I need advice. I had my son in January and have been on maternity leave since. I had an emergency c-section and immediately was doing everything for my newborn by myself, even when instructed to get help. My sons father hasn’t changed a single diaper, fed him at all nor gotten up with him ONCE for night time feedings. When I expressed to him how exhausted I was and felt like I was getting no help he told me I was playing the victim. I cried so much in the first two weeks home, and had to fight the pain of healing to get sh*t done. Am I wrong for feeling resentful that I haven’t had a 2 minute break in 7 weeks? He goes out whenever he wants to for hours at a time. He does take our 6 year old to school in the morning and get him ready, but then that’s it. The rest is all me. Am I crazy? Am I just being emotional for feeling lonely and exhausted and resentful? Ugh, any advice or insight is encouraged!
You are not crazy. I had an emergency csection with my first and it is not easy at all especially with the meds. His response to you is absolutely wrong and he is gas lighting you and making you feel weak. You absolutely need help in this time. I’m honestly wondering if he has made you feel as though you are too sensitive or need to suck it up about other things in the past that you felt were important. He is invalidating you.
You need to have a serious conversation with him again about how you feel(preferably when kids are distracted) and when he responds I want you to REALLY focus on how he responds. Does he go straight to invalidating you? Does he blow you off completely or even seem like he cares? Couples counseling is always an option but depending on how he responds again you really need to consider if you want to stay in a relationship with him.
Ps being a single mom maybe challenging but you can do it if need be. I was a single mom to two for a while from a similar situation (he also cheated) and honestly my self esteem and mental health improved once i was away from that relationship because it was just so unsupportive and toxic.
He should be helping. C sections aren’t easy, I’ve had 3 and they were brutal.
I would sit down and have a conversation with him about how you feel, without being argumentative, and see where it goes from there.
Also, if he doesn’t value your feelings, then regardless of having children together, it’s never going to work. You will always feel the way you do now and that’s not healthy
Doesn’t sound like a father at all or a good partner, time for the boot
You are not crazy it took two to make that baby he needs to help out and realize that you had a C-section and need help if he can’t step up and help id tell him to pack his things
You need to get help with baby until you are better. Boyfriend/husband isn’t going to help. Take care of yourself and baby. Don’t do anything for boyfriend/husband. He sure doesn’t respect you.
No this would not work for me. Help with the kids, or show him the door 
Nope. Nit crazy at all .
Just hire a mother’s helper. Problem solved.
You need to give him an alternative either help or leave.
It’s his child as well how selfish
Honestly, sounds like if he isn’t helping out then you are already on your own. And him going out whenever he wants…Tell him to shape up or ship out to be honest then see if you can get a family member to come stay with you and help out for a little while at least.
He should 
be helping and even more so after a c section you poor love.
It’s hard being a momma 
but my hubby works all day and provides and when we need anything he’s there no problem so I remind myself of that … idk what he does thru at work he doesn’t know what I go thru at home with the baby but we both are going thru something and at end of day we both end it falling asleep together in peace 
just hang in there momma and enjoy these baby times cuz they grow so fast 
but yes u def deserve a break especially after a c section 
maybe grandma can watch baby for a few hours so u can relax ?
Definitely doesn’t sound like a good man
When I had my last baby, I sat in a meeting with a lady who’d just had a C-Section and the poor chick was wincing just trying to get out of her chair and walking back to her room; after seeing that, I can’t understand how someone (who is supposed to love you) can watch you go through that and think you’re playing victim…
I’m sorry for your situation, but,why are you with somebody who treats you like that? I recommend some self care for you and encourage you to reach out to friends and family for support. Figure out how to set yourself up to be on your own. See your Dr and talk about postpartum depression. You’re not good for the kiddos if you don’t take care of your self FIRST! I had a partner similar to yours,and i wish i would’ve left sooner.
you have every right to feel how you feel
I have no advice, but omg what an ass!! 
I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do…
He’s an asshole. Just leave.
He should be helping you especially if you feel that way and need it. Selfish much
Sounds like your a mother, maid oh and slave. Don’t do anything for him at all and only do you and the kids. He’s a adult and a father he needs to help
This may sounds dumb but ask him if he’s scared to smash the tiny thing. My husband wouldn’t touch the newborn at all till I just said here I’m done I took a shower got ready handed him baby and just left for 2 hours my sons almost 5 weeks old. I got my hair done
I had the exact same…only difference…I hung in there …wow…took me a long while to get the courage to leave …I was under the assumption it would be harder on my own …heck no…it was way easier…my only regret was not ditching him sooner …if they don’t respect you just after giving birth … you’re in the deep end …run …do you think he gonna wake up one day and suddenly see you as a person??
Screw that! Im due in 40 days and have to have a c section. I would pick up and leave and see if he actually cared that I’m gone. And if he’s willing to make a chamge
Man oh man. Well, when I had my emergency c section my man took time off work and took care of all 3 kids, and me for 3 weeks… but I will say with my first born (although not c section) I had no help. It was so hard. But it got easier. Im not gonna say leave him, just figure out a way to get some you time while you’re with your sweet little baby. And if he’s providing, try to be grateful
Don’t clean, cook or do his laundry only do u n ur kids stuff F HIM lazy thing
Yea your crazy for being with someone like that and putting up with the crap
I could have written this 
How did he act after the first child was born?
What a selfish person
You’re completely validated in the way you’re feeling. He should be helping. I had an emergency c section too and my partner would pretty much only wake me to feed her if I wanted to rest.
U didn’t make baby by yourself so you definitely shouldn’t be looking after baby by yourself. Feel so sorry for u mum. We all need breaks.
Are you married? if not find another friend to help. If you are divorce him he’s useless.
I realize times have changed but when I had our 4 children back in the 1950’s, the Mom’s mother or in-law would come stay that first week to HEPLP! Back then most men had no clue what to do to help, let alone were expected to! Seems like the problem these days is that MOST adults have to work outside of the home to help bout their husbands, which, to me, is sad! Of course young mothers need help for at least a week so they can get some rest, to heal physically and emotionally as having a baby, vaginally or a C-setion, is exhausting! I have had babies both ways, and will always appreciate my mom coming and helping US for that week!
He should help you or employ someone to help you.
Holy Moly!! You need to kick him out or go and stay with someone for a while who can help you and then kick him out. You just gave birth to his child and he couldn’t care less, if he can’t man up, he can move on. I’m doing it alone and I went to my mums.
Stop doing his laundry and cooking for him…your not his maid…or his Mother…if he won’t help you raise the baby then don’t raise him …his big enough to get his on dinner and do his on laundry as well…you only have two hands and their busy taking care of the baby…
I didn’t have a C-section with my boys, however my partner took time of work for us. He was actually quite amazing. I’d definitely not put up with that.
Having a baby is hard work- & especially when you are recovering from a pretty major surgery.
He needs to do better- or leave.
No your not! he should help you ! That’s not ok! hopefully you can get some help from a Relative or friend Because he is an asshole!
Remember to wash your sheets.
I was so exhausted I didn’t and my ex never helped me with that. I got cellulitis. Itchy skin rash.
Its important after surgery.
Remember to eat. Take time for your self.
Kick his lazy ass out. Hé is not worth both of you
What a piece of shit…people like that should not exist
you have no idea, but it will be so much easier to do alone.
Leave him it’ll get worse I feel your pain. Find family members or any friends that’ll help support you & your baby 
Please call your local woman’s shelter and ask for help this is abuse even if you don’t realize it. Sometimes we need an outsiders viewpoint to tell us what we can’t see ourselves. Good Luck
I wouldn’t be having any more children with him
I’ve dealt with this with all of my children. Doing everything for them. Needless to say. We aren’t together anymore. I can’t stand to be around them.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You have every right to feel the way that you are. He should definitely be doing more, he’s the parent too, you didn’t magically create the baby by yourself. We all needs breaks and time to rest. I had a C-section as well so I understand the recovery process you are experiencing. I hope he has a change of heart but if not then this definitely speaks volumes about him. Life is short. You deserve to be in a partnership where you are cared for, cared about and respected not only for yourself as a person but as a mother as well. Your children should grow up seeing their momma being treated respectfully too. Hugs! Take one day at a time. You are doing the best that you can with what you are going through.
Throw that boy away!
I hate to say it darlin’ but this man does not care about you, and doesn’t care much about his son. I agree with some of the women here. You need to move in with family or a friend and get some help and some rest. Any man who would tell a woman who just gave birth, (especially with a c-section) that she is a “victim,” is cruel and uncaring. Good riddance I say. Get out now while you can.
Do nothing for him. Take care of you and baby. Call your family. He is not loving you. He Is An Ass
What is it bout baby he resents? If he gets older one ready for school and takes him?
You have every right to feel how you do. And some of it with crying will be hormones and sheer tiredness. Make sureyou ask gp/ midwife for help if baby blues become too much. As it certainly not helping you or the situation.
Please take an hour or 2 out for you and rest up. Take advantage of baby sleeping and put feet up.
Slowcooker is a new mummas best friend. If you have one.
Call on family if possible to help. Xx
This man can only do to you what you allow him to do!! Stop!! He has no respect for you!! Any time a man can say your playing the victim after what you have gone through dose not deserve you!!! He is selfish,ungrateful,and verbally abusing you, I’m not sure how he was before the baby came along, but it seems to me your the one that’s done it all, and he expect you to continue to do it all including taking care of him. Only you know what life has been like with him, only you can decide to suck it up and do all, or make a change. Good luck God Bless
You sound like one hearty lady. Hard as it is, sadly you will be better off on your own. We all hope they will change, you’ve given him ample time. Pack his bags and send him home to his mama.
Just be a single mom, because that’s basically what’s happening. I hope you get the help you need and lose him. I hope you get to enjoy your new baby with no drama.
If I’m going to be treated like a single mom that’s what I’m gonna be. Single.
I think when You date someone talk about such things. In some homes they don’t see such things and think some things are meant for women only. My advise is u tell your care provider and have your man take u to the next appointment. The care provider will know how to talk to him to get him to help. Usually they tell the men u are no healing quickly due to luck of rest. And would be asked to help more.
No this is not ok. Pardon my French, but he sounds like a complete fucking dickbag. My fiancé helped me with everything I needed from the moment all of our kids were born, as a father should!!! Sounds like you are much better off alone
Has he always been this way? Or did he just stop doing his part once the baby was born? If he’s not helping when you need him most, it’s highly unlikely he’ll help any other time. You’re not wrong, and even if you were (which you’re not), you have a right to feel your feelings.
Being a single mum is easier at least you don’t have anyone around annoying you.
Tell him to sort it out or he can leave.
You need to try communicate with him. Is it possible that he feels nervous with the newborn. Maybe he needs encouragement and support
Girl, he should BE HELPING YOU. He is an adult and a Father and should start acting like one! Him not respecting you is enough of a reason for me to leave. When I had my first child, I left her sperm donor and at the end of my pregnancy and when I had her, I remember the first 2 months being up every hour of the night. It was tough! After those first 2 months, I did have my mom helping me every chance she got. I’m now almost 4 months pregnant with my second and I have the most amazing man that takes care of me and helps me whenever I need it. And sometimes I don’t even have to ask.
Your man appears to be a lost cause now. But I’d still talk to him and see if he will change. If not, then BOY BYE. Good luck!
Did he help with the 6 yr old when he was a baby? Or is this new? Cuz if it happened the first baby with him not helping it would kinda be expected he wouldnt help with the second. If he did help with the first I’d be asking why not this baby
Honestly this has my son’s dad written all over it. Long story short my son is 10, ive raised him no help from his “dad” and left with my son when he was 4 months old. Honestly if you’re going to do it all anyway why stay in a relationship that makes you miserable too. You can do it alone and at least be happier.
Yes , kick him to the curb!!! U can do bad all by yourself. You’re doing everything by yourself anyway so y do u need him there?! That’s just horrible the way he treating his newborn son n the mother of his son.
Ditch him, obviously he doesn’t care about you or baby.
The father to my older two kids would do the same thing. I tried to put up with it and make it clear that either he starts helping and quit acting like he doesn’t have to do anything or he can fuck off and go live with his mommy. That was almost 8 years ago and he still lives with his mommy. You straight out tell his ass that if he really loves you and the kids then he’ll step the fuck up or fuck off
Then you need a Mom or sister to help you while your on the mend…
You need to have a good talk with him about this and don’t take any backchat. If he shows no remorse or any suggestions on how to help I’d think about if I want to pursue a relationship with someone who doesn’t help
Nah he sounds like a 
Hire someone to help you in the short-term. If talking with your OB at your next appointment doesn’t change his behavior, move out once you’re well enough.
Why are u even staying with him I’d be showing him the door he’s being so selfish and immature and your better of with out him if he ain’t helping wen u have had an operation he ain’t ever gunna help think it also says alot about him as a person I def wouldn’t stay with someone like that you got this your doing amazing it will get easier hang in their
Get out now… Also call a doctor and get some help for your postpartum depression. You will be happy you did.
What’s the point of having him around if he ain’t helpful 
That is ridiculous and selfish of him! You are not being crazy. He should definitely be helping you… especially after a c-section!
You’re not wrong. He’s gaslighting you. He refuses to help you then tells you you’re playing victim to avoid helping. You’d be better off as a single mom. I’m telling you from expirence.
He’s not allowing you to recover properly. You’re a single mother since he hasn’t done anything
It’s extremely rough the first few weeks home with a baby, especially after an emergency c section. I don’t know the circumstances but I had one with my first and it took longer to heal with that one than my second. He needs to step up and help. You could hurt yourself and cause the healing to be set back.
He’s trash, put him to the curb. 
Piece of . You let him treat you this way and don’t do anything about it then it becomes your fault after the fact. It’s up to you how you allow yourself to be treated and respected.
No point in wasting energy and time on him. He’s not worth it.
Get a hold of Doula in your area, they will get you help. Also, why isn’t any family helping you? Your husband is a jerk!
Maybe talk to your Dr too
throw the “man” away.
He will never change!
My husband would.help with the older kids bc the tiny baby stage scared him it only lasted a couple months and he was fine helping with babies
I would not put up with it. Leave one day when he gets home and don’t come back for a few hours. You deserve it!!!
Sounds exactly like my ex. Never got any help after my c section & ended up splitting my stitches. Got called a drama queen for complaining. Leave him. He will never change
Do you make all the meals? Do you clean up afterwards? Do you do the laundry? Does he come home tired from work? Lots of questions. Most guys have no idea how to care for a little baby. Show him how!!
Sounds like a real piece of work that needs to get the boot out the door
My ex never helped. Our 2nd, I was exclusively BF and a full-time student. He wouldn’t even give him pumped milk in a bottle while I was in class! I couldn’t take tests because you can’t have ANYONE in the room. I was exhausted and so frustrated as we have an older child who was in kindergarten. I took care of everything and he was only home 2 weeks at a time. He did nothing but sleep and drink.
I realized that he wasn’t ever going to help. Once I realized that I was less frustrated. I spent so much time being pissed off, it was making me even more tired ect. Did I have a right to be upset? Hell ya! But once I just “let it go”, I was better mentally. I became less tired and frustrated. I accepted I was bever going to get help. And then when my little was 4 months, I kicked him out and never looked back.
I bet he was semi helpful with the first born. Wasn’t he? I have got a little story for you but first get rid of him before it’s to late. I was married for 22 years and had 5 children with that man he only helped with the first one and it got worse later on he decided not to help me with the other children, girlie you can do it in your own, no your not upset about nothing it’s justified. You will not have as much stress if he isn’t in your life. You certainly wouldn’t be worried about if this or that was done. Keep your head held high you got this your a queen.
There are good men in the world, you just don’t have one. Sorry, maybe you should move on.
Tell him to GET TF OUT:exclamation:
A father who doesn’t help with a newborn ESPECIALLY after you’ve had an incredibly complex surgery is a RED. FLAG.
Btw, there are many options out there for single moms. Don’t be afraid.
My Grandma use to say “You cant be walked on unless you first lay down” We teach people what we will allow. My Ex was same way, after 4 yrs I divorced his butt. You deserve a partner and a Man, not a boy who hasn’t grown up yet. I would put your foot down and demand some help, its his baby too. If He wont, I would ditch him. Sounds like all he does is make more work for you and you dont need or deserve it.
If you’re going to act as a single parent, be a single parent. Tell him to shape up or get out and he can pay child support for both kids and most of the day care costs. That’s disgusting. I don’t even have a husband and my family stepped up to help me when I had both babies. They did the dishes and helped out with my 5 year old when I had my newest son.
He is the parent also. He needs to act like a man, partner and parent of gtfo
I dealt with this with my daughters father, 6 months went by, no changes. Stayed with him until she was a little over 2 and still no help with diapers but he did whatever he wanted.
I decided I didn’t wanna live like that. We broke up. I met someone else (my significant other) and we have been together for 8 years and have a 5 year old. Let’s just say he has helped since day one. He either did the feeding and I would do the diaper changes or we would do the opposite during nights. A man will only change if he wants to. A child nor another individual will make then.
My daughters father hardly bothers with her as it is and she is 10.
Nah, any time you express your needs and feelings and you are met by a comment like “you’re always playing the victim- red flag.
DARVO stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.” The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim
Why do people torture themselves! Don’t you learn from others mistakes! Gosh folks get some help.
Sounds like my x husband