Hello!can you post this as a private post,thank you. Help mommy’s im at a loss. My 4 year old son is very ‘violent’ and hyper. In November he went to throw a toy at my daughter whose 8 years old head but I jumped in the way anyways it cracked my eyebrow open needed 6 stitches it phased him for the moment. I explained we cant do this and took away his iPad. Now forward his behavior is getting worse, he is constantly hitting his sister and younger brother who is (3) years old. He does not listen for not a second. I feel bad always having to yell at him. Taking his iPad away is a torture for everyone because he will scream bloody murder. He fights me every morning not to go to school, BUT while in school the teachers say he is a fine little boy. My question is could this be adhd, hes been tested in the past for autism but its not that … I just feel like I’m not winning with my son and I feel bad constantly having to yell and take away his stuff when it don’t get us no where …
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Talk to his pediatrician
Following bc my daughter has the exact same issue right now, she is 2.
I have the same issues with my 4 year old boy and haven’t found out the issue yet myself. So sorry mamma its tough 
I would recommend time out. Give no reaction to screaming, have.him sit in the corner for 4 minutes an if he moves place him back there with no reaction. Till he finishes his whole 4 minutes. If he does finish his whole 4 minutes talk to him an tell him why he sat at the corner an tell him his wrongs but with out yelling at him. It’s tough parenting for a reason. I hope it helps.
Speak with his pediatrician. Kids can be little assholes, sorry but they can be. It could be something like autism or it could be just an attitude. At the end of the day, they’re just little people that have feelings and get mad too. They just don’t know how to communicate as well as adults can. Good luck momma.
If he’s fine at school then I don’t think it would be ADHD. Maybe it’s attention seeking since it only happens at home? Best of luck to you momma
It could be, it could also be other things. Definitely one for a psychiatrist to take a look at though
if it was ADHD his behaviour would be the same no matter where he would go the doctors told me that about my daughter similar situation you need to do a lot of hard work and tough love there is such thing as the golden carrot take away the most cherish thing he has don’t feed into his screaming let him scream when he realises that no one is listening it will stop
Take him to a child psychologist and a child psychiatrist. All the best.
It’s possible it’s ADHD with ODD but if he was tested for autism, they likely also would have ruled out ADHD. My oldest has adhd with odd and his behavior didn’t change regardless of at home or school but everyone is different.
It could also be something as simple as not getting the right amount of sleep. Is there a pattern to his behavior like specific time of day it happens more frequently? It could also be that he needs more consistency with discipline. I would suggest taking him to a pediatric psychologist or his pediatrician.
4 year olds don’t need Ipads…they need real discipline.
And why does he even get the IPad back when his behavior never changes…you are training him that it doesn’t matter how bad he is today…he will get it back tomorrow. Sounds like a parenting issue tbh
So my son who’s now 13 was like this we also thought autism but it wasn’t and as crazy as it sounds it was all sensory. Basically his sensory needs weren’t being met and once we got him into occupational therapy and started having sensory things at home like weighted blankets, cocoon swing ($10 at Walmart ), sensory bins, things like that it was like a whole new kid. Sometimes even if kiddos don’t quite fit the autism spectrum they still have autistic quarks like sensory.
Paed first who will diagnose then will suggest psychologist. My paed said they don’t like to diagnose adhd until 5 which is when my son was. Good luck!
It still could be. Was he monitored at home as well as school? There are sensory disorders that can be masked at school and only present at home. Go back to your gp and ask for more help
My grandson is exactly the same he’s going to get tested for adhd
Look into ODD. It’s easy enough to manipulate once you work out his cues. Give him the opposite instruction of what you actually want him to do. Also I learned the hard way that telling a kid "don’t " & “no” is futile. Try words like “stop”.
My boy is diagnosed ADHD, ASD & ODD. These few changes were a godsend.
Have you tried speaking to his pediatrician?? Get an evaluation for autism
It’s not ADHD or he would have issues at school also.
Maybe U need a second opinion bcoz it does sound like a spectrum disorder to me
Ummm whoopings??? Lmao i love how you i took his tablet for busting my melon open…hows that working?? Unfortunately sounds like you have to get him off that tablet and actually parent.
My boy has done similar. His issues? For one my ex left so it was a lot of emotional things for him, secondly Oppositional Defiance Disorder was a second part. Part of what has been helping 1.) Changed his diet (WAY less sugar, no red dyes, and adding more b vitamin foods. 2.) Limit screen time (also if behavior is bad take away screens such as tv, ipad, phone whatever you use and DO NOT return it to be used by child til good behaviors are shown consistently, if they act up again, again remove the screen time) 3.) More outdoor activities, run out some of the energy in the fresh air and sunlight as much as possible 4.) Counseling (was a thing for mine as he was dealing with issues about my ex as I had said )
Tell him he can’t get his ipad back until he being good. If he continues to scream, sit in his room with him and try and talk it out with him, if he won’t , just leave and check every 5-10 minutes.
He is too young for an ipad and that might be a cause for some of his aggression, and maybe he’s in need of some real consequences for his actions like getting his behind torn up, but I’ve seen it with my own grandchildren where my daughter would have to take them completely off their games for a while because of some of this kind of behavior, hunny being a parent is a learning process and I wish you all the best…
Stop yelling at him! That is ur problem right there
Conscience discipline and love and logic are great parenting tools with some recommendations to check out if you’re having discipline issues.
Sounds like he’s desperate for attention. Sometimes we need to take a step back and evaluate the situation with a clear head. Which is not always easy. Talk to his doctor about the situation see what they recommend as far as evaluations. However I also think you/and your partner (support system) should go out of their way to help him feel included. Try spending time together (one on one) without the iPad, doing puzzles, coloring, some sort of activity. During said activity give praise on good behavior, tell him he’s doing amazing, tell him you’re so happy when he does xyz. It’s surprising how much a child’s attitude can change when they feel important. Give lots of physical attention; hugs, kisses, high fives. Making clear examples that good behavior gets you more attention than negative ones. When he acts out, don’t yell and scream 4 minutes sitting on the steps/chair/corner with a visible timer is enough.
Get help. If he’s okay in school, but has problems at home. There’s something you can’t see because you’re too close to the problem. Get help before he hurts someone bad.
Less ipad more play time outside … together as a family …hikes in woods or beach …he is overstimulated in one area …not stimulated enough in another …he very frustrated …pack picnic lunches …go on hikes …leave all your devices at home …make it a Sunday fam thing .
It just sounds like attention seeking as hs the middle child,he might benefit from some one to one time with mum 
xxx
You need to get him off the iPad for good until he forgets about it. Honestly your life will be easier.
Sounds like my son. ADHD and autistic. Good luck mama. It’s hard x
No more screens and no more of anything until he behaves - he is taking the piss out of you or he would be doing it at school in a more stressful environment if it was anything else
See the doctor and say that you need a cognitive assessment.
Therapy and maybe a low dose, non narcotic meds. Limit screening time. I have been there.
Also get his hearing and eyes checked. How is he sleeping? My son has bad eye sight and has slept like crap forever. We believe this contributes to the behaviors. Not entirely but some.
My son was distructive also. Over the years I noticed little things. I finally got him eval by a neurophycologist. I knew it had to be ODD OR ADHD. As I read more and educated myself I knew what things to look for in his behavior. He was diag with adhs combination, anxiety and some depression. I made some changes in his everyday life and it has helped a lot. I had to change his foods, give him vitamins, change how I talk to him, set a earlier time to go to sleep and make sure he gets enough excercise. Otherwise he was a mess. No meds. Thankfully these changes made a diff for us. Unfortunately, the school physcologist claims they dont see these issues at school and wont put him on a iep or 504plan. The teacher sees the issues so I have been fighting with them about this for the past few mths. He also has dyslexia which I didn’t know. He is 9. I knew he poss had adhd or ODD since he was little bcz he would act like he had ants in his pants. The anger and getting up constantly jus didn’t seem normal. I have 5 kids. Best of luck! I recommend getting him evaluated for adhd and ODD. Possibly sensory issues. Also with time cutting screen time has helped. That damn internet is the devil for kids.take away electronics and put him in something that wil wear him out like karate, jui jitsu some mixed martial art. All this chanhes have helped us.
My 4yo is like this at home but not at nursery. At nursery they keep him busy constantly, if he’s starting to act up they give him “jobs” to do. This is what works for us at home too. He needs to be constantly stimulated and if he gets bored he acts up. Now the weather is getting better he is having more time outside and its improved his behaviour too. Does he have any special interests? My lb likes science so I use doing experiments as a reward for him if he has a good week 
Take him to a psychiatrist. Sounds like ODD and possibly more.
Child Psychologist evaluation
My daughter is exactly like this she is also 4 nearly 5.
She has been tested and has ADHD, ASD & PDA.
Ask for a 2nd opinion and have him tested again.
I found what helped my daughter a lot was giving her choices when trying to do and over come things.
Like if she didn’t want to go to school I would be like oh I guess you can’t go on your scooter today then if you stay home. You can though if you went to school.
She’d then make the decision she would want to ride her scooter so she would then go to school.
When came to her siblings I included her more. Her siblings are 2 and 8 months. She used to fight blue murder with her 2 year old sister but now I include her in things. Like oh no your brother has done a poo. Can you be mummy’s helper and get me one of his nappies. Or if her sister is upset. Aww can you give your sister a cuddle and find a toy to share.
Making her feel accepted and included has helped her massively.
We also found a lot of her frustration was because she needed glasses as she was Struggling to see. Honestly it could be anything but write yourself a list.
Behaviour test with paediatricians,
Eye test,
Hearing test,
Sensory test.
Your his mumma you know in your gut if something is wrong. Don’t be afraid to fight to find out what 
Make a appointment with a paediatrician and get him diagnosed, it may very well could be ADHD! Good luck.
Sound like my daughter ADHD
Maybe it more of an attention thing if he’s fine in school but behaving badly at home maybe try the more praise method than correcting him all the time u and him time away from the 3 year olds treats for good behaviour stuff like that
Have you started the process of getting him checked for autism? I know a child who can be the same. At school she is perfect and home it can be a different story. It is because she feels comfortable at home and doesn’t have to fit in. Where at school children have to conform. May be worth speaking to your doctor.
ADBD?
Behaviour disorder
Communicate with him. Focus on feeling identification. Not when he’s upset, when he isn’t. Ask him when you do feel upset do you remember what your feeling and help him name it. Then go from there. When my son acts out I sit at his level and hold my arms open. A hug does wonders. And I don’t talk about anything with him until he’s calm. Also, redirection. Take him outside. Hold him and look out the window. Etc
First and foremost a 4 year old is too young to have an ipad. That right there can be a cause for his aggressive behavior and it sounds to me like you’re using it as a babysitter.
Secondly, this child needs to have his rear end spanked. Parents nowadays are afraid to discipline their child, and they know that! A good swat on the butt (I’m not saying beat him up) and he’ll straighten up!
He has control over yourl from now ,I see him to a leader in the family that will protect his siblings and keep them intact .every family has that one brother or uncle who they have to own up to.maybe he has a problem but honestly I love it cos he will grow into a man that takes no shit or hears no shit.he will mature up as well and will be able to control his behaviour abit more .also do check up if it’s a medical problem that needs to be guided
I would get him checked out for ADHD, and ask for a reassess for ASD. If he’s only four, the ASD would’ve had to have been pretty bad to be diagnosed that young. Whether you get a diagnosis or not, he’s clearly frustrated at home. It sounds like he’s compliant at school, rather than fine. Maybe there’s an issue like he’s being bullied or he’s scared of the teacher. Don’t yell or take things away. I think you need to talk quietly about why he hates school and why he’s hitting out. He sounds really unhappy and frustrated, especially about school. Mine ended up with PTSD from school and is now homeschooled despite being “a delight to teach”. Don’t be the bad guys. He needs somewhere to feel safe and loved.
Talk to a professional not people on the internet.
my daughters adhd oldest like this and has other behavioural isusses too
Opposition defiance order
ADHD people can absolutely mask it for awhile. Which would explain the extra erratic behavior at home. Because at school he feels like he has to be different person. The whole “it cant be ADHD because hed also have issues at school” thing is super false. However like others have said it sounds like ODD. Which often comes along with ADHD, or it could he neither and something else is going on. Definitely get him evaluated but also start therapy because hes so young and there’s something here that he himself cant explain.
Sounds like he’s going through something all right. I don’t know if counseling at this age is the answer because he’s not old enough to know how to express himself verbally… however they also can have him draw pictures about how he’s feeling and do other art projects at a mental health clinic. So I would try that. I understand how you feel about taking things away as discipline. Sometimes that’s as much punishment for you as for him. I know yelling is a reflex, but I know kids tend to tune it out after awhile, or see it as some form of attention that they will take before letting you pay attention to their siblings. Are you a single parent? It sounds like this young man could use a strong male influence. Sometimes a deep, authoritative male voice speaking calmly but firmly gets far more respect than you would with a week’s worth of yelling. Is there anyone that could help you? His grandfather, an uncle, cousin, or could you persuade his father to step up and help put the little guy in his place? I think he needs a firm hand, but a calm, loving one. He needs time, attention, and affection… then time outs and withdrawing privileges will have more of an impact. He’ll know he messed up and you aren’t just being mean.
Time ins instead of time outs. Sit with him tight hugs or embraces. Talk through it. You’ve got this. Try getting sensory toys, or things like weighted vests and blankets
How much fun time do you spend with him because if he can behave in school it might be he needs your time and when he doesn’t get it as you have other children and all the Mammy duties it could be sheer frustration try and talk to him and really listen with no distractions all children are not the same and he might need a little extra Mammy time good luck
So my daughter started acting fresh when my newborn came home and I thought it might be because of the free use of tablet. I took her tablet away and only met her use it in the weekends for about an hour and she’s back to her normal self
You could also try behavior therapy, or try seeing a developmental specialist… talk to your doctor about it. Best of luck😊
Could be the iPad. My boys are at their worse behavior when they have too much screen time.
If he is fine at school buy having issues at home maybe you should step back and look what is going on in your home.
That’s text book adhd. Talk to his pediatrician. You have lots of options.
U not disciplining him.
Is he going through anything at kinder that’s making him potentially lash out? At this age kids are still learning to regulate their emotions and he may just be starting to push boundaries. My suggestion would he to book into your maternal health nurse and get a professional opinion.
Hope you find answers.
It may just be as simple as he needs mum n son time just you and him to do your own little special thing
Take his iPad away four year olds don’t need it I don’t care what kind of comments I get kids that age needssomething else to be doing instead of electronics
Get him to a specialist in behavioral development!
Why does a kid have a I pad ??
Don’t give the iPad back.
He knows he’s just has to throw a fit an scream and you cave and give it back.
Also stop yelling at him, speak claim to him, take a few deep breaths. Stay consistent.
Also talk to his doctor, spend money an son time with him.
Why do you have to yell? You’re the mom. Correct him and punish him. Let him scream and pitch a fit, who cares? H probably has adhd but he also knows how to work his mom to get what he wants. Stop giving in
Sounds like it could be ADHD x
If he behaves in school, there is nothing wrong with him. He’s spoiled.
He behaves in school because school has strict rules with a set of strict consequences that they follow each time consistently.
With you? There isn’t and he’s learnt how to play you till you break.
It definitely could be ADHD…been there with two kids.
Particularly my oldest. He did really well in school when it was pre-k and he was only there for 3 hours a day. There were “things” and there were symptoms but they were more mild and more related to inattention…so they just weren’t quite as obvious.
You can talk to your child’s doctor, but i will tell you at 4 and with not complaints from the school (yet) the doctor may want to wait until he’s a little older.
In the meantime? Don’t take the Ipad away for bad behavior. Make him earn it with good behavior. If you have to give a punishment for a misbehavior…it needs to be immediate and directly related to what your child is doing wrong and fairly short term. Like the rest of the day. Have conversations…ask him questions. What did he do wrong. why was it wrong. what he can do differently. Try to help him re-route his impulses.
If you really think adhd is a factor. Maybe try giving him a little coffee with milk, diluted caffiene water, or chocolate covered espresso beans.
Could be ODD, my son was diagnosed around 5. He’s 10 now. Granted, he was never this violent. But he does sometimes lash at his younger sisters out of being annoyed with them. He forgets how much bigger he is than them. But, I also will add that the iPad is making a huge impact on his behavior as well. When my son was first diagnosed, I took his iPad away and he was a totally different kid. He didn’t have any electronics until he was older.
Keep the iPad for good. The way he acts when you take it away tells you he’s not ready for unlimited access to technology and the internet at 4. I’d take the whole thing for a few months and see if that improves anything. Kids don’t learn how to regulate emotions and self cope when they are stuck to a screen. And I’m not saying my kids don’t watch TV or have tablet time, but I have no problem putting them up all summer so they can have a real childhood and not a virtual one.
I did not even finish reading once I seen he had an iPad at 4 years old. For real people iPads are really no good for children !! Proven to be super bad. Yet 4 year old has one. I would throw that iPad straight in the garbage.
To be honest take his iPad for a month and you will see a difference. Technology is not always a good thing. He should be playing with toys.
Our grandson acted this same way at home and at school. Took him to several therapists. Finally his doctor put him on the correct medication and he is so much better. His behavior, grades and everything else is so much better. ADHD is very hard on a child but also on everyone around them.
When my son was 3yrs old and displaying similar behaviors that started up out of no where after a visit with his father, i started him in play therapy bc i was at a loss. Its a control dynamic. It sounds like you have allowed him to control the situations and you need to regain it. At 12, 16, 20 etc…this behavior will not be acceptable…so it needs to stop being acceptable now. Be firm, direct, immediate. Use statements of “i need you to….” Or “you need to…” instead of “will you do….” “Would you like to….” This gives him a chance to say “no”. Have regular, adequate sleep times, at 4, he should be having 11-13hrs of slerp in a 24hr period, less than that, is equated to sleep deprivation and is a leading cause of children being misdiagnosed with ADHD. If you need to seek help from outside people(therapist/doctor/sleep professional) do it. My son is now 9 1/2 with no diagnosis, top of his class and beautiful behaviors. Not everything is ADHD or diagnosable. Sometimes…its parenting.
It could be ADHD, but like someone else said,take him to a behavioral specialist and have him retested for autism and any other behavioral problems,and the whole world is based on electronics now ,who cares if he has an ipad ,this is 2022 not 1940
The ignorance on here is astounding and frankly insulting, I have a child with ADHD, tic behaviours and is currently awaiting an autism assessment, he’s always had boundaries and my 4 other children are fine, they have all been brought up the same way and it was clear to us from a young age my child was different to his siblings, I’m so sick of people classing disabilities as poor parenting you wouldn’t say that if a child was in a wheelchair, just because you can’t see a disability doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist 
My son is ODD & ADHD. And this sounds like my son. Do you notice if he “listens” better to male or female. Example; my son listens to me as his mother but he likes to push his boundaries with me. My husband will ask him to do the same task I did and he will do it with no boundaries being pushed no fight just does it. Because he takes too and “listens” better to male figures in his life then he does female. Now fwd since he has been on medication for his ADHD and he is a totally different child. He has less “fits” and he can actually pay attention in school. (School was hard. He wasn’t okay in school. He would fight the teachers an anyone else that was near, but now he LOVES school) but it took us taking away all of his things. Being strong remaining strong an stern. Now he is the most lovable kid an kind kid I know. We still have our days that are harder then other but. It is still a 360 from before. Head up stay strong an dont let him know he has that power bc he will use it he is 4.
Time to make an appointment with a Psychiatrist for an evaluation before it gets worse rather than play guessing games.
Adhd plus the iPad. take it away, eventually he will forget about it completely
My son is 33 he done these things as a kid he was always hitting kicking throwing things and not listen was very very hyper even in school his behavior was the same took him to doctor he was tested for food allergies we didn’t know it could cause such issues he also was adhd and add he was put on medicines he was only 5 at the time the school helped us get him on meds as far as the food allergies he got allergy shots once a week and took allergy medicine daily by mouth…my son done good after all this until he was in middle school he then was diagnosed with Bipolar add and adhd also had sleeping disorder…he is doing great now at 33 as long as he takes his medicines right
I am amazed by how many of you are totally just blowing off it could very well be adhd or other behavior issues. Instantly blaming the mother. Smh my son has adhd and no amount of changing diet not yelling taking away electronics will help. You all sound absolutely ignorant. I waited until my son was almost 7 to be diagnosed when frankly he could’ve been diagnosed alot sooner. Adhd isn’t just being hyper and not focusing. Do your homework! It can be severe and cause violence amongst tons of other issues.
My 4yo is almost exactly the same and we are currently seeing a paediatrician for an ADHD diagnosis. He’s also in speech and occupational therapy. OT has been AMAZING! I’ve noticed a big difference and he’s learning how to control his emotions.
If he is as you say a fine little boy in school then he does not have ADHD or any disabilities since he’s been evaluated already you said for Autism so they test a broad scale for that. My son has Autism and he still was not allowed to act this way without consequences. It starts with taking the IPAD away but shouldn’t end there. You have to teach him respect of others and something tells me big brother or sister never got the chance to dish out his own medicine. It starts with you and not letting him get away with this behavior anymore.
If you will who his butt with a belt everytime he does this he will get with the program .
it could be. my oldest wSn violent but she would habe aweful temper tantrums.
also. keep ipad away. hes 4 
Corrective punishment behavior, Boundaries are important and need to be set up early. Every child is different so you will just have to go through trial and error before Jon find what works. Behavioral therapy or play therapy would help.
Also maybe the tablet maybe overstimulating (happens to children who are not on the spectrum as well). Also don’t give in and just give him the tablet because you don’t want to hear it that definitely teaches him that you reward negative behavior.
I don’t have experience with ADHD. It was still a slightly taboo thing when I was a kid. Definitely get him tested just because ya never know. Could also look into counseling/therapy(depending on how you feel about prescriptions for your child) for both you and your son. I know my daughter is hyper and lashes out when angry,frustrated or doesn’t get her way. You and I have different approaches to how we discipline our children and that’s completely ok. Every kid is different and needs a different approach. Until he can be evaluated, take the iPad completely. They scream and scream and all that but at some point they stop. My daughter will lose hers for being mean to kids at school(preK) or disrespectful to teachers. After a day or so she forgets she has it and will sometimes go weeks without it. When she’s being too crazy hyper or too up and down over nothing we usually go to the park or go play outside because she’s honestly just tired and doesn’t have control anymore over her emotions and it wears her out to finally nap or fall asleep for the night.
I know it feels awful to yell all the time. It would feel awful if you did spankings or time outs as well. It’s the whole “this hurts me more than it hurts you” even if not a physical punishment. Remember you can discipline your child and still love your child. They are not exclusive. Disciplining your child, is because you love them and are raising them with the aim of them being good humans. You got this. Stay strong.
First thing i would do was keep the ipad away for good.
I would get him evaluated. I wouldn’t jump directly to ADHD, because that is so overly diagnosed and then later in life, people find out they didn’t have ADHD but rather another issue (I e. OCD, add, etc.) I would definitely make it a point to bring it up with the pediatrician.
Im going through this right now with my seven-year-old daughter where that’s all she wants is the iPad. And only listens to earn the iPad or TV back but I feel like the second she earns it back she does not listen AT ALL afterwards and she does not want to play with her toys in her room but she’s a little less on the violent side but definitely is very hyper and I’m in the process right now of getting her tested for ADHD because when I did my own research I was able to connect a lot of the dots from there, I definitely think it can’t hurt to get him tested.
The diffrence here is a child in my opinion that has add ADHD or any other mental or physical issues would not be able to control themselves at even school or things they want to do I’m not blaming anyone but i notice u stated he had no issues at school that would be a red flag for me because if he can control all this at school then u made need to look into it being displine issue so u need talk to ur pediatrician about counseling on how to control this at home i mean at the end of the day he does no control and focus he has it all day at school and he knows not to strike the kids there and he behaves there so if it was uncontrollable he would not be able to behave in school so he knows what he is doing is wrong he has control there… Good luck
I don’t think adhd can just be turned off while he’s in school? That’s not something that can be controlled I don’t think? But maybe some behavioral issues? Are you consistent with the punishment or do you give in to his tantrums? ( not judging, just curious) if you are sticking to punishments then I would suggest talking to his dr to see a behavioral specialist
Mine did a complete turn around when I took away screen time. A total different child
The difference was night and difference