How do yall deal with a a sibling being so judgmental? The guy I’m seeing has made mistakes in his past, I’ve known him for 14 very very long years, my sister and her husband are so judgmental, they make me feel awkward by the way they act towards him and I know it makes him feel awkward, she’s always texting my mom asking if me and him are together just being in my business but if I try to allow her to be my friend and talk to her about stuff she runs and tell anybody who has a set ears and will listen…. hes very very good too me, he doesnt have a job at this second because hes a felon and is having s hard time finding a job, but he does more for me relationship wise than any man ive been with and i cant stand that everybody looks at his tattoos, and his record and just labels him like hes the worst person in the world and it makes me feel bad because they treat him weirdly….
I was once considered the judgemental sister in my group of 5 girls. But after a 20 year track record of never being wrong about a guy, they now ask my input. Idk your sister specifically, but if she loves you and made a good choice of a husband and the husband is also warning you I would say to at least take what they’re saying into account. If two people who love you and are successful at a Commited relationship are saying beware, keep an open mind.
“He doesn’t have a job, because he’s a felon” You wonder why your sister isn’t supportive? She’s worried about you. He could get a job if he wanted to, he just sounds like he doesn’t want one. With that said, if you really love him and want this relationship, then who cares what anyone thinks about it. You’re the one in it, not anyone else. If she’s not supportive about him and she tells everyone things you say to her about him, stop sharing information about him. A relationship has 2 people, nobody else needs to know your business, keep it to yourself.
I don’t know this guy, so I can’t say if you’re right or wrong, but I will say this sounds like a new relationship. If you were close to your sister before, listen to her concerns and tread carefully. Don’t let infatuation make you blind. People’s true colors do not shine in the first few months or even the first few years.
My husband was in jail and has face tattoos. He has a full time job and doesn’t have any problems with finding a job because of his past and tattoos. Has he tried moving companies, restaurants in the back, landscaping?? But when it comes to family I would cut all ties with how toxic they sound… it will make life so much easier for you and your relationship
Young one, seriously your family and friends are not to be ignored they are looking out for your best interest- HOWEVER- it’s not your job to justify him - he needs to step up - as much time he’s spent getting into trouble (in the past:relieved:) it’s going to take to set it right. Trust n believe it can be done - it also sounds like you are more worried about what “they think” - stop - put distance between you. If you don’t like the way you are be treated - don’t put yourself there. I’ve watched many, many young men go through this - he needs to do it not you - Felons have resources out there - they just got to do the foot work. As for you - if this love is right - back it’s action. But also remember Love goes both ways - accountability,responsibility, trust, loyalty are the foundation of a good relationship and is made stronger with good communication and understanding.
Well at least you have a sister and a family who cares. I would be grateful for them for being vocal and upfront about their opinions. You should really get to know this guy first because sometimes we are blinded by our feelings over the reality…
Lots of places hire felons. Sounds like an excuse to not work 
My older sisters are protective of me. (Some of them are also gossiping crap talkers…) But the making y’all awkward thing and such I don’t think is really them trying to be malicious. They are just worried. They want to make sure you are going to be doing ok and seeing his background, not working, tattoos… Yes they are being a bit judgemental but also protective because some of those things CAN be red flags. Still talk to your sis but don’t give her info you wouldn’t want others to know as you know she will blab, but also, just sit her down and thank her for her concerns but just reassure her you are doing ok and not unsafe, that if you ever feel unsafe you will make sure to take the proper steps and you’ll let her know.
Sounds like you have a sister that cares about you and your future. It also sounds like you are in lala land with this guy and can’t see past it…yet.
My dad was a felon in the 80s and he’s one of the best people I know. He was always honest about mistakes he’d made and worked hard to put that all behind him, got clean and provided for us, and in the rare instances that he would raise his voice he’d always apologize after half an hour. Everyone deserves a second chance if they’re willing to work for it.
Honestly, it depends on what he did… if she has the right to judge. If he did anything to children for instance… judge the f out of that and try everyday to break you up… if he hurt ANYONE ELSE…same.
If he was a bank robber and changed his ways… then no. It depends on what he did… that’s a huge factor.
People may not like this comment…but my opinion
I’m sorry your having difficulty accepting your sister for who she is but the being “judgemental” seems lesser than the “runs and tells anyone who has ears”, thats messed up and you should distance from that first,
They’re just looking out for you to be honest. I would be extremely worried about my sister’s judgement in dating someone who isn’t stable and expecting life to work out for her. It doesnt work that way. Until he gets his shit together and prove he’s worthy of you I would have a hard time accepting that too cause I know my sisters deserve better than that. In the end when he leaves you with kids and all alone, the only ones who will have you’re back will be your sister and family. You may be in the “honeymoon” stage of your relationship but girl, be real with yourself. Be mad all you want but they aren’t the ones who will be going through the struggle. You will.
Did you guys have a good relationship prior to your bf? She could just be looking out for you. Either way, She can have an opinion but ultimately it’s your life. Distance yourself from her and anyone else who you feel isn’t being supportive but if things turn out they are right, expect an “I told you so” if they did have your best interests.
I have 3 older sisters. The one closest to my age is a judgemental, narcissistic bitch who has abused and judged me my entire life. I always, always felt insignificant and below her. I finally had to get her out of my life. Zero contact. I have no regrets. Was always afraid that EVERYTHING I did she would judge and look down on…I just turned 56 in Nov. Got my first tattoo (I already have 4 now!) And last month got my nosed pierced. She judged and hated everyone I ever dated. I married my college friend and we’ve been married 20 years and have 2 teens. I guess she was wrong anout him, too.
Live your own life. Don’t let them dictate your happiness. Im not saying you have to do what I did, but maybe try some distance and see what happens.
This is hard post to give an honest opinion on. We have no idea what his past is other than a felon. Was he kid that done something stupid vs child molester for example, but that being said. If you’re over 21 you’re old enough to make your own decisions. If she wants to be in your life she has to accept your choices. If she wants you to speak to her openly then tell her stuff that doesn’t matter if she repeats but, if you don’t want something shared then don’t share it. Be open and frank with her and let her know your expectations. She has the choice to accept or not, but you also have the choice to accept her behaviour or not and what to share and not share
Ignore her comments about him as much as possible. Just don’t talk about him around her, and if she starts talking badly about him then get up and leave. Put your foot down and be honest with her and let her know how you feel and tell her that she is being extremely disrespectful.
Just sit him down and ask him if he is going to be able to look after his family… ( if you want kids ) if you are going to be a sahm and he is going to be the bread winner he need to be able to support you and the kids.
As for his record sone decisions in life follow you around for the rest of your life and some can’t handle that.
And lastly if you do chose this man dont let anyone else enter your relationship… it’s you and him not anyone else so that means don’t go asking your mum for advise or anything. If he already finds it awkward around your family you will most lily be forced to chose between him and them so make your chose wisely.
Tell her God is the only judge that truly matters and she’s not God!
Sounds like he is giving excuses to not work. He can find a job.
youre too old to be living pleasing others…you are grown up when you stop that
Yeah…I’m pretty sure it’s the No job😆
Depending on the felony jobs should not be asking. But I know of many felons that have jobs. If it has been some time that he has not been working then I would see this as a red flag too. Of course he is going to make you feel some type of way. He has no job and probably is staying with you. Guys will whisper all the sweet nothings into your ear when they need a place to stay and something to eat.
if it’s been a while since he had a job I would say he doesn’t want one. Be careful of moochers Some guys like it when women support them. But ultimately it’s only your business. No one else. I would not just throw my family away but I would keep a distance. Because if your relationship fails then it’s good if you have family to help you out
Sooooo… he’s a Hobo-sexual? Your sister has a reason to be worried. I know plenty of felons with tattoos and they all have jobs. Of course you think he’s the best things ever, as a Hobo-sexual he knows he has to love bomb you to get you to pay for his rent and buy him food.
People hire felons everyday first off. They think he’s not man enough to be with you and they’re probably right.
They’re worried about you. Do you have kids?? It sounds like you might have a type, I t’s time to do a 180*. Don’t let a new one around the kids for a long time. I think you’re rationalizing it to convince yourself. This rarely turns out well.
Is that judgmental? I would be judgmental as well. I feel like most sisters would be
He’s pathetic so is his excuses
What his conviction(s) were for play a HUGE part in this…and you’ve conveniently left that info out 
Your sister seems to be looking out for your Future, while you are not. 
Of course he’s treating you better because he wants to live off of you, you’re probably supporting him.
I mean, you’re both adults-for your sister to be so invested it just kind of gives me the impression she’s not happy in her own life and clearly very bored, too much time on her hands.
I’m different than my sister. She dates felons and I do not. I have tattoos. Guys I’ve dated has tattoos. If they’re not working, has no license and a record. I look at my sister with one brow up. But at the end of the day. I know it’s her choice and her life. I’m the baby sister. The one I’m speaking of is a year and a half older than me. So in this situation I’m the sister you’re talking about. We do this because we believe you can do better. But on a serious note. How he treats you is what matters. We’re still going to talk. That’s not going to change anything. Time is what changes things. If he sticks around, your sister will see that he is alright even with his history. I’ve never seen one of my sisters boyfriends treat her right. The day I do, I’ll be happy about it and hush. I know it makes you upset that your sister talks. If she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t have her opinions. That’s exactly what it is, an opinion. It’s how you feel about your man that matters most. Like I said, in time if he is a good man, your sister will see and all will be well.
Love is blind , but your neighbors aren’t…your sister is actually looking out for you
I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I have a track record and I’m now eight years sober. I’ve also been the sister who has been judgmental of my sister’s boyfriend who ultimately got her killed. He was nothing but trouble and she had no self-worth and didn’t know how to walk away and now she’s dead. I’m not saying that’s with every situation but a sisters intuition is usually correct. If you know your sister to be a genuine and kind person, she’s probably just worried about your well-being. If she’s always been a gossiper, well, she’s probably just doing what she does best. This is not a white or black situation.
In today’s world, life is hard financially. They want you to lead a reasonably good life. His back ground his not an issue. The fact that he won’t be able to assist financially meaning you will be the bread winner is not something anyone would wish for their sister /daughter so look on that point as well.
It’s not that they minding your business. They see a life of hard work for you. You won’t feel it now. On the long run it does get tireing and you will turn to them for financial help.
Harsh as this may sound… Love don’t pay the rent nor buy food. Both essential. To lead a reasonable standard of life.
Is the judgment based on the fact that he has some violent sort of past, addiction issues, he’s just an AH!!!..… to answer this question it depends on his past. I firmly believe people can change…… however some things are more likely to revisit a new life especially when it comes to violent behavior. So you know the details…… take a step back and look through non rose colored lenses. Addictions can be managed…. For me and my personal life experience…… violent people (unless in pure self defense) will always become violent again. My two cents.
You only have one life
It’s your decision
That’s called love bombing. Get out. You deserve better. No job? A felon? No thank you.
I need more information about why he’s a registered felon before I pass any kind of judgement.
Step 1. Stop telling your sister anything if you don’t want it getting around. You know she’s a gossip so why tell her sh!+?
Step 2. He needs get a job. There are places out there that give felons a second chance, he’s just gotta look.
It sounds like you just don’t want judgement? Or everyone knowing you’re with him? If that’s the case things aren’t likely to work because keeping your relationship private is a good way to isolate yourself from people like your sister and will just forget their assumptions about him. Be open about your relationship, but don’t over share or explain. Hear them out, do they actually have reasons or not. If they just want to know to gossip then leave them be.
He’s a felon without a job. So he’s using you to support him. Your sister knows you can do better & hoping you will.
Why do you need their approval? Do they rule you? Does your happiness depend on how they feel? If you are doing this because you want to prove them wrong… that is… well stupid. If you choose him you choose him. If this works out wonderful. You will have a great story to tell your grandchildren. Please do not do anything to try to prove them wrong. You are your story and the ending is written by you!
Him being a felon isn’t the reason he doesn’t have a job. What could he possibly be doing for you “relationship wise” if he can’t provide anything? Or do you mean how he makes you feel, or that he does more with you than anyone before? Because he’s got nothing but time. No offense. People are probably not judging him by his past, but by who he is right now.