Hey ladies, I need some advice. I have a 5-year-old son who obviously loves legos and playing with his cousins. My family isn’t close at all to the point thanksgiving was canceled last minute (not on my part but the host, my mom, canceled. Last year Thanksgiving was also canceled. Well, we went to my mom’s/grandma’s house about two weeks ago, and my son informed me randomly that he doesn’t want to go back, as of now. I’m ok with this because they don’t have anything for a five-year-old to do, and they still treat him like he’s 2. Well, my mom texted me and asked if my son would come to help her put her Christmas tree up so I asked him and he said he didn’t want to, she has like ten grandkids. I informed her because I don’t feel right forcing him to go somewhere he doesn’t want to. Then she says well, can I take him to breakfast, once again he doesn’t want to. He enjoys being with kids and his toys. She is more than welcome over our house anytime she wants and knows that but still doesn’t come over. When I was with my ex, she blamed him for our family dynamic (he was abusive but didn’t cause how my family is). I broke up with him, and I’m with my now current boyfriend of 2 years, at first she loved him now it’s like once again she blames him for the way our family is. Am I wrong for allowing my son to have a voice and choose if he wants to go somewhere or not? I was forced to see people I didn’t want to as a kid, and it ended badly, and I still hate that I was forced to see them (that’s a story for a different day). Hey ladies, I need some advice. I have a five-year-old son who obviously loves legos and playing with his cousins. My family isn’t close at all to the point thanksgiving was canceled last minute (not on my part but the host, my mom, canceled. Last year Thanksgiving was also canceled. Well, we went to my mom’s/grandma’s house about two weeks ago, and my son informed me randomly that he doesn’t want to go back, as of now. I’m ok with this because they don’t have anything for a 5-year-old to do, and they still treat him like he’s 2. Well, my mom texted me and asked if my son would come to help her put her Christmas tree up so I asked him and he said he didn’t want to, she has like ten grandkids. I informed her because I don’t feel right forcing him to go somewhere he doesn’t want to. Then she says well, can I take him to breakfast, once again he doesn’t want to. He enjoys being with kids and his toys. She is more than welcome over our house anytime she wants and knows that but still doesn’t come over. When I was with my ex, she blamed him for our family dynamic (he was abusive but didn’t cause how my family is). I broke up with him, and I’m with my now current boyfriend of 2 years, at first she loved him now it’s like once again she blames him for the way our family is. Am I wrong for allowing my son to have a voice and choose if he wants to go somewhere or not? I was forced to see people I didn’t want to as a kid, and it ended badly, and I still hate that I was forced to see them (that’s a story for a diffe
Don’t let him go then simple
If my child were to tell me they didn’t want to go then I wouldn’t make them. Simple as that. If they family doesn’t respect you giving your child the option then forget them lmao I’m sorry but I wouldn’t make mine either.
If he doesn’t want to go he has his reasons and those need to be validated. I won’t force my kids to visit people they aren’t comfortable with either.
I would be asking the child why. He is 5 not 15 and I would be encouraging a relationship with his grandma if she hasn’t done anything wrong. Seems to me he just doesn’t want to see her because she doesn’t have toys which is a simple fix, either let him take some of his toys there or ask her to buy some age appropriate ones for him.
When you respect your children’s choices in life, they respond to that. If he doesn’t want to go, don’t make him. Simple as that
When a child tells you they feel uncomfortable around an adult… Listen to them. Never force a child to be around people they don’t feel comfortable with
I would reconsider this because is his grandma and she may not be with you all the time and what do you do to encourage the relationship with your mother and son? Try considering that if it’s because it’s boring then maybe let him bring a game he likes and can only play at grandmas! She will be gone one day and you will regret not having your child make a relationship with him!
5 or not his feelings are valid, respect them. In time he may want a relationship with some of the people in your family who you don’t get along with, you must respect that too. Keep him sharing his feelings freely and always guide him to trust his instincts.
Don’t make him go. I don’t care if my daughter is 5 or 16 if she says she doesn’t want to be around someone she doesn’t have to be. If she changes her mind later on cool if not oh well.
I’d let him decide… I have a 3 year old and I ask him if he wants to go places with family or to their house. I let him make the decision. He is very smart and knows what he wants to do. Some may think I’m crazy letting a 3 year decide. To each their own
You make it seem like he doesn’t wanna go simply bc he rather play with toys and other kids. Not bc he has a reason to not like his grandmother. Its not like he is a teenager and can really make thought out choices like that. How about taking him over there with some of his toys he likes? Wouldn’t that solve the issue? I’d encourage the relationship if she never did anything bad to your son.
It is fine not to make him go. I would however casually in a conversation find out why. I would be honest with my mom as well.
I agree with figuring out the reason why he doesn’t want to go. Being uncomfortable around someone certainly is something that should be validated. However, if he doesn’t want to go simply because its not “fun”, taking toys or games with him to her house could solve that. Also, from a therapists point of view, allowing a child to not partake in things they don’t find “exciting” all the time, gives rhe child too much power and teaches them that if they don’t want to do something/go somewhere they won’t ever be made to do so ( doctors appointments, work etc). Allowing a child to dictate everything and everyone they do/don’t want to be around could create a problem. I would try to get to the bottom of the reasoning behind his unwillingness to go and then go from there.
I wouldn’t make him go. I hated going to my step grandmothers house because she always used to start arguments with my parents ot just be mean
Respect his choice not to go. Doing so, you’re teaching him his feelings matter and that’s more important right now than your mom feeling snubbed because her grandson said no.
You can ask why, maybe offer solutions, but ultimately respect his feelings and choices.
I would ask him WHY… did something happen?.. I believe a parent needs to be the parent and children don’t run the house hold…
I personally have experience with this from my childhood. I was around your son’s age when my grandma told me that I wasn’t her granddaughter (she suffered from dementia and Alzheimer’s) I decided that I didn’t want to go back and my mom “respected” my decision as a young child. A few months later my grandma passed away. I have resentment toward my mother for leaving such a big decision up to such a small person. I missed out on valuable time with my grandma because my mother thought I was capable of making that decision. I personally would explain to him the value of family since you say that your family isn’t close already and if possible when he visits then you just stay with them until he is comfortable.
I was the same with my kids and I didn’t see a difference really until graduation when my kids didn’t feel comfortable inviting all the family because they felt like they were begging and that made me sad we have a big family and I took the closeness for granted and resented being shoved together and having to share birthdays with cousins but I am a little sad that my kids don’t have that closeness
Sorry as a grandmother I would simply die if my grandchild doesn’t want to see me. My children are however close to me and my husband… Sounds like there is some under lying issues between the mother and grandmother. She tries to justify it with the other grandchildren comment. Fix your issues because sometimes those vibes could be contributing to the other issue.
I wouldn’t take him…if she wants to see him that bad then she will come over and if she doesn’t then it is her loss
It is a proven fact that babies, kids, and animals see and feel things we don’t as adults. He seems to have a serious concern about not wanting to be there so like they all said get to the root of his unwant.
No your not wrong. If he doesnt want to dont make him. My family always complains because they dont see us or my kids but im not able to go over whenever because of transportation. THEY choose to not visit and my kids dont choose to go over either.
I wouldn’t force him. But I would get to the bottom of why he doesnt want to be around her.
If he doesn’t want to go dont force him. Let him decide when he wants to go. You can always get a sitter go visit take photos and let him see the photos. He may change his mind in time.
Makes one wonder why the little dosent want to visit with her?
Maybe ask him why he does not want to go. In my home a 5 year old will not get to make that choice unless there is a reason. I think the mother is projecting her own issues of going onto the child. Her family is not close & it is not going to get any closer unless she works at it.
Yep. Let a 5 year old call the shots. When he’s 10 he can smack you if you get out of line.
If he doesn’t want to go the answer is no. I say this because we are also teaching them that it is okay to be uncomfortable and to voice that they are feeling uncomfortable. And it’s our job to listen. Forcing him to go means that we are telling him his feelings and thoughts are invalid. But most of all, the child said no. You could try asking if he wanted you and him to go to breakfast with her. And try that otherwise, no you’re not wrong. I ask my kid for a kiss daily and if he tells me no then I don’t just force it or kiss him anyway. In my house, no means no. Outside of a tantrum and a toddler telling me no about changing his pull up I don’t take the word no lightly. No means no and I am happy to hear that you listen.
Dont force him to go.
No you are not wrong but if he must go then insist only if you go with him
Give him his voice. There is probably a reason he is uncomfortable, ask him and let him know he is safe with you and its no judgement. My father’s mother was abusive to me when I was younger. I never spent any time with her when I was very young because my mother didnt trust anyone with us, thank God. In my preteen years I started hanging out with her and I realized she just did not care for me at all. Listen to your son, you are his only advocate.
Might wanna edit this post yall messed up the copy paste lol
nope if he doesn’t want to go i wouldnt force him, kids have a great intuition and they can just feel if something isn’t right so i would stand by what he decides
I let my kids have a say in what they want or so or where they go. They are tiny humans who deserve a say in their life. HOWEVER they won’t have a relationship if you don’t break the ice somewhere…
If he’s articulate enough to express that he doesn’t want to go, I wouldn’t make him go. However, I would ask him if he would want to go over there if he could bring some of his favorite toys with him to play with while he was there? Maybe it’s just a being bored there issue and not an uncomfortable being there issue?
Have you asked why? If it’s cause he just wants to play LEGO and not a legit reason I’d encourage him to go even for a hour but not force
If your son doesnt wanna go dont make him. Clearly something is going on that makes him uncomfortable. Also please fix the post you double pasted stuff
Take a break from your moms
Part of being a parent is gently pushing our kids to do things they don’t want to do. Think long term…if you allow your kid to dictate and you do everything according to what they do or don’t want to do he is going to miss out on learning a valuable life skill. With that said, I’d ask his reasoning. Try to get to the bottom of it. If it’s nothing more than “it’s no fun” I’d say make him go anyway. Have him pick a favorite toy to play with and keep the visit 2 hours or less
My kids would scream and cry when being taken to my husband’s mother’s house. Originally I thought it was because I wasn’t there and they are level 12 clingers to me but no. My son ,who’s only 4, told me all she did was scream and yell and he hated it there. So now none of us go around his mom or family. I’ve never felt welcome around them anyway so now there’s no drama at all and they don’t miss her. I have asked a few times if they want to see her and I get a quick NO. I don’t care for her and never have but I did try my best especially in front of the kids. It makes me a little sad that they don’t want to see their grandma but being that she’s toxic I guess it may be for the best.
Children have a different intuition when it comes to certain things and people! Listen to your child, they have a say so in what they want to do and go! If mine don’t want to they don’t go. Never make a child do something they don’t like.
If he’s old enough to communicate his feelings, listen. Don’t force him to go. Keep inviting her to your place.
I am on the fence, why should you mom have to come to your house if she is uncomfortable, if your son doesn’t want to go over to hers because he is uncomfortable? It’s a 2 way street. We have 4 kids and one on the way and not 1 ever thought toys were more important than family.
I only made my kids do what we call “volentold” family things if the WHOLE family was going…
Kids are smart listen to what he feels.
This exact same question is on another page. 🤦
Have her meet for lunch n day at the park? Win win ya can visit n little one enjoys playing? Or pizza place with games kids ? Make it mutual for your son to e joy n visit also? I’d not force him myself / maybe if you do go over bring him some games toys to play with while you’re at moms?
I feel like the whole grandparent/grandchildren relationship is important because they only have a limited time to bond with them some even way less time than others. If Toys are the problem then pack a little backpack with some of his favorite toys that he can take with him.
We used to have a playroom at my grandparents house filled with toys just for the grandkids when we stayed over. Maybe she also needs to find things or come up with some ideas to make the children’s stay a little more exciting. Maybe he’s just really bored there…
we didn’t really have the option to go or not… my parents would just send us but we always enjoyed going over there.
Some of our best childhood memories for sure.
On one hand I think he should go, to have some sort of relationship with grandma… she’s trying… but it sounds like he’s just bored and at 5, sorry but my child is not deciding where they want to go and when they want to go. What if YOU were there also? It sounds like a family thing (decorating the tree) and breakfast sounds nice. Sounds so harmless
Nope. Sorry if there is not a valid reason and he was just bored or didnt know her very well then it is your job as momma to make sure that he has a relationship with his extended family.
I don’t think you let a five-year-old run the house
I feel like you just never know why a kid might be uncomfortable we might say he was bored but you just never know. I would say if you want him to have a relationship with her you also go. You be there with him, I would never send my kid with someone he doesn’t want to be with on his own.
Always listen to the child if they don’t want to see someone. There usually is good reason.
I would ask him why? I would visit and stay. Give them both a opportunity to get to know each other while you observe how they interact. She may come around to visiting and having toys at her home. Sounds like, at the moment, there is no need if kids aren’t at her place.
There’s a reason he doesn’t want to go over there. I would listen.
If shes wanting to spend time with him I’d say let her. So many broken families these days and if he’s 5 he shouldn’t really have a say yet… my opinion. I think letting her take him would be a good way for them to bond
Ive had bad encounters with my inlaws and stil i visit them, u can have bad drama with ur own family but stil its family… i wud rather want my kids to interact with everybody bcoz its good manners… Even if they just greet everybody, sit and watch TV… as long they did greet its something… I feel when u teach ur kids its okay not to visit or to avoid when they older they could avoid u… i told my mom that bcoz ive been kept away from young from seeing family and learning to hate that i dont even feel guilty not to visit even her and even siblings may not visit, it can turn into a mess… My husband on the oda hand keeps incouraging me to forgiv and forget and one day we could regret not visiting when we old…
Uhmmm in a way yes ur wrong. Hes five. Not 13. Id send him to breakfast but if he dont wanna put a tree up with her i wouldn force that
Um… No is no right? I think your asking the wrong question at this point I’d ask him why he doesnt want to go visit at all… Kids domt just randomly come home and say I dont want to go over there any more without reason. Grandma can come visit you. She obviously needs to reestablish a relationship but on his terms.
Id ask him why he doesnt want to go if its something like because they are boring, dont let me eat snacks all day, have rules etc id still make them go if he says something like hes being abused then no he won’t be going back.
Don’t force your child to allow people into enter his circle at their convenience.
He has expressed his wishes to you. There is a reason he doesn’t want to be around your mother or her house
Not a good enough reason sorry he wants to play with toys no your make up excuses so you don’t have to have a relationship with someone who obviously bothers you it’s as simple as you taken some toys for him to play with now if your son expresses that he feels threaten or someone is doing bad things that yes that is reason enough to say no my son will not be around you…
Letting a 5 yr old decide if he wants to go or not?? I’m confused, who is the adult? His grandma won’t be around forever. Saying he gets bored and likes to play with his toys is just your way to justify for him to get his way.
Nope.
I wldnt force it either.
If she wants to see him that bad she can come over.
I wouldn’t force it. Even 5 year olds know if something is wrong. If he randomly doesn’t want to go over there, I’d question why. Maybe he’s uncomfortable? I’d listen to the kid 
I wouldn’t force it. You could offer to let him pack a backpack with some toys to take if that’s the issue. If he still doesn’t feel like going, don’t make him. She could always come to see him at your house.
If he doesn’t want to go see his grandmother you should not force it. He may have a reason that you know absolutely nothing about…Talk to him more…He trusta you…
Listen to him!! So many parents dont listen to their damn kids and it shows in the comments…
I would ask him what the reason is for not wanting to go. My son doesn’t like to go most places, with me even. He’s a homebody, comfortable at home not out & about interacting with people (& I honestly can’t blame him because I’m the same way!). But it sounds like your mom is potentially the problem. Maybe he can just see through it all & is very intuitive or maybe to him priorities are what he wants to do.
It’s hard to say based on little info.
I would not force it, and I would definitely not leave him alone there without knowing why
There is something more than he wants to stay home and play with toys…does he go other places and this is the only place he does not go?
It is an adults responsibility to make the bond, make the connection with the child…does he over hear any conversations about a family conflict?
He seems a little young to express not wanting to go somewhere so I would as a parent want to know more of why specifically and not to just confront him but ask some leading questions to get to the reasons
When my kids ( I have 4 )
Were that age I could not keep them away, they literally would want to go to my moms if I had to run to the grocery store, they would call her and go for breakfast and come home an hour later…so although not everyone lives that close to grandma…I would try to find out why
Kids pick up on alot of conversations just a thought
I would go with him and encourage the relationship
Take games with you that you can all play together eg Charades
No don’t force your son at this time i am a GRANDMA she has not earned it yet she sounds awful she blames everyone but herself like i said dont make your son if my daughter shared this with me i would cry then start a slow relationship with him your mother needs to do this!!!
I feel like if a kid isnt comfortable being with someone to the point that they vocalize that they dont want to spend time with them you should listen. Don’t force it. Clearly there are reasons he doesn’t want to spend time with her.
Hell no do not force him to be around people he don’t want to. Please ask him Why he don’t.
Has he said why he doesn’t want to go? If it’s just being bored, I don’t feel THATS enough to miss out on a relationship with a grandparent…
Unless YOU don’t think she brings a positive relationship to the table.
On one hand, I’ve seen lovely relationships between small children and the elderly, where they played gentle games together but I’ve also seen awful ones (mine) where the grandparent just wanted something to play dress up with and show off to the other grandparents and the child wasn’t into it. 
So is there a real reason he doesn’t want to go or just that there’s no toys because that problem can be fixed and do you talk negatively about your mother around him because he might just be feeling your emotions. It doesn’t seem like you and your mom are that close so he might feel like why should he like her if you don’t. Idk just a thought.
Goodness what a bunch of drama. Focus on liking each other. One day you’ll wish you had.
I would sit with him one on one and ask him why. I still would not force him but I would want to know exactly what his reason is. I agree that a relationship with grandparents is important but if he doesnt want one I would be concerned as to why not. Because like you said they treat him like a toddler instead of 5 years old. That may be a main reason and in that case you could talk to the grandmother and explain his feelings to her and see if her behavior towards him can change and he will like going over there. But I agree with not making him as long as there is a valid reason why. I was forced to go see family as a child too but some of them I didnt like going to because I hardly ever saw them and hated being a room full of people that were basically strangers and forced to talk about myself to them.
I wouldn’t make him go . I’ve seen it where a child was force to go . I don’t aprove of forceing a child to do anything . and why should he go . why cant she come to ur house . maybe theres a reason other then being bord .who knows . my kids didn’t go wt anyone wt out me . not even family .
I do not force my daughter to go anywhere she doesn’t want to for any reason or see anyone she doesn’t want to. I always offer if there’s an opportunity. Sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no. But it’s always up to her. Would you want to be forced to see people you didn’t want? Children feel it too. Offer, even encourage or offer solutions, but don’t force it.
If she isn’t willing to come and see him at all, Why should he be forced to go and see her? I think children should have the right to choose, He is a person, By forcing him you are taking away his voice to consent or not, He shouldn’t have to justify his reasons, And he shouldn’t be obligated to spend time with people just because they want it, Family or not. From what you’ve said your mother sounds like a toxic self centered person and I certainly wouldn’t be forcing that on my child.
Definitely don’t force it. Start by letting her come around more at your house with you there, and see how he does.
I’m a firm believer in instilling independence and choice in kids, but with boundaries. My 5 year old hates giving hugs and kisses. I told him he doesnt have too and I told family not to force him. His great grandma still tries, even bribing him with toys. She lives in a guest house on his grandma’s property so my son always asks to go to the main house as soon as we arrive. I tell him fine as l ok ng as he acknowledges her. (Waves) that way he doesnt have to be forced into anything he doesnt want to do and she is acknowledged. Maybe you guys can find a happy medium. (Or close to and in his favor)
My thoughts as a parent also an Aunty that helped Nan (my mum) raise one niece and nephew… Don’t force them to go/stay there… Communicating with them and letting them decide whether they feel like they want to go or not, is something I would do before enforcing anything. You’re an honest parent for opening your home to the GM and letting her know she’s welcome to visit and interact in the child/rens environment. But at the end of the day, the way I see it, is if she never makes the effort then that’s not your problem or your child/rens, they seem happy not to be there so just keep at it 
things will come right eventually!
Do not force it you are definitely in the right, as a kid i absolutely hated being forced to attend ‘family events’ and i do not force my kids to go anywhere. My own family is dramatic except my grandparents off my dads side and i would rather hole up at home then have to deal with it especially if my kids do not want to go. I wont even ask why they don’t want to go because sometimes the reason behind they may be scared of something or someone. YOU are the parent do not let them bully you into forcing YOUR child into something they clearly do not want to do.
Dont force him. If your mom wants to be a Grandma she will have to show it. She sounds selfish
Why did you stop the questioning at If he wanted to go and not ask WHY? There may be a simple solution that doesn’t alienate grandma. Grandma sounds like she blames everyone else for her inability to cope with family dynamics. If she doesn’t want to make the effort to meet OPs child half way or on his level, then she can just continue blaming others like she always has and the child will be none the wiser for having missed out on that train wreck of dysfunction.
You are in the right. If a child is uncomfortable somewhere unless the whole family is going there is no need. It can cause anxiety and long term problems. I never force my kids to go with adults that they are not comfortable. Just because you are family doesn’t make them less of a stranger to that child.