My son and stepdaughter will not stop fighting: Advice?

Mamas I need some serious advice, suggestions anything at this point. I have a son 9 yrs old and I’ve raised my stepdaughter 13 since she was 2. They are constantly fighting, arguing, saying ugly things to each other. Our son was the nicer one for the longest time but recently he decided hed had enough and started being mean back but to only her cause shes done it to him since he was born. She has some issues that she is medicated and in therapy for, but I can’t take the fighting anymore. I’d almost rather stay at work and work overtime than be at home. Her dad refuses to punish her for anything but wants to spank our son for simply throwing his bookbag on the floor. I’ve gotten to the point of telling him if her can punishes her, he cants punish him. I handle discipline for him when he needs it appropriately. Any advice would be helpful. I’m sorry it’s so long and all over the place.


They need a “get along” shirt!

Is he in counseling to deal how she treated him? He could be using this as revenge for how she treated him and possible counseling with the both of them to talk about their relationship and what the unspoken issue is


Counseling. Also BOTH parents need to be on the same disciplinary page for BOTH kids.


Siblings are gonna fight regardless. One does not need to be disregarded in discipline because they are in counseling or the other will need counseling also. If witnessed whoever starts the argument should be disciplined but it has to be proven you cant take the word of one kid over the other because they all blame each other.

They sound like normal brother and sister. But you and dad need to talk and get on the same page with disciplining


Until dad stops letting her be a brat, it’s not going to change.


Family counseling. Sibs fight but the family needs rules to guide them.


Video her and say no more, medication or not, you are permitting this treatment


There’s a complete difference in raising so no, this won’t change. You guys hold your son accountable for his actions, which there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it seems like in your house your daughter gets to use her mental illness as an excuse to treat others like crap. I’ve been on medication my entire life, I have anxiety, adhd, and bipolar disorder. I was raised still under the concept that I wasn’t allowed to take my issues out on others. Just because I had a mental illness does not mean it excused me to have manic moments and take it out on the others around me. You need to hold her accountable, just like you do your daughter. A mental illness is not a handicap, she’s still in control of herself and needs taught how to bite her tongue when she has nothing nice to say and to walk away. However, do not enable your son to be a jerk simply because you don’t like how your husband is handling her. When they get into it, immediately intervene and tell each littles to go to their rooms and to not come out if they can’t control themselves. Take phones away, tablets, etc. you don’t have to physically discipline her when you can simply take something. Xoxo


All brothers and sisters fight. Lol My siblings and I have left scars on each other but couldn’t be closer today as adults. They will fight. There needs to be discipline when it gets out of hand and for both kids. She is too old to be spanked but can be grounded or have things taken away. The 9 year old shouldn’t be spanked anymore either. They are both at the grounding and taking stuff away age. Sounds like dad babies her because of her meds and counseling. Every kid must learn discipline or they become out of control teenagers who do whatever they want. You need some fuel before you talk with your spouse so Google things like what happens when you don’t discipline your kids and also how important it is for parents to both be on the same page with their discipline. Each offense needs to get the same reaction of punishment out of both of you. My kid’s pediatrician told me this years ago. So definitely Google child discipline and arm yourself with some facts before you talk to your spouse because it sounds like it is going to become an argument with him but he can’t ignore proven facts.

1 Like

She’s taking advantage of the situation. Tell husband she too old to be this conniving already. She knows what she’s doing

This is a co-parenting issue and you both need to be on the same page. You will continue to feel overwhelmed until you and your husband address this as one. Also, sounds like your son may benefit from counseling if he is always being picked on.


If you’ve been involved for 11/13 years that’s your daughter too. Punish her as well. Also make a chart for offenses and punishment. If one throws a book bag then they get a time out. That way girl doesn’t get a talking to and boy get his butt beat. That’s not right.


You’ve been in her life since she was 2 and you can’t discipline her? If they can’t get along, then they aren’t allowed to talk to each other. That’s a natural consequence for not getting along. If they start arguing again, they both go to their rooms away from each other and everyone else.

You and your husband need to be on the same page about discipline but you first need to take control of the situation if your husband won’t do anything. It’s not like you just got with him, you’ve been in this girls life since she was a baby. You can discipline her. But you should sit both kids down and talk to them and see what their frustrations are and explain what the consequences will be if the arguments continue to be over the top.

Sounds like the parents need to get on the same page first before you can ever expect the children to. It’s THAT simple.

Until dad decides to get on board with discipline, it’s not going to get better.

You can set up nanny cams and go to a family therapist if you can afford it. They will be honest with you and your husband about what’s being done wrong/ or what’s not being done at all & help y’all work through this with the children

You have raise her almost all her life and still refer her to your step daughter ??? You and your husband should be on the same page both kids should be disciplined the same way