Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My question is how do I handle all this plus my mental health?
It gets easier, my husband worked out of town when my kids were little. It’s hard ,but you can do it momma
Get a rocking chair for u play classical music or calming music step outside briefly make a lil tent get washable markers an paper sing songs limit tv that makes kids hyper at times introduce reading relax sing ring around the Rosie 
The best and worst thing I ever did :
Video games
Join a support group for mental illness on social media. I dont have the answer to YOUR prob with littles but some of these folks have been patients for yrs you get alot of good advice. Im sick too. Im recently diagnosed so ive gotten alot of answers there
If you’re not snowed in. Take your older one for walks daily to get them to settle down. Like even if your schedule starts late still make and have one. For your mental health this will really give you the feeling of control. Always remember to breath and force all babies to nap together and with you. Small tricks really helped me when my first one was little and depression would hit me. But the park at my complex was a big help. So first thing in the morning we would go and come home to bath eat breakfast Take a nap together she would play for awhile in her room while I made lunch and it seemed like the rest of the day was a breeze. My second born was disabled so our schedule was mostly therapy sessions but he was a wild one too but our back yard was fenced so I allowed him to run around there. Every child is extremely different so have patience and remember to breath. Keep a journal also helps. Praying for you.
Idk if you are dealing with postpartum but please take care of yourself either way especially if you are dealing with it. Reach out to family and friends for a little help. Talk to your OB/GYN asap please.
Have a special toy pr bag of toys older one can only play with while feeding bubs. A special tv to watch, if in a high chair a special snack. Make feed time story time if they’ll sit with you while feeding
Give yourself a break. Stop being so hard on yourself you don’t have to do it all.
I had 3 under 3 so I understand what you’re feeling.
Distractions for the 2 year old before you need to feed bub explain to the 2 year old exactly what you are doing and what you would like your 2 year old to do. My suggestion is make a basket of snacks so when you’re feeding bub you can say bub is having a feed would you like to go pick out a snack and join us we can read a book or watch a movie you can show me the toys colour in some pages or just draw in a scrap book read a catalogue together ect ect engage them both as a bonding time. It won’t always be this hard and this suggestions won’t always work either but it’s a start. Just trying to keep yourself and the kids calm 2 kids is alot to adjust to but you can do this mumma. I’m about to have baby 5 in 2 days so I get it.
I’m in the exact position.
My boy is 2 1/2 and my girl is a month old. I’m losing my mind. I feed the baby and my boy goes into a FULL BLOWN melt down. It’s soo so rough. Feel free to PM if you need to. Just know you are 100% not alone. I’m right there with you mama. We can do this 
Honestly I felt this so much when I had my 5th. I had a newborn and all together 5 under 9. My husband worked away 12 days then home 2 after taking a better paying job. You need to not ignore when you need to take a breath . You don’t need to be in mum mode 24/7. If the tv needs to occupy your toddler for an hour or more on a hard day so be it. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you are not ok then nor are your kids. If you feel totally overwhelmed please reach out to your doctor. You will get the support you need whether it be for your mental health or guidance to resources for parents going through the same thing. . Always happy to chat if you need to. 
Transition from one to two is rough and definitely that age gap (i had the same) try to make sure your 2 year old has a snack and drink just before you feed baby. I always turned on a cartoon he liked or hide a toy he really liked and bring it out while I fed baby - after a while gave up and got a kids tablet.
Took a while but getting them on the same nap schedule during the day helps. You’ll find your groove and things will go smoother.
My Mrs had postpartum for 2 years before we realised 
get checked.
I also think, no matter what the circumstances, it’s more important he is with you? A house, at the expense of your mental health?
Entertain your 2 year old? Get him educational toys…blocks, puzzles, Legos, coloring, learning toys.
Let him do his thing…you aren’t the toy
Tablet for 2 year old, he will be entertained for hours. Swing or mamaroo or vibrating bouncy chair for newborn…
Include you son when you are taking care of the baby.
This is gonna sound rough, but this is the point where you got to decide are you a victim of your circumstances or are you strong enough to rise above and succeed?
Everyone’s got some sort of struggle, from absent spouses to full on abusive ones, having no money or having so much of it the family exclusively comes to you every time they are in need…
I know it’s a lot (my littles are 3yr apart) and we moved out before the youngest was even one- but when you find yourself and your inner strength you will succeed 
Involve your 2 yr old in things todo with baby if baby is also been bottle fed let him have a turn of feeding with you watching and showing him how too, get activities he loves, movies ect aswell as snacks…
My sons dad went away for 7 months after I had him so I was home with a new born and 3yo. It’s hard but if you keep feeling sorry for yourself your going to keep feeling worse you just need to get on with it. Give yourself a goal each day. Like make an effort to go for a walk out and get some fresh air or while baby is sleeping do something fun like jigsaws or a game so your other one doesn’t feel left out. When your due to feed the baby put some kids tv on and get something fun out for him to sit and do.
We made a count down chart for when he was coming home and we planned things to do for milestones throughout time away. Instead of focusing on being alone focus on things you can do plan something special for him coming home. It makes the time go quicker.
Count ur blessings that u have support and that ur not a single mom …
Take it one thing at a time I have had 5 kids and currently pregnant with number 6, I didn’t have post partum until number 4, speak with your ob especially if the overwhelming feeling continues, have the two year help make him feel included he’s probably feeling left out, and when baby sleeps have two year old rest with you even if you don’t go to sleep because, he won’t put on a movie and cuddle this was the only way I survived I used to put my 2 year old in my bed after feeding the baby then laying the baby in the bassinet, I had no support system so I was exhausted, the house can wait as long as you try to keep laundry unfortunately that’s the hard part and make sure you and two year old are eating that’s all you need to do and try to find one nap to take a nice hot shower, above mentioned mental health support groups they are and we’re amazing to me when I went through my post partum I made a lot of great friends, they reached out to me more than my friends that lived with in 15 mins always here if you need to chat your health and how you feel is just as important as everyone else.
Please get checked for postpartum depression. It’s a very real possibility and could be making your job much harder. Especially with lack of spousal support. My husband was working a lot when we had my son and I was an emotional mess, it took far too long for me to realize it was PPD. 
Is there a mommy day out program if some sort the 2 yr old could go to?? Usually churches or a city program offers it… See if you can have a teenager come a few times a week to give you a break and pay them… You’re mental health should be top priority
Post partum depression? Talk to your Dr
Talk to your doc or nurse practitioner about post partum depression. See what resources she or he can suggest to help you out other than meds too. You’re not the first to suffer this way. Antidepressants can help but know they may take weeks to kick in or you may have to try a few to find the right one for you. There IS light at the end of the tunnel.
Getting out in nature, getting gentle exercise and meditative practices can help bring calm to your life. Even 5 minutes at a time helps regulate emotions. You Tube, DVDs, in-person meditation, yoga, Tai chi or other classes can help. If you have a Unitarian church near you they may have free or low cost programs and offer child care. Just breathing deeply helps center yourself to get ahold of your emotions.
Tiring your toddler out can help. Jolly jumper? Mini tramp with a bar to hold? Put on music and have hm dance? Kids TV or video programs with physical activity songs (Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, Shake Your Sillies Out, the ubiquitous Baby Shark)? See how many times he can go up and down the stairs if you have any. I had a wild child and anything physical to tire him out was great. If you go for a walk with baby in a stroller (just bundle everyone up in winter) give him directions so he doesn’t run off where he’s not supposed to: run to the big tree, skip back to Mommy, hop on one foot 10 times, and then the other foot 10 times, twirl once, then walk with your knees bent for three steps and repeat, walk on tippy toes to the end of the block, then walk back sideways to mom, leap forward for six houses then walk backwards to me, etc.
Visit different playgrounds. Many are designed so kids won’t get hurt even if they use them wrong (climbing up or jumping off slides for example). Avoid the swings so you don’t have to push him unless someone offers to do it for you. Plus they’re more passive vs active until he can pump his legs. If there are indoor pools you can use with shallow areas for kids, go there (or outdoor ones during warm weather). Get water wings to keep the kids afloat in deeper water if not. You should be able to feed the baby while your son is jumping around in the water. You may have to make reservations during the pandemic.
Hiking/walking/fitness trails in parks are good too. Make a list of things for him to find to keep him from running off., like a mushroom, a flower, a bird, a squirrel, a rock, a cloud, a giant leaf, a bud, a blade of grass, the littlest or biggest tree in view, a sign or marker, a dog, a person with a hat or boots or sandals or wearing a specific color. It’ll make him a curious and observant learner too. Once you get back home he might be tired enough to do a quiet activity while you take care of baby and yourself.
Find a safe place for him to ride a tricycle or those Little Tykes Cozy Coupes and let him go while you feed the baby or just rest. Draw lanes and stop signs in chalk on the sidewalk or free basketball court blacktop.
Have him build a pillow fort, a house out of Duplo blocks or work a very basic puzzle. Do they still make those big cardboard boxes that look like bricks? Or Lincoln Logs? Thrift stores and online marketplaces like Freecycle, Pay Nothing and Facebook Marketplace are great for finding toys and trikes and clothes your kids will outgrow before they can wear them out.
Feed the baby while toddler plays in the bathtub.
Get some kids yoga or exercise DVDs or downloads. Do you have an affordable gym with child care hours to give you a break, or can you go as a guest on occasion?
Also take advantage of churches or other religious institutions. Nursery, Sunday School, Moms Day Outs and other programs will give you a break while you get some spiritual renewal or a nap. Also good places to meet people who can help you out and be friends. They may be closed during the pandemic or have restrictions.
If nothing else, they have people who will pray for/with you and talk to you and provide spiritual counseling, though you may have to be a member. Know that most ministers are prohibited from providing psychological counseling in favor of professionals
Invite family, friends, anyone you trust to come stay with you to help out. Invite retired people or those who have weekday time off during the week, others on weekends. Ask for recommendations and hire a babysitter. Look into colleges that teach early childhood education and invite students to engage and observe yours. You may still have to pay them, but it would give you a break. Join moms groups online or in your neighborhood and get together with parents who live in your area.
Check with retirement communities for lonely, able-bodied seniors or empty nesters who would love to have children with whom to interact and who would enjoy your friendship too. Warn them that you need help with a rambunctious 2-year-old, not so much the infant. You might have to pick them up if they don’t drive. Even the most frail person can provide attention, read stories, feed, help clean up, maybe give baths, and provide hugs to everyone, though you might have to wear masks. There are cute ones for your 2-year-old at CVS and online, occasionally at ALDI. Invite them to spend the night if there’s a place to sleep. They can wake up early with the toddler & feed and play with him so you can feed the baby and sleep in for a change. Then they can go help me and take lots of naps in preparation for the next visit. Maybe they can invite you to their place for programs or activities and you can meet other “foster grandparents.”
And maybe hubs should find another job so he can help you for a few years before doing something more ambitious towards funding a house. It’s not worth all the mental and physical misery it’s causing you during the most exhausting phase of motherhood. The kids need him around now too. Take the distant, better paying job when the older child starts school.
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Remember this is all normal. The way you are feeling, the struggle, the crying. Your body is still adjusting. Your mental state is still adjusting. Transitioning from 1 to 2 is difficult. I have had moms of multiples, 3+ kids tell me 1 to 2 is the most difficult transition.
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I second talking to your doctor if you feel you are depressed deeply, PPD is unfortunately so common for moms and not talked about enough.
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The sad reality is society has made this normal and part of our job. This is what moms do. Literally every single mother, puts herself on the back burner and neglects her body, her mental health, her self care and love, at some point. The best thing you can do is recognize when your doing it and pull yourself out of it. Don’t let yourself dwindle down do things to keep you up.
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Always try to have a back up support other than your spouse. In this day and age it usually takes 2 incomes to keep a family afloat comfortably so you need to find someone you can trust and accept help from to help you. Try to stick to a routine so its easier for your toddler to transition, its normal for him to be off the walls and acting up, he’s Transitioning from being an only child, getting all the love and attention to getting very little since baby’s are so demanding. As hard as it is already, make sure you are setting independent time alone with him, if baby is asleep go in the other room one on one with him and play or cuddle and watch a movie etc. This will help with his behavior some.
I hope you feel better soon and realize how strong a beautiful you are momma:heart:
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Get a box of special toys for your 2 year old that only come out when you go to feed baby. Or see if your 2 year old would be interested in helping with baby when you feed. If he likes books you can also try to sit and read when you’re feeding. I know it’s hard, 1 to 2 is a hard transition. When my second was born my husband got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, so not only was there an adjustment from 1 to 2, but also taking care of a cancer patient in the mix, while going to school full time. Do you have friends or other family close by that can help? It can get expensive but you could also look into a postpartum doula that can come help manage everything while you adjust. If it gets to be too much do not hesitate going to your doctor for help, postpartum despression is no joke. Praying for you mama!
Do you have a friend, parent or relative who can come stay with you or come over for a while each day? When I had my daughter, my SIL came for a week and my mom for a month. It was really helpful.
Do you have any family or friends nearby who could occasionally take the 2 yr old to a local park or just get him out of the house to give you a bit of a break? Is there a Mother’s Day Out program in your community?
Also, get on a fairly rigid schedule so everyone knows what comes next and what to do, how long they have, and when to be finished. Build in some slack time because things never go perfectly as planned. Have regular wake up and bed times, mealtimes, naptimes, play times, snack times, story times, daily chore times, time to pick up and put toys in a bin, put dirty clothes in a hamper, bath times, outdoor times. Each day will have some same activities (meals, naps, baths)and some unique ones (laundry, vacuuming, changing sheets & towels, movie & popcorn nights on Fridays).
Also see if you can schedule errands at regular times—like grocery runs or orders on Wednesdays, gas station fill ups on Tuesdays, whatever else you do outside the house. I used to schedule work events at 10 am and 2 pm as much as possible so it was easier to remember. Unfortunately medical and dental appointments aren’t very flexible.
Have toddler help with housework: dust everything within reach; scrub the bathtub; wash the unbreakable dishes in a dishpan, dry them & put away anything he can reach; push the vacuum or mop with you, pull the sheets over the bed and try to take off or put in clean pillowcases.
Your older boy can toss dirty clothes in the washer (may need a footstool), spray spots on clothes with Spray N Wash, dump in the capful of detergent, fabric softener, or Oxy Clean after you pour it. He can pull clothes out of the dryer and put in a hamper, fold washcloths, hand towels and pillowcases, and try to match socks. They won’t be perfect, but it will keep him occupied and he’ll get better with time, he’ll learn how to do the entire laundry for you after a few years, and learn independence.
Having a schedule will give you more control and make life somewhat simpler and more manageable. You can make and post a calendar chart for each day with when everything happens and a drawing of a clock with the hands at the time. This will help your kids learn to tell time and follow a schedule eventually, and you can point to the chart when it’s time to pick up and transition to the next thing.
You can also set a timer or alarms on your phone to warn everyone in advance of an activity ending, which helps with transitions. It is really valuable for anyone with ADHD. This also teaches organization skills.
Will everything always run smoothly? Of course not! But it will help most of the time. Build in regular fun too if things are open during the pandemic (and wear masks except for baby): a trip to McDonald’s PlayPlace, a puppet show, library story time, ice cream store visits, a kids movie in a theater (you can probably breastfeed in the dark—the theaters have been fairly empty where I live during the pandemic), time to lie down outside when it’s nice enough weather and see what you can spot in the clouds, the sky, the stars, the moon.
Could you sublet or take in a renter? Extra money and at least another set of hands and eyes if you can find a compatible and kid-friendly person. If nothing else they can be there to handle things while the kids are asleep so you can run errands or meet friends to recharge once in a while.
It gets easier momma! Don’t give up hope! Get as much help as you need.
Never got easier for me. I know and a 3&5 and it’s a nightmare
My second son took forever to finish a bottle, so I would read to my 2 year old while his brother ate. He starting reading at 2 & 1/2
First, talk to your Dr about how you are feeling. Secondly, you have to establish a routine. Involve the 2yro, have 2 yro bring you a diaper or the wipes, have 2 yro throw diaper away then wash their hands (teaching this is important as well), have 2yro help pick out their snacks (give 2 choices to make it easier). When feeding baby maybe have 2yro watch a show or play with toys they don’t normally get, or if close to nap time lay 2yro down for a nap. Maybe give a coloring book or a small chore to do (let 2yro “sweep” with small broom)
Are grandparents around? Enlist their help or aunts uncles anyone who can be trusted to take a toddler to the park for a couple of hours. Get him to help you with the baby.
Make a routine and daily schedule! It’s a major lifesaver! My sons 19 months old and off the rails! He literally will be bouncing off the wall if I don’t keep him on a schedule. I have also found making him his own space like a playroom or even a playroom space in his bedroom if you don’t have space for a playroom is a absolute lifesaver. You can put him in to play while you feed baby and watch him on a video monitor. Also remember to take some time when the kiddos are asleep to unwind or just have a cup of coffee or tea. You have to remember to care for yourself too!
Terrible 2’s, awful 3’s… remember the light at the end of the tunnel. Your house will be your home forever. Appreciation for your spouse.
In all of nature there is nothing more bad ass than a new mother, whether your a woman who gives birth while the father’s deployed, or any number of animal species that must nurture while protecting their young from predators, never forget that you not only created life but you’re capable of doing whatever it takes to protect it
While it’s great your husband is trying to help you guys save money to buy a house, this soon after having a baby was probably not the right time for him to be leaving you alone with the kids. If you have no one else to help you, I’d be having a talk with him about taking a job where he can be home to help.
By remembering that this is a season. Your 2 year old will get older, and your baby will too. All kinds of things will change. Some soon, some in a few years, some a few decades. If you need help, you have to ask for it. Get creative, if you need too. Worst case scenario, talk to your husband and make some changes. Now probably isn’t the best time for him to not be home.
Money is not worth it when your mental health is the price. Tell your husband you need him at home.
Life can be pretty overwhelming at times and sometimes it’s a little much to handle, especially when you are on your own. No one can snap their fingers and give you a magic cure to make it all better, but I hope we can share some things that have helped us when we’ve been there and you can find what works best for you. Make a Vision Board that brings your goals into visual focus. It doesn’t have to be very big or ornate, it can even be a poster board with a few pictures on it of you and your family with a house and you can put things up that you’d like in your home, etc and when you are having a hard time with your husband being gone, you can use your vision board to help draw some of your focus to what you guys are working towards. Even though you know in your head, sometimes visualizing it helps. When feeding time comes around and you have to keep your toddler entertained, there are a handful of things you can do. Read to them while you nurse, come up with a handful of games you can play like “I spy” or maybe use nursing time as their screen time? Cartoons or some tablet time that they can sit next to you and do? maybe set some cups in a muffin tin and let him bounce ping pong balls inside them. You can always try sensory play time boxes or busy boards. Play with him about 15/20 minutes before you nurse so that his attention bucket is full while you concentrate on the baby. You can try to use the time to get him to practice counting, colors, etc. Good luck mama you got this! You are doing a great job.
A toddler & newborn is hard. I can’t described how I survived. I just did. You will too. If you have family or friends who can help accept it. Just about anyone 10+ can play with the toddler while you tend to the baby.
Get gates block off everything lol jk but really block off one area with gates u can get them in all shapes sizes and lengths completely toddler proof that area I have an open concept living dining area I blocked off the living room I ran the gate from one end of the room to the other I stretched out one of those octagon outdoor gates lol contain the chaos!!!
Why did you have another kid please don’t have more this is a newborn and they are a lot of work and your oldest wants attention so he’s probably not going to leave you alone he’s jealous Is there a relative that can come in and help even for an hour or two Also they have melatonin chewys for toddlers at bedtime unless you want to wait till he’s a little older read the bottle I can understand you missing your husband but you will get through this Sometimes women get that depression after having a baby if you think you are too depressed get in touch with doctor.
Just thank God. That he will wok to support you.
We all hafto work away from home. At times. I live in OREGON. Had two work in ALASKA. For 10 Yers. To make it. And it put a big burden on my wife but we made it.
Watch out for ppd. You can do this mama, one deep breath at a time. Just keep your head up. Seek help from others because your health is just as important as those babies. Keep your head up. It will get easier before you know it.
Find a teenager in your family or neighborhood who’s good with children and would be willing to help you out. 
Good luck 
You will soon see you have strength you never knew you had. Give yourself grace. This is a huge change and yes, very challenging. If you think your sadness could be ppd, definitely speak with your Dr… However, if not . . You got this! Take lots of deep breaths, let go of control, ask for help, ENJOY those children, be proud of your husband and find your courage to tend to the task at hand. Those babies only need their momma to provide their necessities and show them love. My children are now 14, 13 and 11 . . .and boy do I wish I were back in your shoes! Lots of hugs to you and your beautiful family.
I’ve been there and it’s hard, very hard but hang in there! You don’t realise how strong and capable you are as you get through another day. It’s very daunting but you’ll soon find yourself slipping into your own routine of what works for you and your babies. My now almost 3yr old was just over 10months when I came home with my now 2yr old so I cried a lot, somedays I’d cry throughout the whole day and honestly question how I was going to do this and say to my partner, I can’t do this. But as parents, we do because we are tougher than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. You’ve got this, deep breaths and just take each day as it comes and remind yourself how amazing and capable you are 
I went through that same thing you are but I had 4 boys. Yes it was hard and I was very lonely but we made you we got are forever home and it completely paid for. Just hang on you can do it and it will be worth it in the end.