My sons father passed away: How can I tell him?

My daughters step father passed away in a horrible car accident in 2017 the best thing to do is tell them the truth, let your child know that dad is watching over them from heaven and they will see them again one day.

Praying God gives you the words you need. But, please don’t delay. You don’t want him to find out from someone else. Sending prayers.

Some kids that age may think they caused it so make sure to let him know that it was nobody’s fault and that his dad loved him, sorry for your guys loss.

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I told my daughter when my father was gone that he no longer lived here on earth and he went to heaven to live with Jesus and we won’t see him again for a very very long time and the same when our mother in law passed away my daughter now always says her “grandma Jan died and went to heaven with her bampa and jesus and we will see her again sometime and its okay to cry until we get to see her again” she takes it very well and I didnt sugar coat it really

Just tell Him gentley and make sure you take him to the funeral to say goodbye.

A funeral is what makes it real and gives the chance to say goodbye

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Omg I am so very sorry!

I have no advice but I’m praying for your son. I’m sure it’ll be hard on him. I pray you find the right words to tell him. :heart:

Be upfront. My son’s dad had hardly anything to do with his dad. (His dad’s choice) and i still made a effort to talk to him, I also showed respect and took my son to the funeral so he could say goodbye. And I also have always made a effort to encourage him to talk to him. He was 4 when he passed and my son always would choose a star at night with me for his dad!

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You will be surprised how resilient kids are. My daughter was 3 when my grandfather passed. For 3 months, we visited daily for hours. Mostly all day visits. She saw him go from okay, to bad, to worse. She asked me without me telling her " my great paw paw is going to live with Jesus soon ain’t he?" . She knew he was sick. He has esophagus cancer that he had already received treatment for and it failed. His nurse came out while we were there and she couldn’t get a read on his blood pressure, temp, or pulse. Which was weird, because he was responding to her questions by blinking, moaning or mumbling. I didn’t want my daughter there when it happened, but being a CNA at a nursing home, I knew that he didn’t have long. My MIL lived two houses down, so I had her keep my daughter. Within an hour he passed peacefully and an hour later they picked up his body for the funeral home. My MIL brought my daughter to me, and as soon as my daughter walked in, she looked around the house and through tears, she said " great paw paw already went to live with jesus didn’t he?". There was not a dry eye in the house! Her words and her emotion had us all in tears. At the funeral (YES, i did allow her to attend, because death isn’t something i want to hide from her), every time someone would cry, she’d hug them and say " It’s okay! He lives with Jesus now and he’s not sick anymore."

I know a grandparent and parent aren’t the same, but my advice is to be as honest as possible and also explain that it wasn’t your child’s fault. Tell your son that his dad loved him very much.

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My mom was in and out of my life growing up but I was 8 when she died. My grandma (who I lived with) with my stepdad and other close family told me after school.
I think it was a bit easier for me finding out because I had other people who cared around.
So sorry for your loss.

My daughters are 5&6 and their dad passed away last May due to an accident. It is extremely difficult and with him being in and out of the picture he may not comprehend it, but benefits wise you do need to get a copy of the death certificate so you can fill for ssc death benefits for your son. If you have questions please feel free to message me.

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I cant give you advice except to not delay, he deserves to know as much as anyone else, be gentle, let him grieve, and hold him if he needs it…I lost my dad 15 years ago when I was 12ish, I was holding his hand, kids are alot better with death in my opinion so he may take it fairly well…

Truth always the truth. Consider his age and tread lightly. Give him space to grieve. Remember there are stages to grief. Counseling may be a good option. Also, maybe church. :heart:

Depends on what you believe in. Your father has gone on his journey to te Rereinga wairua his spirit is going home to be with our ancestors in Hawaiki. His spirit is on his final journey to be with people who have passed away and his spirit will be around and he will complete his journey home to where our ancestors are. One day he along with your ancestors those who have passed away will meet again.

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His spirit will always be around you and his love he loves you

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Love and condolences to your whanau on the recent passing in your family

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so sorry for ur loss…if u believe in heaven just start by telling him about God n heaven…tell him how beautiful the place is and describe it as so much fun…wait til he is interested in it, especially in the part where ppl go there. please dont mention the word die or dead bcz he may see it as bad…i told my kids their gramma was called by God bcz she had been so good here on earth that he wanted her to live in a beautiful mansion and made it an adventure. they asked if they could go over to her house n i said yes but till it was our turn to go up there. til our mansion was done being built. they took it very well and now they’re grown up n remember how i said it…they way u say it is whats gonna make a difference. u cant omit that he won’t see him again, but u have to find a way so he won’t get confused. my condolences to u n ur sweet bby

They have story books that helps them understand.

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Khristine I’m so sorry sweetheart. You definitely had been through a lot in the past year. This year will be better. I do hope to see you all and meet your kids while I’m there the next time I go to Bakersfield.

If you believe in god.tell him that god needes his dads help in heaven and that he gave him angel wings and now hes going to live with god and he will have to pray when he wants to talk to his dad!

I lost my dad when i was about to be 6, my mom told me he went to heaven and he will guide me and protect me, I didn’t understand at first but i did later when we were at the cemetery, i saw him in the coffin and then it hit me and i could say bye, its hard but he needs to know and have the chance to say goodbye
Be ready because he will be talking about it for weeks, its when he will understand that daddy wont come back
Be patience

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There is no “Good” way. Just be there for him and help him grieve.

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If you are in Missouri there is a grief support for kids called Annies Hope. That might help. Idk if they work outside of Missouri though.

You have to tell him sooner than later…

Sit him down and explain to him how his daddy is no longer here. Explain in your words that he will understand. Don’t leave him wondering where his daddy is. My daughter was 6 and very close to my uncle. He cared for her like she was his granddaughter. We lived with him during his unexpected death and I had to sit her down and explain what happened. She was crying. But understood he was in good hands. Maybe gather some things of his fathers that would be meaningful to your son. Can be something simple. My daughter didn’t want to let go of a box castle he made for her because that was the last thing the made together. She cherished it. Maybe a stuffed animal with his daddy’s old shirt sewn to fit it so he can smell his father and cuddle it. A picture that is framed of them together is another good idea. Keep talking to him about his father. All the good things.

I don’t understand why parents don’t tell kids about death… It’s a part of life… Tell them the truth… It’s easier in the long run.

My oldest son’s father came back into the picture after about 5yrs of not even knowing where he was… He had alot of problems, he killed himself when my son was only 8yrs old. I didn’t know how to tell my son, for years I just said it was an accident… finally, I wrote my son a letter once I felt he was old enough to understand. I hope this might help, and that you get the answers you are looking for :broken_heart:

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3 years ago my son and daughter lost their bio father of a herion overdose. My x husband and i sat them down and told them that their dad was sick and now he is in heaven watching over them and he was no longer in pain. They were 8 and 7. They didnt need to know details. Sorry for your loss.

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This happened with my daughters grandma. We told her that grandma passed away and just let her cry then went to grandma and grandpa’s house to see her cousins.
Just give them hugs, kisses and let them cry it out. Couldn’t hurt to have them see a therapist if you see them struggling after the funeral as well.

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My daughter was 4 years old when her Dad passed away. I also had a 1 year old so he never really knew him but I sat her down on the bed and held her close to me and said that her Dad went to heaven. She did not really understand that and she just stared at me and I had to tell her that he will not be coming back to us and was with God in heaven. She really flipped out and started screaming and jumping all over the bed until she was exhausted while I tried to calm her down lovingly and she fell asleep in my arms. As time went on I was told in school she was staring out the window and was not learning up to her ability. That hit her that hard. Had to get therapy for both she and I to handle it. I too was broken. We were only married for 7 years but knew him since I was 15 and married at 18, he was 5 years older then me. I met a wonderful man and we have been married now for 45 years and along came our other son. She is 52, her brother is 50 and our son together will be 45. Everything worked out. Sorry this is long but it truly helps me for I loved him so much. ty🥰

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There’s no right or wrong way. Only you know the best way to talk to your child. Be honest but don’t give too many details. Allow him to go through all emotions he needs to and be there for him. Please don’t allow him to release balloons as they tend to land in the oceans and other waterways and harm many creatures…sprinkle flat petals or whole flowers in water to “send to dad”.

I had to do this w my children, it’s not easy. Kids work best w clear info. Don’t try to make it too complicated. Do not tell him too many specifics of the actual death. Those details cld give him anxiety about being in a car, in any moving vehicle. Be very clear he is not coming back… he went to… whatever you believe. It’s very confusing for kids. Forever is not something they comprehend. Let him mourn don’t try to get him just thru it, don’t try to make it better… he has to be allowed to feel his feelings. He will be ok. Children that age are very resilient. Not to say it won’t change his life, it will however he will be ok. Maybe take him to send balloons up in the air or something in memory of Daddy. I’m so sorry!!! So very, very sorry!!! Praying for you both.

My kids were 1 1/2 and 10 months when their dad passed. So i didnt have to make that decision back then. However, all these years later have been very hard. You just have to be there for your child and support them and let them cry and express their feelings. Counseling is also very helpful. Im so sorry for his loss :frowning: and yours of course

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A boyfriend of mine lost his dad when my bf was young. He blamed his dad for leaving. My husband was angry at God when he lost his grams. Maybe that’s something you can address when you talk to him. Let him know that it’s NOBODY’S fault, but it’s a hard part of life and it’s ok to be sad.

I lost my husband and father to my three children last year. Its hard when you have to tell the kids but be honest with him tell him what happened. All three children reacted differently I had one who struggled hard with anger for the last year and one who had a week angry and acting out and hes been fine since. My daughter was only 3 so she didnt understand much. All you can do is be there as much as you can for what he needs. Talking with a therapist helped my oldest but my younger son refused to open up. Just be in tune with what he needs and take it as you go

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I personally just went thru this just over a month ago. My son just turned 13 so there is a age difference. I told him his dad passed away and snuggled with him, let him cry and told him I’m here to talk to. I told him he needs to talk about what’s going thru his head instead of holding it in. Just basically be there no matter what, good or bad. You have to be strong for you kids. His dad died very unexpectedly at a young age.

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What ever you do do not tell them they went to sleep my family did that for my dog I still have nightmares. I am sorry for your lost I have lost both my biological parents and one of my adoptive parents. No matter the age it is hard. Tell him he can always talk to him. We planted a tree and I still talk to it for my bio father. I was 21.

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I just had to go through this with not only my kids but my nephew and niece. My brother was murdered June of 2018 and having to tell his kids that he wasnt coming back was the hardest and still is as my niece was only 5. Then having to tell them and my kids that their grandma passed away 11 months after my brother. I just keep telling them that they are watching over us always. My 5 year old said the other day that grandma was taking a long nap. I talk about my brother and mom with all of the kids so they never forget them

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It really depends on your beliefs, but I would use it to explain it to him. Being 6, he might not grasp the situation fully, so prepare to keep answering that question for a bit. My condolences. :pensive:

Here’s what my dad told my sister and I when our little 2-year old brother died. I was 8 and sister was 7. He said Johnny had to go to heaven to help God fight the devil. I accepted it but still had a heck of a time grieving. I don’t know that I would take him to the funeral home, though. I leaves a mark if you know what I mean. Not sure kids should be exposed to such sadness at a young age. I just don’t know.

My husband passed away when my son was 3… it was hard as he didn’t quite understand what had happened. He took his own life so I obviously did tell tell him how he passed, I just told him daddy was sick and he went to heaven. He’s 7 now and it’s a lot harder now, he’s starting counseling and me and him are very very close! He has pictures and videos of him and I tell him all about him as he doesn’t remember much and we visit his grave often! I won’t tell him till he’s older how he passed but that’s the only thing he doesn’t know! Be honest with your son about what happened bc it will be very helpful for both you and him.

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I had to tell my son when he was 5 that his dad passed it was so hard I just told him he went to heaven to watch over us. Then just last year I had to tell my great niece n nephew that their mom was in heaven they were 7&5 n it was 2 days after the 7 yr old birthday. It’s so hard just be there to comfort n let them know you’re always there to hear them

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I just went threw something like this 3 weeks ago. I told my 6year old that he went to heaven and we would see him again some day. But that he’s watching over us.

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Just explain the basics that he was in an accident, he didn’t survive and that it will be a tough road. Then let him cry rant rave whatever he has to do to explain his feelings. Have him draw pictures tell him how the Dragonfly changes.

Had to do the same. I don’t know if there is a right way to do it. But I sat my son down and told him his father passed. I told him if he needs to talk I’m there. Therapy will help as well. It’s hard and I’m still navigating this myself.

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I went through this with my nephew we jusr told him the truth the basics no detsils and that daddy is always with him looking down everyday. We got him a pillow made out of his fathers shirt

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My father passed away when I was 6. My mom sat me down and was honest but not graphic about what happened. Best of luck!

Just tell her the basics, no bad details. And find a way to help her remember him. Find a good picture of him, print it off she will always have it, or maybe get a old tshirt of he’s or something and make a pillow.

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If you need to give an illustration, take a walnut and break it open so it is ready. Sit down and explain that humans have a body and that is like the outer shell and we have a soul and that is inside like the nut part. When we pass away the body we see is no longer alive and we bury that part but the part that made our loved one who they were lives on and that part, the soul, goes to Jesus. So the body we won’t see again but we have pictures to remember them by but the soul part we will see again because Jesus is taking care of them in heaven. We will miss them but we can live and love them still but in a different way until we go to be with Jesus too.

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Just be honest…
And make sure he knows you are there for any questions
But be completely honest…
Believe it or not kids understand more then what you think.

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Agree you have to tell the sooner the better just tell him daddy was in an accident and is now in heaven

Daddy is with Jesus and he’s ok

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Have him tell you memories that he has of him. Even if they are small.

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Tell him the truth cry and then tell him he is with God

Praying for you and your son and for guidance💖

Praying for u and your son.