My sons don't approve of who I am dating: Advice?

I need some parenting advice. I’m a divorced mother of two boys 23 and 17. Ive been divorced for 15 years and rarely brought anyone around the kids. I’ve been dating someone for some time now but just recently began to bring him around our home. The boys are less then thrilled. He is not someone who they’d picture me with. He is blue collar and a little rugged looking. Beard and tattoos. My older one is almost rude and my younger one would probably be ok if it wasn’t for the older one. I really care about this man and would like my children to be accepting. He is very nice to them and would love to develop a friendship with them. Please help.


Your boys are used to having you all to themselves. It will be an adjustment. Talk to the oldest. He’s had you the longest. Explain that you need companionship but, will never stop loving him and his little brother. Just give it time.


I would give it time they are not use to seeing mom with someone and honestly if it’s not this guy it will be the next they won’t like


Why are they not accepting? His looks? Not what they think you deserve? Still want mom and dad together? Address these things and try to explain that he treats you well, makes you happy etc. At the age of the oldest he should be able to somewhat comprehend this. The youngest may still need some time but he should still be able to also understand. Try talking and asking. I hope this insight helps.


Talk to them. It’s an adjustment for them at any age. Given their age they should be more understanding.


Tell them its none of their business who you choose to fuck… Just like it wont be any of your business who they fuck. You are an adult, and individual before you are a Mother. You deserve happiness. Sounds like you spent your time alone while they were growing up… Your oldest doesn’t need to be Living with you anymore and if he has such a problem with what goes on between you and another man, he has a fuckin problem… I get being possessive over your parents, but they need to be happy that you found someone who makes You as a Woman Happy!!! If your man was disrespectful towards you or your sons, at least there would be a reason… but your kids cant dictate your Entire life!


Sounds like the 23 year-old has you where he wants you, and doesn’t want anyone to interfere with that 🤷🤷🤷


They’re used to having you all to themselves. If there is no valid reason to not like him aside from his looks than your ok. One is already a grown man and should be on his own and the other is on his way there. You should make your decision to be with this man based on how you feel. As long as he does not mistreat your boys, make your own choices mama. They would want you to respect theirs. So, they need to respect yours.


The boys are most likely protective of you mom. Over time they will see you smiling and enjoying life more then they will relax.

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They’re not babies anymore. As long as this man isn’t mistreating you then there shouldn’t be a problem. Is the 23 yr old still at home? He’s a grown man and he needs to let you live. He needs to show respect, him being rude is not acceptable. Don’t let your kids run your household or relationship. You’ve done your job and they need to move on!


I am going thru the same thing right now… It tuff… But we all DESERVE to be HAPPY!


Sounds like my kids ive been in a new relationship for the past 15 1/2 months n my youngest has his days some r good n other days he talks back or b like no one wants u here its frustrating

I think, if you choose to continue to see this man. Both of you, but especially the man must adopt and accept the attitude of allowing the boys to “come to him” for his friendship. Don’t force anything on the boys. That will give you more from the boys. Not to have the man ignore them but to give an air of space and respect.


It’s new. Maybe they just need time. But if they persist, consider what they say. They might be mistaken but they should at least feel that their opinion is valued. I don’t know the situation. My oldest son was very resistant to his stepfather at first. Now they are buddies but it took ten years.

Give it time. They will adjust.

Let them find their own way to him.If it lasts long eneough they will.

Stand your ground, if this is a man that makes you happy do the things that you would normally do with him, offer to let the boys join you if they choose to, but don’t cancel plans or alter you life because they don’t approve, eventually they will get used to the fact that they don’t get to live your life or make your choices. They may never want to truly accept anyone for you but they will get used to you being leader of your own life


Boys are always protective of their Mothers. First ask yourself if they see something you’re blinded too. If you crossed all your “T” and dotted your “I”. Move forward causally. Sometimes we can’t see for looking. Wishing you the best you deserve compassion.

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You need to let them know that being rude to him is unacceptable & inappropriate & they were raised with better manners than that & you’re human & you want companionship. & the 23 yr old is old enough to be on his own & the 17 yr old will be soon, & they should want to be independent & want & respect your right to make choices that make you happy & how they shouldn’t expect you to be alone for the rest of your life. Wanting companionship is a normal, healthy desire. Would they not date anyone just because you didn’t want them to?


23 and 17 are young men NOT boys. Old enough to understand Mom needs a life too. Maybe plan a dinner with your new man and sons sit down ad talk about why they won’t give him a chance. But in the end… It’s YOUR choice to make of who’s in YOUR bed NOT theirs!!


So. You need to let them know that they don’t have to be friends with this man, they don’t have to like him, BUT they do need to show respect. Period. Unless he has given them a legitimate reason not to, it’s absolutely wrong of them to be rude to the man that you care about.


Sit down with them and ask why they dont like him. If its petty reasons explain that you have a right to a life also and tell them to knock it off with being disrespectful. You’re mom.
No matter their age.
From the sound of this though it might be they’re trying to be protective also because you’re mom lol

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You deserve to be happy. They’re grown. Keep bringing him around. Id theyre rude…call them on it…in private…inform them your a Mom and a woman and you expect them to be respectful if not friendly. As they see you happy they will ease off. Accept it.


they simply dont want you to go through the same mistake again.

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I went through this my son was 18 and I was dating a younger man, my son tried controlling me and didn’t see that the man I was with was wonderful and treated me like a queen, my son was to the point of getting violent, wanting to fight him for no reason at all, I tried everything to make my son see what a good person he was and no matter what he just didn’t, my son moved out and hasn’t spoke to me in over 10 yrs, he chose his father who was a drug addict and a cheater over his own mother who raised him and gave him whatever he wanted, he now lives in another state, doesn’t work and lives with his step mom and dad, doesn’t even have a job and he’s 30 yrs old, I did my part and raised him well only thing I can say is they need to realize your grown and you deserve to be happy

If he treats you well and your son’s feelings towards your new love interest are not valid then it’s something that they will need to come to terms with, period. You are the adult, you deserve happiness and love and someone for you! Tell them both they are free to feel however they want, however disrespect towards your company, a man or otherwise, will not be tolerated under your roof, and if they can not do that then they obviously don’t respect you or your home, and the eldest should probably make arrangements to secure another living situation. They’re not babies, or little boys anymore. I hope this man treats you wonderfully and one day your boys appreciate him for what his love means to you :heart::heart::heart:

I was with my boys dad for 20 years been separated for almost 6 my boys are 21,19,18.
Iv been with my fiancé for 3.5 years they still don’t except it
I’m guessing in years to come it will just become normal for them and they will accept it the more you push they will detach from you and with a Mum son bond you don’t want that.

23 year old can move out now, he has no say so… remember your kids are grown. Your job is done

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Your children are grown and nearly grown. Provided you’ve vetted this guy and he treats you well, move forward.

Let them see he treat you good and they will be ok

As one of those children. Just don’t push it. Time does wonders. Let them voice their concerns. Set boundaries about rudeness.
My dad was a jerk and never around. But when my mom brought a really nice guy home and married him. I refused to except him as A family member. When he died I realized how wrong I was.

My son is 21 & barley approved of any1 when I was dating

Why is everyone so damn sensitive to how the “boys” clears voice… men!! Should feel about it. They aren’t young … you did your time. They can either move on with you or make their own choices, simple as that! Do you, be happy. And do not stress about it . They either come around or they dont… they are your children and raised right… they will come to. Good on you for having nurturing care about the situation… but really… do you!


My son is 23 and he doesn’t approve of anybody.

Well if hes serious about you the four of u need to sit down n have a serious convo. He needs to let them know that he means well and that he’ll do whatever it takes for them to accept him (to a point ofcourse) and that hes not trying to replace their father but that hed like to form a friendship with them aswell.

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My Father passed away when I was 10 years old when I was 14 i found out that my mum was dating I HATED IT, i was like you ant going to be my Dad no one can be, however a friend put it to me by saying theirs a kind of love that your mother needs and one that kids can’t give and just like how some people you date your mum may not approve maybe you should be happy that your mum found someone to love and be happy for her just as you would like her to for you one day. However this might be better if it came from another family member or a family friend,

Communication is key…also they should want to see you happy…

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Smh, they might see something you don’t. We’re often so blinded by our feelings that we don’t see the things we need to see. We see what we WANT to see. That’s part of why so many of us end up in bad situations. Take your time, take a step back and try to see what THEY see. Yes boys are protective of their mothers, but it’s usually for good reason. My kids are younger, but they have been reluctant to trust people I’ve known and they usually (pretty much always) turn out to be right. If they don’t like him, you need to find out why. They might be seeing the red flags that you might have been so desperate to ignore. We all want to be loved, and so much so that we ignore red flags and get hurt. Be wary of this man. He might be good for you, but don’t let your feelings for him be the judge of that. Let your common sense and intuition do it.

They’re no longer “kids.” You’ve done your job, and you have the right to be an adult.


They probably don’t want you to date anyone.


People need to stop letting their kids dictate who and when they date!!


Children tend to see what u blinded by ans there is a reason for their disapproval and in do time it will surface. Kids don’t react for nothing.

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I’m getting off this post because u ppl. Crazy. I see how much Power u give another male. Smgdh

Trust kids to know who’s suitable for their mother…they love you and they can see what you cannot see since you are in love with him.

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LISTEN 2 them children r EXCEPTIONAL judges of character

First of ur son 23 so he needs to respect your boy friend or move out that’s just me you deserve to be happy and you raised him and you should have a talk with ur 17year old

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I don’t think anyone can give you advice on this situation. None of us have all the facts and we don’t know your kids or boyfriend so we shouldn’t be offering advice either way.


Your “boys” need to stop being so rude. Sounds to me like maybe a bit of the green eyed monster. Make it clear you don’t love and care for them any less than you ever have but this guy makes you happy, if they care about you at all then that’s what they would want. They are getting older now and have lives of their own surely you should be able to as well x


I’d ask why they don’t like him, it might be that simple. Also kids think a new man is out to replace their father and he’s not. The 23 yr old can say he doesn’t like him and move on if the reason isn’t dangerous to the 15 yr old. This may just boil down to some open talks and the kids feeling that he won’t take you away from them, they have had you all this time and may not want to share. Good Luck.


Hell one is 23 he need 2 move out n the iz ask would he he 2 b a roommate with his brother simple… Wat they no more sex 4 u did dating wen thy farther died 15yrs ago damn…

They are no longer children.Ask them if there’s a specific issue.If not then tell them you will not continue to allow them to be rude or disrespectful at all in future.Stand your ground,they will move on in their own lives,move out,get married ect and then your left alone with no one.Youve done your bit,they need to trust your judgement and respect your choices.


I lost a guy back In June die to my daughter’s attitude towards him.
It hurts as I feel I’ll never find a home good enough for her to like.

Maybe sit down with your kids and ask them what the reason is why they have taken a disliking to him,then go from there.

17 and 23? I’d tell them to grow up or get out… it’s your home too and unless you can start picking who they date then tell them to back off… you deserve a life too… I’d not put up with it


Just give it time xxx the more they see him the easier t will get x my son wouldnt speak to my partner he was 12 at the time ( my son ) he said things like why do u even want a boyfriend etc anyway we now all live together and he has a fantastic relationship with him x

Respect full stop. Your life for you and only in the children’s best interest. If this is not an issue then it’s the respect and attitudes of your children towards YOU firstly being dismissed by them and their own feelings, and general respect for any other person to make a choice no matter what it may be… Learn your place and respect it and your children, partner and relationships between all may go far. :slight_smile: Don’t have to like something but we do have to respect it !!


Never put any man in front of your children, this relationship may not work out.

In my opinion, One of two things are happening they are having difficulty accepting this new man simply because they are simply not used to it.

Two, there maybe a good reason why they don’t like him. You may not be able to see it and you should be cautious.

If your sons were younger then I would be a bit more concerned but as they are both on the cusp of adulthood then you do not need to be dictated to by them. As they have exclusive use of you for 15 years they are possibly resentful of another man. In any case, as long as you are happy then carry on. As for the rudeness, your house your rules. If he doesn’t wind his neck in then prepare him for independent living by giving him notice and a basic household kit


I don’t understand since when are children suppose to dictate how their parent should live. Clearly they are almost adults. She has been single and given them her time and patience for 15 long years. It’s their turn now to be patient with their mom. We all need companions and no one likes to be alone for too long. Her boys will move on and where will that leave her? It’s time for these boys to stop acting like sissies and grow up and show some respect to the only woman that raised them. Good luck to you, I hope you find happiness in all the chaos that children cause. Remember who’s boss! You are, not them!


Omygosh I am gng through the exact same thing!

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Your ‘kids’ should have their own life by now! They disrespect you by this, they have NO right to choose your life choices FOR you! Wake up hun, before they REALLY run your life!!!


There has to be a balance, however when your boys have left the house, you’ll be alone. Its hard for boys to accept another man but it can work :heart:

Sorry, your boys are grown enough to be starting their own lives and it’s time for you to do you.

Good luck. You have a right to your own life. The boys need to grow up and loosen the apron strings that THEY keep tight. Bless you.

As long as it’s a good n healthy relationship keep seeing the guy. Your sons will have there lives to v live and so do u. It’s your time to live. The boys will come around.

Your kids grow up and are almost there. They get to pick their partner s. Not yours. Kids that age have no right to deny u happiness. It wont be long they will be off living their own lives. Which they have the right. To do. They dont have the right to take yours from u when they get done running your life they willbe gone and u will be alone. Sorry i dont agree with letting kids run your life u are the adult

In as much as we love our kids we should remember we have our life to live to.Lady whatever or whoever makes you happy go for it.I can attest to this situation but all was solved ,thk god

Are these questions real ?

My mum and dad separated when I was in my late teens, I have always encouraged my mum to date … too bad she hasn’t.
Your sons must put u on high pedestal and thus think the bf doesn’t deserve you
Talk to them alone about life and partnership about how ur bf makes u feel and that one day when they will go out to settle their own family you will need your own partner too after all you won’t be young forever and don’t deserve to be unloved or alone
Tell them that they should get to know him before they draw a conclusion of why he is disliked and if he is disliked then the reason for the same … also that he won’t be replacing the father figure for them if they don’t want to but they could atleast respect him as a man who wants to make their mum happy
If they love you they should be happy for you… and if they wanna protect you nothing better than them knowing him better and keeping close friendly eye on him :sweat_smile:
I wish u all the best with your relationship, also understanding and love in your family
be happy stay strong :muscle:

The 23 year old should be out of the house. IF he is out and has just come home to meet your friend, then he does get to voice an opinion. YOU do not have to do what he wants. IF the 17 yr old is still in school, he needs to realize you are no less commuted to him than you have been for the last 15 years. He, too will be leaving home sokn, especially if he’s going to college. They are probably both a little concerned and maybe intimidated by this man they have just met. Sit down with them and get them to talk. They need time to get to know him, … and see he makes you happy. Time for him to gain their trust.

My question is have they been seeing red flags? Stuff you haven’t seen? I’m asking because I’ve done this to my mom when she was trying to get with a guy that ended up hurting her in the end.

Live for you. If your happy then thats the main thing.

My relationship ended because of my kids. They made my life hell. 17y girl 15y boy. Now im the one who sits in the lounge every night alone. They have their parners and are very happy. This was 3 years ago.

Without being harsh do you respect yourself? I understand looks play no part but sometimes they depict a certain more than just picture of someone that might not be right for you. Firstly you must give this man an ultimatum & ask questions because kids usually can see more than what he maybe all about.
What are his true intentions grill him.
Is he willing to shave the beard off for you? What kind of role model do you expect to portray to your kids? How would you feel if they brought home someone similar, put pleasure aside honey you’re obviously not a real mum to think about yourself before you think about your kids future first. You’re an example of your own worth don’t ruin yourself. Ijs…

I got the part where you have been seeing him for some time. Your older son seems to be judging on first impressions. Your younger son might be following the lead of his brother. Is it possible your sons have some kind of fantasy that you might get back together with their Dad? You had no partner for a really long time…since your boys were 8 and 2, right? Maybe they have never had to deal with a man in your life before. Who would they picture you with? They are not accustomed to sharing you with anyone. They are being selfish. If you really love this man and he treats you well, don’t give up on him. There is nothing wrong with blue collar work. Maybe spend some time at his place if your boys are reluctant. Its not like your sons require a lot of care. What you want matters. The younger son is likely more dependent on you. He may be more receptive to doing something with the two of you. Someone you could love doesn’t come around all the time. Don’t give up on this guy if you are happy with him.

Your kids are grown. time to live your life. Because they’re gonna meet people to and then you’ll be alone. Your job with them is done time for you to be happy…

They don’t have to like him but they do have to respect him. Time to remind your kids.

Tell them to grow up and move out.if the new man in your life makes you happy then so be it. Do they expect you to be alone?

First they don’t get to say who you date or if they don’t like them . It’s not there bussiness. The 22 yr old …I say well it’s time for you to move out and get your own place. But mean time so long as you liveing under my roof you will be respectful and nice to my guest. Or you can move today. The other one 17 yr.old I say to him this is my house and my choice. Your not dating him So you also will be respectful and nice to him .
so you’ll just have to deal with it will. It would be nice to all get alon Just let the boys know if they love you they will try to get to know him before judgeing and they should show you respect. Don’t they want you to be happy,?