Ladies, I need advice. I have a seven-year-old from a previous relationship. My SO and I have been together over 3 1/2 years, and my daughter calls him dad. His mom refuses to refer to him as a dad. She’ll rephrase. “Well, I don’t know, you’ll have to ask your mom and dad. I mean, your mom and Chris.” Definitely intentional. Yet my child is to refer to her as grandma… I’ve been wondering if I should say something. The boyfriend “doesn’t notice it” and has mentioned that I’m welcome to say something, but it’s whatever to me. Here’s my dilemma. I don’t believe in God. However, I don’t tell my daughter that, and I’m completely open to her attending church, listening to family preach, etc. I go to church on Christmas Eve with my SO’s family. I’m not against it, and I believe knowledge is a power for my child to learn what she can about the Bible, but I’m not a believer. So, his mom has told me a few times, “you need to teach her the word of God. Why haven’t you taught her about Jesus and the Manger? Will you please teach her about the Bible?” EtcYesterday she got very adamant about it while doing a little Christmas celebration. After saying these things to me, and I had short replies like “maybe one day,” she told my daughter to ask me to teach her. I said, “did grandma tell you to ask me?” As she’s standing over my shoulder listening. My child said, “yeah, she did.” That irked me. I’ve told her that she goes to church with her aunt sometimes, and they discuss God. But I clam up and don’t know what to say without sounding rude. I don’t want to read the Bible. I don’t want to teach her the word of God. If/when I do, I’ll teach her about all of the religions and not just Christianity. Also, how are you gonna tell me how I should be raising my child when you won’t even accept her as her son’s daughter?
My spouses mom will not accept the fact that my daughter calls her son dad: Advice?
honestly I would speak up. Your Spouse accepts her as his so why can’t she ?
Be honest… Tell her you refuse to teach your daughter about something you don’t believe in. Then tell her you are open to her learning about it, but that is if and only if she wants to know. Not just because someone tells her she should.
Also instead of calling her grandma, when speaking to your daughter, start calling her “your dad’s mom.”. She doesn’t deserve the title grandma until she recognizes her son as dad.
if ur boyfriend says say something and you want to then do so honestly idk how u managed not to for so long bf or not best believe she woulda got a response from me the first time she wouldnt wanna go a second time 🤷
I’d be telling her where to shove her religion…but that’s just me… and the fact that shes not accepting that her son is a dad in your daughter eyes makes me really wonder how :godly" this woman actually is…
Why can’t grandma teach her about God and all that?
They are saying this because they love and care. It is a big deal and the biggest and most important thing to do is teach kids about the bible. I promise you if you don’t the world will teach them all about satan. As for not knowing what to teach well explain that. I’m sure they will be more than willing to
Your mother in law is absolute trash, and seems toxic as hell, definitely needs to be put in her place. I mean seriously your child is 7 years old, if you’ve been with your spouse for 3 and a half years that means he’s been around for all the important developmental times of her childhood so far she absolutely has the right to call him her dad. Your MIL is a selfish bitch for trying to take that away from her
I would straight up say tell her ‘if you want my daughter to refer to s/o as chris, then she does not in any way have to call you grandma.’
Also I do not need to teach my daughter about anything that I myself do not believe in or practice myself. If you cannot respect that than please find yourself to the door.
You are not his wife. Is he going to be her daddy after you break up? People are screwing up their kids by having relationships like this.
First of all I want to say you are an awesome mama. Not believing but being so open to having your daughter learn about religion and choose her own path is amazing of you. Regarding religion I would have a convo with your daughter privately (away from grandma) and see what she wants regarding that situation and find ways to accommodate her interest.
As far as the calling your boyfriend dad or Chris I would point it out to your boyfriend in a subtle way when it happens. I would personally feel that he should have a convo with his mom about his feelings regarding it and that she needs to get on board with it. At the end of the day its between your boyfriend, you, and your daughter what their relationship stands as. She doesnt have to like it but she has to accept and respect it.
It took my mom a while to deal with it and my brothers kid. It will pass
She sounds like a nightmare. I’d just keep my kid away from her as much as you can.
Speak up for your child as she can not. And bout the church i believe that there is a good after place after one has passed. I’m not a Christian but I’m no an atheist. I am not one that grew up going to church every Sunday … However my children believe everything. They r very involved with a church. They r 12 7 4 and 4. They ride Sunday morning bus for church and Wednesday night bus for awana club. They go with a family friend. I only go to the church when they have a singing program on stage like just went yesterday for their church christmas program. U choose what u believe ur child can believe something totally different. Nothing wrong with it.
Say something!! My husband’s mother would constantly throw the word “step” at my husband as an insult. He stands up to her every time and has since cut communication with her. By all means, refer to her by her first name. Tell her flat out that if Chris is not dad, (her name) can not be grandma. As far as the Bible stuff goes, tell her to teach her if she’s that concerned about it. I do admire your openness. I love that you are letting her decide what she believes without having your personal beliefs shadow hers.
Okay… she is referred to as grandma but your daughter shouldn’t call her son, your SO, Dad? What kind of messed up crap is that? How would she be grandma if her son isnt her dad. Just plaim stupidity. Seems like she is testing you. If she wants her to know about God so bad then she can teach her. I myself believe, but thats not for everyone and shouldn’t be crammed down ppls throats. People like her make Christians and the like look so bad. Just because someone attends church doesn’t make them perfect. She needs to get over herself.
First of all kudos to you for allowing your child to learn about God even though you don’t believe. I would tell the grandma to teach her if she wants. And sit down and talk to her about anything thats bothering you.
I would say if he’s not dad you’re not grandma and see how she likes that, but I’m petty lol
I’d say I am happy for you to teach her about god as long as you refer to x as her dad
Start having your daughter call her “Chris’s mom”
I have had to confront my mother in law about a few things, the first time she quit talking to me. It took our son being born for her to talk to me. The last time, I politely told her that I appreciate her concern but our son is healthy and happy, he’s not watching some random videos…he’s watching educational videos and now they just ask him what he’s watching and they go along with the video. Tell her exactly how you feel. I agree with everyone else, if she can’t accept your daughter calling your boyfriend dad then she shouldn’t have to call her grandma.
Speak up momma! I am somewhat Christian and my SO is more spiritual. My oldest has gone to church tons of times with my mother and we have never disagreed with it. However, despite my or my SO beliefs, we teach him about all religions. He currently believes in God, Jesus, reincarnation (he says it sounds cool), and that there is more than one god for different things. My mom doesn’t approve of it, but I won’t push one religion or any onto my child. I will teach him about all the different religions and then let him choose what he wants to believe in. Stand up for yourself and make your parenting choices known to her and that she gets no say in the matter.
What an asshole. I wouldn’t bring my children around her at all…even the ones that are my spouses children. She wont be able to see them until she learns how to respect my son
To be honest I’d stop taking my kid around her.
That’s a ridiculous level of disrespect and emotional torment of your daughter.
If I ever heard that with my MIL it would be the last time we went until it was fixed.
I’m so sorry. That sucks
Now that being said, if you want them to be family… families share values, including religion. My family shares with my kids and I talk to them after about why we do things differently in our home. At the end of the day it’ll be up to them to decide what they choose for themselves.
I believe but that’s my choice and I’m not about to cram so.ething down anyone throat but I catch you so mom off to the side without your child and explain to her you personally don’t believe, and she is more than welcome to teach her if she likes (that is the vibe I got from your post anyways, you don’t mind your daughter being exposed to it it’s just not for you) but I also tell her if she grandma than her son is dad plain and simple
open your mouth if you dont stand up for your daughter nobody will… instead of making your daughter call her grandma have her call her by her 1st name… if she dont want to accept him being dad she cant expect to be grandma… and its YOUR CHILD make it clear youll teach her what you want her to know when your ready to its not her grandchild as she has made it so clear…so why does she care??
I grew up religious, was even baptized. Now though I’m not so much. My parents still are and go to church every Saturday and I send my kids with my parents because it’s important to them and my kids love church. We pray before we eat and before we go to bed but that’s about it. Tell her she is more than welcome to take your daughter to church if SHE wants but that it’s not something you will do.
Over stepping much lol.
Next time she brings up the subject tell her you are letting baby girl watch the gay Jesus thing on Netflix
People like this are the kind to talk shit to your kids when you’re not around. And kids are IMPRESSIONABLE. Keep her away from HER.
Sit down with your SO’s mom and politely tell her that you’ll teach your child about the Bible when she allows your child to call your SO dad. Or tell her to feel free to teach your child about GOD and the Bible since she is more knowledgeable in that field.
I’d tell her she can’t have it both ways by forcing your daughter refer to her “dad” as Chris but think she has the audacity to contribute say in her religious upbringing. I’d also have my child start referring to her by her name or Chris’s mom.
This is a conversation your SO needs to have with his mother. This isn’t your fight.
As far as religion is concerned, I’ve always been 100% truthful with my children on my beliefs. I always state “I believe” and I always make sure they know that I’m okay with whatever they believe. If my child decided that they wanted to go to church on a regular basis, I would support them. I would even go with them if they asked, but my beliefs wouldn’t change. You need to do what’s best for your child, and leaving that conversation to “Chris’ Mom” will only cause confusion for your daughter.
That’s NOT her grandma, a grandma cares about their grandchildren’s feelings. That lady obviously don’t care about hurting your child
She needs to mind her own business!
I think it’s the gma way of saying after 3 years y’all should be married.
Nothing is more vile than brainwashing your child into your own religion. People need to be able to decide their own faith.
I was in a similar situation. Use your words. Tell bf’s mother that although you don’t mind her learning about religion, for you, it’s not a foundation in which you believe your child requires to thrive and you need her to step back on the subject. That just as strongly as she believes, you do not and that you respect her beliefs and in return need her to respect yours. I’d go so far as to disassociate with someone trying to push any belief on me or my children. It really boils down to mutual respect. If she can’t give it, she doesn’t deserve it.
That’s it, I’m Mother-in-law shaming
Just go off on her for real she might not like it but she doesn’t have to. Then I wouldn’t go or take my kid around her.
I would say something. You have been in a relationship with her son for a while now. She will continue to disrespect you if you don’t put a stop to it.
Yes. Say something. Kids should call whoever they identify with as “dad” dad
Let your child call him dad if she wants. She is just stirring up shit. If you don’t want to teach her about God that’s your choice to. If she wants to teach her and it’s ok with you. Let her. Your child is too young to understand any of this. Eventually she will ask questions and you can deal with it then. Also your SO has stepped up and is raising her as his child that is the definition of ‘dad’ to me. Being called Dad is a great honor.
I would have a serious word of prayer with the old bat about putting my child up to saying/asking me things that the old woman puts her up to saying. She is manipulating your daughter to get her way against you. Absolutely nobody should ever do that! If putting up with that conniving woman is the price you pay to keep him, better rethink your relationship.
Tell her he is her dad. And if she doesnt like it Don t come around
I understand your situation. I was raised in church with a family that are believers. I however do not believe. I also do not believe in forcing my beliefs on anyone, that includes my children. I allow my children the freedom to explore religion and when the ask questions I answer them. When my kids ask me what I believe I tell them I believe in being a good person. It is not her place to tell you what to teach your child. If Chris is fine with her calling him dad then his mother needs to respect him and your daughter’s choice to do so. She doesn’t get to make that decision. The two of you need to take his mother out to lunch and have a serious conversation about how she is behaving. Tell her that she is causing your daughter unnecessary confusion.
It is up to your daughter to decide on her own that’s freedom of religion
This is a two part question 1. Who cares what she calls her own son to your daughter. Let her say dad and move along.
2. Let her learn from others and leave it alone. Not that big of a deal.
Okay what will it hurt you learning the story of baby Jesus… I mean Christian’s have to learn about evolution in school. I’d have a more open mind about learning new things. And be honest with your daughter and your SO and his family. If you don’t believe you should not be afraid to tell em… And she’s following your lead, your her role model the person she might turn into so if you don’t teach her to have an open mind and live by example she never will!! Ever know the term like mother like daughter it’s all about influence!!
id slap me a bitch frfr i wish the hell my husbands mother would go an tell my daughter to tell me stuff bc i haven’t been receptive to her telling me herself id smack what teeth she’s got left down her throat
I know you don’t want to, but sometimes you have to be rude for them to finally get the point. I don’t believe in Christianity either. I would flat out tell her that she can learn and go to church with others if she’d like, but that you aren’t going to teach it to her.
It’s your right to raise your daughter how you see fit. She had her chance to raise a child and now it’s your turn.
Dont get involved with the devil and that’s what a spell caster is
I would tell her its not very christian like to treat your daughter like that
If she’s a believer, and she’s adamant about this little girl - however unrelated she may be (perhaps it’s just about converting as many people as they can ) learning the word of God - then tell her she’s welcome to teach the girl herself. My mother in law is very religious and I am not.
They take my daughter to church, and I take no issue. My husband believes, but doesnt attend church. If either of them want to take it upon themselves to read to her from the bible or answer her questions with information from their religion, that’s fine with me. But that’s for them to share their beliefs. I share mine, and I answer her questions about God by saying “some people believe X, some believe Y, I personally don’t believe much of any of that, but daddy and Nona might have different feelings, so you can ask them.” If you want the kid to follow your religion, you talk to the kid. It’s that simple. Tell her that and walk away. Honestly, if you want her educated in various religions, letting people from that religion talk to her and answer her questions is the best way to do it. Take her to a synagogue and let her talk with the rabbi, take her to a Buddhist temple… or sometimes a nail salon, lol, and ask them about their beliefs. Take her to a catholic church and ask a priest to talk to her (just don’t leave her there alone, ).
Go off on her… The sooner the better and if you dont she’ll keep on and on to do whatever csuse she knows you wont till you do
Lay down the law. This is YOUR daughter not hers.
What your daughter calls your SO is between him and her. I just hope that if he accepts the title of ‘dad’ he accepts all the responsibility, even if things don’t work out between you guys.
Are you an atheist, or non-religious, as those are two different things. It sounds like you’re non-religious, as you are okay with your child going to church and even attend yourself on occasion. If you’re okay with your child learning about Christianity, maybe check out a children’s bible at a library and read it to/with them. If the interest is there, nurture it. If it’s not, let it go.
At the end of the day, it’s your child.
Let her know EXACTLY how you feel. Don’t hold back. Also don’t beat yourself up about the religion thing. Let the child decide. Don’t change your own beliefs because someone told you to. I’ve lived 26 years without god so far and I’m doing just fine.
You’re a fucking good mom with an identical parenting style to me. I think you should say something or get the child to call “grandma” by her real name. Also tell her how you feel about the god b.s.
Definitely speak up. Do so from a place of wanting to make sure that your daughter doesn’t feel alienated or different. Ask her politely to stop doing that and if she refuses then you can blast her. Doing that to a child is wrong and harmful. Set boundaries ASAP
I told my kids when they were little that they need to go to different churches for different religion experiences. Their friends invited them so they got a few different beliefs under their hats. My son is now following more along the lines of Wicca, and my daughter is wanting to get into Buddhism. Both have told me many times they are very thankful I didn’t shove religion down their throats and asked them to choose on their own. And as for labels, it’s up to the step-parent to decide what to be called. If step dad wants something different he is the only one who has a right to state what he’s called. It’s not up to you or gram or your child. What you call gram is up to gram. What I call you is up to you! Not worth arguing about.
Start reading some books on codependency. Might help you deal with your MIL. There’s a great podcast on boundaries called Beyond Bitchy Mastering the Art of Boundaries.
My family is the same first it’s religion and then circumcision my family doesn’t know I’m not religious now bc I really don’t want to hear it
She needs a base and Church helps a child build one
Some parentd have a problem with the mom/dad thing for stepparents. I’m a step mom myself but because my kiddos mom is still in his life, she keeps that title and that is fine. I don’t need it and by the custody agreement he’s not allowed to call me mom. The religion thing…ugh. I’m a believer personally, but we do not take stepson to church because of toxic christians in our families. We would rather not be forced into making that decision by persons not involved. You’re more polite than we’ve been
I leave it up to my kids my oldest 9 likes to call my husband richy he says yes he is his step dad and sees him as a dad but he likes the nickname richy my husband name is Richard honestly she needs to back off it’s not up to her it’s up to your family and what you feel comfortable with
Im sorry but if your husband is religious your daughter should be taught. When shes old enough she can choose if she wants to believe or not. You can teach her about evolution and different beliefs. Let her choose.
Respect that they teach her and they should respect u teaching her science.
Ur daughter should be free to choose what she wants. Dont push her out or in.
Moving on the mother in law. She needs to get over it. Hes now a step dad.
I am child of God as I believe you and your daughter are however if you dont feel comfortable with teaching her , I am glad you allow the light of the lord to shine in her life . Beyond that it’s good to teach her how to believe in herself and her inner spirit and to know right from wrong as she feels it from with in . I never force the word of God on anyone, my hope is to shine my light from within so others can see . As for you daughter calling him dad , I had a stepfather and he was my Rock I called him dad and also by his name and nobody could ever shadow his place in my life no matter what they called him . Its between him and her and the energy from a bitter grandmother cant change it even if she calls him Frank. Just smile and know that the love has no name and you are blessed to have a man that loves your child . Let the bitter lady live in her own negativity and dont bite the apple .
My stepdad been in my life since I was in third grade. I didn’t start calling him dad till fourth grade after I asked my mom if I could because I knew he was dad because he gave my brother and I everything and taught us a lot .Both my mom side and his side loved it plus I grew up expecting everyone as family. My bio dad hated it but he really wasn’t a dad either. Fast forward 14 years later and I had my daughter, she gets excited about my stepdad and even try’s to say grandpa like my little girl smiles and loves being with him… it’s up to you honestly, as long as he feels comfortable about it, then why should it matter what the momster says
I would just reply.back to her, You teach her if you would like her to learn.
So here is my thing about this…not all relationships work out. I’m not saying yours won’t. Unless something happens and my husband adopts my kids he will always be Chris to them. I would not want the hurt and confusion that would come along with why “dad” doesn’t want to be part of their life anymore.
First “grandma” needs to be told who the parent of YOUR child is and it’s not her. You will teach her what you want if you and it’s not for her to keep pushing it on you. Tell her if it bothers her that much she start teaching your daughter about and but you also inform your daughter that there are many different religious also.
As for her not letting your child call HER SON dad then in that case from now on your daughter will use her proper name and not grandmam until she accepts the fact that her son is actually a father in your child’s eyes so grandmam needs to shut her pie hole and get over it.
Your mother in law is rude and a bully. Say your mind and call it how it is. Your daughter is a child, and tell her as a christian she should have a more generous heart. I would personally buy a very basic christian jesus picture story book amd give it to your daughter to read and say this is what grandma believes and you can make your own mind up when you are older. Goodluck.
Just addressing the first question… Have you asked MIL to call her son “dad” to your child? Is it possible she’s thinking she’s being respectful by not calling him dad? It sounds like she may just be trying to avoid being pushy. My kids referred to my partner as dad for a while before I started referring to him as dad to them because I wasn’t trying to be the one to influence that decision.
If that was my MIL…let’s just say you’re way nicer then me but it isn’t gonna change unless you put her in her place and if her son isn’t doing it then you gotta. I don’t believe and I’m not religious. But I’m not gonna tell my kids what to believe. My kids started to go to this church group after school program last year. They do fun things and they also learn about the bible and God. My oldest loves it and is going again this year. My youngest not so much and he didn’t wanna go back this year. I explained to them both how i feel and that I’m not religious but if they wanna believe in that, that is entirely up to them. Now my family doesn’t refer to my husband as my kids dad, but they did refer to him as their parent. Because he’s raised them for the last 6 years. They call him step dad or his name lol but anyone acted the way your MIL does boy I would’ve flipped out long ago lol I also don’t know how to bite my tongue for long lol my husband also would’ve said something before I had too with it being his mom
My mom is a lot like you. Only time I went to church was with friends. It’s completely foreign to me. I wish I would’ve known a little more growing up, but it is what it is. It doesn’t stop me from having a relationship with him now. I would talk to your daughter and see if she is interested in learning. If she is, then there’s resources for that. If not, then that’s her choice.
Maybe it’s because you don’t refer to her as your mother in law.
If she wants your kid to know soo much about god and stuff have that bitch teach her.
My children’s “grandma” is my ex boyfriend’s mom. She’s the best grandma in the world but a bit overbearing at times. She has a lot of opinions that I don’t agree with. I don’t really get into the fact that they aren’t her biological grandchildren or that I’m not with her son, instead I tell her “thank you for the advice, I’ll keep that in mind.” If we really butt heads I’ll say “I appreciate your input but I’d like to do it my way.” She generally takes the polite hint and shuts up for a little while. On occasion, I’ve had to sit her down and discuss things with her but I’m always respectful as is she. The thing is, my kids’ grandma means well, she loves my kids (and me!) and I know she’s not trying to be mean or tell me what to do she’s simply giving me advice. I think my situation is different because she knows since I’m not with her son I can remove her from my kids’ lives so she tends to be on her best behavior. I would address it in private and respectfully tell her your feelings. Tell her you know she means well and you’d love for HER to teach your daughter about God but that you personally don’t feel comfortable doing so. Just blame it on not having enough knowledge on the subject vs not believing.
I know the feeling. sadly. I’ve been bombarded with, “are you going to have the kids baptized?” And they keep badgering me about it. I either brush them off, or say no. My SOs family, of course. I am jewish, yet they expect me to raise my kids Catholic. Believe it or not, since I told them no to baptizing my kids, they havent bothered with me. Lmao fine by me. You choose whatever religion you want to teach YOUR kids. They arent hers, biologically so you arent obligated.
My in laws tell our kids to tell their son my husband to do things a certain way as well and hubby and I taught our kids very early that grandparents rules remain by grandparents and our rules are our rules.
Tell her mind her business about the religion part. I’ve told plenty of people that when it comes to my kids. Start having your daughter call her Mrs. whatever her name is instead of grandma if she keeps correcting what the bf is called but if he doesn’t have a problem with it then I honestly don’t see the issue because in reality he’s not her dad. If he really wanted to be called dad he would of spoke up from the beginning.