My sons dad constantly talks bad about me to our son: Advice?

My 12-year-old lives with his dad by his own choice his dad talks bad about me to him my son seems to act like his dad when we got divorced we put 50/50 custody so what do I do my don’t want to come over because his dad hates my husband of 2 years, so he brainwashes my son he tells me he’s old enough to say where he wants to go he has always used my son against me in fights he would plan a vacation with his current family them ask me for a 100 or more for my son what should I do I hate him I hate that he puts my son in the middle of adult business


If you have proof that the father is telling he’s son to hate you then take it to court. It’s emotional abuse wether the child realises it or not. It’s also emotional abuse to you as well because he’s using your son against you.


I’d take him back to court in a heart beat

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I agree with Steph Irlam. Take the nasty sod to court. He can mentally harm your son xx

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Mental abuse to alienate him from you. They will do a mental check up on ur ex husband to make sure that it is him doing that.

Yeah, alienation of affection is frowned upon by the courts.

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Yes bring it back up to the court and tell them your very concerned for your son

12 years old isnt the age to choose where you live. Where i live its 16. And even then when you have 50/50 the child must go to each parents house at tbe designated times and if not its considered contempt of the custody agreement. GO BACK TO COURT with whatever evidence you can to prove that the things are happening.


Let it go. The truth will come out. Let the kid decide for himself who’s truthful. :woman_facepalming:


12 is a bit young to be choosing where you want to live. I would take it back to court and let the judge decide and set placement. Also, if you are paying child support and dad has custody, you should not be responsible for contributing and extra money for vacations.

I take mine to therapy especially because of him having to witness the verbal abuse. Plan in place to get out already in action.

Dad doesn’t know about the therapy we go on “mommy and son outings”

Take your son to a counselor. If he won’t go or your ex won’t let him file a petition in court for a change in parenting time. Bring up the brainwashing & games your ex plays. Ask for an evaluation into his ability to parent & family counseling for the 3 of you.

I have no advice for this other then one day your son will see how everything truly it. Continue the way you are. Keep you head up and don’t stoop down to his level. Tell your son how much you love him and you will always be there. One day, your son will see what is truly going on.
My sister’s ex husband does the same thing with their kids (ages 8, 7 and 3)
They see how their father is and on many occasions actually dread going home due to the way he acts.
I have no advice other then hang in there mama! Your boy will figure itbout soon enough, just be patient and persistent!

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Jack his ass up
Tell him u tolk shit about me again

In my state 12 is not old enough to choose where he lives. He would have to be 16. Take his dad to court, tell them hes in contempt of the visitation order, and let them know what he has been saying to your son.

It’s really sad how these disrespectful, pathetic men are!! Teaching young boys how They shouldn’t treat my dtr. Good luck momma I hear this ALL the time. Not much you can do till they figure it out on their own.

I’m still experiencing this and we’ve been divorced for many years. I find it’s his insecurity, not mine. I’m not wasting my time with my adult children discounting his lies. I realize your son is impressionable. I would not tolerate his bad behavior bc of what his dad says. But the simple fact is disrespect should not be tolerated.

Record what your son says. One of those pocket things. BUT if your son doesn’t want to live with you it could be tough. Because of new husband?

Actually since your divorced and it’s 50/50 if he doesn’t have to live with you and technically he only lives with you half the time if even that. Yes 12 by law isn’t old enough but I think 12 is old enough. It’s your fault, your divorced and remarried. And yes sometimes kids have their own impression of things, it’s not always the adult manipulating things. 12 is old enough to descern good from bad. He apparently does not like his stepdad. And if you had other children with him he might feel pushed to the side. Because divorce is hard for a kid to go through. Maybe he does not feel like he’s being paid attention to. Maybe he feels in the middle of things and his needs aren’t being met by you emotionally and he feels his dad is more understanding.

If the courts say 50/50 make him go to your place, he is only 12, he doesnt get to choose where he is, eventually he will see his dad is wrong

I agree with Alex Baker. I am in the same situation. I left my sons x 3 father after 19 years of marriage. My 14yo son chose to still stay.with his dad. I was heartbroken. My mother was very wise and told me to rise above it and not to sink to my exs level. To have some faith and give it time, eventually my sons would see how toxic their dad could be. My middle son 5 years on, now choses to live with me, l have not asked him why. My youngest son is now 13 and l have the same problem again, but l know time will heal things again.

12 year old lives with dad by his choice. There you go. 12 year olds don’t have a choice.