My spouse got angry that I redownloaded instagram...thoughts?

I need opinions … so I downloaded instagram again after 5 years . Back story I erased it cause my first born father was stalking me and stealing pics of her when he said he didn’t want any part of her . Well anyways I erased it for her sake . Well i just redownloaded it and made it to where no one can see anything unless they follow me . I told my husband straight up that i downloaded it again . He got extremely angry towards me . Than stormed off to shower . Than he came out saying I should have “asked” to download it again … I said actually I don’t have to ask anything I am 23 . We have had no issues in the past expect for my ex stalking . Am I wrong for not asking…? It’s making me super anxious now that he randomly flipped for no reason

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Sounds to me like he’s trying to control you.

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He’s probably doing not so savory things that’s why he’s upset. He wanted you to “ask” so he can delete things maybe :thinking:

:triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: regardless of what his reasons may be, he doesn’t get to TELL you what to do or say that you have to ask for his permission; That’s not ok, and I would set some very firm boundaries and have a conversation, if you are set on staying with him. I would just be cautious, because the big things usually start out small.

I wonder if he has an insta of his own, possibly a secret account, and he doesn’t want you doing what he does on there…

I mean, he felt like he had a reason. It’s unjustified, but it’s his reason. I would be doing a little bit of stalking him myself… Why can’t he just have an open conversation with you instead of losing his ever loving mind. Sounds fishy to me. Also, you didn’t have to be honest and tell him, but you did. Remind him that since he flew off the handle about that, less likely to be honest in the future based on his behavior. Maybe that will make him come around a little bit.

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Um no you shouldn’t have to ASK to download something!

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Look at his Instagram and see who he is following, who is following him and look at his messages on there

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Wow that’s a huge :triangular_flag_on_post: !! You’re right, you’re an adult and you don’t need to ask permission to download an app. And you can set Instagram up so you have to approve follower requests and only they can see your stuff, as you mentioned, which makes it much more safe. The reason he’s mad isn’t because he’s worried about safety. I would look more into it, maybe he has secret social media accounts or maybe he’s just trying to be super controlling, which in itself is a form of abuse. Be careful :heart:

He doesn’t want you to follow his account

Nope! Not in the wrong!!! Dont let him control you

For one the comment “you should ask set me off” you ain’t my daddy. That probably would have been my comment followed by BUT we can discuss it when you can calm down

I would be looking for his instagram :face_with_hand_over_mouth::woman_shrugging:

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I’d be confused too. If you had it before and he didn’t have a problem, why does he have a problem now? I understand concidering your spouse’s feelings, if there was an app my man didn’t want me to have and vice versa, then I wouldn’t download it. But if he never voiced that feeling prior to you downloading it, then I’d figure out what his feelings are on the matter. He isn’t going to get anywhere with you about it if he just storms off about it and blows up about it. He needs to learn to communicate.

Ask him why he is upset with you downloading insta, don’t let him just give you the reason “oh cos your ex will stalk you” but just ask him and then depending on his response ask his should he ask your permission to download things on his phone.

Makes me wonder what he’s worried about you seeing on there :woman_shrugging:. You’re grown. You don’t need permission.

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Respect and maturity are missing from this relationship…pretty sure your looking for a way out, and knew he wouldn’t like it.

You should definitely question why he’s getting so upset over it unless he’s possibly hiding something himself on there. Not saying he is but I’ve heard a lot of stories about that. Ask him straight up why he’s so mad about it.

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Because let’s say you put yourself in a situation. You’re gonna call your husband.

You’re not a child to have to ask permission to download a social media app!

Don’t stress about it mama! That’s on him, you were absolutely not in the wrong.

Your a grown person. You dont need permission from anyone to do anything and this is a red flag for sure. Either he’s hiding something he didn’t want you to see and all of a sudden he’s at risk of you finding out or he’s trying to control you. Period.

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I’m not asking my husband if I’m allowed to download anything. It’s not up to him. I’d ask him why he is acting like this. I’d say he is sounding controlling but idk all the details.

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Yeah that’s really odd behavior. From just this little tid bit he sounds controlling af. You’re a grown woman and don’t have to ask permission to download an app.

Does he have one, and maybe doesn’t want you to see certain things?

This is so weird. He’s wrong here not you

Sounds like he maybe hiding something on there!!!

I wonder what his instagram looks like

#1 he is not your dad. You have a dad. You don’t have to ask his permission to download a social media app. Its not like its a dating app… #2 does he have an instagram? Is he hiding something that he doesn’t want you seeing?? You know you can look at what he follows on there if you click on hjs profile right?

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Why is he upset. You’re “ALLOWED” to do as u please. U let him know out of respect. I’d question why he’s mad, is he overly worried and responded wrong? Is he up to something? Are there insecurities? Yall need to sit down and talk and both hear each other. If he’s still freaking out and over the top…I’d be suspicious and start looking at his insta with a fine tooth comb

He could of at least calmly stated he didn’t feel comfortable with you having it again due to the stalking issue etc, or whatever it may be he can be honest about it. the fact he got angry about it after you were honest about doing so is a little sus. I mean does he have something to hide himself? otherwise why act like that? Ask to sit down and talk about it and let him know how he reacted made you feel, if he has a valid issue with it then he can tell you since you should be able to talk about anything at any given moment. But you are correct your old enough to do it on your own and not have to ask permission. Sit down talk about share each others feelings otherwise your both will be bothered by it and it will effect both of you in some sort of way.

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It’s cause he has one and has probably been enjoying his freedom knowing you don’t. He is afraid you will do what he is clearly already doing

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No you’re not wrong. You did the due diligence to let him know that you did infact re-download. You are a grown woman. Sounds a little controlling on his part. JS

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He doesn’t own you. You are a human being not his doll. You don’t need his permission for anything. If he doesn’t like it, he should talk to you about it and explain why and discuss it with you. Huge red flag!! He’s either hiding something or being very controlling!

You absolutely do not have to ask to download it. It seems like there’s more to it than that.

Sounds like he is controlling. You shouldn’t have to ask to download an app

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What i just read, its super wrong… have all the social media platforms you want, he can’t control you like that !!!

I would guess he might be upset because he has become.the “dad” to your child and doesn’t want to take the chance of the ex doing the same thing again?

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If this was him. This advice would be so different

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Shouldn’t you be asking him these questions? There’s no way for us to know what he’s thinking. Sound like there’s some sort of insecurity there that you two need to communicate about.

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sounds like he has an IG you don’t know about and he wanted to keep it that way

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So does he have Instagram? I’d start there and see if he has something to hide. And if that isn’t the case. He just wants to control you.

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The fact that he got so angry over it, is a red flag. The audacity of him, to say you should have asked. Wow! I’d bet that he’s up to something.

One of the reddest of resin flags.

Leave that’s controlling behavior.

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Red flag!! Unless he can come up with a super good reason…he’s just being controlling and needs to get kicked to the curb. You are an ADULT human being and do not need ANYONE’S permission to do ANYTHING, let alone something as stupid as downloading instagram. It makes me think he’s on there following models and doesn’t want you to know. Or even something shadier. He’s definitely giving ‘best defense is a good offense.’ I’d be finding out the real reason. Whatever it is, he’s in the wrong.

Why does he not want u to have Instagram? Go to his account and see why

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Ok, like yes I see the glaring red flags but at the same time if yall have had zero other trust issues maybe take a step back and look at it from his point of view. Maybe the stalking really shook him up, maybe he felt like your safety and the safety of a child he stepped up to raise was compromised. Him getting butt hurt about it isn’t exactly the right answer but I do think you could have discussed it with him first. Not everyone loves social media or having it at the forefront of their lives, I know my husband doesn’t and he has no social media period, he would rather I didn’t use it at all. Ultimately my use of it is my choice but we have agreed on what degree I involve our children in my posts.

Controlling is a part of the narcissist. That terrifies me!

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In his head he thinks you downloaded it again for other reasons like to talk to other men or cheating that’s where his mindset is. So maybe just reassure him he can look at it anytime he wants since you’re not hiding anything. The other reason could be he’s on it and he’s hiding stuff on it and he doesn’t want you to find out so that could be why he blew up on you for no reason.

Me personally ain’t no man going to tell me what I can or cannot download on my phone that I brought and paid for :woman_shrugging: been there done that not happening again

Nah you shouldn’t ask he is entitled to his own feelings whatever those may be and he clearly feels betrayed that you didn’t get his opinion on it first but still not really required we are all our own person with our own free will also curious to know does he have one? I feel like he does and if he does it just makes him lashing out on you that much worse

First thought is that he has an account and he’s being unfaithful on there or doesn’t want you to see his activity.

Cause he’s worried his chick gone contact you :woman_shrugging:t5:

Maybe he has an instagram and has secrets. He’s probably projecting.

Honestly to let him aware that you were going to download it beforehand to make sure you are safe because if something happens in the event where now you are not safe, your husband should be prepared in that sense. Considering you did delete it because you were getting stalked

You don’t have to ask permission you are a grown ass woman . Sounds like he may have a secret Instagram he doesn’t want you to see

23…grow up…only you know the real reason you downloaded it again…

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Ypu don’t have to ask anything or to do anything he isnt your parent and your a adult and your own person and he should apologise his behaviour is disgusting and shows red flags that’s controlling behaviour which is actually illegal by law that tells me he either hiding anything something so look up his name straight away or any name u know he uses and tell him to stop acting like a child…

I can understand his concern given the problems you had before but you’re an adult and dont need his permission …perhaps just a bad choice of words . Now he’s calmed down a proper conversation might be called for to discuss his problem and make it very clear you don’t need his permission

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That’s a red flag. Now that this has happened just be on the lookout for more :pray:t4::pray:t4:

Jeepers creepers. Nope. Nope. Nope. Do not tolerate being spoken to like that. You do not need his permission. If it felt right within you, go with what you want.

lol I’m wandering if he has Instagram ? lol :joy: maybe he’s on there doing sketchy stuff and thought he was safe !?

Makes me wonder if he has Instagram and doesn’t want you to see his activities.

Yes you are. If you know that it was causing a issue at one time why go back to trouble. SMH

Excuse me for saying it but I’d be looking at his instagram. Sounds like he’s reflecting(gas lighting) on you. Sorry mama but you may have just opened a door you didn’t want too.

Actually a stalker can make your family life miserable.