Mamas, I need advice… I have two boys, 13 and 5. My oldest has mental health issues, anxiety, bipolar, and Asperger’s. We have tried everything we possibly can, psychiatrists, medication, and having him placed in a psychiatric setting. He has been there once for about a week, and he never showed anything, he was a perfect angel… I’ve called so many different places for help, and I have gotten nowhere… He has rage attacks; he curses at everyone when he’s corrected for wrong behavior. One night, he had a rage attack, he was destroying my house and hitting my 5yr old and me, and I couldn’t get him under control, so I had to call the police they sent one officer and the EMTs, they talked to him, but that was it. I currently don’t have custody because he went to school and lied and said he was beaten by his dad. (Note: dad and I are together and have been for nearly 15 yrs) He was mad because his computer was taken away the night before he told his school. He has even told his grandparents, currently where he is staying, that he will burn their house down. And tonight had been the last straw, he called 911 and hung up so the cops showed up, only told him that he could be put in a juvenile detention center if he did that again, and left. I’m at my wit’s end. I love my son but Idk what else to do.
Where are you located? This may have an effect on what to do. I too faced the same a
Situation with our son.
Put them in assisted living facility for challenged individuals that offers daily therapy
Send me a pm and I can tell you what we did.
Hardcore therapy maybe a therapist that offer home visits and family sessions
If he’s not doing it at the facility then it’s a situation at home. I WAS that kid. My home life sucked. Send him off to a therapy ranch or somewhere separate from home so he can succeed.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, and I’m by no means implying that you aren’t a good enough parent, but have you looked into any hospitals for him to stay in where he would be able to receive the proper care? I have Asperger’s syndrome along with anxiety. That sounds WAY further beyond bipolar and Asperger’s to me.
I would be terrified to have him around my 5 year old
Im not sure but I thought bipolar could not be appropriately diagnosed til late teens/early twenties? I would look into getting a second opinion on the conditions because a proper diagnosis would help indicate the professional help you guys need to navigate this.
You all need to seek family therapy or it’ll just get worse. Especially with him having Aspergers Syndrome they will teach you and dad how to properly handle certain situations positively and offer guides that will help with positive reinforcement for your son. My son is the same way and it is an every day battle (well, most days). We still haven’t quite figured it out yet either but it’s slowly getting better. Stay strong.
Call the local jail to see I’d they have a scared straight program? If they do, ask if they have a stay option. And have him stay. It might honestly help.
Also you should get him a balls to the wall mentor! Like someone who was a pain the ass kid who fixed their life. They should have a mentor program in your area or the next city over?
Maybe get him into a sport? Something that would give him focus.
He’s fine around other people but not home? That’s not mental illness, that is something at home wrong
I have bipolar,depression,anxiety,BPD and CPTSD.
I dont have asperger’s however have known a few people.who do.
He needs extensive therapy.
But definitely therapy.
If he continues to be violent he made need to be institutionalized. Aka hospital,youth care home, juvenile detention. Wellness ranch.
I.completely understand loving him and not wanting to see him go but everyone’s safety including his own needs to be taken into account.
Has he been on therapy, I am new to this my son just got diagnosed with Autism, and everyone says that ABA is the best thing. I am not sure about Aspergers but I figure they have some type of program too
Talk to your doctor…
Since he he asperger what his most interest that hes smart in my nephew is so I to airplane and working on his pilot license I call it the genius disease does he truly does know everything that’s what’s so good about Asperger’s get him into what he’s passionate about so he’s consistently doing it every single day
If he’s only like this around family then something else is going on. Doesn’t sound like it’s completely mental illness related. It’s also highly unlikely they would strip custody from parents without actual proof. A child or rather a teenager just saying that his dad beats him up isn’t going to go very far and they wouldn’t take custody from the mother unless they actually had documentation of it so I’m sorry but this post just sounds like there’s a lot of information missing
Do you have a child advocate working with your family? I don’t know where you live, but finding services on your own can be a daunting task. Having someone like a case manager can be helpful in working with providers, finding new services, and just helping to oversee his entire care. Praying for your family, I’m sure its terrifying feeling out of control when he is destroying things and lying. I encourage you to seek as many second opinions as possible. Good luck.
You best bet, and I know it’s tough, sign him over to state, he will get the help he needs. He needs a group home.
I would recommend getting a behavior support plan put in place and maybe some community based services such as a respite worker there are plenty of waivers and grants put in place to help provide these services I would call the local mental health care facilities and see if they can put you into contact with someone.
You should look into Tony attwood. He specializes in Aspergers and has books to help
How did this happen, trauma
Contact CPS and create a case outlining his behavior. Had a similar thing happen to a friend. Her stepson was out of control. She had contacted the state to find help but the son got angry, went to school and made up a story about how abused he was (they never hit any of their 5 children) and both parents were incarcerated for many counts of child abuse, their children were separated into different foster homes and they went through hell trying to get them back. They are back together now minus the son because the state recognized his mental illness after in their custody for some time, and placed him in a facility. The only real saving factor was the paper trail where his behavior was outlined before the accusations of abuse. Let the authorities know this kind of behavior doesn’t improve on it’s own. Good luck Mama
Ok What he is doing he knows better I have a son like him. All he is doing is wanting his way U need to put ur foot down and straight out ask him if he wants to go to a facility or if he wants to calm down. Please put him in family therapy it helps to know why he fills he should lie and hurt others. It may be just the fact he can get away with it. Good luck
have a same problems with granddaughter the cops don’t do anything anymore they wouldn’t take her to juv when told them to take her
If he knows how to behave and act if he’s placed somewhere then he knows how to act at home. My son has Autism. He was raised with consequences just the same. If he continues and you have tried everything possible then you have to make the decision of whether to put him in a group home or permanent facility until he decides to get better and learn from the help he receives. You have to decide if it’s worth the risk of him hurting his brother and the rest of the family or doing what you have to for his mental health.
To me it sounds like 1 of 2 things, either:
- He experienced serious trauma (physical or sexual abuse) he said his father beat him it’s very common for victims to blame those close to them. It could have been his father or not. I’m not sure why you came to the conclusion he’s lying but you never really know what happens behind closed doors unless you’re with him 100% of the time (which is impossible)
Or 2: extreme lack of discipline. This is a tough one because if he HAS experienced trauma this would not be an appropriate response. But if it’s completely ruled out it’s not trauma… then you need to implement discipline. The cops can’t discipline him for you. You can’t just call them whenever he throws a fit. You have to come up with a system that works for you, whether he likes it or not. Take everything away. DO NOT hit or humiliate him. Just find a way to discipline that shows you’re in charge even if he doesn’t like it
Do you have a case worker/social worker you can talk to?Also tape him if you can to show the docs.In the end he may need to be placed some where
You should have a local or regional Community Service Board or CSB that should be able to help especially if he gets in trouble
Some times your not the one to best help your own child , its hard to believe and hard to do but he needs a place where he does fit or work well or at least better . Never give up never stop advocating for him but your house or your parents house may not be what he needs . If you surrender his care to the state plz dint fade away stay involved and see to it he is being helped or require he be moved until he is . It hard I had to leave my son in a ER and refuse to come back to get him as he was being harmful and I couldn’t get any help and they said no place was available but in my care he was a danger so I finally got him to ER and they couldn’t release him as he was underage and a danger to himself. He stayed in the ER for 3 days watching basketball plays off till they found placement for him , It broke my heart but I refused to let my son harm himself and I could do little to nothing to stop him . It’s all better now , I might add he and I have big love and respect for each other now 10 years layer .
Join the parents of bipolar group and get the book the bipolar child. Lying is very typical and they may not even realize that they are lies. It really helps to be in a support group with other parents who have been there.
Tell your social worker to help you find an agency that does FCT (family centered treatment) or PCIT (parent-child interactive treatment). Also, if they are requiring any sort of parenting classes request help finding a Triple P class. All of these are evidence based (meaning proven to work) and are family centered so you can ALL get the support you need to be healthy together. Also ask to get setup with an agency that can offer you respite care if you think you’ll need the support once he is back in the home. Good luck!
This country is complete garbage when it comes to helping people with mental health issues. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and not getting the help you and your son need. I wish I had advice. Good luck
What disciplinary actions have you taken so far? You only list what he does not what you do at home to correct it…
Sounds like he needs his ass beat! He knows exactly what he’s doing.
I don’t know what state you’re in but there are so many services out there for this behavior. It’s scary stuff. Residential treatment facilities would be the best bet. With wrap around services like TBS or casa, etc. CPS should be able to get these things set up with you. Find your local regional center. Sorry mama
I realize that this is going to sound harsh, but I would place him in a group home! He appears to be a danger to you, and your family. Don’t feel guilty about making this decision. It’s not fair to your other son. I don’t feel that your life should continue to be disrupted by his out of control behavior!
13 year old, shame on every one, guilty before finding Root cause. What if adults were lying it happens. Look at priests
Poor kids my thoughts the parents have something to do with the problem
Record everything he does
Put your foot down with him, hes old enough to understand right from wrong he just wants his way and will obviously do anything to get it
Get him a therapist, record his behavior at home and show it to the therapist and theyll go from there
Idk but for me staying consistent and when he I’d out of control remove yourself and other son and allow the authorities to come. He has to know when he acts out He has to pay for his bad choices. Good luck
I did same with daughter took her off all meds and great kid just that age of being mean. Seriously shes 16 and not on anything and great kid doc just tried 20 different meds that made her mean and hateful or sad and depressed
Contact your county workers, they have several coordinators/resources. My friend does this for a living
Has he been evaluated for ASPD? Or ODD? That has the same symptoms. ASPD diagnosis could get him removed for the sake of your youngest. I have experience with a lot of what you’re talking about, but my child isn’t quite as violent towards us… though she’s only 10 yet. I imagine if you call CPS should he attack your little one again, they’d be obligated to remove him for the safety of the other child, but really, you need to talk to his therapists, his wrap around staff (if he doesnt have that, why? They provide respite care) and his school psychologist. All if these are people you should be in regular contact with. If you’re not. Why? Go look up advocates for special needs services and go get those needs met with the help of someone who has experience with violent and dangerous children. Demand help for him and for you and your youngest. Call the cops and press charges. Demand to press charges. Call CPS everytime he acts out. Set up hidden cameras and don’t let him know. At 13, he’s not likely to get better without serious intervention, and if it is ASPD, theres very little you can do to protect yourself. I hope you don’t have pets. Rehome them now if you do.
If he was an angel for a week when being watched that just shows he can control his behaviors when he wants. Sounds like he just being a brat child and you better fix it with the good ole fashion belt. Before he takes that uglyness into his adult years.
It sounds like his anger is displaced (being mad about something but blaming other people for it aka lying) It is caused by a lot of anxiety (anxiety can come off as anger), it is driven by jealousy of younger sibling or a combination of all 3. IMO you need to see if he can be admitted to a psychiatric facility for 30-60 days so that he can be properly seen for who he truly is and so that his behaviors can be properly treated and you also need to record and have proof of all his behaviors at home so that you can prove that he needs this. Until then have you guys tried putting him on CBD oils it has been proven to help with anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc better than medications can do.
I attached a website to help you out too.
Look into personality disorders, they are unlikely to diagnose before 18 but if you see something that “clicks”, you may be see what treatments work for that and fight for those. Look for Facebook support groups as there’s a lot of advice that can’t be given from the little bit of information here.
I’m going thru the same thing! But he doesn’t hit us…but it’s terrible…I’ll pray for you!!
Brochures on Boot Camp. Leave it out and tell him/her this a place for teens that have tantrums. Not that you would send there but to see the reaction. I know a gal bipolar and they do change in a heartbeat. The right meds helped her. Phobia’s about allot.
Get a home camera that is in main rooms (SPOTCAM) and check it to see if maybe the adults in the house are doing something to aggravate him. Typically a kid feels neglected and forgotten because of all the things that take away their parents attention! Check to see if he’s being ridiculed or criticized instead of getting positive strokes!
Why dont you have custody? If the alleged abuse was false, he would not have been removed from the home.
My 12 year old is the exact same way as this! Tori Florez this is spitting image of little k
Set up cameras in the home to catch him acting out. Get this recorded at least 3 outbursts to show doctors.
Military school. And lots of therapy. Definitely medication.
I would buy a nanny cam n put one in every room except the bathroom n not let the child know they are there…n record daily
Record when he is acting out . It will help alot
Try therapy for the family. If he’s out of control U can turn him over to the state for care
He’s a minor. Have him admitted
I have a twin who is extremely jealous of me
And she exposes different kinds of tantrums
She is fake
And then lies
Then she act bi polar and I believe she has aspergers…takes everything to offense not accountability for anything she does. She can explode and make lies and she then acts normal
I think jealousy brings out a unique personality
I think hes jealous of his 5 yr old bro
And personality disorder
My sister and in our 30’s and she was this way as child…its been very hectic and I wish I had a better way of family memories but I feel the only good memories is when shes not around throwing a fit
Which I’m saying his actions r affecting ur other child and he not getting a good life. Life on edge.
Try to get him in facility
My parents never saw her behavior till now…now shes an adult and it’s too late to professionally diagnose her.
She out if control
U have many yrs ahead
I hope for better outcome for u.
Jealous kills families
Let your son know that his actions will have him taken out of the house and either placed in a facility or with foster parents. He does understand what he’s doing. Time to pay the price for behavior that’s wrong and hurtful.
I’m sorry for your situation. Having a child with disabilities is heartbreaking and leaves you feeling alone and helpless. One treatment that helped with my son’s anger outbursts was biofeedback or neurofeedback. Helped tremendously. Prayers and
Not a mom, so I don’t know any good advice but you’re in my prayers.
Jenniffer Jarrett suggestions?