent than you should stay out. You made your choice now, deal with it.
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Why are you even in contact with him what the hell
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Sounds sooooooooooo draining the entire story. Don’t even waste ear time listening to his voice or eye sight reading txts delete his arse as if he were 
dead.whatever he wants or wishes,hopes likes tell him to get a lawyer and do what ever it is he thinks he is entitled to until then do what they do in this time and age BLOCK his arse foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr that’s what’s best for your daughter nothing else
She can call him by his name
Some of these answers are ridiculous. If he’d injured this child, then it’s a different matter. But he’s immature and afraid of responsibility, which
is probably true for most men who take advantage of having fast, free sex. Give him the opportunity to grow up and be her second dad. Some kids have no dad. She has two!! 
Wait…you said you went to court and he told them he wanted his parental rights taken?? So did that happen?? Is he on the birth certificate?? Is he paying child support?? He doesn’t want anything to do with the child so why do you keep allowing him to come and go?? I personally wouldn’t go. He isn’t her father and he’s shown that time and time again. What’s the point?? She has a dad.
Sorry he doesn’t deserve to be in her life.
It’s to confusing for your child.
Why bring drama into your home when you are finally a family and happy
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