My situation is a mess, what should I do?

I live in Michigan and I'm going to the social security officer for my baby's social security number. I need this for my case worker. I've became so overwhelmed with bills I applied for assistance. The problem is this whole pregnancy was a mistake. My husband and I had a threesome with his coworker. I started having feelings for the coworker and my husband gave me the ok to be with him again. That's when I got pregnant. Because I wouldn't terminate my pregnancy, my husband left me. He hasn't divorce me yet but he is still talks about it when he's financially stable. He left in March. The baby was born 10 weeks early in April. Now I have to provide the biological father's name for the food assistance and I'm scared about child support. My husband will fight me on it because the kids we do have because he takes them overnight on Tuesday and I have them the rest of the time. I feel bad for potentially putting the father at risk. We don't talk often, but I know he's under a lot of stress between his transition, moving his ex wife in whose an alcoholic but takes care of their kids, and working at a new job. I don't want to cause anyone trouble because I kept my baby. I'm thinking of dropping the assistance case to prevent trouble for the fathers. I don't know what to do. I need the help but don't want to make this a whole legal matter. What should I do?
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When applying for food stamps I was not told or asked about child support, nor was my child’s dad even brought up. The only time it got brought up was when I applied for cash assistance… if you apply for that, atleast in Texas, you’ll have to go through an office they refer you too & go after the dad for support.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My situation is a mess, what should I do?

To late legal matter. 1. Your husband will most likely be seen as the bio father because 1. You guys are married and 2. If the bio dad doesnt put his name on the birth certificate than its dna all in court bs. 2. Your husband knew the risks so did the other dude and you yall need to own up to it. The baby is innocent and they need to man up and do what’s right and not get away with bs. If u got kids to provide for they shouldn’t suffer because yall made a decision and ended up where you’re at

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Do right by your kids

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I doubt your husband gave you permission to have unprotected sex with this guy…smh. He’s definitely right to divorce you, I’d drop it because if they assume it’s him all he has to do is prove it isn’t anyways. And then you’ll be forced to put the real father.

You didn’t get pregnant by yourself the father needs to help

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Continue with the help . You need help for your kids they shouldn’t suffer . 2 your husband is actually responsible for other child . Until there’s a dna test done . I wouldn’t be feeling bad for the guys . they new what they were getting there selves into . Just like you did . They need to man up take responsibility. Just like you have to . Think of the kids do what’s right

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Well u didn’t get yourself into this mess by yourself and they both knew the risks of unprotected sex so obviously they can man up and support their children whether they want to or not. It’s not the children’s faults at all it’s your guys faults for starting the mess but don’t be punishing innocent children cause of it.

Maybe dont sleep with someone other than your husband. :roll_eyes: idiot

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Your life is a mess, first things first. Take the assistance because it’s not about you it’s about the kids. And secondly stop messing around.

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Don’t feel bad. Do what you have to do for your baby. But the men knew what they were doing. They need to man up. I’d be pissed if someone wanted me to get abortion that’s cold. If your husband didn’t want shit like this to happen then he should of never gave the ok. Just tell the other guy if your for sure its his. He may help but you won’t know unless u ask.

My goodness, who cares about them like that when they need to take care of their children. That’s the risk. In my state if youre married the father is who you’re married to unless paternity is established else how. Do the DNA and make sure who you think is the father is the father and do what you need to do to raise them. It’s not your fault your Stbx life is a mess. But the children can’t suffer for it.

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Get what your entitled too. You have to look after you and your children. All their problems are not your problems, he needs to do his part. You didn’t have a baby by yourself.

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You are doing it for the baby. Get what you need to provide for him/her

First thing first go get mentally evaluated :face_with_monocle:

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You should’ve applied for baby’s social security card in the hospital. All 3 of my kids were born in Michigan. It was part of the paperwork. I just got a card in the mail. You shouldn’t feel bad for the 2 men. Your husband gave you permission. The other man equally partisapated. They dont get passes on parenting because their lives are complicated. Yours is too, where’s your pass? Legally your husband is the father whether he wants that responsibility or not. He is on the bc now & will be charged child support. The only way out of it is for the biological father to take responsibility & your husband sign off his rights. They both have to agree. If bio wants to be responsible but your husband won’t sign off rights he remains the legal father. If your husband wants to sign off rights but the bio doesn’t want to be responsible husband remains responsible. Apply for help. Your kids need it. Don’t worry about the men. They each played their role. Let the chips fall as they may now.

FYI child support doesn’t really increase for more than 1 child with the same mom. Idk how many kids you have with your husband. I have 2 with my ex. He pays a whopping $2 for the second. If neither man really wants to be in this child’s life you might be best off leaving your husband as legal. Then later if you get married again ask him to sign off rights so your new husband can adopt.

DHS doesn’t want your child’s bio father’s info. He’s not legally responsible. They need the legal father’s info. Fill out the form with your husband’s info. Skip the date of conception part. All they really want is his name. You’re married. The other info doesn’t matter.

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If your husbands ex is an alcoholic your children don’t need to be around her. Do what’s right and ask for child support for your kids. Feeling sorry for your ex is not helping the kids. Grow up !

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I can’t believe you had a three some unprotected you are as bad as the father’s

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Get a DNA test and prove who the father is. That baby is not your husband’s responsibility. It’s your side piece

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Get the paternity test and go from there, the father helped create the baby and he can help care for him/her

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Wow !
:weary::woman_facepalming:t4::joy:
Ok, if you’re not gonna want to abort then at the very least be in some [email protected] birth control and or c0ndom​:woman_shrugging:t4::woman_shrugging:t4::laughing:wtf !
Seems like (to me) LOTS of people sleep with people as if they just KNOW they don’t have anything :dart::expressionless::bangbang:
Yooo, std’s aren’t like they use to be…it’s all kinds of sh!+ out here now. STD’s are very real.
Anyway, Imma digress a little.:joy:

Hey, did you know it’s year (40) since the first hiv/aids case was documented :rofl::sob:just a fun fact for ya​:wink:

Umm, does this coworker have a dang wife?!?!!!??:rofl:

This is batsh!+ crazy.!
I cannot beeeelieve you are not on birth control doin things like this.
Everything can’t be cured.:crying_cat_face::scream_cat::pouting_cat:
What if you had a baby and h3rpes​:weary::woozy_face: you know what, bye :v:t5::wave:t5:

Wtf?? It sounds like you and everyone else involved need to grow up. Just because you want to do something doesn’t mean you should your a mother. Do what you need to do for your kids.

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Where I live if your married when you have a baby the husband is automatically the father, biological or not and is financially responsible.

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Isn’t this supposed to be place people can come to for advice without judgement? I see so many rude comments on almost every post on this page. I personally no longer want to be a part of it! She made some bad choices? sure everyone does, how does bashing her bring value to your life? Think of that next time you want to be rude ( some of you) on that note if you need help girl get it! You don’t need to ask ransoms for advice you got this! Do what’s right for you and your child.

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Technically when married your husband is considered the father. My sister went through this when she was still married. She went through court for months and months to get it sorted out in Michigan

You need to do a DNA test. And depending on the state unfortunately your husband might be stuck cause you guys are married. But you need to do right by that baby and get a DNA test.

Take care of all your kids needs and if the only way is to put pressure on the men so be it. Takes 2 to tango. Kids shouldn’t have to pay.

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An unprotected threesome and your worrying about who gets the bill ? take a good long look at your kids and ask yourself who’s gonna be there for them if you take yourself out with a fatal std. protect your kids by protecting yourself

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Do the DNA test to see who the real father is

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Wtf did I just read.:woozy_face:

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Wtf I wouldn’t be feeling sorry for them there grown men

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You all knew what could happen when you got together. Too bad if he’s stressed. He shouldn’t have been with you if he was concerned about that. Get a dna test and put the father on support. Let’s focus on yourself and the kids.

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I’ll adopt the baby, problem solved!

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Stress…really…wasnt no stress involved when he stuck his penis in your vagina. Pregnancy happens when people have sex, he knew the risks. Do dna…amd get that support for the kids…and maybe some counseling for you. Its not about you, its about the kids and what they deserve.

Should probably do the dna :dna: test ma’am :joy:

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At this point it needs to be about the kids. What’s in their best interest?

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Tell them you was at a bar and you got roofied and don’t remember and don’t know who the father is

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First off there’s been a lot of “trouble”already caused. It sounds to me like you’ve been hurt a lot in life by men who have made you feel less than and if you stood up for yourself or did what was best for you they’d make you feel like the worst person in the world. I say this because all I see in your post is you making excuses for inexcusable men.

Don’t feel bad about the other man. If you were most of us readers and commenters seeing your post, I’m sure then you could understand how it sounds when trying to protect a man that didn’t use protection, didn’t mind if you got pregnant, hasn’t told his ex-wife and is moving her in claiming his reasoning is because she can watch their children?!? I really hope you’re smarter than that. Also, I don’t think putting her out there calling her an alcoholic is necessary.

Do not drop the assistance case. Cost of food, gas, clothes, rent, etc are only going to continue to become more expensive.

Legally your husband is the biological father at the time of your babies birth.

Also, if both of these loser men you were sleeping with feel that getting assistance is “causing trouble”, then I’m sorry you chose TWO losers who clearly have no respect or love for you nor do they care for your financial well being.

Your post is heartbreaking on many aspects. It sounds like you truly feel like you are ALL to blame and that’s so far from the truth.

You can do this mama. Be strong. Stop worrying about people who aren’t worrying about you. When you live that way you will see how much easier, happier, and peaceful your life will be.

Oh and put your soon to be ex husband on child support. If he is working and you’re home taking care of the children while he sees them one day a week and even if you do work there are many factors used when calculating child support. He should be financially responsible for the baby, until a DNA test is done.

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Surely the kids are nor even important than someone being a bit stressed. Get s dna test done get sorted and move on

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You play with fire you’re going to get burned :fire:

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You need to stop putting these men and there feelings before this poor baby plain and simple. You guys are all adults you knew what could happen and the risks and decided to do it anyways so buck the hell up and do what needs to be done for that innocent child. It’s not about ANY of you anymore and how you guys feel it’s about that baby and having what he or she needs in life. Quit putting men before your kids your a mom and they obviously don’t care as sad as that is……

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As adults you both new the possible outcomes of your actions. That baby and your other kids should come first before anything. If your husband left he should be paying support, if the other guy isn’t in the picture he should be paying support. They don’t get to just walk away because you chose to keep a baby that was conceived from a situation you all agreed to.

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Don’t feel bad for keeping your baby! They made a decision and they are not free from the consequences. Do what you need to!

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She is only tbinking about hersrlf not the baby.these 3some has gotten out of hand only the child will b the one it hurts

Here’s a concept… 50/50 custody. Time to buck up and do what’s best for your kids, not you.

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Poor kids now have to suffer because she wanted to have a good timid and not be responsible about it….

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Stop putting the men and their feelings above your children’s needs. They made those children as much as you did and they need to help and you need the assistance. Surely your children’s well being is more important than someone being “stressed” or “uncomfortable”. You’ve made a lot of mistakes already, don’t make this one, because your children will suffer.

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File for a paternity text

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Stop worrying about anyone else but you and your kids from now on. All three of you were willing participants in this throuple. Seek counseling for yourself. :blue_heart:

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Lol grow upp woman and do what you need to do with these kids

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I thought they automatically put the husband name as the father unless dna proves otherwise? Don’t let your “fun” ruin your relationship with that baby. It didn’t ask to be brought in this world.

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Well considering your married…stop playing house if you can’t take responsibility…and FUCKING lying to the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT…yall wonder why this system. Is fucked up…stop having unprotected sex

Women stop protecting men that don’t give a care for you!

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If he’s only taking the kids one night a week then you’re living rn with sole custody and need child support. That one night is “visitation.”

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So u would rather have hardship for u and the baby than to make the man responsible for his child?

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I’m sorry but no … these guys got in the bed knowing damn well the risks and they need to stand up and be men ! They spread their legs just the same! Stand your ground and get what is needed to help you raise this child. Screw what their stresses are ! You have the next 18 yrs of who knows what kind of stresses and one of them … the bio father absolutely needs to participate financially.

You get a DNA test and put the right fathers on support. Just cause your husband gets 1 overnight means support stops :woman_facepalming:. Be honest with your caseworker. Trust me
They’ve heard it all

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Pur your children before a man’s feelings. … Do what needs to be done

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Everyone in the situation was a consenting adult. You do what you have to to make ends meet. The programs and child support laws are there for a reason - feelings often take over logic in these instances.

Let child support/the court/public aid be the “bad guys” amd you do what you need to in order to provide for those kids and move forward.

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Legally your husband is that baby’s father until DNA proves otherwise. Get your assistance so you can care for your kids.

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Personally I’ve seen the unfair damage court ordered support can cause. As a mother I will never do that to my children’s fathers. I agree both parents should support the kids but come to an agreement outside of court. Allowing courts and the state into your family is just supporting the state

Stop and get your priorities together and not worry about the two men for a few. Since you’re married they will consider your husband the father. Go get a paternity test done that states otherwise and go from there on help. Good luck

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Legally your husband is the father

You weren’t alone in that bed. Go for the assistance.

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I mean….are you 1000% sure this other dude is the dad? Sleeping with him once or twice or am I reading it wrong? Was there no sexual contact between you and husband at this time? Do a paternity.

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DNA to get the real father to do his responsibility

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Always remember to put you and yours first! :heart: screw anyones feelings at this point!

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I don’t know about Michigan but I do know that in California they will not go after your baby daddy for child support if you’re just getting assistance from the government like food and Medicaid stuff like that but if you’re getting money from the state then they will go after him for child support but if you are struggling and you need stuff to survive from the government then you got to do what you got to do at the same time you have to think about your kids if he’s helping you then I wouldn’t but if he’s not helping then I would still go through with it sorry you’re in such a mess

Trouble the fathers?! Especially your ex?! He is obligated to support his existing children… he will fight child support because he takes the kids one night of the week?! Girl that’s not a lot… get the child support…

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Depends on states but most won’t force you to go after cs for food. If you don’t cooperate the most they can do is ban you from cash and childcare assistance.

Find out who the father is first

Grow up, get a DNA test, file for child support for whoever is the dad and file for a divorce. Your husband opened his marriage so this is his fault too.

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Ok. I’m in mi.
No matter what, your baby has to have a ssn.
Your still married … its considered your husband’s baby.
F any man in this situation. We all know the possible outcome of laying with a person… your hubs was fine with it until he expected you to commit murder … I mean uhh… divorce lawyer, go to court for alimony, focus on getting your family right n forget the men that can’t handle the heat if the waters they stuck their feet in to play in the first place. . All 3 of you are responsible here

Why not say you don’t know who the father is, actually you don’t

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Talk about a love triangle lol don’t feel bad for giving them a headache. They were all involved and u need help. Tell them to get over it

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In Cali you simply say idk who the father is and boom you have assistance. They can’t make you provide info you don’t have. Unless one of them is on the birth certificate then that’s your problem and they will make dude take a test and the go on about child support…
if it’s because your married and you know your husband isn’t the father just have him take the test. Prove he’s not the father and bam… again. They can’t make you do shit.

You want To get support for the kids you had with your husband…he left so he is responsible for them too…as for the baby tell social worker you don’t know who the father is because it was a fling problem solved for that baby …if father wants visiting rights set up a small payment between you two…he probably thinks he doesn’t have to pay because you should have been on birth control but in the heat of the moment no one used protection so he is also responsible

Just say you don’t know who the dad is… one night stand never got the name :woman_shrugging:t2:

Sorry you got into this mess. Put your kids first.

They made their bed too. No reason you should shoulder it alone just because it will be an uncomfortable transition. You still have to survive.

DNA test then go after whoever is the dad. Condom is a beautiful thing…

Umm… he will be okay. Take the burden off yourself and list the father name! Oh well!