My son will not do anything unless his dad or I are in his sight: Advice?

Hi! I would like to post another question. Thank you! Is this normal? Should I talk to his doctor? I have a 4.5-year-old boy who is very attached to my husband and me. He goes to daycare fine since the age of 1.5 and quickly adapted. He will stay at my parents’ house or my sisters’ house without a problem. However, when he is in the house or at somebody else’s house, he panics the moment we’re out of his sight. Like I cannot even go upstairs and leave him in the TV room watching a movie without him following me or screaming for me. If he’s eating breakfast and I go to the bathroom to get ready, he screams MOooOommm MOOOoommm until he is able to see me. If he’s in the car and I forget something inside the house and leave for half a minute, he starts crying (and yes, I explain to him: I am just going inside for 1 minute to get my wallet). When we’re at a friend’s house, and other children are watching a movie, he WILL NOT stay with the other children if we’re not next to him even if he has known them for years! He will not go into a parking module if we’re not right next to it…not sitting at the bench looking from a little far, we have to be NEXT to him. We tried registering him to a summer day camp, and it was impossible to leave him there for the day, he would scream, and he would not let go of my husband…I really don’t know if this is concerning…if I should talk to his doctor about it…if I should give him more time… He starts Kindergarten in 2 months, and I just want him to be able to have a good time! Have any of you been in this situation?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My son will not do anything unless his dad or I are in his sight: Advice?

I personally would talk to his doctor about it :thinking: my son has generalized anxiety disorder and when was this age presented some of the same behavior. Never hurts to ask the doctor

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If he goes to daycare he can manage kindergarten.

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I would reach out to his pediatrician and if it was me I would probably ask to get him evaluated with a therapist

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My son is 10 years old and does the same thing. He has severe separation anxiety. See about him being autistic as well.

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Sounds like separation anxiety and that’s quite common in younger kids. Has something happened in the past that made him think his mom and dad weren’t coming back? Like a storm, car accident or anything like that? We went through this with my oldest and I ended up having to take him to see a therapist. He was able to comfortably talk about what was bothering him in a way that wasn’t so much talking as it was expressing. Afterward, the therapist gave us all tips on how to cope with it and within a few weeks, he was okay.

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I was like this as a kid. My parents got me a locket with pics of them inside it when I went to school and it made it sooo much easier :slightly_smiling_face:

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He went to daycare fine so k shouldn’t be a problem.

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I really don’t think it’s separation anxiety. He goes to grandparents with no issue. He goes to daycare with no issue. He goes to his aunt’s with no issue. I’m sorry I’m just speaking from experience with my own son and nephew and my several years experience working in pediatrics, you’re there so he knows if he cries enough he’ll get attention. Stop giving in. Let him have his fit, he’ll be fine. And if he can go to daycare he can go to kindergarten.

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My daughter went thru this too. Its desperation anxiety and you just have to take it a step at a time. Like when you go to the bathroom let him know mommy is just going to the bathroom. When he freaks out let him. When he notices the freaking out will not give him attention he will soon stop

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Mine is like that to some extent but she does it because she is bored and wants us to constantly entertain her.

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My son was/is like that. He is 5 and see a therapist. He was recently put on zolft. He is very intuned on what’s going on in the world but doesn’t understand it. He is afraid we will get covid, caught in a shooting or a build collapse. He thinks we might not come back. He is still working on it.

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It could be nothing, it could be early symptoms of an anxiety disorder. Your instincts on taking him to get checked out are spot-on. Either way, you’ll have answers and can go from there.

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I’m thinking it’s an attention thing he knows he’s going to get some type of attention when he freaks out. If he can manage daycare and family members without y’all then I’m assuming this is an attention seeking behavior. It could be combined with mild anxiety as well. But I definitely would try to ignore the behavior a few times consistently without giving in and see how that fares. His pediatrician will most likely say the same that my sons did which is that they are looking for your reaction with this type of behavior. And maybe not he may prescribe meds either way I would definitely be discussing with a ped and therapist.

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Sarah Truman Sherrill

One thing my sons doctor has ALWAYS asked was if he has seperation anxiety. I would 100% talk to his doctor about it

Regression, it is very common at that age (right before kindergarten) Kids realize they are becoming more independent, which means parents are not right next to them as they used to. It’s a phase, try reassuring with love and attention to help with trust and confidence (you still love him, you are there for him and always will be) :heart:

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Take him to counseling for all of you. That’s why they are professionals. None of us are. Get the help he needs. Good luck

So my son is a little younger than yours, 1.5… he does the exact same thing. He goes to his grandparents & others houses just fine. He only acts up for me. If I leave the room, he chases after me crying. He cries for me to hold him. He will be perfectly content for hours with someone else, as soon as I walk in he’s all momma and crying for me… (I give him lots of attention). My husband has said it’s so much easier to take care of him when I am not around cuz our son knows daddy doesn’t play that game… when I am around, all my son does is cry for me to hold him and that’s becuz I have always given in to him. Trying to currently break it.

Sounds like separation anxiety. I would talk to his pediatrician and they may refer him to a therapist.

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Encourage him to do things independently and show him you feel he’s safe being alone. If you rush into grab him or soothe him for everything he’s never going to feel safe alone… they have to understand they have security without you being in eye sight. I don’t think it can be done over night… it could be too much of a shock, start with the smallest things and assure him he’s just fine. Stay calm and loving and tell him he’s safe and ok. I absolutely wouldn’t yell or say things like “stop being a baby” I would set him up to play in his own room and tell him he’s ok to play alone… encourage it! :slight_smile:

If anyone I would look for a child therapist. They can be super helpful here! I had the exact same battle with my now 8 year old. Hugs! It can be tough!

Maybe something happened at daycare that has him terrified of you leaving at 1.5 he was not able to tell you. I didn’t put my son in daycare until he was able to communicate.

Awww he’s just clingy and feels comfortable with yous and his grandparents. My grandson was like this. He’s 3 now and slowly started doing his own thing when he was ready. He’d even go to the toilet with her. I don’t think there’s anything wrong, he’s just happy to be in the presence of who he wants. He gets upset cos he can’t explain he’s just clingy and not wanting to be with who he doesn’t want to or be on his own.

It sounds like separation anxiety. Deff bring it up with his doctor. It’s concerning in the sense that it’s in the way of his every day routine.

It’s hard to tell at that age. Maybe try not to run to him every time he freaks out. He’s going to experience this often when he’s at school. Talk to your doctor about it but start encouraging him to do things independently and use a lot of positive reinforcement.

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Seperation anxiety. Therapy helps

Had he been tested for autism?

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Separation anxiety for sure. Gonna have to teach him how to cope without you

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Not emotionally ready for kdg. Wait a year

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Daycare is a part of his routine. It seems he’s very uncomfortable without routine so the friends, even though he knows them, aren’t in his daily routine and make him anxious. Sounds like GAD, generalized anxiety disorder. Take him to pedi, get him into play therapy & into a psychiatrist for diagnosis. Play therapy is AMAZING for kids with anxiety!!

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I’m thinking something happened at daycare and that’s why he’s all of a sudden afraid to leave your side now

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Went through this with my son but it was due to abandonment issues from his father dying

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This is my youngest son, to a T. Except he wouldn’t even go to preschool or to my parents’ house. If my husband or I are not there, he is not having it. He was diagnosed with severe separation anxiety. For the time being, our hope is that he’ll grow out of it, because I don’t want to medicate him if not necessary. We’re doing homeschooling with him, and I live my life with him attached to me lol.

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Get him to a Doctor and a counselor.

I used to work at a daycare and we had kids like this. When mom or dad would try to drop off they would freak out and hang on to mom or dad until we had to hold them back while the parents left. As soon as mom or dad were out of sight for about 5 minutes or so the kids would be perfectly fine. Most kids act like this with mom and dad because it’s mom and dad

Has something happened that has traumatized him? It’s odd that he can go outside the home fine without you but in the house is different.

My son did this for a bit, found out his dad and cousins were playing a game that the characters were really scary. He was terrified of those characters in the game. Once I told them he was not to see this, after a bit he finally stopped. Make sure there’s nothing possibly scarring him, that was my sons problem although I didn’t let him watch scary things.

Maybe someone close to the family has him scared

Yes not one is hurting him rt if answer is no take him to Dr he has separation anxity

I’ve read many of these comments/suggestions and more or less agree. My education specialized in children under 8. This sounds like the high end of ‘normal’ separation anxiety. (Not sure that’s what it should be called…) Do not dismiss these feelings. Sadly, there can be purpose to them. Have you heard of redirection? It’s when a young child is upset about a certain (simple, like toy/activity) thing and instead of figuring out who thinks they should have what toy/activity…EACH child gets ‘redirected’ to a different toy/activity. It’s important that an adult/older care giver follows through with each involved child to engage them in the new toy/activity. Observing the children’s actions/reactions to this will give you insite to the actual stressor as well as any additional potential outside stressors. It’s a tool but an effective tool when really used. It often mitigates tantrums. Young children can rarely vocalize their anxieties but they will show you. Be active and help them show you.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My son will not do anything unless his dad or I are in his sight: Advice?

Yup. I had this issue. I left him with someone I knew who could handle the melt down. And I said zj mommy has to go do this for a little while and it’s a mommy only thing. And so and so will take good care of you just like mommy does. And then he had his meltdown and she reassured him that he was ok and that I’d be back and distracted him with his fav activity and I was back exactly when I said I’d be and made it into a big excitement that he was such a good boy and I bet he had the best time. And after that he has been ok. He will stay anywhere and he asks and they will take good care of me? And I say yes. But on the downside if he feels that they didn’t take good care of him it takes a bit to get him to go back and it’s usually cuz he got a time out for misbehavior

Discuss it with your doctor first. And if the doctor is of no help, get a counselor or therapist for your son. My stepson was like this with me around that age. We put him into his own counseling sessions and he really opened up and started being a little more independent. Counseling doesn’t always mean a bad thing. Sometimes it’s just good to get an outsiders opinion and talk about it.

My daughter was the same way!! Finally started growing out of
it around 10

I would put him in counseling. He’s going to have to learn healthy ways to cope through this phase. I don’t know of anything else to recommend my kids never experienced separation anxiety to this extent.

My grandson is 6… He is the same way… I just go on about my way in the house. I put him in a movie ( that helps ) and I just go do what I gotta do in the house…

My 4 year old daughter is the exact same way. She even mutes the TV and yells “mom” repeatedly when she goes to the potty and I respond “ava” so she can here me and know I’m close.

My son will be 5 in a few weeks and he acts exactly like you are saying. I dont know what to do with him either. He starts school in a month and he tells me he is not going, that he is going to stay home with me. I can’t even go to the bathroom, kitchen or even the room because he screams the whole time if he can’t see me

I’d try a counselor. This is worrisome to me. It may just be separation anxiety or a phase but it makes me wonder if something has happened to him at some point.

My daughter will be 8 this year and is the same way I can’t do anything without her she doesn’t stay anywhere If I work late even a few minutes she hits panic mode I’m not coming back and I’ve never left her anywhere I’ve always picked her up or went and got her when I said I would she just can’t seem to separate from me

Have you gotten his eyes checked? Or hearing? I know in younger kids they do this because they feel like you’re gone gone because they can’t hear or see you.

Oof. I could have written this post. My 7 year old son is EXACTLY like this. He’s on the spectrum and had a serious case of separation anxiety. If he’s with his sitter, my parents, or at school he’s totally fine but if I’m there I have to be visible. He doesn’t understand “I’ll be right back” so I’ve started setting timers so he’s got a visual on when I’ll be back. Very rarely does the alarm ever go off because I really do run back in to grab something or the bathroom. And he gets excited when I beat the timer “dang mom you fast” :joy: anyway, the timer gives him something else to focus on other than the fact that I’m simply just not RIGHT in his eye sight

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I would definitely discuss this with the dr. IMO it sounds like separation anxiety. If the dr says to you this is normal, or he will grow out of this, I honestly would get a second opinion that can offer intervention, because if you wait it can be harder on him when he does start school. It also could be his ears or eyes, but defiantly speak to your pediatrician about your concerns, and never take no for an answer.

He’s too old to have separation anxiety that severe. Is he in a situation where you are always by his side so that’s what he expects? Need more info. Either way, that needs to be addressed before he starts school.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My son will not do anything unless his dad or I are in his sight: Advice?

My son was like this, he would stand behind my legs at a kids party until the end. I tried my hardest to get him to join in. It’s a good thing that he goes to a day care but in time he will get better. My son is 16 now and i would so it changed for the better around 3 years ago x

My daughter is like this. She will be 9 in a few weeks. We’ve dealt with this for years. It’s separation anxiety. See if his pediatrician will recommend some type of therapy. It will get worse as time goes on if left untreated. She has came a long way and she started to show signs when she was a baby.

My son suffers with anxiety he is a bit braver. But won’t sleep alone at night needs the back door open if he is I garden playing on his own. Won’t go in his bedroom by himself or go upstairs to the bathroom… he needs all the lights on. And womt have his curtains shut. He has gonna better as he now falls asleep by himself but he does call us 10 times to make sure we are nearby

Sounds like separation anxiety. I’d speak to gp x

Definitely separation anxiety!! I’d research online things/steps to help separation anxiety and take it really slowly so it isnt really noticed as a big step but slowly gets used to having time apart even if onky 15 seconds to start with etc good luck hope all goes well xxx

It’s separation anxiety and unfortunately covid has made this so bad in a lot of children recently, especially if they have had to home more then normal due to quarantine and lockdowns etc. That age has been really hard with covid as they are old enough to be told stay home, wash hands etc but don’t fully understand the why behind it all. Therapy is always helpful but also just calmness and patience and the phase will normally always pass. The routine of school will help too x

Tell him what ur doing before u leave the room. Just be like ok mom is going in the shower now are u gonna be ok? I’ll be out in 10 min. And try talking to him about it.
(Is he watching scary videos on the tablet or something?) My kids where doing that then I found out they were watch scary you tube videos

Its separation anxiety he will grow out of it

My 5 yo is the same way I think it’s normal they’re attached to us we are there protectors but mine is growing outta of it now that me n her dad both work remind ya she is the only child. Maybe just don’t say what ur gonna do around the house just do it while he’s watching TV ect that’s what I done it helped

I’d take him to a child behavioral therapist, simply for learning to control all of that screaming and to better express himself.