My 11 year old son and my mother have the best relationship ever, they love each other so much. Me and my mother also have a great relationship, we have always been best friends. She’s 60 and has had some health issues. For the last month or so, my son has been talking about my mother dying and how he needs her and can’t live without her, he says that she’s getting older now and it’s not fair that she will die. To be honest, I don’t even want to think about it because I feel sick. My mother is my world and she’s just the best, I can’t imagine this happening. Last night, my son woke up crying his eyes out saying that he doesn’t want grandma to die. He was so upset that my mum had to get a taxi to our house at 1am to cuddle him. He was screaming saying please mummy, I don’t ever want grandma to die, I lover her so much. This topic has come up a few times now, my mothers parents both died at the age of 54. Everyday is a struggle because I can’t get these thoughts out of my head, I’m so scared and seeing my son cry so bad, it’s heartbreaking and I’m just not strong enough to get through this. How do I prepare myself and my son for this? I literally can’t imagine my life without her and my son loves her like he loves me, she has always been his bestest friend, he really really needs her and I’m so worried that he won’t be able to cope.What can I do? I’m crying just writing this post.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My son has anxiety that my mom is going to die: Advice?
See a psychiatrist for counseling please.
I would suggest some counseling for both of you.
Its seems like he’s hyporcondriac ,I too use to suffer from it ,It’s the fear of death and sickness for others and yourself .Please please try and see a physiologists ASAP .I suffer from Depression and Panic Disorder and let me tell you it’s hell .Get help before it to late .
I remember having this fear when I was young. I was very close to my grandparents and spent so much time with them growing up. It might help if he could spend some one on one time with her doing things they enjoy. She can talk to him about her health and try to ease his mind. I love that he cares so much about her. It sounds like you both are doing a great job.
Talk to Jesus and give hi. your problem. You will find peace
Counseling, and maybe make a memory book with her and take a bunch of pictures, and have her talk to him 1:1 and let her let him down gently?
Get a good theripst…NOW
Definitely get him help
I feel this momma! My mom is not well, we too have a great relationship as well as my kids are her world and vise versa with the kids! I just try to openly talk about the day will come when… And she will go be with… All about understanding of death! We can never PREPARE ANYONE for this part of life, but we can help them remember it’s ok to feel the way they will and give them peace with it! Not sure if religious, if so… Pray together, pray alone, give it to him, he will carry you through!
So difficult to imagine your life without a love one. But consider discussing that the anxiety is taking away positive time that you all have together now! Make the time together that you have count. Time is not a guaranteed contract ￼ given to anyone. Share and express your love everyday!
Your mom won’t die anytime soon, your boy needs therapy.
I can’t help much, but as a mother who had a daughter super close with her great-grandpa, I understand. My daughter was absolutely distraught when her great-papa died. It eventually got better, but now both my kids always talk about how much they miss him.
Go to build a bear with both of them and you can have your mom record herself saying something and they will put it in the bear or whatever it is that y’all choose to build and your son can push that button whenever. We did this for my husband when he was deployed, both our boys recorded something and we still have their sweet little voices in that bear 10+ years later
This is terribly sad I would suggest therapy though.
Y’all need to concentrate on enjoying her while she is here and not waste precious time stressing over what has not happened… you will wish you sis once she has passed away…. I also hope she/you all don’t keep talking about her passing in front of him…. Have another serious talk abt her one more time and then When he brings is up again talk about something positive abt her
Enjoy her while she is here
You need to get him some counselling.
I raise my kids knowing that with life c9mes death. And one day we all has to leave this world. It’s reality and if you can’t accept that then your child wouldn’t be able to. Nothing last forever and the only way is to get him some counselling.
Video her ask questions and want she wants to say when her grandkids gets older if won’t be there — make a lot of Videos when his birthdays come around show him his birthday video of his grandma
He needs some counseling. They will help him process his feelings and teach him coping(sp?) skills. Poor guy
I had this exact relationship with my mom. She was like a second mom to my kids and they all loved her just like your son loves your mom. She died unexpectedly last year. It’s heartbreaking
Why would you make her take taxi at 1 am you should have picked her up
Sadly there is no way to prepare for a moment of loss that significant. I’m 27 and my son is 6 and we lost my mom very suddenly and tragically back in September when she was only 48 years old. She was also our best friend. She meant the world to us both. I thought he’d get to have her in his life for a long time and the fact that we lost her is completely tragic to us both and not being able to protect my child from that pain has been gut wrenching. When that day comes you’ll have each other to lean on. Try to make the best of the time you two do have with her. Those are the moments you’ll both look back on. Also pictures and videos as much as possible. One day you’ll miss her smile and the sound of her voice.
I know all too well how you are feeling. I was close to my grandmother and she passed away when I was 17 and that’s when my anxiety started. After losing my grandma I was petrified at the thought of losing my mom. So one day my mom didn’t come straight home from work and I swore something happened to her(this was a couple years before cellphones became popular and people were using beepers/pagers). I had my first anxiety attack that day and it was horrible. Eventually it got so bad that I had to see someone. I even had to take medication for awhile. Now I still fear losing my mom but I know how to divert my attention when I start feeling anxious. So that’s what you will ultimately need is counseling. Please go ASAP because unfortunately anxiety is not something that will just go away.
I had this fear growing up with my mom. Where I would constantly ask if she was going to die and I would just cry telling her I never want anything to happen to her. My mom would always tell me you can’t look at it that way you have to enjoy life and make plenty of memories she would always assure me that I’m here right now and instead of worrying let’s enjoy our time together.
No advice for this. Sorry can’t think of nothing. But maybe just be grateful you had a good mom while you had her. Some of us never had a mother to start with. Your very lucky for your wonderful relationship with your mom. And I’m so glad to hear you don’t take this for granted. What you have is a rarity.
Therapy. For him and for you three together also. Hugs
My son also has separation anxiety, get one of your Mom’s shirts, put her perfume on it and seal it in a gallon Ziploc bag, then whenever he feels this way he can have her close when she’s not there to cuddle him. It worked for several of my boys!
Counseling family for your son, mom and you. If you believe in God ask to talk with your pastor and help him talk to your son and assure him of life everlasting.
EVERYONE go as a group to see a GOOD Counselor and work individually on this.
THIS IS IT IN A NUT SHELL:
We come into this work and we go out. As we Celenrate a birth ALSO make The End
As a PARENT, grandparent is to teach your offspring to live a good life and be cope with ANYTHING (especially your loss).
Example: Not a good outcome… you die …
everyone misses you so much they dont function FAIL in life or dont want to live because you are not there???
Nit exactly what you spent ccx 18 years raise a child for RIGHT???
Do rituals with you child grandchild the can carry on and know you love them after your gone. (Mine is TEA. I did with my grandmother and mother and “with them” today.
I always thought when one died, God need them more, Yes therapy just might also help your son, Also have your mother talk to him & tell him, even when she does die, she will always be there for him, He might not see her, but she will be there watching over him
your mam could live another 35/40yrs you need to tell your son shes not old at 60 n could live 30 to 40 yrs
There is no easy way to get ready for death because you don’t know when the Lord wants you to come home. Talk to your son about creation and how the spirit never dies and lives in God. Keep building happy memories to look back on. Know that what you think will become. I pray that your mom has a long life. Think about your relationship together and stop darkening your time with morbid thoughts and actions. Enjoy each other and teach your son to be strong by being strong yourself. She should not have to leave her home at such an hour to console him. Seek professional help if necessary for anxiety and depression. May God bless you and your family.
Keep in mind that people live longer lives nowadays. If your mother has recently seen her doctor and there are no major concerns, relay this to your son. Tomorrow’s not guaranteed to ANYONE, regardless of age but one must live as if their time will never end. One must live life to their fullest.
I wish I had advice but I’m in the same boat… The thought alone breaks my heart in a million pieces
I was like that when I was a kid . I worried and would even cry when my mom would go to work because I was afraid something would happen to her. I never really told anyone about how I felt . I would just do my own thing and tried not to think about it. Some things that I did to try and make myself feel better was I would read parts of the Bible about the after life . I don’t know exactly what the scriptures were but I remember that God said when it was your time he would come and you’d have no more hurt that it would be like you were asleep . So for years I told myself that and a few years ago I found my mom in the bed she had suffered a heart attack and passed away . That day I had always worried about had came . Again I told myself that Hod needed her more than I did , her work on earth was done and God said he wouldn’t put more on me than I could handle so I knew that eventually I’d be okay if I just trusted him . So just talk to your son and read scriptures to him and let him know that one day it will be our turn when God is ready and it will hurt our heart so much but we will be okay and his grandmother will always be looking after him . He can still talk to her . I think sometimes my parents come around I can feel them and it’s the little things like the first day I had to go back to work free my mom passed and I had lost my dad a few years prior … well as I turn down this road heading to work there was two bunnies sitting in the middle of the road ( I’ve never seen bunnies there before ) and my first thought was that was my mom and dad , as I drove passed them I looked in my rear view mirror and I could see them behind me like they were following me . So I think they knew it would be a hard day for me so that was their way of saying hey it’s okay . Take lots of pictures and videos for them both that way he can look back on them . I hope this helps because I to was that child
First get ptofessional help, The passing of our love ones are difficult enough, but anxiety can make you junable function normal, get family and if you have a church communitythere are always love ones there, Anxiety exists in all humans and it can become overwhelming, Your are a good mother and daughter, You are solucky for so much love to have shared together as a family, do not grieve for the living enjoy them Much love hugs and kissesand Blessings.
Watching movies that explain death this is how I went about this for my children we believe in heavy and Jesus Christ so that brings my children much comfort their are a lot of moves that’s help and books
Dwell on all the good positive things Mom and you share. Not on IF she will die. Enjoy while you can,I’m 80 and they know how much fun we have had and still do.
Tell him she’s not old she has lots of life left to live and to get over it.We all die sooner or later.js that’s life.
Does she have a thermal illness,if not you are burying her and she could get better.
I know the feeling all too well. Pray for God to prepare hearts when that time comes. But in the mean time make the best memories. Live everyday with meaning spend the most time you can together and take it one day at a time. Sometimes its just the fear or feeling of losing something we love so much. Overall enjoy her while you still have her I pray God extends her time with you and your family so that you may continue to build memories together. I pray for good health and that what ever you need at the right time he will meet you at the right place and time.
Does he know about Heaven where our Spirits go t o be with Jesus and wait For Resurection -where God is -and Loves Her More than you do,?She will be VERY happy there and someday we will all be together again ?
Take as many pics & videos aa you can as those will be what you lean on during your grief when the time comes. It’s truly devastating my daughter says the same thing it’s so hard
Honestly, counseling for you both. Because whether you like it or not we are not promised life. She WILL die eventually, noone knows when they will go. Counseling can provide coping mechanisms for when the time comes.
I went through this 2 yrs ago with my mom. I just decided that I can’t control what’s going to happen with the future. My mom is 81 and in good health. I’m just enjoying what time I have with her.
I always tell my son, as he watched me grieve my grandparents… We’re all on limited time, right now you gotta focus on the time you do have with your loved ones.
I would sit him down and explain how everyone dies. Explore how it might feel and look, what he would need to feel better and how to make the most of the days/ years that are left. Give him a camera to capture memories to put in a scrap book. Make a bucket list. Be pro active instead of sitting in dread.
For all of you.
And help him understand that death is a part of life but it’s not the end.
I think the best thing you can do at this point is to get both you and your son into counseling. You both need to be treated for anxiety, especially your son. It also sounds like you and your son have some depression going on as well. Therapy will get to the initial cause of these scary thoughts and teach coping skills to deal with them when they arise. In the meantime, you need to focus your thoughts on the positive aspects of your family time and of good times. You need to find a quiet absorbing activity you can quickly get into when sad thoughts try to overwhelm you. I suggest working jigsaw puzzles. You may have to set up a card table and a couple of chairs, just for that purpose, but when things tend to get sad, jump on your jigsaw puzzle. Look for the edge pieces first, then try to match colors and patterns. You’ll find it’s very absorbing. Or keep coloring books or pages, crayons and colored pencils handy. When times get tense, sit down and color. You’d be surprised how fast your thoughts turn to what colors should go where. And your son can sit right beside you and color with you. But please seek out that therapist. It really will help you and your son.
My mom was everything to me and my kids. Healthier than me. Took my kids every weekend. Did EVERYTHING with them. With us. Was always there when i couldn’t be. 10 years of being the best grandmother in the world. Last year i dropped her off or a routine outpatient procedure and she had a stoke. She doesn’t speak or walk or much of anything anymore. I thought my mom was going to be there to be with us forever. I wish i would have prepared them better for a life without her.
This legit made me cry at work. I have a verrrryyyyy difficult time with death. I take it incredibly hard and even at 31 years old I have these thoughts of losing my family and it puts me in tears too. When I do lose a loved one I get into counseling and try using healthy coping habits they help with. It’s soooo hard to lose someone we never imagined our lives without. My best advice is enjoy every moment and take ALLLLLL the pics/vids you can because you’ll cherish those most when they’re gone. I can’t tell you how many times I see photoshop requests for pics of people who have passed away to be added to a photo because they have no pics together. Living in the moment is great, but pics are forever. Big hugs mama.
Try not to think about such tragedy. Losing my mother was the worst heartbreak imaginable, you cannot even anticipate it. It changes you. Be thankful for such a beautiful relationship while you are all present.
Spend what time you have making beautiful memories they lastva lifetime video record n take photos together, hire a resort or retreat somewhere to have private time away do as much as you can. Naawww this is so sad to read. I pray you have prosperous years left together
Get some books on death to help him understand it’s life’s cycle
You didn’t say whether you were Christian or not Jesus died on the cross for us for all of her since all we have to do is accept him as our savior and then we never die we just change places. Teach your son about heaven and your mom if she doesn’t know Jesus you can all be together forever in heaven.
Start counseling for you both
There is no way to prepare, even when you really know it actually is coming and there’s an actual clock on how much time someone has. The only thing is you can be prepared to know one day it will happen. I’m sorry I wish I could give you some advice that would be so helpful, but I can’t. My mom passed 2 years ago and I knew it was coming. Your mom will need to start taking to him about it. Tell him to stop worrying about what can happen and just be in the moment because that’s all we have.
Dwelling 2 much…so not healthy
That was me and my daughter. We lost her in December. There is no way to prepare for it. We are still struggling bad. Best I can say is let him be allowed to talk about it. He may need counseling.
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Death is a part of life. I was very close to my grandparents, they were my best friends. I got to see them or talk to them nearly every single day. My aunts and uncle used to lecture my dad about having such a close relationship because I’d be wrecked when the eventually passed. I was very fortunate. It’s been 19 & 21 years since they died and it still hurts.
But those people were the biggest part of who I am as a person, my values, my love, my patience and compassion… I regret nothing. I’m forever greatful I got to know them and love them like I did.
My were also very close to my mother when she died unexpectedly a few years ago at 57. Sucks. Breaks my heart. I know it broke theirs. But it is beyond our control.
Loving, cherishing the time we have together, taking pictures and making memories is what matters right now!
Praying for you and literally crying with you. I’m going thru something but I feel you on this. My Grandmother is about to turn 97 on the 25th and her and my son have the cutest relationship. She’s in great health but everything else is um pretty much gone. I pray everyday that she keeps on going for at least my almost 9 month old daughter can build a stronger relationship with her. Breaks my heart knowing what’s going to come next, her and I are pretty close too, but we just gotta enjoy as much time with her. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. Praying for you and I know you’re strong enough to get thru this!
My son is the same, he is currently in counseling for his anxiety that is centered around losing his loved ones.
I would suggest you get something like this and have her record some messages for him and put them into a stuffy. One for now and another one for later on when she isn’t here any more.
I made one for my son before his Poppy passed away and I’m beyond grateful I did.
2 Pack, Inventiv 30 Second Voice Sound Recorder Module for Plush Toy, Stuffed Teddy Bear Animal Recordable Heart, Record Custom Messages (Red) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079VS3DG1/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_R4GJ66CF5EZEHVYGPHBH?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
My daughter lost 2 adults quite close to her last year, both due to medical problems/illness, and so now when my parents are at all sick she is a complete wreck until THEY tell her they are better… and I coddle her because honestly I didn’t lose a big person in my life til I was 18-19… I can’t imagine losing someone you love at 4-5 yrs old. Just keep it up with the reassurance and remind them that although yes they will die one day, that day is wwaayy far out (hopefully), and that we just need to deal with the day to day.
I get paid over $ 130 per hour w0rking from home. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my colleague makes over $ 22974 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is limitless.
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Aweee I’m crying reading he’s a lucky little boy to have her in his life
That my mom and all of her grandkids, we can’t imagine our life without her.
He needs counseling to understand that death is a part of living, they will not be complete gone just transform, encourage him to take as many pics and videos as he can , to spend as much time as they can
I have terrible news…
Death comes to us all, at one time or another. It’s the one true fact of life.
The one thing that has helped me through losing loved ones is my faith. I know they are in heaven, and I know I will see them again one day.
For a child, though, that’s a hard concept to grasp. Even as adults, we struggle with it.
I hold onto little things that trigger my memories of those I’ve lost. Videos, pictures, and Momentos from times we spent together.
My children were young when my mother passed. I wasn’t quite sure what to tell them … so I told them that God needed her in heaven to help put the pink in the sky. It was her favorite color. When my dad died a few years later, I told them that God needed him to help shape the clouds. I’ve since lost both my sisters, and I dream of them both dancing around, happy to be reunited with our parents.
As a Christian, I don’t mourn their loss of life here on earth … I mourn MY loss of having them here with me. But I celebrate the fact that they have made their journey to heaven … they no longer have to suffer here with health issues of the body.
Death is a difficult issue for most people to deal with. I would suggest seeking some professional counseling, or some spiritual counseling from your church. Meanwhile, live for today, and make the best memories you can! Don’t waste each day, worrying about what (or who) might be a part of your tomorrow … make each day together count.
Good luck, my friend.
Don’t dwell about it ao much that is not.good mentally, dying is part of life and as hard it is to deal with maybe counseling to help him understand that and to just enjoy everyday as it comes of course making memories in the process:heart:
Some therapy might help.
Counselling for the both of you together.
I get paid over $ 130 per hour w0rking from home. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my colleague makes over $ 16249 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is limitless.
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That’s so sad. I lost my mom 15 years ago and it’s hard, especially since she was only 45. I think maybe he needs some counseling, especially since this is affecting his sleep.
Your anxiety has rub off on him, and now you are buying into it…naughty you are…your poor Mum having to get out of her bed and cuddle him in the middle of the night…You need to sharpen up and stop setting him up for disaster…one of the most important jobs as a parent is to help your kids become resilient…life is full of terrible situations…
You both need therapy like asap. Unless she’s had a terminal diagnosis recently that level of anxiety is very concerning. And even if she has had a recent terminal diagnosis recently, with this level of a reaction, you should both get counseling to figure out how to cope with an impending death.
My brother, my kids uncle died when my kids were small oldest 11, 10 & 5 it was a pulmonary embolism, shocked us all my dad was sick for a while saw my brother die, my dad died 7 weeks later. It was hard, but apart of life. Just talk with him on his age level, and maybe kinda prepare I’m in general. We all don’t know when we’re going to leave loved ones behind. Just keep communication open with him.
That’s so sad I cried reading this post life is so unfair
I had this same issue…and then my mom died. Take advantage of every moment with her. I cannot say it gets easy. Mine has been gone for 6 months. It’s worse now then it was 3 months ago. She might live along long life. Don’t borrow tomorrow’s problems today. Go make memories.
Put your trust in God
You can tell him I am 85, and my mother lived until she was 93 and so was my grandmother.
Tell him to think positive - not negative!
You need to have some one that goes to Church to go over some things with you and your son. I am so sorry , but put your trust in God.
At this age I literally had anxiety about this as well. It was a short period of time I wouldn’t let my grandma like out of my sight you could say. I obviously grew older and came to terms with it but it’ll never be easy for him.
If your ringing your mother at 1am because your son is inconsolable then I think you both need to see someone. Anxiety isn’t a joke and needs to be addressed befor it become life crippling . And if your mother already has health issues the last thing she needs to do is be driving anywhere at 1am. Seems like your to dependant on your mother
Makes me wonder if a school friend has had their grandma pass recently. Maybe contact his teacher to see if anything has happened.
I’d seek a therapist so he can talk to someone.
Get that poor child some counseling. And for all of you!
Crying with you mama :’(
I worried about the same thing with my dad when I was growing up . He was 44 when I was born and his parents died in their 50’s so I was sure he was going to too. He passed this last October at 86 so he was around a lot longer then I thought and I am thankful for that.
But she is going to die, as us all.
Mourning her loss while she is here is the crazy part.
Explain to him that there’s more out there to this life. When she leaves you guys, she’s still going to be there. Watching over y’all. So learn as much as you can from her because when she tracends to her next journey, she’s going to watch over y’all and y’all have to make her proud. She’s not going to want y’all crying because she’s gonna be there the whole time. Sometimes it’s even better because you won’t need her to be with y’all in phisical form to hang out with her. She going to be with y’all always. She will be part of the universe and be everywhere you are. So stiffen up that upper lip, take a deep breath and get ready.
I used to do this as a small child. I would stay at my grandparents often and they would come to my room at night because I was crying thinking about losing her. It is perfectly normal when you have such a close relationship, comfort him and spend as much time together as you can. Coming in a cab at 1am is the best thing ever, it warmed my heart.
I lost her in 1999, and still have her ashes and talk to her often. She is around me always, let him grieve his loss before she goes and let him share it with you. It’s a precious gift
This seems alittle unusual to me… you need to have some very serious conversations with him. And I’d def see a doc or counseling. I think you both may need it.
What you think is what will come to you. Law of attraction. Think positive thoughts, spend much quality time, talk about positive things to stay healthy, teach your child how you can all have the longest, healthiest, happiest life. Live in the present!
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Bles you and your son may both get through thisok