My sister is a narcissist

*I just need some advice it’s a long story*my sister has always been a manipulative narcissist but I try so much because she’s the only one I have Since my mom lives in another country I currently live with her and her husband we’re in her mother in laws basement I can’t afford to move out because rent is really expensive and I have 2 kids these past couple of months have taken a big toll on me I’m mentally drained and cry myself to sleep almost every night but I just keep to myself I try so much to have a good relationship with her because I feel lonely everything was going fine I did my best to keep her happy she recently had her 2nd baby 3 months ago and I’m the only one cleaning,cooking and taking care of her older kid when I get home from work I help her with the baby too and I just don’t feel appreciated she doesn’t help with my kids I pay for a babysitter but I’m expected to take care of her 2 kids whenever she needs on thanksgiving we were having a good time with my family my family mentioned that her husband should be helping out more and I made a comment saying that he should because it’s really draining for her to do everything on her own he said yes and didn’t take offense to it and even thanked me for helping my sister, my sister stopped talking to me after thanksgiving last night I mentioned it to my mom that I was done begging for her to talk to me she was yelling about how I was a fake b and all this other stuff I asked her what her deal was she said that I don’t have a right to be mad at her for not talking to me that I embarrassed her in front of my family because I shouldn’t have said anything about her husband because he is and always will be more important this hurt me a lot because if it weren’t for me she would’ve gave birth in the living room because he didn’t want to take her to the hospital he even told her I didn’t say anything wrong I have been there for my sister through everything I’m just done at this point I feel alone but I don’t know where to go what to do

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My sister is a narcissist - Mamas Uncut

You should go into a shelter or try move in with a friend. Let your sister manage on her own and see where that gets her. She’s clearly taking advantage of you.


Get housing! Call 211 for resources,


You should try a shelter for sure. They have resources other places dont. Iv had to go to one before. It sucks but it will remove you from the situation


Start trying to move out.
You can’t fix anything if both parties aren’t willing.
There’s help for you, it’s time to start researching options.

I would def try moving in with a friend or a different family member. You’re already doing it on your own … also try and apply for housing assistance until you’re able to afford a place on your own. Life will get better but we always have to remove ourselves from the situation first so we can have a clear mind space. I know you have no one but try asking for help. It seems like your sister cares a lot about image rather than how she’s hurting you.

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Looking for housing and/or rental assistance is your best route. I would start by googling income based rent in your county also look up a public housing agency or section 8 program. Best of luck!!

Try HUD Housing and low income housing. 211 will have resources for you to get in touch with. Some shelters have case managers. Inquire with local housing agencies and your sister is toxic…better to be away


I have a hard time reading these without any punctuation. :woman_shrugging:t2: but good luck to her!


Research and get whatever help you are entitled to. Get yourself out of the situation first with your children and go from there. There is a lot of help out there.

You need your own housing. It’s complicated your relationship with your sister and it isn’t healthy for either of you.


Dear… It’s time for you to find your own way… Even though financially you may not afford it… I rather be living in a 1 room house with my kids and be happy… If the husband can see all the good your doing and your sister can’t, she is just a bitter soul and you need to remove yourself from that situation because it will not get any better… Yourl may have a better relationship once you leave… It’s either she is taking advantage of you or she is indirectly trying to get you to leave without having to tell you…


Could she be suffering from postpartum depression?
It sounds like her husband is a loser. Which could also be contributing.
I know when I was suffering from postpartum depression and my ex was a loser, I would lash out at my family to defend my ex.
Just something to think about :woman_shrugging:t2:


Maybe you can rent a room from some nice lonely elder person that could really use the money and company. Or maybe just any room in general that might work for you.


This book ( I listened to it like 4 times) is where I realized that I had given my power to my sister to hurt me verbally emotionally and physically. Once you take your power back and her words and actions mean nothing (meaning she can’t hurt you bc she has no power) you will feel a freedom you have never felt before. Empowered is not a strong enough word for that feeling. It took me 40 years of life to take my power back and my emotional, physical, and mental health has never been better. I say this with love. Take your power back. You are an amazing person.


Look at getting out and getting a place of your own. Go to a shelter…do something. Please do not let her know you are doing this. Make phone calls, etc. away from her. Don’t let her know what you are trying to do. If she knows what you are doing she may go ahead and kick you out. You don’t need that to happen until you have found a place. Just saying…


She’s upset because what was said hit home and she doesn’t like that you were right. Picking wholes in her perfect marriage. She’s probably suffering from postnatal depression. Give her time. If it doesn’t get better you’ll have to get your own place xx

There are programs to help so you dont have to be in that situation I mean seriously I would have left long ago

You live in her mother-in-law‘s basement there’s nothing else to say babe unfortunately- you should be going above and beyond and you absolutely should not say anything about her man his mama is letting you and your kids live in her basement. When you’re out on your own then share all the opinions you want


Ok, this was all over the place You lie with her in her MIL’s basement. That alone you should be VERY grateful, You help , whether doing everything or not, you are LIVING in her space, so you should BR VERY grateful. So what if you clean, & help with her kids, YOU & your kids are living in her space, BE GRATEFUL or move


You threw her husband under the bus in front of the whole family, you were out of line for that and that’s probably why she stopped talking to you. Sounds like she has communication issues since shes not expressing her feelings about it and that’s childish. Start saving your money like crazy so you can move out


He told you that you didn’t say anything wrong. What was said when you wasn’t there? My ex would be 1 way around people then opposite with me. He convinced people that I was the problem. I was always on the defensive. That could be your sister. She could seem mean to you because she can’t process her husband’s behavior. I don’t have a solution for you. Just something for you to think about & pay more attention to. If she’s defending his behavior like not taking her to the hospital when she was in labor, not helping with the kids etc & becoming defensive when it’s brought up he’s the abuser not her.


Maybe the sister is struggling with ppd? This isn’t screaming narcissist to me. People are very defensive over their lover’s & like to posing a perfect picture for the world to see. Give her time, she’ll be alright. Maybe you need to look out for work opportunities and other places to live, she just had c a baby and I’m sure she wants the space back.


She can do for herself from now on her baby is three months old that’s plenty of time

All these comments saying to find housing, apply for housing, you all have never had to do that before have you? There is an extensive waiting list in most places, if she would even qualify. Shelters are full and can’t take anyone else, and we are going into winter which makes it that much harder.

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As hard as it may be in the beginning, you need to remove yourself and your children from that situation. And probably not deal with her at all. I am in the process of not dealing with my narcissist mother as little as possible. I’m just sick of being drained by it, and dealing with it. It’s been 37vyears and I’m done, and even though I still have to deal with her a little bit, bc I am her landlord, it is so relieving to not deal with all tha stuff from her in the way I used to before!
Call for resources as others have suggested. Just get the process started. It will be better all around for you and your kids, even though it will be hard in the beginning. Best of luck to you!

  1. Save your money and find something else anything else!

  2. Stop helping her ungrateful tale or tell her she has to watch your kids also!

  3. She is u grateful and entitled


Could you go get on assistant and get rent assistance for an apartment for you and your kids?

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I’m not sure if you are paying rent there but seems like if you are not and make no mistake, they are your kids so you have to provide for them in one way or another. If that means helping out extra, or helping her watch her kids and that’s how you pay your rent and keep a roof over your heads, it sounds like a fair trade. Maybe you need to sit down with her and say I want to understand what I’m trading for rent. Let’s list what is expected in Lou of rent so there are not misunderstandings. It’s not easy to have someone in your home. I think she is right. Her relationship isn’t anyone else’s business.

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Maybe try to get help with rent ND move out bc it’s not fair for u or ur kids

This may not be idle but maybe buy a camper ND move to a campground it’s not gonna be space but least u will be away from your sister ND it would be a roof over y’all’s head bc the way the world is going that’s probably what alot of ppl are gonna have to do

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Register with your State’s Child Support Enforcement Bureau to get baby-daddy involved in helping with finances. Once you register they make sure he is paying; you don’t have to -
Search out all means of Gov’t help - low rent - utilities, etc.
You are an adult with children now - you will ease much stress if you are in your own place.
Too, if you have any sort of religious senses, get involved in a good church. You will often find the most loving people; especially ‘grandmothers’ who would love to help you and give you an occasional break with child care :wink:

Girl my sisters and I don’t even communicate…but it’s for my own sanity and safety and to protect my kids and family…but this just seems like you said something that prob hit home but also may have brought some light to an issue in there marriage or he may think she is bad mouthing him to you and you took it upon yourself to say something…my sister use to tell me about her ex that would beat her and call her names and was just horrible …me and him got into it one day he called her a bitch cow in my home and I went off …she begged me to stop and said she would get in more trouble at home…and she stopped talking to me because he said too… because he didn’t like me coming at him because I’m a women and needed to know my place or whatever…so you may have stirred stuff up without realizing it and got some issues going on for them because of you…so your booted out of there relationship/life…my sister delt with it for almost 4 yrs and finally got the nerve to leave with their son when he was in jail but she is yet again in another relationship where she vents and tells everyone how horrible he is but won’t leave in fact she married him…lost her kids and they have been adopted and its pathetic honestly…but your sister was prob fine just doing what’s needed and keeping the peace and just not saying anything… I do it alot…and you out a target on an issue in there marriage people don’t like that…but maybe take some time to apologize for over stepping to the BOTH of them that there marriage and relationship is not your business because it’s not… I choose not to be around my sister’s… between them all being on meth…or in relationships that I won’t or can’t speak up about or bites me in the ass with cps involvement when I do speak up is just not worth it…but if you want to mend your relationship with your sister… apologize to them both…and shut your mouth on what they should or shouldn’t be doing for the other… their relationship their business…I never over stepped unless it was in my home but I learned that wasn’t appreciated and so I just don’t allow them or their behavior at my home…but think about it if someone out the blue told your man to this or that in front of everyone would you not have a problem… be understanding and be the bigger person and apologize if you want…

If I were you, I would find a way out. You have children. Is their father involved? If not, I’d be applying for child support on him, that’s extra income and helps you raise your children. I would be applying for medical assistance, food stamps, child care assistance, rental assistance… whatever you can apply/qualify for. Considering you’re living in someone’s basement, technically, you’re homeless and staying with family. I’m not sure what state you’re in or what resources there are, but here in MD, we have the department of social services, which helps with food stamps and child care, community action council helps with rental assistance… they will set you up with a landlord, help you with 1st months rent and security deposit. They also help with energy assistance for electric. Maryland Health Connection helps with medical/dental/vision insurance. There have to be similar resources in your area. Quietly check into them and make a plan to get out of there. The whole situation is going to wreak havoc on not only your mental health, but your children’s as well. She is your sister. She should want to help you, not use and abuse you!

Pretty sure there’s a good solution to this. Move out of her space if you don’t like looking after her kids, cleaning up after her and her attitude. Get your own place.

I would look for low income housing and get out of where you are immediately.

Ppd. she needs help and you shouldn’t have thrown her husband under the bus in front of everyone. Not your place at all. Also tell her if you get your own babysitter she can do the same and simply stop letting her boss you around. You are your own person and make your own decisions.