Husband is a jerk but please go to your doctor. Sounds like you could also have some post partum depression.
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Sounds like youâre a single momâŠâŠ Why allow him to treat you like that? Throw his ass away and move on.
Was he helpful with your first born child? Did you discuss roles and expectations before getting pregnant? Has he disclosed why he is not helping?
I feel that we often assume SO will just step up and help, and when they do not help the way we expect, it causes turmoil. He may think he is helping by getting eldest ready and taking to school. Yâall need to have a conversation about roles, expectations, needs, etc.
do you have the right to feel resentful, absolutely, you have the right to feel all the emotions. If your feels become bigger than you can handle, seek help, find a parent group, therapy, mommy and me, a safe place for you to process.
Congratulations on your new blessing.
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Youâre not crazy, he is not being a supportive partner, they are 50% his kids! He either needs to make some big changes or you decide if you can live like that or not. I wouldnât put up with it, my kids dad helps with everything even though he works full-time as a commercial fisherman and is our only income. Love yourself and donât except someone that doesnât love you just as much, there are men out there that treat their partners right.
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Sounds like you need to throw his ass out w the trash. Any man that would let you do all of that work after having a C-section is nothing but trash. Get rid of him. I mean youâre doing all the work yourself right? A marriage and parenthood are supposed to be teamwork. And he supposed to pick up your slack whenever youâve just had a C-section.
Sounds like a useless man
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He ainât gonna change, so chose wisely whatâs ur next step. It will get easier cause u get use to doing everything alone but he ainât gonna change.
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Is this useless behavior something new since the second baby arrived or was he useless since the first child was born? Divorce the man and stop having kids with him.
So rather than ask others for help you went through the pain barrier instead of letting your stitches and everything else heal are you some sort of special idiot
Sounds like your a single mom already. My fiancĂ© at the time (now husband) had to make me sit down because I was going too much after my c section and he had to go back to work thankfully I had my brother and his wife at the time next door to help me ⊠it was brutal and you shouldnât be over doing it at all.
Then make him leave.
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He is lazy and irresponsible. Donât take care of his needs once you heal up. Be figuring out how to remove yourself and your children from the situation.
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You honestly donât need that, if he is going to be ignorant and tell you that you are playing the victim! Then you honestly donât need him if youâre having to do it all your self you may as well be on your own! Donât put up with it! What you allow now will only continue!
Man he must be broken⊠Time to throw him away!
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It takes time to heal after a C-section Iâd be pissed and be telling him to get the f out.
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Ask him to move out and start paying child support.
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Kick him to the curb. Worthless. Also please go talk to your Doctor as soon as you can as it sounds like you also have post partum depression.
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If your not happy then leave
Itâs not gonna get better unfortunately. That resentment is gonna build and eventually, one day, youâll have enough and leave.
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Change the locks the next time he goes out for hours
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He hasnât changed a single diaper?? Hasnât fed his new baby at all not even once?? Oh hell no. Thatâs pathetic and he sounds completely careless. My opinion is begin making future arrangements and get out of there. You deserve better momma. Good luck.
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Not crazy or restful. My husband did 90% of the newborn care (including night wakings) the first two weeks after my c-section so I could rest and heal.
Your husband needs to step up.
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Tell him to get out. He took part in creating this new baby, he damn well better start contributing.
Put him on child support and leave him
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Time to say goodbye. Thatâs not a husband
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Iâve doubt with that . Youâre best doing it alone . Youâve done most by yourself other than take your other child to school which if heâs leaving the house he should take him anyway. He should help in general but at this point he isnât going to.
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U btr leave hz punk A$$!!!
Did he do the same with the other child?
Youâre not crazy he should definitely help out!
i had 3 c-sections and they really messed me up for quite a while. it takes a long time to heal from them. my husband the first time was helpful apart from when we had the midwife coming and he wouldnt get up to clean the house with me so i hoovered it top to bottom myself while he lay in bed. altho i was in pain after i was ok⊠second time again he was amazing apart from 1 time he and my brother were too busy playing a computer game to help me by carrying a basket of wet laundry from the washer to the dryer. something you cant do for 6 weeks after⊠that day my husband and i BOTH learnt a lesson⊠myself to be more patient and he to be more attentive so i wouldnt need to get frustrated and attempt things i was deffinatly advised not to do. because that day my stitches burst i was soooo lucky that it was outer stitches and not internal ones⊠3rd c section my husband treated me like a queen and made sure i didnt do anything i shouldnt⊠my husband is disabled by the way and he helps as much as he can⊠he is showing you disrespect by not helping you out. this is his child too and he needs to step up. fathering a child and being a dad are 2 different things
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Crazy, no? Emotional? Probably, you just had a baby! That is 100% expected and Iâm sure youâre dealing with some baby blues, possibly even some postpartum depression, but not at fault of your own. I would also feel resentful if I were in your shoes. But the hard truth is that if he doesnât want to help, and then shifts blame when you express how youâre feeling, you canât force him⊠BUT there could be a million things as to why heâs choosing not to and one could be that he doesnât feel a bond with the baby.
When my husband and I had my daughter, it took him a long time to feel a connection with her (I also breastfed, so there was no room for him to feed her) But because of that, I always got up with her in the night, sheâd need me anyways (and his excuse at the time was why would we both get up when sheâs going to need you to eat) It was frustrating and exhausting. Eventually he did come around, but not until she was smiling/working to interact with him.
Have you expressed clearly, in a calm/relaxed atmosphere whatâs going on and how youâre feeling? Iâm only asking because I, myself, would react from being anxious/mad and heâd immediately shut down and defend himself. Iâm not saying that you arenât, but I wanted to offer the idea incase.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are doing the right thing by caring for your baby, I do wish he would see youâre struggling and step up to help more. I remember how anxious/depressed I felt after having my daughter. I ended up talking to my doctor because the amount of love/care I had for myself and everyone around me was dwindling and I knew that wasnât how it should be. That could be an option for you too. Thereâs no shame in that! <3 You need to be able to take care of yourself to fully take care of your baby.
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Heâs just useless by the sounds of it. Get rid of him. Clearly you donât need him. Just make sure you get money for you children. Heâs got no respect for you whatsoever 
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Welcome to motherhood where a lot of it does fall on the mother.
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No he should help! Thatâs horrible. Iâm having one in a few weeks and my husband will be helping because he has to!
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I think the majority of women here would chew this guy out. C sections are major surgery! Itâs not enough that you carried a human for 9 months, he wants you to do all the after care? Even if you didnât have a C section thatâs bull.
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Girl, my second son⊠my first two boys are 19 months apart. My first son was an emergency section and my second a scheduled. My ex made me sign an AMA release form on the day after I had my second son. I wasnât even closed yet. Went home. Had a 19 month old to care for, my newborn son who was colic ( screamed from 11pm until 6am every single night for 6 months straight ) by the time he went to sleep at 6am, my 19onth old was awake and ready for the day at 730am. I couldnât sleep during the day bc my 19month old didnât nap anymore. I had the house to care for, my 19month old and my newborn. Also while trying to clea my incision bc it wasnât closed so recovery took twice as long. So I slept a total of 1 hour a night for 6 months⊠my ex was gone doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Never changed my sons, never played with them. He got up ONCE at night and that ended poorly bc he was screaming at my colic new born to shut up.
My advice, tell him how it is and tell him you need help with your child. You need to heal. If he refuses, that shows you a lot more about him and you need to set strict boundaries or let his ass go
He sounds narsistic to me , you are heading to divorce , take him to court
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Was he the same way when your six year old was a baby? If so, why did you think this time would be different? If not, then what has changed?
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DO NOT let him tell you youâre dramatic or youâre playing victim.
You and that baby deserve so much better and if he isnât willingly helping you then leave.
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Do not let him gaslight you and tell you that you are playing victim. Heâs acting like a sperm donor, not a Dad
He is not being a responsible father or husband. I would suggest parent class with him so he can learnâŠ
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Beating the double standard is a long hard battle woman are still waging. Look what President Puttin did to that maternity hospital in Ukraine. Get mad, itâs better than being sad and put your foot down. Enough is Enough. I also recommend counseling. Fighting with a husband over whose going to do the dishes or change diapers is like fighting with a sibling. Immaturity is a lot of times the problem. Lots of emotional stuff too. Donât throw the baby out with the bathwater. Hang in there. Your family needs you.
The women saying welcome to motherhood kind of break my heart. Iâm a stay at home mom and my fiancĂ© still takes at least a week off of work to make sure I have the help I need while healing and the after that helps as much as possible. Even after coming home from a full time labor job itâs called being a dad and you should have to beg
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Heâs just plain disrespectful
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Youâre not crazy. Iâve never had help in the night or with bottles or diapers. At one point I had 3 babies waking up during the night and I became so burnt out and exhausted I lost myself and went into depression. If you have to do it all on your own it is better to be on your own.
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Well Iâm a single mom so after my son came home from a 9 day NICU stay in which I had a csection to deliver him and stayed in the hospital with him I did it ALL myself with NO help from anyone. Is dad working? Paying ALL the bills? If so then cut him some slack. The more you move after a csection the quicker you heal without being stiff and less likely to have complications like blood clots. Be thankful you have a partner there.
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That abuseeeeeee, and heâs totally GASLIGHTING YOUUUUU! Look I was in this situation with my first born. There is NOTHING NATURAL about a father that doesnât take care of his infant child, or help and then try to turn it back on you âclaiming youâre 'playing the victimâ for being exhausted and pointing out that heâs been literally no help with this baby. Girl, you NEED to put your foot down with him. The baby needs to be changed? Plop that baby right in his lap. You need a nap and heâs sitting on the couch? Guess what, put that baby down and say youâre taking a nap and that he needs to watch HIS CHILDDDDDD!
YOUR NEEDS AND SELF WORTH ARE IMPORTANT! you have another child that seeâs this too and he need to be shown to set healthy expectations and boundaries within a marriage.
Good luck.
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Dump him !!!He will not change !!!
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That is so sad! Youâre not crazy he should want to do those thing for his wife and child!
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I definitely donât think you are crazy! I had a C-section with my almost 6 year old, and I had a very hard time with recovery. Thank goodness my husband helped A LOT, especially the first several weeks. Did your husband watch and attend the delivery? If not, I would find a very vivid and REAL video to show him because maybe he needs a reminder that you are hormonal, exhausted mentally and physically AND recovering! I know some women may have been fine after a day or so, but I was not one of those for sure⊠and I am in no way ashamed to admit that I was in pain and needed help for a while. I truly hope things get better and he starts being more understanding, helpful and supportive!!
I had to do this with my oldest 16 yrs ago her dad did nothing to helpâŠhe needs to helpâŠI ended up falling asleep at the wheel one time bc I had 3 hrs total of sleep in 3 days luckily me and my daughter werenât hurt
I would feel resentful! Insist he help you with his child too!
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Was he the same with the 6year old after they were born
You picked a loser, get out before you waste your life trying to change a man that doesnât give a shit.
You should be able to express that you are tired and need help and actually get support from your SO in any situation. Plain and simple.
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Stay strong momma! perhaps you can get some family to help? It sucks to have to do everything on your own, but you gotta do what you gotta do. It does get better over time, hang in there!
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Absolutely not hun, your feelings are completely valid. I also has my son 7 weeks ago, via natural, and struggle with my partners help. I canât imagine doing it all myself on top of healing from a c-section
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Everyone needs help at times in their life even him! Hopefully you or him has parents that can help?? He is being totally self-centered. You need a friend or someone he respects to talk some sense to him.
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I can definitely relate to how you are feeling . When I had my second baby a boy I had another c section but unlike my firstborn I was in terrible pain after my second sons birth . My then husband was great to me but I resented him because I had a busy life and very social job where I spoke to people all day ( a barmaid ) and my firstborn was a great child / baby and he was nearly 8 when I had my second son so he was a lot more independent and could do things for himself to a point so I felt I had my whole life had changed but Nothing had changed in my then husbands life . He still got to talk to people have time for himself and I really resented him for this . I was jealous that nothing had changed for him ! I was being unreasonable but didnât realise this but my ex was a great help to our newborn but I couldnât see it . I had post natal depression/ disorder and this was 36 years ago and everything was out of whack . I also developed a breast abyss which was agony but it wasnât until I passed out trying to feed baby ( my ex had got our baby out of his bassinet , changed him and brought him into me to feed him and had gone up to make a cup of hot cocoa for the both of us and this was very early hours of the morning and when my ex came back and discovered I was unconscious he immediately called an ambulance and my gynaecologist and when I woke up I was in hospital bandaged up around the left breast with a drip in my arm but the agony was gone . The reason Iâm telling you this is A to make you aware of the possibility of having post natal depression / disorder and B I didnât know it but I was very sick with that abyss slowing growing and filling the full breast and C I understand how much your life has changed and your husbands doesnât seem to have his life changed at all and resentment sets in . Maybe talk again to your husband and tell him how you Really are feeling and make sure he Hears You thatâs important so that you can stop feeling like you are alone as itâs a horrible feeling, also a footnote my ex was a Saint to me at that time but I couldnât see it and feel free to pm me if you need to talk more and good luck youâve got this so believe you are a great woman , mother , wife and friend 
No your not in the wrong leave him if heâs not going to help i struggle with this all the time
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Lazy good for nothing bum.
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I was a single mom of twins right from their birthdate. Everyone abandoned me when I needed them the most. You learn to do it on your own. Itâs hard work but not impossible. Wish I could say it got easier however thatâs not always the case. I work 50 hours a week, clean, do laundry, cook, etc and get like 4 hours of sleep before I gotta repeat it again the next day. Oh and Iâm married to my sons father. Might as well include him in the children category.
You definitely have 2 children. Smh that wrong and you donât deserve it. If he didnât want a child then he should have said it prior. I personally would kick him to the curb until he steps up. Or make it very known that youâre not going to deal with it. Itâs unfair. You need to rest after having a baby. Your body needs time to recuperate. Good luck
Go away for the weekend and leave him with the kids.
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UmmmâŠnoâŠits his son as well and also HIS responsibility. When he gets homeâŠwalk out the door and go stay a night with a friend or relative and restâŠhe can figure it out.
Heâs an ass, and you, be careful because Iâm sure your hormones are running wild. Take care of yourself as well.
So sadâŠyou had MAJOR surgery and even if you had delivered your baby vaginally you need and deserve to have helpâŠhe seems like a very selfish personâŠI wish people would really find out the personality of the people they decide to marry and/or live with before they have children with themâŠhe seems to be in the twilight zone and is very immature!..good luck to you moving forward hunâŠI feel for you!
Wow, you certainly married a POS, probably a nice guy on the surface, but not really a good guy at all. I donât understand why women are so quick to fall in love/get married, but slow to find out what they need to know about a potential partner in life. Waiting till youâre married/have kids to find out things like this or who/what your guy is â is really sad. Best advice, do the best you can, see if family will help. Perhaps call his mother and ask if she could come help for a few weeks. I wouldnât have any more kids with this guy if I was you, I know that.
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He needs grow up an accept his responsibilityâs also
No sweetheart you arenât crazy!
If you feel like youâre alone when you arenât on your own then he needs to go!
Get him to sit down and talk aboit it again and turn the tables around on him and ask him how he would feel if he was in your shoes and if he would feel overwhelmed or stressed doing it everyday all day without help.
Leave him!!! This was my sonâs dad and he almost killed me in front of our son at 3 almost 4 months old. Not saying youâll have the same experience I pray you donât but I know how bad it can get & you need to protect yourself & that baby.
Heâs a douche. Heâs probably always been unhelpful and a jerk to you. Having a child isnât going to change that. Some guys are not going to help so unless you can have conversations where you are not gaslit his going to keep doing stuff like his. The âbestâ is if you have. A partner who purposely messes things up and acts so stupid and foolish that he wants you to take over so he doesnât have to help at all. Tell him what you need and want. You are going to remember how he abandoned you when you needed him most for a long time. You have a right be upset. Having kids doesnât change every aspect of the a manâs life. It does for Moms.
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I had one like that
Hell nah . Pick up and leave or throw that garbage to the curb
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Keep calm, take his money and hire someone to help you at least twice a week with the kids/cleaning. If he complains prepare yourself to get a better life without abuse! You donât need this type of relationship.
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Unless heâs helping you financially then Iâd leave because whatâs the point of having him around if he does nothing.
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Hire a maid & take it out of his going out money. If heâs not going to physically help, he can financially help đ€·
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Why have another kid with him is my question
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If ya doing everything on ya own âŠwhatâs the point of having a partner?? Fuck him off da lazy cunt
I mean my husband fell 30ft through a roof one week before my csection. If someone with multiple broken bones tried to help as best as he can, idc what your manâs excuse is.
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He needs âbaby lessonsâ and at least he takes care of older child. He shouldnt be allowed to go out until he trades you for one night as soon as you are able! Just saying!
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Oh jeezuz NOOO your not just being crazy or emotional!! Heâs a FKN SLACKER!! Heâs being an inconsiderate jerk!! Your BOTH parents so he should BE A PARENT and DO the WORK. This isnât the 1800âs when only the women raised the kids and did ALL the housework and all the âfemale dutiesâ. You have a partner to be a PARTNER, someone who shares in all things. He really needs a wake up call or figure out what he really wants b cause itâs clear heâs not invested in your family or YOU. be strong and put your foot down and if it comes down to it, you CAN make it on your own! Your basically doing it alone right now so if he was removed from the picture it wouldnât be that big of a loss!
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You are stronger than you think. You can do this on your own. Either accept the fact that this guy isnât going to help you and do it yourself, or leave.
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Did he even help with the first one?
Youâre a single mother already. Make it official
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No, he needs to help you. Thatâs ehy the Teo of you are married, so you can help each other out!!
I can relate to this a Ton. Realized I was doing 95%+ of all the work with being with him and I was miserable. Came to realize that I might as well do 100%of the work solo and that my child deserved to have at least one happy parent and Iâd be damned if it wasnât me. Been happy ever since.
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He doesnât work? Wth
I was a lucky stay at give mama wirh no c sections.Our 2 Nd daughter had colic for 8 months I got no sleep plus a 2 yr old daughter.One night the baby was really crying and our 2 yr old daughter was also in my leg at 1:30 AM my husband woke up hit the basinette said canât you shut that baby up?I was in tearsâŠNext morning I talked to him about a divorce if this was his behavior.He apologized and then started helping me more.I also had friends that would take the baby here and there so I could sleep a few hours.Its hard having a new baby plus surgery your husband needs to help you Mama.Surgery plus pregnancy hormones is so hard.Have a good talk with him or get some help youâre NOT being unreasonable !
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Leave and go to someone who will help you, sister, mother, friend .
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Yep I had exactly this. Left that pos and am WAY happier
I would be starting to discuss divorce. If he truly cares he will do what he can to change that outcome, and if he doesnât, not worth staying will just make u more stressed
Tell him that you dare him to do 24 hrs! That will show him everything you go thru everyday!
You are not crazy he needs to step up