This post is for wives and girlfriends about appreciation and acknowledgment from spouses. I guess I’m just looking for a little advice or insight and other people’s experiences. I am a mom of 4 I work full time, and I take care of the house duties. I would say 98% of the time I feel underappreciated, and I don’t even receive acknowledgment for the things that I do from my spouse. Lately, I’ve been going through a lot of things in life, and I’ve been tired, and kind of down and haven’t really been putting as much effort forth with the house duties like I normally would. The other night I got kind of irritated and frustrated because I was just so tired I still had to cook dinner and get kids bathed and ready for bed. The house was trashed and needed to be picked up, and the dishes needed to be done, and the laundry needed to be folded and taken care of because the pile had gotten too big. Things, in general, just needed to be done. And my spouse was just sitting on his ass playing on his phone and watching TV. He said something to me, and I snipped at him. Of course, the world had ended because I did that. He’s a bit childish when it comes to things I say. Anyway I had gotten dinner done I got the kids fed I had started giving my youngest a bath, and he was in the kitchen and started doing the dishes because he knew I was irritated with his lack of help. When I got done giving my youngest a bath, I had taken him and got him dressed, and everything and my spouse comes to me and says I did the dishes for you. Now my first thought was not to thank you; it was more like you did the dishes for me? He says I did them to be nice. I said you did not do the dishes for me. I also said you did the dishes for the house because I certainly did not dirty all of those dishes you eat from them too. They’re just as much your responsibility as they are mine. So because I did not say thank you and show enough appreciation because nothing with him is ever free, there’s always a price for anything he does, he always expects something in return. I really don’t know what to do he has not once thanked me for anything I do in the house he never thanks me for cooking him dinner, doing laundry, cleaning the house, taking care of kids, he doesn’t thank me for anything it makes me feel underappreciated but he does one thing and expects me to give him a bone like a dog for being a good boy like he wants a treat. And I know that sounds harsh I’m just so overwhelmed how do you appreciate something someone does for you or says it’s for you when it’s for selfish reasons just so they can get something for themselves? My children (i say my because I have three from a previous relationship and only one with him, he also has one child from a previous relationship that is with us during the week) thank me for everything under the sun. They always thank me for making them dinner, taking them out, cleaning the house, telling me it looks nice and doing their laundry — literally, anything I do. I feel so appreciated by my kids, but I don’t feel that way with my spouse. How do you ladies go unappreciated by your spouse? I can’t be the only one that goes through this. Please help.
My ex was like this. “Aww come on I want sex”. No no, he can help clean up his mess too. I’m not his mother.
Stop doing shit for him. Hes a big boy. He can help pick up, too. And if he cant, he can wash his own clothes and cook his own meals.
While we have no children. My ex was like this. I took it forever. He left me in the end but just know that there are good men out there. Mine currently cooks and cleans and does all the outside chores as well as takes care of the cars. All he asks of me daily is that I pack his lunch.
Talk to him. It is very frustrating! It’ll piss you off and leaving you stewing in anger. Communicate this to him. Sit him down and just be open and downright honest. Sometimes it just boils down to making someone realize how much you are struggling and just how much appreciation means when you are feeling overwhelmed. Every time he does something for the house dont be like him tell him firmly thank you for contribuiting to the house and making things easier on me so I can be a better wife and mother, I really appreciate when you do things to help with our home. I know its hard to give credit to a man like that but that’s how we teach them to appreciate us. You’ll be amazed at how much men will do when they understand where you are coming from and you show them hey when someone does something helpful they deserve praise and a kind word. Thats also how we teach our kids how to be productive and kind. If after all your patience and understanding he still doesnt change tell him you are going to leave.
Have you directly told him that you feel unappreciated and that you would like a “thank you” for the things you do? If not, then communicate instead of just getting snippy at him. If so, remind him of that when he wants a “thank you” for what he does.
Its suppose to be a team. My ex did this shit too. All it did was break me down until I gave up on our relationship. He was cheating tho too. But the little things build up over time if they aren’t addressed. Try communicating with him about how you are feeling. That you’re overwhelmed. Its both of your lives, the house, kids, dinner, bills, work and so on, and that you need a partner not another child to take care of. He will do 1 of 2 things, he will try harder for you and your family or he will continue to do nothing. Pay attention to both. It says a lot.
Start cleaning ‘your’ mess, no one else’s. If the dishes aren’t ones you dirtied dont do them. If they aren’t your clothes dont wash them.
Last year I got tired of only me doing laundry so each person has their own basket when its full either you wash it or you run out of clothes. (Kids were 9 and 7). If dishes aren’t on counter when I do dishes YOU are responsible to get them clean.
I put my things away (clothes, coats, shoes, keys, etc) if your shit is all over the house it’s going in the garbage. Kids and husband learned fast to pick up their stuff.
Sometimes others need a little reminder of what moms day in and out. Theres been times where I have noticed I am the only one who does something so I stopped doing and guess what after awhile some else finally did it.
Have a serious conversation with him, if that doesn’t work I’d say just leave. It’s not worth it. I’m a stay at home mom of almost 14 years and i do everything around the house, and don’t even get a thank you. It seems like you have another child to care for, it shouldn’t be like that. There are other men out there that would treat you like the queen you are. Don’t stay and put up with that, that’s disrespectful on his part.
Time to stop him down and show him how out of balance the work load is and that if he wants more from you then he needs to put more into helping maintain the home so you’re not so wiped out. Show him how you work just as much as him away from home so he needs to work just as much as you do in the home.
Yeah, no.
I made it clear when we got married, “You eat…right? Your ass needs clean clothes? This will be a partnership or I can live alone.” 🤷
I’m crazy tho… When he acts crazy, I sleep naked and tell him not touch me. 
You aren’t the only adult. So, time for y’all to talk this out. And make it clear, you’re his wife, not his mom and this isn’t 1955.
It took some time and some arguing but I stopped doing shit for him. I did for me and the kids. When he had to make his own food, do his own laundry, etc… It finally clicked. I’m not the maid.
My advice : give up on feeling appreciated when you want it . Start looking at it like a compliment otherwise it’s a choke chain … this world doesn’t teach appreciation nor do they verbalize it .
Sometimes when I am cleaning house and I feel resentful I remind myself … the laundry needs to get done regardless same as dishes. single married kids no kids all these chores need to get done helps keep things in perspective.
Also I don’t tell myself I do this for my family instead I say I do this to uphold my house .
With every relationship there’s give an take. You sound like you’re giving too much and he’s just taking. I’m a petty bitch sometimes but it works. If my husband falls short, I stop taking care of him because at that point, he’s stopped taking care of me. If he isn’t going to wash the laundry he wears or thank me for washing his, I’ll pick it out of the pile and leave it dirty. If he can’t help clean up dinner and wash the dishes he ate off of, he can eat microwave easy Mac or cup of noodles. I’m not his mom, and he cannot expect me to do everything for everyone with nothing in return. It’s a partnership.
Put on your big girl panties and have this conversation with him. Rather than getting pissed tell him what needs to be done and ask which chores he wants. Since you both work tell him the house/kids chores need to be 50/50, and he will get as much appreciation as he shows. You can’t have this convo while you’re mad or emotional.
Marriage is also about communication too if you haven’t talked to him then clearly you need to he’s not a mind reader
Let him know that you expect him to put as much effort into the family as you do. Marriage is a two person team and the sooner you let him know this, the sooner you can show him what you need him to do. Some men are raised with the mentality that taking care of the home is a woman’s job. I literally had to teach my husband everything he had been taught was not going to fly in our home. He was taught to be waited on like some king while a woman breaks her back serving him. Mmhmmm now he’s helping me 50/50 because he sees how much I do for our family.
I would have a talk with him and tell him he needs to help out around the house more. I would also tell him you want to feel appreciated more. I do sometimes thank my husband for helping out but he also thanks me when I clean or something. Now I don’t really need to hear a thank you but it’s still nice.
Tell him to get off his lazy ass and contribute to the house he lives in.
I am a mother of 5 and also work full time so does my husband. The only way things get done is through communication. In my house it’s 50/50. My kids also help. They have their daily chores. Alot of please and thank you’s.
He needs a real life lesson about expectation vs reality. Life is very fluid.
Chore chart. If he acts like a kid then treat him like one. Set up the chores on a chart and split them between the 2 of you. Me and my husband kind of have an unspoken chore chart lol He always takes out the trash and cleans the cat litter, i always do the dishes and pick up the kitchen. Just random stuff like that but it works out for us. Either way you should choose a time when your not fed up and have an open conversation about it
Stop being a doormat. Sounds rude and idgaf, but that’s literally all y’all women’s problem for why you get treated the way you do. That shit don’t fly in my house. Husband used to do nothing when we first got together. I wasn’t having it. Now he does everything n I don’t even have to ask
Better off single 
He needs a wakeup call
Find another spouse!
Choose your battle lady. Keep up the good work. 
I have to ask sometimes and just be honest. Often he doesn’t know how to help unless i ask
I would lose my shit If my husband said I did the dishes for you. 
When I was dating my husband I made sure he understood my expectations that I expected a full partner. I did have to teach him how to clean but he learned. We’ve been together now for 24 years and he cleans, cooks, irons, strips and remakes the bed etc. I don’t let him do my laundry though because everything comes out wrinkled!! I think the best thing I ever did was be 100% upfront with my expectations from the very beginning of our relationship and not settle.
If mine does stuff like laundry I have it written down step by step and how to do it for the dryer too. He did it without the sheet so I told him " thank you for effort is noted but I’m very anal about my laundry you know this". So he will follow my directions now so stuff doesn’t get screwed up. I do this for my mother too. I have many steps with my laundry.
Guess is as good as mine. He is oblivious apparently I’m guessing a conversation would be seen as an attack or disrespect from his childish behavior as you’ve mentioned. Maybe the passive aggressive would work or cause a blow up. Honestly I’m horrible with advice and marriage cause my husband is the same in some ways
I have an honest question… I have heard lots of complaints from people about situations similar to this…what is happening to our children when they get to adulthood that they think treating a spouse (male or female)like this is ok?
I have done chore charts for the kids to lighten my load. But if I want my husband to do something I have to ask. He won’t just do something. He
His return= a clean house
First of all, you are not alone. Almost every mother/ wife I speak to has the SAME experience. Being a mom is hard and such an overwhelming task when you add on doing all the housework associated. We FEEL YA.
Second, men often need direction in order to help. Us ladies tend to run the household and know what needs done today. I feel it’s unfair to get irritated you aren’t getting help if you dont ask for it.
You’re not being harsh. You need to think about leaving. It’s not worth feeling worthless.
Communication would probably benefit you both, and is better done while neither is aggitated.
Give him a chouce. Give the kids their baths OR clean up from dinner (including dishes) and clutter in the house. Can your children not pick up their own toys and put where they belong
My ex was like that. Sat on his ass doing nothing and then expected all the praise in the world for doing half the dishes and leaving me to do the rest. I booted him out. My fiance on the other hand is always helping with the kids and the house and expects nothing in return
Have you ever said you want (need) him to help you out more around the house or with the kids? Maybe that’s what he thought he was doing. Helping you. Lightening your load.
As for not feeling appreciated for what you do? Talk to him. When neither of you are mad. Explain how you feel and tell him what you need. Men aren’t mind readers. Yes, there are things they should just know but most don’t.
My husband has this thing he always says, “how about ‘thank you’?” My response varies, but it always keeps the tone of, “how about I don’t kill you right now and feed you to the cats over the next several weeks while our family and friends search for you?”
Now that I think of it… I can’t remember the last time he asked me for a thank you. 
I would prepare a chore list and ask for a payment for each one I tick off the list
Have you asked him to help more? Gave him a list of things to do?
Cuz here’s the thing. In my house i do most of it. Cuz I’m picky lol my laundry has to be put away a certain way, I hate dishes drying on my counter, I hate things moved etc. So my man just doesn’t touch unless I ask, cuz he ain’t looking for a nag session if he did it “wrong”.
So I just give him a list when I need help. Like he’ll come in from work and I’ll be like “ok. I got this, and this, and this, I need you to do that and that and that…” And tada…he does that and that and that. I say thank you.
Cuz it encourages him to help some more lol
If you HAVE talked to him…then do what I did when mine didn’t listen when I first started asking…I went on strike. Made sure the kid was fed and clean but the house and the man…psh.
He got the hint REAL quick, cuz he FINALLY saw first hand all the stuff i do. Cuz the minute I stopped, our home exploded in mess and nothing was done. Clean clothes weren’t washed, dirty dishes sat, toys stayed where they were thrown etc
Now…I ask…he does lol
I have this same situation at my house. I finally decided that my mental and physical health mattered more to me than anything. So I hired a cleaning person! They clean my house so I can concentrate on laundry on my days off and I can also do “ me things “. This helps me feel like a better parent and wife because I can be there for my kids more and I am less exhausted because I get time to recharge my battery. People will think this is selfish and an unnecessary expensive but I don’t care! It has helped me be a better me to everyone in my life!
I don’t understand… he does the dishes to be nice and doesn’t get any recognition, but you think you should? That’s not fair lmfao. Who cares if you’re not the only one eating. He did something to lighten your load, maybe if he gets the thank you that you so desperately need, instead of getting shit talked, maybe he’d do it more often. Respect goes two ways, love goes two ways. Give the love you want and if that doesn’t work, communicate your feelings NICELY and have a grown up discussion about it and maybe that might help
Stop doing for him . been there done that !
My husband and i both worked 12hr shifts and i had to come home cook clean etc and one day i just snapped and started crying that it was too much and i couldnt do it anymore among many other things i said to him that night but since then (almost three yrs ago) he actually does all the laundry, hang it and pick it up and i pack it away. We take turns doing the dishes. He sweeps and mops sometimes and so do I. I cook and on days i dont cook we do sandwiches or eat out (not often). I asked for help before but everything was so well managed he never really took me serious. It took me breaking down for him to realize i really did need help.
I honestly don’t have this problem as my fiance and I work together to keep our house hold running smooth, but honestly I think the best thing you could do is talk to him, it may sounds silly but he may not realise what he’s doing is wrong it sounds like he’s become so comfortable with you doing everything now it’s an expectation, talk to him tell him how you feel and how you feel unappreciated and over worked and that when you’re busy with the kids or the household he shouldn’t be sitting down doing nothing he should be picking up the slack in other areas, don’t just keep putting up with it, help and encourage him to change, if he doesn’t or doesn’t want to well you only have 2 choices, continue to put up with it or leave
We all know what he should be doing but you allow him to treat you that way, you want help tell him, hell demand it and don’t apologize for it.
Remind him you are his wife not the skivvy…( means slave)… remind him that the children belong to both of you so it’s team work in looking after them… as you both work it should be agreed that you both share who does cooking while the other looks out for the kids …Yes both of you are tired but the kids don’t know that they are so glad to see you both as you have been away all day… you both need to understand when you got married to enjoy what you have created and help each other…all this crap about man comes home and does nothing but expects attention he needs to realise it works both ways.
I’ve always went with if I have to do it all by myself, I’M GONNA DO IT BY MYSELF. No man equals no one to be angry at for being lazy. I do agree with chore charts FOR EVERYONE. Put his maybe and your name on the chart with the kids. if he’s not gonna join the program, quit doing for him. Separate his laundry n leave it for him to do. Fix meals for the kids and don’t call him to the table. He’ll either get with the program or he can just get.
It’s because you allow him to get away with it and they get used to you doing it. You both need to sit your butts down and do a chore list for both of you. It is not your responsibility to do all by yourself. If you both are working then you both should be in charge of cleaning. If your kids are older than the age of 6. They can also help out to
I’d be making hubby pay for a weekly house cleaner. Do want to help,.u can pay¡!
I know this feeling all to well except I dont have kids with my husband but I work alot. I felt unappreciated and I started having attitude with him because of it and like you said if he did something he wanted to be rewarded hmmm . I had to remind him that I did what I did because I love him not that I had to . Anyway something has changed (he has gotten sick) and he now realizes that I am here for him and now he tells me how much he appreciates me, thank you honey and I love you out of the blue and not to mention warm hugs.
A
Yeah I know it’s simply amazing women can work a 40 hour week and sometimes two jobs and clean the house and take care of the kids me and can’t even do it for an hour without getting upset while I’m in there something after getting on their nerves but they’re the ones that wanted them to unfortunately me and want it both ways they want a woman like the women a hundred years ago that why you don’t I’m hanging and sit but in a modern woman who can dress up and look like a model and they sometimes take us women for granted it’s a it’s a thing I see all too often I once heard a preacher preach on a homework the capitals were they doing their homework I didn’t exactly understood what he meant by that later in life but what do you mean it was was you doing your homework with your house making time from top and tell him to send us out of our or not helping them out working together to keep praying ladies I’ve been doing it for nearly 30 years it does get better with time
Shared parenting shared responsibilities kids can do chores too you don’t have to do it all its a thankless job
This was posted the other day 
So he expected a “ thank you “ ? Who wouldn’t … you sound like a selfish biatch & don’t expect him to do it again SMH.
She works a full time job AND takes care of the house and children!! Does he work…at all. I hate to be a downer, but nothing will change. He sounds entitled. I did not work a full time job, stayed home and raised the kids and took care of the house. Ran his errands, helped him with his projects and side jobs and he still expected i should get a full time job. I held out because i knew from past experience, he would not help with the house and kids. I feel any relationship needs to share the household chores and the raising of children in proportion to hours working outside the job. Does not matter if they are his/her kids or not.
I find it’s easier to get stuff done when I know I am the one to count on. You don’t need a grown child to raise too! I think you already know what you need to do-deciding to do it & making the break is the hard part. You’re already doing it on your own. Expecting an adult to do their part & being disappointed time & again is exhausting. It’s just geography for either you or him. I wish you the best of luck.
At least thank him for what he did and show appreciation. Then a person wants to do more if appreciated. It is easy to become angry because you are tired but he did one thing for you.
You are a good woman and a good mother … You bust your r ass around your house because of that…not because of him …remember that… You are a Queen and you should be treated as such …if your husband wants to be waited on hand and foot then he should do the same for you …period…
Wow, you couldn’t say thank you ? What a biatch