Read 5 languages of love with your SO
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I also don’t get gifts. So now I don’t even hang stockings except for my kids.
I accepted it a long time ago.
It just is what it is.
And now when I do I occasionally get a gift from someone thats not in my family I feel really awkward and almost don’t want them.
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This was my husband but the last two years after I sat down and told him how I feel he always makes an effort of some sort this year since we had a sitter we just went and picked our own stuff out and the other paid in the same price range and wrapped it to open with the kids
Your love language and his aren’t the same. I think counseling could help you guys recognize and learn each others love languages.
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Hmm, this is the first year you’ve felt this way… I’ve been with my hubby for 26 years, this is his norm. We stopped celebrating xmas and started celebrating Jimmy Buffets birthday, then nothing. Today, we toasted to minimal xmas recovery, no presents… actually I bought him a bag of his favourite treats, I went to my sons place and cooked turkey dinner, no gift exchanges tho. However, this is the first year that I got to see my family via zoom than I have in the last 20 years. Was teary eyed over that, happy over that… not worried at all whether or not he “bought, or even made” me a xmas present.
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I’ve been married 42 years and told my husband that I didn’t want him to buy me anything for Christmas anymore & I wasn’t buying him anything. Instead we put $200 a piece in our vacation fund. We figured out that most stuff we actually need, we just go buy when we need it. Now vacations aren’t so stressful to save for too.
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Stop buying him gifts. Then neither of you will have gifts.
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Same here! I always get him gifts and I never get any. But I don’t let it hurt my feelings. It’s disappointing but I don’t take it personally. He makes sure every single day I have everything I could ever need, so how can I possibly get upset about a single day/holiday.
I really had these self pittying posts, Oh no I stayed with and married a man who has consistently remained the same as he ever was … You picked this man as he was, Suck it up.
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Honestly for all you about the 5 love languages, that’s all well and good but seriously sounds like she has done the effort of sitting down and telling him how his inaction effects her and how his lack of action on her love language makes her feel unloved. Yes couples should understand each other’s love language but when you tell someone how their actions or lack of action makes you feel and they still don’t make any sort of effort that is a problem and really says a lot about how little they truly care. If he’s not willing to make an effort to make a change and doesn’t see a problem then there’s not much you can do to unfortunately…
I am so sorry he hasn’t seen or responded to your needs.
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I bought gifts for myself for nearly 25 yrs. Now I have a man who gives of himself every day
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I was having the same problem. To the point where I just told my husband… “this is what I need to feel valued and appreciated “ I need to know that you are putting thought and effort into what I like and want because I’m too busy caring about everyone else and you (as my husband) need to take care of me & put my needs first because I do it for everyone else including his family. Every year he would only give me flowers 5 years. . This year I got a purse and a bunch of much needed clothes!
Put your foot down it’s worth it for your happiness in your relationship
I’m right there with you and yes - I want to be petty too
I get nothing for Christmas either. I shop up a storm for everyone and put it so much effort to make sure I get them all nice gifts and make Christmas a day to remember for my little family. I too, like you foeel sad that I don’t get anything, and like you said it doesn’t have to be something brought, just anything to show that I’m appreciated for the things I do for them and to show me they love me and are thinking of me also at this special time of the year.
The past few years I’ve had to remind my husband not to forget to buy me a gift or I hint, I wonder what Mummy’s getting for Christmas this year! My husband works hard for us all year round. We usually buy whatever we want through the year, but just having something small to open u see the Christmas tree makes a big difference to your mood Chrissy morning.
It really is sad & hurtful, so I understand how your feeling but try not let it bother you too much…
P.S We’re allowed to be petty about it! We work God damn hard for our families everyday! A little love in return isn’t that hard!
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Save your money and buy nice things for yourself.
Put as much effort in to it as he does.
My boyfriend doesn’t do Christmas and its so hard for me. 
I knew it when I met him but its been 4 years now and I REALLY wish he did. Seems to get harder as the years go by.
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Live ing w my ex and he hates all holidays and doesn’t even celebrate let alone a gift shit he don’t even say it and I’ve never gotten a birthday present so yah I feel you he probably got one of our kids one birthday present ever
It sounds to me like you have two different love languages. From your post, yours is gift giving and acts of service. His isn’t. This can be so hard to handle but it absolutely is possible to reconcile. Both of you should take this quiz https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ and then discuss what your love languages are and give each other ideas on what you can do to speak to your love language.
For example, my love language is acts of service while someone I love’s is physical touch. We are almost inverted on our ranking of love languages, in fact. We satisfy this by being intentional about speaking to each other’s love language rather than to our own. For me, I was saying “I love you” every time I made sure his laundry was done before work, he came home to dinner hot and on the table, I took care of making the bed while he videogamed. For him, he was saying, “I love you” every time he tried to rub my shoulders, tickle me, or hold my hand when I got stressed. We realized that while you should show love to others in more than one way, we had it backward - he didn’t feel loved by me making the bed: I just felt loved when he did it so i thought I’d return the favor. But, returning the favor was rubbing his shoulders, not making the bed. And him returning the favor for rubbing his shoulders was making the bed, not holding my hand. We tend to default to showing love the way we feel love, but that doesnt always work.
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I have the issue where I’m a stay at home mom so I don’t have money to buy him stuff he bought me all this stuff and seriously I’m glad some idiot rear ended me cause I had enough to buy him the cologne he wont buy himself but I always feel guilty when he buys things for me because I can’t return the favor most times
Every year, I buy for my fiance and our 4 children and every year, as I watch them open their gifts, I know in full knowledge that there is nothing under the tree for me. It was no different this year…he always assures me that he’s going to get me something soon afterwards, but never has. it hurts, but I know that he loves me, he loves our children, and he doesn’t understand how it bothers me because he doesn’t see it as a big deal. He provides for me and our children, as I’m a SAHM. I appreciate what he does for us, but I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t hurt when Christmas, birthdays, or anniversaries comes around, since I know that I’m the only one who sought out and collected thoughtful gifts for those occasions. Maybe you just need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart conversation on why it bothers you. As you said, its not about the monetary value. It’s about the love that went into it. 
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I spy with my little eye a fuck ton of women who need to leave their shit ass boyfriend’s and husband’s! There is a man or woman out there that will consider your thoughts, needs, feelings and wants. You deserve better!!
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Same here!!! It SUCKS!!!
stop buying presents, easy!
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I didn’t get anything this year & I didn’t get to see my daughter, so my Christmas was shit asf
The only gifts I got this year was a robe and a candle. But my SO hurt my feelings when I bought him something and he asked if I had the receipt so he could exchange it for something else.
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I have a hubby who is the same way. I take into consideration that he works awful hours so instead of worrying about what to get me we are planning a vacation instead. I would personally have memories together than an object
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My Christmases are a hit or a miss…I can always depend on my daughter and one son to have something for me.
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I didn’t get anything for Christmas either. I got my husband a $50 gift card for a hat store named Lids because he loves wearing hats. And all he could do is complain about it saying it’s not like we’ll get to mall anytime soon for him to use it. Made me feel like shit for it getting him something he could use right away.
So I’ve spent $100+ on movies for myself as a Christmas gift since he didn’t put any thought into it. I now have the twilight saga, fast n furious 1-8, and harry potter dvd set.
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I was really into this guy who revealed he didn’t believe in presents for holidays or really celebrating holidays at all. We stopped talking not long after because I had to be real with myself, it’s a deal breaker for me. I like to go all out for all holidays as a result, so do my kids. I promised myself that if a man ever comes into our lives, they won’t turn their way of life upside down. I wouldn’t want to mute or dilute our celebrations because of the new man in my life. It isn’t fair to me or my kids.
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See this. This right here. You will find just from the comments but most women are the ones getting the presents and then the men sit back and don’t do shit. And who cares if he doesn’t care about presents does he care about the little things keeping you happy and loved? How many mothers and wives and girlfriends have to wrap their own fucking gifts?!?!?!?@?@ and why the fuck doesn’t anybody else get them shit? My best friend gets me a Christmas present and birthday present. So does her hubby. And I get gifts for both of them. It is nice knowing she’s got my back because idgaf about money or gifts but it is hurtful af years later when you’re the wife or the girlfriend and always end up planning or always end up giving and get nothing in return. Smfh
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Definitely NOT the only one. I bought my own stuff over the past month. Air Fryer, electric griddle, blender & a weighted blanket. Granted most are so I can cook for everyone.
It’s all about my kids for me. I didn’t ask for a single thing. My gift is to see the smiles on my babies faces. I get what I want through the year. Why do I need more gifts on Christmas.
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I dont give gifts either and I dont like gifts given to me on Christmas.
Blah blah love languages blah blah.
Literally all it is
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You’re not the only one. Honestly the only reason I “got” a gift was because I took his card and said I’m buying myself an elliptical, he asked how much and I said it and that was it… the thing is I almost bought for myself a month ago. He asked me sooo many times what I wanted for Christmas and I sent him FUCKING LINKS, I wrote in a txt that I just wanted to shower by myself without the kid trying to get in, or a massage without having to give him one first. Omg I can just got off, so don’t feel bad you’re not the only one. Honestly next year I’m going to make a list (a huge one) and all on it is going to be is me time stuff (like get my hair done, take a walk, anyone to do by myself) I’m a SAHM so that shit isn’t easy so I’m going to act like a kid and for 6months just talk about what I want for Christmas 
Kristie Cobb the fact that you go through this crap makes me so sad.
Mine doesn’t “know” how to gift because of preexisting anxiety disorders. He told me earlier on in the relationship that I should never buy him any gifts because he would be hard pressed to reciprocate my gesture so I’ve always bought him stuff but didn’t tell him they were gifts. The other day I bought him something he had wanted for so long for Christmas and gifted it to him. At first he was too excited he teared up then he started hyperventilating until I told him he doesn’t have to buy me anything in return. After some days he “refunded” me double the amount I used to purchase his gift by clearing 2 bills from my January list of bills … I’ve seen first hand how distressed he became so if I choose to gift him again in the future, I will not be expecting him to reciprocate.
My ex NEVER bought me an anniversary gift and I ALWAYS got him one. After 5 or 6 years I didn’t get him anything and he had the nerve to get upset about it. I said " now you know how I feel"! Stop buying him anything!
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I was a single mum for 6yrs and had to buy myself something 4 my son to ‘give’ me… this was my first christmas with new partner and he got me gifts that i didnt pick my self… i loved every gift i got
Ooooooooh. I’m that person. I don’t really like receiving gifts or giving them.
I would look up the 5 love languages together and look at the ways he does express his love to you and then try to meet somewhere in the middle.
Mine is a little different. He cares but is so forgetful that most often all of my gifts are ordered too late and arrive after Christmas or Birthday. I explained to him how it made me feel to watch every one else open gifts and to be the one forgotten and he felt really bad. (Like last year was so bad I spent most of the holiday crying.) This year we had the conversation again around the start of November and he promised to do better. I did extra reminding to help him (his request). And this year he did excellent. One gift is late but at the fault of the company shipping and he is devastated. (I had to talk him down from that one, sometimes things just happen. It was ordered over a month ago and they neglected to tell him about the 5 week back order.) But other wise I got several nice, thought-full gifts and will have the final one before the new year. Honest and emotional conversations about what you need to be happy. I get that this might not be his thing but Christmas isn’t about “you” its about others. While he may not see the value in giving gifts it doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value to you. Make him see that.
I told my partner what I wanted, he transferred the money and told me to order them lol. I then wrapped them and acted shocked on Christmas day. But yeah I put so much effort into my other half but tbh I’d rather tell him what I would like because otherwise I would end up with a gravy boat or something hes shocking lol xx
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I married the guy that doesn’t take me on dates or buys or surprises me with gifts. It’s awful, we have near break-ups. I don’t think it’s petty to express yourself. My man does other things like helping with home responsibilities like chores & cooking. And a very good father. But I usually shop with his card too. I make him wrap it though. Even though I know what I picked out. I don’t have a solution. Or suggestions. You deserve love too. Hopefully things get better. Maybe a one present gift exchange each Christmas? His choice for yours & your choice for his. And then still buy all yours & his? Idk…
Maybe find the courage to tell him. Tell him how it makes you feel. Sorry but sometimes you have to say it. A lot of men are clueless.
You guys need to learn each other’s love languages and adapt to that. Made a huge difference in my relationship
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I know it’s not the same but since he doesn’t care about gifts, I wouldn’t buy him any and I would buy myself a few things I really want for myself and he would be the one without any gifts under the tree and an empty stocking.
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Stop going over board for him let him not have a stocking or anything to open for once. Cause that’s messed up
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Every year i usually am the one that fills the stockings, wraps the gifts and helps plan where were going etc. It is really nice to find a gift under the tree for myself that i didn’t purchase. Or something in my stocking that I did not put there. So i feel you on that. My husband does not like Christmas. He thinks its a waste of time and money etc. I personally however love everything about Christmas. So I wrap the gifts and fill the stockings and he makes sure I have atleast one gift under the tree that I have no idea about. You have to find a common ground. No our common ground isn’t exactly met in the middle but It works for us. I get presents under the tree that I didn’t get myself and he doesn’t have to stress over the holiday season constantly!
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I gave my boyfriend my stocking, and told him there better be something in it this year. It was filled for the first time this year.
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I didn’t get anything from my husband this year. I bawled.
My friend showers me with great gifts and at times treats me as if he wants a relationship but than says we are friends. Nothing more. So at least you have him as a boyfriend
My SO is the same way. I always get him something for Christmas, V day, Father’s Day, Bday, but he doesn’t do the same for me. It’s just not “him”. He doesn’t enjoy picking out gifts at all, in fact he hates shopping all together. 2 years ago on Valentine’s Day he decorated my desk at work while I was at a doctors appointment. And for him that was a big deal. He doesn’t do things for me often and sometimes I feel the way you do but I have to remind myself that he’s just not like that.
My first year of marriage was like this. I now choose, purchase and wrap all my own gifts, then I get my husband to open them as I feel it’s important that someone gets a surprise lol. It’s not ideal but I do get what I want and he finds the whole present giving very stressful.
Thoughless people are mostly men with big ego, selfish.
I completely understand. Every year so much effort is put into making Christmas morning fantastic for my husband and teenage daughter. We have a tradition of opening our stockings on Christmas Eve and again this year mine was empty, year after year. Christmas morning no presents with my name on them. I know it shouldn’t be about the gifts but it hurts anyway. The thought and effort I put into showing others they are loved and they can’t show me the same. I hear you, it sucks, and tomorrow is my birthday and nobody in my house will remember.
If you’re married just go out and buy yourself the most lavish expensive gifts you can squeeze into the budget and buy nothing for him since he doesn’t care. Wrap them and put em under the tree from santa…lol
If you have kids insist he take them shopping to pick out a gift for mom. They will be more excited to see ur reaction and teaches them the importance of giving. Someone didnt do that for your man.
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I think this is more about you not feeling appreciated and not necessarily the gifts. What is the purpose of your relationship if he does nothing to make you happy and you just keep on giving and wishing he will change. You can’t change someone else , you can only change your expectations.
Yep my bf. And when we do give him gifts he complains about the gifts. So im.done buying him gifts.
Same! I didn’t get a thing from my kids or husband this year
You definitely need to read about the 5 love languages!
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I know how you feel. It hurts when your kids look at you and ask why you don’t have a present under the tree. It hurts… Your not being petty.
You and your SO need to read the 5 love languages !
Personally, I believe Christmas is more about the kids. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the gifts that I receive from family, my kids, and my husband but to me it should be focused on the kids because both my husband and I had our time growing up. I’m not saying your feelings are wrong, but maybe try communicating about it with him would work better.
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My husband is exactly the same. He is Turkish and just doesn’t understand the concept of presents. It’s not lack of generosity but lack of understanding
Mine is a dud with every holiday. Hell he doesnt even shower regularly. I picked a real winner. Can’t stand him! 
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We all have different love languages. Often people love their partners like they want to be loved, instead of figuring out what is important to them.
If gifts aren’t important to your partner, stop putting so much effort in. Figure out what does matter to him and focus on that.
Likewise your partner doesn’t have to understand that gifts on holidays are part of your love language, in order to love you the way you need to be loved.
If he’s not willing to acknowledge that you experience situations differently and need different things to feel fulfilled, that’s a whole other issue
My hubs isn’t a gift guy. He responds to acts of service. Me getting him a gift was actually frustrating to him bc he saw the money I spent on him as limiting him in what he’d spend on projects and hobbies that really matter to him. ie. “she spent 200$ on my gift. I shouldn’t spend that money of golf fees this month.”
I was putting so much energy into getting him a gift and instead of being exciting to him, it was actually lessening his joy.
We finally found a way to understand what the other person needs to feel seen and appreciated.
He gets me a very thoughtful gift bc i feel loved by the effort and I don’t get him anything other than writing a heart felt card, that brings him to tears.
Our Christmases have gotten so much better since we came to terms with what each of us needs. Good luck sister. I know how that ache feels! Sending hopes this is the last year you feel it. 
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I’m actually learning a lot from this thread. Learning that my dud isnt the only one…
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I honestly don’t care to get gifts at all 
I personally love buying gifts for others. My boyfriend does get me gifts and I do appreciate it, but I don’t expect him to because I’ve never been one of those people to really care. I usually just buy myself the stuff I want
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It’s not like you ladies didn’t know this before. I was married for 33 years and my step son would go shopping with his dad with a list that I made in hand to buy gifts. But when he was grown and gone I just bought my own stuff. If we needed stuff we just bought it throughout the year. The first year he was on his own he bought me a saw blade. When I said I didn’t own a saw he said well I can use it. It was a cold night that night. That’s when I decided to buy my own. Then when he asked I say. Boy honey you have good taste look what you bought me. So just buy your own put it under the tree.
Happened to me for years, I decided to give was to receive! However, now im receiving in many ways…
We don’t buy expensive gifts for each other because the money is actually " our money" not his or mine but we will book a nice holiday when we can or buy something for our farm house that we are renovating for both of us to enjoy, we just gift ourselves when we see something that we really want not specifically for Christmas or birthdays
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Got my man a tool set for Christmas… I didn’t get anything. 
My partner was like that for the first couple off years that we were together then all off a sudden he started too notice how much effort I put into everything as I ended up very sick and in hospital for months at a time l couldn’t even do simple things like make his coffee or cooking dinner l put so much effort into cooking or anything l do for him and our kids making sure everyone was is happy he had too start doing it all cooking cleaning driving me too appt looking after girls needs that he said l don’t know how u did it all the time as he struggled so badly keeping on top off it all the last two years have still been tough but I have learnt too live with my illness and function better he started showing me he appreciates me like running me a bath hanging out washing massage or buying me something he knows I want not just for special occasions just whenever and it is the sweetest thing ever it took him nearly losing me too realise my worth but now everything is great
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My dad was like that with my mom. When I was younger I just assumed he’d got them because she was unwrapping gifts. When I was older I figured out my mom bought her own gifts that’s why she wasn’t excited about opening them she already knew what they were and she wrapped them herself. I’m sorry you have to go threw this. You deserve to be appreciated.
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My oh rarely buys me gifts for birthday or Christmas, been together 9 years and I’ve probably recieved 4. I’ve spoken to him about it but he just doesn’t get it, so I’ve stopped buying Christmas gifts for him, I only get him birthday gifts. I buy my own gifts for myself from the kids and he Wraps them.
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I feel the exact same way. I got my husband a book that combines his 2 favorite hobbies but he thought that sheet masks were a good gift. I had his return them before Christmas because I told him I’d rather get nothing than a wrapped stocking stuffer.
This is how it is for me too, I’m a huge giver, I get joy from it, but I dont usually get anything, its not necessarily about getting anything, but about someone thinking of you too. My 8 year old daughter noticed I had nothing under the tree, so she she had made me little peices of paper about how much she loves me and placed them in a tiny box…was the sweetest gift ever…things like that are perfect gifts, I dont need money spent, just knowing someone thought of me too.
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My husband really struggles with gifts also. What I’ve found though is he also has a ton of anxiety around it because it’s not always his strong suit. For awhile I created an Amazon wishlist and for holidays he would just pick something. It was those things you always think about buying but can’t justify and he would just pick something in whatever price range he wanted.
I’m sad to see so many women feel unloved or undervalued. I feel that way sometimes too but I also have my things that don’t always make me a great wife or mother. Talk to your partner, there has to be a reason you chose them. We tend to assume the best out of strangers but the worst out of our loved ones. Assume the best out of your hubs. Just because they don’t always talk about the feelings, that doesn’t mean they don’t have any.
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My husband gets me something every year. Sadly I guess I’m to wrapped up buying the kids things and I never get him anything. It’s sad on christmas when he has nothing to open. It makes me feel like a terrible wife. Next year will be different tho! I hope.
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I bought my so a bottle of scotch. He got me a digital photo frame
I find most women do most of the Christmas shopping, for the family and kids. With that said your husband should at least get you something special. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. Some men don’t understand that it hurts your feeling that they didn’t take the time to get you something, they are so use to their partner buying all the gifts. My husband was like that, when he found out it hurt my feelings he started picking out a meaningful gift. If your other half asks you what you want, tell him, some men just don’t have any idea what to get for you
Me and my husband never exchange gifts, we spend our time and money on the kids gifts (we have 5) but I get where you are coming from. Sometimes it’s nice for small gestures like here’s some flowers, here’s a cute card, it’s all about reading your SO love language
I’m in the same situation with my husband of 4 years. I have never got a gift from him for Christmas. But I always make sure he and the kids has things. I’m done. I’m not doing it anymore bc I feel it’s not appreciated.
If he didn’t have to do it while dating and you didn’t emphasize how important it was during that phase of the relationship it gets really hard for him to change himself to prioritize that now
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We took the week off after Christmas so we decided on just 2 gifts for each other and use the rest for our staycation
Get the 5 love languages book by Gary Chapman. Learn each other languages. It helps a lot. Mine was gift giving and quality time his was acts of service and I forget the other it helped for a while. He is a narcissist and we became toxic. But I learned a lot about myself.
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We rarely exchange gifts. We use that money for a family trip, or a weekend away. Or we just go shopping together and pick out what we want!
Yes, my husband is exactly the same. I got him gifts for Christmas and I was the only one with nothing to open on Christmas morning, and nothing in my stocking either. Which I already knew was going to be the case, but still. He gave me money 🤷
My ex would complain, complain and complain about how hard I was to buy for. Never knew what to do so he would get a scratch ticket for me. No effort, just complaints to my face. Any type of effort and thoughtfulness would have meant the world to me. One year after we were separated, he tried to take the glory of giving my son an amazing Christmas. He NEVER put ANY effort into a gift for him as well. To this day I have to give him ideas. I never got anything for myself. This year, I made sure to get myself things and fill my stocking. I needed to show my son (9yrs) that other people deserve gifts as well. That being thought of, not amount of money spent, is what counts.
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Something you two can do together is learning about the 5 love languages, yours may be receiving gifts but this will help him figure that out clearly as well as what his love language is.
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Ladies.
Chances are if he acts like he doesn’t care, then he doesn’t care. Sorry mamas 
I hate gifts, i rather buy for others.
I used to. Now I just ask him what he wants and get it for him
And i tell him what I want. 🤷 Not really worth a fight yomm
I decided to start buying for myself and wrap it up and put it from him or kids. I get all excited and say thank you and leave them stump
The bar for men is so low it’s a tavern in hades
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Its only fun when we were kids in my opinion 
although i do see the joy of getting a gift.
Let him know how you feel and make it a point that you want change 
I don’t care about gifts I reither not exchange gifts and give more to the kids