My son never wants to see or talk to me and it really hurts my feelings: Thoughts?

It’s always been my son and me, even when we lived with his dad. I’ve always been the provider, working two jobs for a while as his dad sat at home unemployed. I’ve always made it happen when there was no help. Recently we started every weekend at his dad’s (been about five months), and I call and talk to my son. Never him calling me… he’s almost three but very mature. Anyways, for the past few weeks, when I have my son during the week, all he talks about is his dad. I try to have patience because I know he obviously loves his dad… but I can’t help but feel so upset. My son NEVER wants to talk to me on the phone, throws temper tantrums over it. But ALWAYS wants to talk to and see his dad. I’m feeling really unloved and unwanted. My heart hurts because I love my son more than anything. I do anything, and everything for him and he just doesn’t want me… I had my son to have just 1 person I could call family and that I could love and cherish forever, and that would always love me… and it’s just not like that. He doesn’t prefer me. And I’m just struggling with this. Can someone please help or give advice…

12 Likes

Your sons love of his father is not a rejection of you. That’s the first thing to understand. Try not to make him feel guilty or ashamed of how much he loves his dad and continue to love him in the ways you do. Children have a favorite parent and at different stages of life it could be either one. The most important thing is that you do not attempt to alienate them. It will hurt your child more than the dad.

12 Likes

My boy is almost 3 and does the same thing though I am home with him every day and his dad is gone every other weekend running semi. His fav this is I don’t love you Mommy I love Daddy. So you rnt alone in feelin blue about a son not Makin you feel loved

1 Like

come on he is 3…
and he shouldn’t b “mature” hes 3…
and dads are ALWAYS the fun one,moms r everything else…
and I’m not sure your reasoning on having a child is very healthy…
you may need to speak with someone professional to work thru this.

15 Likes

Well, at least your husband is a blessing! :innocent:

3 Likes

My mom used to feel the same way. As I got older, I always felt like I had to choose. I grew up resenting both of them.

When I was little, my daddy was the biggest, strongest, bestest daddy in the whole world. He was my hero! As I got older, we clashed so much we couldn’t be around each other for long periods of time. We were just too much alike.

I lost my dad in 2018.

I want you to know that your son will ALWAYS love you. Regardless of his relationship with his dad, you are still his mommy. You always will be. He loves you. He’s just going through a phase right now.

3 Likes

First, he’s 3. He has no idea what he’s doing. Second he’s with you more than his dad so of course he’s going to be excited to see and hear from his dad. Third he loves you both equally and always will. It’s not a competition.

12 Likes

He’s 3! Every boy loves his dad and needs his mother. The older he gets, he’ll grow out of it. My son was the same way at 3… now he’s 23 and I count him as one of my best and dearest friends…

5 Likes

I’m sure if Dad only gets him on weekends, he does all the “fun” stuff with him, while you do baths and brushing teeth… Children need the rules, discipline and routine. Keep being a great mom and be the constant he needs. It’s just a phase. Whenever he says I don’t love you Mama I only love Daddy just say I always love you son.

5 Likes

Kids have stages in life where they are their “Daddies” and other times when they are “Mommies.” Don’t take it personally & let him enjoy time with you both!

1 Like

He loves you very much and never think he doesn’t, he is just a boy and boys are all about there daddy they wanna be just like them but as he gets older you will be the one who he calls who he goes to when he is sad just be patient and keep doing what you are doing. :grin:

7 Likes

My son is 4. When he gets mad at me he tells me I don’t like you but I love my daddy. Since he was 3 yrs old he has become such a daddy’s boy. But I know from past experiences with my 3 adult children they were the same way. I know it is a phase. 2 of my adult children call me at least once a day. Somedays it is more often. They call me when they still have problems not their dad. The joke in our house is the adult children are mine. The little one is his. Don’t worry to much about him wanting to be a daddy’s boy. He will come back to being a mommas boy. Plus you have to look at through his eyes daddy is the fun one. Mom is the strict one. Since he lives with you during the week. He still loves his momma.

Patience mom, your time will come

Don’t pressure him. Deal with your feelings, possibly jealousy or feeling left out? Your son knows for sure you love him, he is trying to figure out for himself his struggle for affection from his dad. Been there and done that. Just be supportive of his feelings.

this is the way of things. don’t disparage, one day he will see. My son was the same way. He is 14 now and sees how much I sacrificed for him. I have a lot closer relationship with him than his father. Just be patient and a good mom.

All my kids are adults now not one speaks To me anymore , so you think this wait till they grow up, my kids dad died last year at 42 was sudden he made some poor choices in life but that’s all beg ND him now, I’m all they have now but I think they resent me for his passing . We were divorced for many years . He moved on I moved on raised my kids , I did send them to him for visits 5 hours away, then I fell on hard times had a breakdown after my own mother passed and ultimately sending them to live with him till I got my head straight to which I did rebuilt my life but after he passed I became the evil one. So now they say nothing but how horrible I am, and that no one wants or needs me, they are better without me. Lovely my eldest lived with me for a while going to college, I felt it’s too expencive and she needed to focus on that… she moved out while I was away. I knew something wasn’t right since she still never came by after. Till she told me in a message my life is fine and it’s better without you in it… It hurts alot because I fell once and picked it all up. But I’m nothing to them now. I’ll never understand never

1 Like

Your son is very young so is jot responsible for his feelings which are in his eyes valid m hevis too young to understamd your sacrifices or that his father has not made as many as you m i am sure he loves you. .you must be very busy working hard to support your son . make sure that when you spend time with you boy that you tell him how much you adore him . maybe take him to the zoo or the park . make your time with him asweet memory for both ofyou . it can be heartbreaking if a child seems to reject you . try not to focus on that .

Dad probably spoils him. Fun times at Dad’s every weekend. Any toddler wants that over “home”. At home you have schedules to follow, chores to do and rules. (Pick up toys, brush your teeth, go to bed at a certain time ). Mom’s hold it all together in the long run. But let me tell you, as they grow up, his tune will change. He will value your support, love, and guidance more!

HE’S 3!! :thinking: You sound very selfish and petty! AGAIN HE’S 3!!!

I have 6 boys and 1 girl… they all love their dad the most except one. Dad’s are the fun ones. It’s just how it is. If his dad is still crappy as he gets older he will realize it all on his own. It does stink but almost every kid does this same thing at some point. It has nothing to do with you.

1 Like

distract him and have fun

Dont take it personal love. He would be lost without you! But, as you said he doesnt see dad much… his probably just excited to have that special time with dad and has taken for granted mum will always be there… you should be proud of how independent your little man is becoming thanks to your parenting!! Maybe try having a date night once a month/week (whatever suits you and your son ) so he has mummy time to look forward to aswell? Just a thought. . X

1 Like

I can see how that would hurt at least a bit.
I felt bad cuz i was always home with my son and he never wanted his dad:/ my husband used to get so upset over it.
When my son was upset…dad couldnt console him…as soon as id cuddle him and soothe hed calm right down and go to sleep.
I always felt bad for my husband cuz i knew it hurt him that he didnt have that bond yet.
But now…its different…hes all about daddy when my husband gets home from work. Hes fine with me all day but once daddy is around…moms chopped liver lol
And u know what…im fine with it. Im happy that they have that now…cuz it was always me. They needed the bond to grow at a faster rate in time.
Youve always been with him and always had the bond…this is just the dad phase now where itll rise to meet the level of bond you have with him.
Let it grow and do what you can.
Its an ebb and flow…kids go thru phases of bonding with each parent.

2 Likes

He’s really small…I think you’re overthinking it a bit.
Babies go through phases like that where they want one parent more than the other. He’s still your family and he definitely still and always will love you he’s just very young. I think you’re expecting a lot out of him.

8 Likes

With you being the sole provider, you’re not always the “fun” parent. When he is with his father it’s almost something new to him. I agree with the other ladies: don’t take it personal. He is three. Even if he is mature for his age, he is still a toddler.

5 Likes

Find a preferred activity and take interest in it with him. Bedtime stories? Legos? Puzzles? Drawing? There’s so many things little ones like. Find something he really enjoys and try to reconnect with him on that level.

If you were always at work and dad was always at home with him, of course they have a connection. He’s only 3. Mature or not, he doesn’t see your dedication to keeping him secure in the same light that you do. Heck, my 13 and 15yos still don’t choose to see it that way. And they have the mental capability to know, they just choose not to.

For now, just find a common ground and go from there. Don’t force the phone calls. He may begin to truly resent phone time with mom. It will take time for everyone to adjust. You’re doing fine, Mama! Keep your chin up and never give up. Spoken or not, you are his world.

He is only three and prob just does n goes wherever told . But u could ask what he n daddy Do w their time. I’m older n have seen Providers want to b seen n appreciated for what they’re bringing to the table. Kids in no way shape or form understand that part of life. They wanna play n have fun. That’s what they relate to and love. Not brush ur teeth. Behave . Jus’ sayin’ . Try the park. Slides . Swings. Play hide n seek. Tickle. Read stories w great overexaggerated voices…fun.laughing. if ur looking for acknowledgement for hard work from a three yr old u will always b disappointed. Sorry ur hurt…:love_letter:

1 Like

He’s so little. He’s with you most days and with Dad so little.
Give him a chance to miss you. Don’t call him. It’s only 48hrs, talk to him when you pick up up and let him enjoy that time with his dad. He’s awful little to even think of appreciating you, your time etc (mine are 13 and 15 and they still take their time with me for granted and absolutely worship their dad…but it’s ok. It’s their dad :woman_shrugging:t3:)
Also just food for thought, these “favoritisms” happen even in households with both mom and dad. It’ll pass.

3 Likes

My son loves his daddy. We are together but when his daddy gets up (he works nights) from then on he has nothing to do with me until he leaves to go to work. I think it might just be a father son thing. It might also be he’s letting him do/have whatever he wants? Idk if that’s the case but sometimes it happens. I would find something he really likes and try and do that with him. I know it’s hard. But one day he will understand and realize how wonderful his momma is.

1 Like

He 3
He will back and fourth his whole life from wanting mommy to wanting daddy their kids he loves u and u have him 90% of the time of course daddy is the thing rite now cause he excited it’s daddy he only see him a little bit so it’s like a treat right now

My son is a mommas baby until daddy gets home and then he is all about his daddy. I think it’s because my son is with me all day and then when his daddy comes home he’s missed him so much that’s just who he wants.

My kid is the same way. I over thought it for a long time. Its hard but how things go. Its a phase.

Boys always want to be around men instead of women. I’m the babysitting Grandmother. I do everything and all the boys would rather be with Grandpa, unless they’re hungry or need something then I’m fine. Talk trucks to little boys they love them.

1 Like

He is 3. He talks about his daily world thru his eyes. Little kids don’t want to sit still and be on the phone.

Unpopular opinion but here goes… You said you had him so at least 1 person would always love you. That’s it’s own issue, but children do not understand their parents immaturity or to navigate your feelings when they can’t even figure out their own. He is a child, not a tiny man. Figure out why you are so insecure about it and fix it before he becomes old enough to figure it out and resents you.

6 Likes

“He’s almost three, but very mature” WHAT?! No, he is not very mature. He’s a toddler. And toddlers are assholes (yeah I said it!) They are too little to understand what they’re doing. He isn’t purposefully trying to hurt your feelings. Toddlers don’t understand that other people matter until they’re like 4. Give the kid a break! They throw tantrums over everything and don’t care about nothin except themselves. But he does love you. Youre his momma. And the older he gets, the more you’ll see it. Give it time. If he doesn’t want to call you, remember he’s 2 years old and doesn’t operate like a damn adult.

3 Likes

I went through the same thing when I separated from my ex… my sons only wanted their dad and every time they would leave I would cry… but know almost 5 yrs later my boys sometimes ask if they can stay with me and not go with their dad. My oldest was 3 and my second was 1. Know 7 and 5 they understand more and see that their dad doesn’t do much for them. Give it time it will all get better.

He knows you love him no matter what. He might not be so sure about dad.

You are over thinking it. He is 3. Dont get upset over it. Your child happiness is more important

3 Likes

Your overthinking way to much fellow momma your son love you to the moon and back but he see dad more if your working all the time . So he probs use to dad being soother and everything not your fault someone has to bring in the money . One thing I start doing is reach out to your boy get into something you both like to do explore life to short. And your boy doesn’t not love you just never see you so doesnt no what to do with mom

Way bring hear if any miss Anderstanding pliss

He’s 3. 3. THREE… YOU are grown. Gtf over it, pull up your big girl panties and be his mother. There WILL be many times he will confess his love to you, prefer you, and want to stay with you. Just be his mother.

1 Like

First of all he is 3 let it be
Keep doing what ur doing and when he’s with you love him and love him some more
when he’s with his father leave him be
That is there time and during there time go do ur own thing in the end you’ll will find peace, bothering them is only eating at you and mentally that’s not good Also don’t be drilling ur kid for answers from when he was with his dad he will only grow to resent u. trust in ur ex ur child is ok
Your son is extremely lucky to have both parents in his life Not all kids are fortunate to have that
You have a long road ahead and the sooner u heal urself the sooner there will be happiness

Hes 3…get over it.

MY Joy is back to me after a very long time which i and my ex separated since i was alone my life change,every thing about me change a friend of mine gave me an email address and told me that this was the email address she contacted when she was in the same problem so i contacted the email i got a reply he ask me to send him my number so i did he was a man call Dr goko he is a spell caster he casted a spell for me and told me that within two day that my ex we be back for good within that two days my ex was back, i and my ex just got married. few week back email ([email protected] com or on WhatsApp +2349064938931,