Question…my son makes a mess on the floor while I’m gone…I come home and see it…i ask him to clean it…he says it’s too hard to clean now. Arguing back with me…he’s 9…my husband sits and watches…he says clean it…and he does…no back talk, no nothing…later I am constantly looking for my phone…i go in the living room…ask our son if he’s sitting on it (he tends to just plop down like his dad on anything.p.s.found numerous missing things by them “sitting on it” our son says he wasn’t “sitting on it,” but it was covered by his blanket…once again in my mind back talking while my husband allows this…my husband says give her her phone…no argument…he hands it right over…am I too much in my feelings to think he is running me over while bowing to his father? Am I wrong to not feel equal over if I tell dad he’s not listening IM mean? But he wouldn’t DARE listen to his father?
Maybe your husband should have a talk with your son about respecting you and listening to you as well? That seems like a good place to start.
Your son is sure you will love him, no matter what. He is not sure about his dad.
Have a talk with dad. He needs to tell your son when mom tells you to do something you do it just like if I tell you to. If you don’t I will punish you just like you didn’t listen to me.By dad not speaking up your son is learning it’s ok to disrespect/back talk you.
My daughter is the same way tbh I use it to my advantage my daughter loves her dad so when she’s being back I tell her ok im gonna call daddy (he’s a trucker) and she starts being have bc she knows when daddy gets home she’s in worse trouble than she will be with me.
You havent been stern with him.
He knows what or how did will be if he doesn’t listen, but you must let things slide and/or not get stern with him. So he doesn’t think he HAS to listen.
May also be testing boundaries. They do that a lot.
Lay it on the line tell him how it is and how its gonna be once you have spoken to his dad
Wow ! You are his parent also. Make him listen to you. That I’m going to tell your dad b’s is just that b’s!
Lose your shit on him and he’ll learn pretty quick . Also talk to your husband about supporting you .
It’s a mom vs dad thing. Its annoying but its normal
Only you will make him respect you,if your husband chip in he will only do it when dad is around,be firm with him and let him understand you won’t tolerate him backchatting you, even if it means flocking him
First thing you need to stop going back and forth with him. Kids see a parent do that and it’s all over. I’m sure he has tried it with dad before and he shut that shit down immediately. Kids will test you like. I bet if you popped him in his mouth the second he talks back and put a little bass in your voice that attitude will change.
I’m so glad my death state works on my 20 year old and my 3 year old!
If I had to put my finger on it from my own experiences, he knows that you will continue to argue with him and you’ll threaten a consequence but you wont follow through. My kid does this to my husband but not to me. Because I refuse to engage.
Do not argue with him. Tell him once. Give him a warning of impending consequence. Third time give the consequence.
Let him scream yell backtalk argue whatever.
But dont react in any other way than saying that he made a bad decision.
And yes. He will push harder trying to get a reaction to start but eventually he will get the message.
You and you husband need to talk and then you to need to talk to your son
This is my son too! It kills me but im so Thankful he’s back in in person school! Totally a blessing.
The only reason a child argues with someone when they are asked to do something is because that person will argue back. When you askef your child to do something there should be no argument. You will have to start over his fathet let him know that isn’t tolerated from the get go
you kidding me right now? When you asked him for the phone the first time and he said no, you shoulda yanked him up and took the phone. Kids don’t get to argue with adults. That’s not a privilege he has earned yet. But go ahead and let him walk all over you.
Shit it’s the opposite in my house when I say or ask them to do something BOOM it’s done
I’m curious as to how your husband treats you, does he show you respect? Kids will pick up on the roles in the family…
Your husband believes his authority. You are questioning yours. It’s the same reason that people accept the same answer from a manager they won’t from a representative.
You have to stick to your guns and punish him the same way he would. And mean it.
We are Moms, we tend to cave. lol
Also, make sure your husband gives the impression that you have equal input. He can’t see you two as different.
Sounds like Daddy is allowing child to disrespect you.
Dad needs to start telling him to listen to mum first time, every backchat he should get sent to his room or toys removed.
Assert authority and he won’t argue my kids somewhat do this to there mother too she used me as a final straw tool( do this or I’ll get your father ) putting me in a more authoritative position
Consistency.
In my experience he isn’t listening cause he knows you’ll cave or give up .
I dont think saying im not sitting on it is answering back, its answering the question you asked. Maybe he didn’t know his blanket was over the phone.
Hold your son accountable for his actions. Tell him once don’t argue if he doesn’t do what is asked start taking his stuff. Don’t give in and stand your ground.
The same thing happens with my 9 year old daughter, but my husband will yell at her if he hears her back talk me and she has gotten better since he has done that. She wouldn’t listen to me because I used to always give empty threats and her dad doesn’t. Maybe ask your husband to get on him everytime he hears the back talking and follow through with punishments. Also, don’t argue back or raise your voice. Just give him a consequence after he back talks or have your husband step in.
Have consequences. He knows dad doesn’t fool around. Also make dad talk to him about respecting his mother as he does his father.
It sounds like he’s craving attention from your husband 
My 9 yr old is the same way it’s exhausting
I’ve always been told kids will be like that with the parent they feel more comfortable with. My daughter is the opposite, I will listen to her dad tell her over and over, and I listen to it to she if she will mind, and when I see she is not I raise my voice and she does it. I think ever kid has a parent they listen to over the other.
I dunno. Kinda feel like it’s tone of voice. Plus. If you’re always a push over they know they win