My sister told me she had an affair and I don't know how to take it

I’m having a hard time. My sister told me she had an affair on her almost perfect husband. I mean he worships her and has always been there for her their child and our family. No matter what. The reason being communication and growing apart. Yet she never told him this. She tried counseling while still in contact with the guy she was seeing. She says she just misses the guy so much but never left my bro in-law just wasted his time, with him thinking counseling was helping them when she didn’t feel it was. He is willing to forgive and make it work and work on the issues he knows about now. But she says it’s suffocating and weird. Tht the connection isn’t the same with this new guy, isn’t aways all love and perfect in the first stages. I don’t know how to support her when I think she lost her mind. If my hubby did 1/4 of what this guy does and is willing to do my marriage would be :100: different and better. I don’t think she realizes what she is losing and the impact on her child and what if it blows up in her face and she regrets it. This guy was supposedly cheated on but yet he did it to her husband what devastated him. She says he respects her but how is that when he crossed a line with a married woman even if she wanted it. Ugh I’m all over the place with emotions. Not to add it sounds like instead of figuring herself out she wants to move in with this guy right away.


Just another perspective, but I was in a marriage for 8 years and to the outside world my husband seemed like a doting perfect husband that would do anything for me…at home was another story and eventually yeah I met someone who treated me better and I felt like a new person. She should have ended it as soon as she felt something for anyone else as that love is obviously gone. Staying will just delay the inevitable. Be supportive of your sister and her child but let her know she needs to be CLEAR with the husband and not lead him on if it’s over move on.


At this point it’s better just to stay completely out of their marriage but support your niece to the fullest! Spend time with her, love on her, and just be there for her!


Opening one door before you close another is a dangerous game to play. She should have ended the affair completely and put her whole focus on her Marriage and then if things were still not working out end the marriage and move on properly. Her husband does sound like a decent guy but she’s lacking something if she’s searching outside her marriage. And he might not be able to give her that even if he seems so great. It’s sad to see family’s fall apart with little effort to salvage them. It almost feels like someone passed away. Just stay neutral in it all and hope whatever she chooses works out in the end.

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It’s her life. My husband was a good guy to everyone but me. So I can see how you may think he’s perfect but you didn’t live with him so you can’t really say what it was like when nobody else is around. It’s her life so let her live it. You focus on you!!!

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It’s really a tough one. But she will have to learn on her own. Grass isn’t always greener on the other side!

I can see why you’re trying to help, but let her make her own decisions. Don’t talk about what she did even if she brings it up change the subject. Support both 50/50 as it’s their marriage they can handle it how they want. Me being cheated on and actually divorced for a couple years and reunited w that person we came to fix things to give it another try for our kids but also because as humans we make mistakes I’m not condoning it or saying I’m okay with it bc yes gaining that trust back w the partner is super hard but them as humans and adults let them figure it out don’t get stuck in the middle. They’ll figure it out.


These are her decisions to make. If she’s not happy and doesn’t want to work on things that’s her decision. I’d stay out of it. Sometimes you choose happiness over history, I don’t agree with what she did but she has every right to leave. And she’s probably having a lot of mixed emotions and she’s hurting him in the process. She’s wrong for that. The only thing I would do at this point is let my brother in law know that he will always be welcome and family. He probably needs to hear that. Hopefully he’ll heal and find a better person for him.


Let her learn the hard way. Husband deserves better.


Not your business! Not your place! Not your relationship!!! You see one side, you don’t see, hear, feel behind that closed door! Husband is perfect as you say but there’s a reason your sister strayed, and feels how she feels even if it’s for a small insignificant reason. It’s not your marriage. Love and be there for your sister that is your job.

Sometimes looking at someone’s else’s marriage looks pretty good ,but she’s saying she isn’t happy. Your loyalty is to your sister. Good luck


Encourage her to be honest with him, but in the end, you’re her sister, not his. Then remove yourself from the situation it’s none of your business

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I would suggest you stay out of it. My sister is doing the same and I chose to stay out of it. Yes, I’ll lend an ear if she needs to talk but otherwise I don’t wanna be involved.

No matter how perfect a marriage appears to be on the outside, you’ll never know what goes on inside when the doors are closed. Yes, cheating is wrong but your sister told you because she needs your love, not your judgment. Your job is to love her, not tell her how horrible she is. Let her know that you feel her behavior is wrong but love her anyway. You can’t fix someone else’s marriage but you can love your sister without loving what she’s doing.


Honestly, no matter what you say or do it doesn’t mean she will even take the advice. I know you want to help her and be there for her, but she may not even care. She did this herself. She made the bed, now she has to sleep in it. I would just be there for your niece. She gonna need you more now than ever, knowing what her mom has done. She is a grown woman she will learn on her own. It may all blow in her face, but that is on her not you. I hope if you do talk to her, she will listen to your advice. But I doubt it. I would just be there for your niece and that’s it, and the brother. He may need support more than her.

Cheating is wrong no matter how you spin it, but if she’s not happy it’s her decision to move on. Just because you think he’s perfect doesn’t mean she has to love him.


Just mind your business. It’s her personal relationship . Maybe he ain’t as great as you think , home alone with someone people could be very different.

Take your feelings about her husband and put them aside. If your sister is voicing that she’s not happy in her marriage, maybe tell her to leave it. If you feel so terrible tell the husband everything and let things run their course.


She dug her own grave. Let her lay in it and stay out of their personal matters. Love the baby and remain natural with both. They have to work it out…good, bad or other.


Honestly,she made her bed and now she cal lay in it.Your brother in law deserves so much better.

It sounds like you’re secretly in love with your sister’s husband. What happened to loyalty? You have no clue what’s actually happening behind closed doors. How would your husband feel knowing you speak about your sister’s husband this way and even put him above your own husband? You need to be humbled and quick.


It’s a hard spot to be in. Encouraging honesty is the best thing here. She’s lying to herself, disrespecting him and wasting everyone’s time.


Tell BIL he has the right to know and make his own decision.

Mind your business …it’s not your life.

I think you just take it as she confided in you and that’s it. It’s her life and if she asks for advice tell her what you think. Marriage is hard and cheating is never the answer but I do see how it can happen in marriages. Maybe she is having a mid life crisis.


Not your problem, let her deal with it. She made her bed, she had to lay in it. Tell her how you feel about it, but be there for the kid

The grass is never greener on the other side. Water your own grass and make it grow.

I’m so sorry this got dropped in your lap. My best wishes to you in how you handle this. I wish I had some advice to give you, except I’d stay out of it. You poor thing. Hugs!!


It will only end in tears. Sad, but she will learn the Hard Way.

Mind your business just because you see it as almost perfect doesn’t make it so


She’s gonna have to learn on her own. These are her choices. And choices have consequences. I can guarantee you, she will not listen to reason coming from anyone. She has her mind made up already.

You see things one sided. You don’t know what goes on in their home. Therefore you can only have an opinion and that’s it. I know plenty of people that seem to be “perfect”, but in reality are far from it. They don’t have to be together for him to be a great father. Her marriage shouldn’t be anyone’s concern but her own. If she isn’t happy then let her go find it elsewhere. Think you need to focus on fixing whatever you find is wrong with your own before trying to give someone advice to stay in a loveless one.


Focus on supporting her husband as he gets rid of this trash

So if she doesn’t love him there is no point. The child will be fine if they split . She will have to consider what she is giving up but it’s her decision/ mistake to make .


So….this is a very unfortunate situation. It makes me sad to hear all of this. I’m not saying she’s right for her decisions. Cheating is wrong, however maybe some things have happened that you don’t know about. I know personally, I usually keep what happens in my marriage to just me. I don’t tell anyone except maybe my best friend sometimes whatever it is going on. So just keep that in mind. But with that being said, I would honestly try to stay out of it which is easier said than done I know but unfortunately I don’t think there’s anything you can do on your end. If it were me and what was being told to me was bothering me, I would either try to redirect the conversation to something else or just be honest with her and tell her you don’t want to talk about it because you don’t agree with what she is doing. Your feelings are valid but I don’t think there’s any other solution to this. Sending lots of love your way and I’m sorry this has been emotionally draining and frustrating for you. I can definitely see why. It is a very sad situation.

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This isn’t any of your business. Don’t get involved, this is between a married couple. Do you have her permission to share her private business on social media?


My first wife cheated on me. I forgave her and she did it again and again. Strike 3 and I left. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If a person is not happy with themselves or their marriage, they will continue to look for what they think is missing

Cheating never ends well even if she goes off with the new guy. Sadly there is not much you can do about it other than listen but it seems to me this is stressing you out so maybe tell her to talk to her therapist about it and not you.

None of your business, retreat from the situation.


If it was flipped and you knew he was cheating on her would you say anything? :thinking:

I’d tell her I’m sorry but I don’t respect her decisions and don’t really want to hear about it.

She made her bed. Let her lie in it :woman_shrugging:t3:

You can’t force someone to love someone else no matter how ‘perfect’ they seem. Also no one is perfect. You don’t know how things were behind closed doors. If they’ve grown apart then there is not the same love there, nothing in common, no interest. You can’t force and push that. Yes she should’ve said or left earlier, but it’s done. They’ve tried by going counselling but it has t worked, but you just be there to support her in how she moves forward. I get it’s upsetting if her husband is a lovely guy and you feel sorry for him but this is not your marriage nor battle to work through. I’m not sure why you’re ‘all over the place with emotions’ unless you have a certain amount of feelings towards him??


Support your SISTER. Let her know what yiu said here but remember your LOYALTY is to her.


Let her enjoy the karma she got coming if he will cheat with her he will cheat on her .


mind the business that pays ya. She will learn. Stay out of other folks relationships.

This sucks, cheating is wrong. I wouldn’t be supportive on that and refuse to discuss it or be part of it but unfortunately her husband may seem perfect to you but you don’t know if he’s neglecting her in other ways not that it’s an excuse just you don’t know. Your sister is completely in the wrong and should leave if she can’t be loyal.


You got a crush on ya sister husband :woozy_face:


Talk to your sister could be inside issue just let her know your there for her an your neice regardless of the situation between her an husband.

The way YOU talk about her husband is weird as heck. You don’t know their marriage details. Stay out of it.

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Let you sister learn her lessons the hard way . She will indeed regret this . But this is her path and her karma to face. I’d stay outta of it n probably put some space between us seems like yall have moral and ethical differences…

Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. He’s not perfect nobody is. All though If she’s not happy she needs to leave. The affair was totally wrong but You can’t force love. You want her to stay with this guy just because he’s a good guy?? I would stand behind my sister in what ever choice she made.

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Stay out of it. This is her deal, not yours.

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tbh it’s not your biz so stay out of it… you don’t see everything in their relationship, stay in your lane…

Mind your own business you too invested like you’re interested in her husband

You should mind your own business , her marriage is not your problem , if her husband was so perfect she would not have cheated on him , not saying that cheating is right , what I’m saying is that we never truly know what a marriage is inside the doors

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You can’t do anything but be honest with her about how you feel. I’d definitely tell her to be honest with her husband and get a divorce so they both can move on than to drag him and the child on in this big lie. It will destroy her in the end. No one who cheats with you will ever truly respect you. Its just not how it works.

End of the day it’s her life. She’s free to mess it up as much as she likes. There’s really nothing for you to do but listen and talk to her. Be there for her kids.

Do not get involved any deeper than listening to your sister and offering advice. That’s your sister so you definitely don’t go saying anything to her husband about any of it. All you shoukd do is encourage her to be honest with her husband but don’t you go jumping in their marriage. Just because you think he is perfect and just oh so great and amazing doesn’t mean he really is. People fall out of love sometimes. She’s literally telling you she’s not happy with him and her feelings are valid. You have no idea what really goes on behind closed doors. It doesn’t really matter what you think she should do or what she’s messing up. It’s her life to do so. She sounds like a selfish little girl but that’s her business. Not yours. Just encourage her to do the right thing and offer solid advice if she asks but otherwise mind your own. She made her bed so she can lay in it when everything crumbles under her lies. If it were anyone else besides a sibling or bff, I would say to tell the husband but you really just can’t cross that line with your sister. It’s a really tough spot for her to have put you in. She never should have done that. But still just stay out of it. And stop idealizing HER marriage and HER husband. He’s obviously not that perfect or she wouldn’t be looking for attention from someone else. He might be a nice guy but maybe he’s not meeting her needs. Stop comparing your man to her man. Obviously it’s not that great if she’s out cheating on him and looking to get divorced. Focus on your own marriage. Stop worrying about your sister. You can only do what you can do. You can only control yourself. You can’t fix this or level tbe playing field for ger husband. There’s nothing you can do that will make her see your view. Let her live her life how she wants and just be there for her when she needs you. She’s gotta live and learn.

Your best bet is to stay totally out of it, don’t get into any conversations,you have nothing to say good bad or ugly,.

If the two of them are cheating on spouses now, they will do it on each other sooner or later . Once a cheater always a cheater .

Sounds like her problem. Not yours.

I would tell her, if she isn’t happy in her marriage then she should get a divorce. Don’t try talk her into staying, why stay with someone you don’t love?

If he cheats with you he will cheat on you. Grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Just be there for her children but let her find out the hard way.


I agree that it is her life but there is a child to consider here. I’m not saying stay for the child if she is that miserable in her marriage, but she should at least take into consideration what effect it will have on the child to move in with another man!

Your poor brother in law. There is 100% NEVER an excuse to cheat, full stop.

I would not be able to support my sister her her choices. I would just be there for her kids. Because from experience this is going to hurt like hell

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Wow your sister sounds like a POS


How rude of her to unload this on you. The new guy has mistress advantage. He doesn’t have to talk about the bills or the house or the dog or how hard work is. He has no responsibility but to give her a hug and lie in her ear. A lot of time the other man’s grass is greener because bullshit is a good fertilizer. She wants an ali in her deception, Tell her to keep her infidelity to herself.

Go along with it. People get a kink out of sneaking around.

Sounds like OP has a thing for her brother in law tbh. Like this whole thing is weird. It’s not your business?? It’s literally not your relationship. Why are you comparing your BIL to your husband?? And you don’t know what their actual relationship is like, if she doesn’t have feelings for the guy and they’ve tried counseling and she said it isn’t working… then it’s not fucking working. If she wants to leave her husband, that’s HER business and HER choice, not yours. And it sounds like he’ll be able to find someone who is a better fit for him this way. Stop obsessing over it like you get a say in other people’s relationship and focus on your own.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Honestly I’d tell the husband. He deserves to know the truth and make a choice instead of sitting there like a fool thinking counseling is working. If you don’t tell him and when he eventually does find out and finds out you’ve known this whole time, you’ll be blamed to. Your sister can’t have her cake and eat it too. No one who treats you well deserves to have that being done to them. Only shitty people cheat and shitty people don’t get to live happily while the good suffer :woman_shrugging: sorry not sorry but thats my opinion

Honestly I can’t be around people like that, family or no. And I def wouldn’t be trying to help her figure out her own shit. No thanks.

So, I’d leave it alone and mind my business. And I wouldn’t talk to her about it either, bc it sounds like she wouldn’t take any advice she would be given anyway.

Not your circus! Love your sister stay away from drama

Tell your sister you want nothing to do with her personal life anymore it’s none of your business keep it to yourself

Tell her to her husband or you will… No one deserves to be cheated on, and even worse have others know about it and not tell him…

It’s none of your concern

I would distance yourself from the situation. Tell your sister you don’t agree with the conduct and tell her to piss or get off the pot. If she is not happy go ahead and make herself so but don’t destroy a man with years of lies. Its not your place to expose her but it is your right to not associate.

House Devil, Street Angel
Mind your own marriage lady. Maybe leave yours and get with him. You don’t know what she has lived through. Who needs sisters like you? You probably don’t know the HELL she goes through because you are too judgemental for her to come to as a sister. I hope she divorces you too. :roll_eyes:

Let her live and learn. Just because it looks greener on the other side doesn’t mean it’s real grass :woman_shrugging:. Hopefully your BIL takes custody of the children for now. If she wants to go lay up with some guy she barely knows and is willing to destroy her own family then that’s on her.


Your sister and this guy have no respect for anyone or they would not have done what they’ve done.
I feel bad for your bil because I know what it’s like to put :100: in and still be cheated on by a person that didn’t deserve my love and effort.
As for you… you have to decide if you want to keep your mouth shut for the sake of the children involved and your relationship with your sister or not.

You never truly know what goes on behind closed doors.

Tell her to tell her hubby or break of the marriage completely. If she isn’t going to confess and keep her hubby that’s crapy behaviour and not good for your own mental health. You will undoubtedly se him again and you will just feel terrible,
Women are funny if this was the other way around everyone would be saying … “ tell her she deserves to know “

Throw that b under the bus wtf

I hate to see women and men take advantage of their good spouses. I say she’ll regret it if she will ended up going with that guy. She doesn’t know her husband is one of the man some women are praying for.

I would never want any of you as sisters or friends. WE DONT SUPPORT SHADY FUCKING BEHAVIOR. Period. I don’t care if it’s my own mother fucking sister, I’m telling her husband and I’m telling her how shitty she is. Yall are fake

You sound a little jealous.


Mind your business and stay out of it.
People like that have to learn things the hard way

Sounds like a not your problem thing.

If she cheated she was lacking something. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you BIL just that she was seeking something he wasn’t giving her. Plenty of good people are cheated on everyday, it isn’t right but it’s life. If she isn’t happy she should leave. Trying to force her to stay because YOU think she should is ludicrous. For one, she’ll just continue to be unfaithful. For two, that’s a toxic situation for a child, like it or not kids know when their parents are miserable together. But most of all, it is her decision, not yours. It’s hard to see good people hurt, but it’s her choice not yours. She’ll either go and build a life she loves, or she’ll go and realize he mistake(possibly too late) either way it’s her life to figure out. Stay out of it. You can be there and support her without condoning her actions.

You need to tell your brother in law,he needs to keep any children with him and kick your sister out and he needs to go for custody of the children

She’s acting selfish and I would remind her of where your loyalties are. I would be making it clear to her that you love her but you have to call her out on her bullshit and you need to be there to protect her child. That’s who she should be focused on.

This is pretty normal for a married woman :man_shrugging:t4:

I’m not sure what your questions is. Maybe I missed it. What is it you are asking? Your sister told you something in private, as family does and you leave it at that. If you don’t like how you feel, then tell her she can’t talk to you about it anymore. But either way, MYOB, and live your life

First off, quit trying to blame the other man. This is on your sister. Also, what you see doesn’t always reflect how people feel. There may be a disconnect between her and her husband. She needs to cut the other man out of her life completely if she wants it to work with her husband. If she doesn’t want it to work, she needs to let him go and move on. Whatever she does is not up to you.

Honestly, it sounds like you have a crush on your sister’s husband. You need to remember that your sister’s marriage isn’t your marriage and what happens behind their closed doors is their marriage. Your sister has her own thoughts and feelings and desires and no matter how perfect you may think her husband is, doesn’t mean he’s perfect for her. If she’s not in love with him there’s nothing you can do about that. You are allowed to feel however you want about the situation, but that’s where it ends because those are your own personal feelings and you need to remember that your sister has her own thoughts and personal feelings and those are what matter because she’s the one in the marriage. While you may think a divorce is devastating to the children, take a step back and think about how much more devastating it could be to them to grow up watching their mother in an unhappy relationship, teaching them that because everyone else thinks they should be happy they have to pretend. At the end of the day, she needs to do what’s best for her, even if it blows up in her face and the tower comes tumbling down-that’s how some people learn. Right now, she’s more than likely more infatuated with the feeling of feeling alive, doing something that she shouldn’t be doing. If their relationship started with cheating, it’s a statistic that it will end with cheating. Your sister isn’t doing herself any favors by not taking the counseling seriously. She’s got some things to unpack and maybe she’s suffering from PPD, lack of feeling wanted, feeling appreciated, feeling attractive and wanted by her husband and if those issues aren’t addressed, then yeah, she’s going to have troubles in any relationship. Be as supportive as you can to both parties, but don’t pick sides, it will not end well and remember, your opinion on their marriage is based off your opinion of your marriage.

So you’re loyal to the BIL and your sister? You only know what you see. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Stay in your lane! :woozy_face:

Let her go. It not your monkey its not your circus! And if her husband is a great guy hes needed else where with someone who can equally meet those standards, its just not your sister. She is no longer in love with him hence why she has moved on. Support the husband it will hurt like hell at first and then he will move on and find someone who will love him and appreciate him.