I’m a step-momma to an almost 15-year-old girl. I’ve been in her life since she was 6. We have a great relationship. And her dad and I have a great co-parenting relationship with her bio-mom and her step-dad. I think of her as my own and treat her as my own. I.E., she has the same rules/chores/discipline, etc. as my biological son. We are struggling with her and her finding some independence. She seems to think she always needs to be with friends or doing something with someone. She has told us that she doesn’t like to be alone or do things alone. We have an open policy about her social media, she only has Instagram, but we are allowed to do phone checks. She got in trouble with social media a while back, so that was the agreement between us four parents that we are allowed to do phone checks. I’ve seen a couple of messages where a few friends/people in her circle of friends have called her clingy/overbearing, and that she involves herself in the drama that doesn’t include her. For example, one friend got upset with her because the friend felt that she couldn’t even go to the restroom with my step-daughter having to always come with. Another was; that one of her very good friends liked a boy; the boy did not like her back. My step-daughter messaged the boy, demanding a reason why he didn’t like her friend and that her friend was an awesome girl, and he had no real “reason” not to like her. Another example was; 2 of her friends go into a fight, and my step-daughter messaged one of them, trying to be involved. The friend said it was between her and the other friend, and they were figuring it out and that my step-daughter needs to butt ours. My step-daughter then said, it is my business cause so-and-so is my close friend and I deserve to know why you’re mad at her, etc. One of her best friends told her she wanted a break from her because she felt my step-daughter was smothering her. She is in counseling, and I’m not sure if she’s mentioned anything to her counselor because I’m sure she doesn’t see anything wrong, she just sees her as trying to be a good friend. Which I totally understand. But, she has no independence and get’s very upset being by herself and when her friends don’t want to hang out for one day. She has no hobbies. We have tried different sports, different arts, photography, sewing, all sorts of things but then she gets bored because she says “she isn’t good at it,” but she doesn’t ever give it a time or ask us for help, and when we try to get involved, they want isn’t there. We have asked her numerous times what she likes and what she would like to give a try, and she just says “nothing.” I just want some advice on how to help her if I can. I love her very much, and we have a great step-mother/step-daughter relationship, better than a lot do. I just want some advice from other mommas. Sorry it’s so long and thank you all in advance
Your daughter sounds so much like me growing up. Look into borderline personality disorder. If you think it fits her then I would get her a psychiatrist. I wish my family caught it when I was her age.
Sounds like me at 15 
The divorce/separation of her parents when she was younger and various things growing up could contribute. To me it sounds like she feels left out and trying to keep herself involved. I agree with borderline personality disorder but they won’t be able o diagnose until 18. Great tht she’s in therapy though !!
Uhm…shes a teenager.
In all honesty there isn’t much you can do. She is 15 and will learn the hard way that not everyone tolerates that behavior and by the sounds of it her friends are very over it. Unfortunately you’re just going to have to let this ride out until she comes to her own sense that she can’t constantly be around people and that she has to be independent.
Sounds like she’s just figuring out who she is and where she fits in, as long as you’re supportive, not over bearing, I think she’ll be just fine. That age is sooo hard!!!
One of you, (parents)
need to speak with her councilor and tell her the concerns. Then the councilor will know what to talk about with her and how to help her better.
Sounds like my stepson. But his BM doesn’t give him the opportunity to do anything for himself. She always gives him an out. He is 17 next month and can’t even get through school because she keeps giving him distractions that are unnecessary. But, I would say, she needs some alone time. Seriously. If she is losing friends because she is too over-bearing, imagine what her other relationships are going to be like. Is she getting enough attention from her father?
Sounds like me when I was that age. But it also sounds like borderlines personality. She could just be trying to feel wanted more and when she says “nothing” to your questions as mentioned above, she probably has really low self esteem
Sounds like a 15 yr old teenage girl to me. Its all about the drama these days it seems lol. She just hasent found her fit yet. The more you push her the more she will push back. Maybe take her for a couple hours of volunteering somewhere that helps others or animals. Support her and try not control what she should and should not think or feel.
Sounds like me as a kid. Cheeck for separation anxiety and or boardline personality disorder…
It got worse for me before it got better. 
best of luck
Sounds like a 15 year old girl. It’s pretty spot on for her developmental stage and the socialization is actually pretty important for her mental growth.
It sounds like normal teenage behavior to me. They all like to be stuck up each other’s asses at that age. & everything & everyone is chaotic & dramatic. It’ll pass around 18 lol
She’s a teenager and she’s acting like a teenager. This is what kids do.
It sounds to me like she wants to feel important and needed by her friends and at 15, it can come off as overbearing but she will eventually learn. She’s alright, dont stress too much 
at that age they still have a ton of maturing to do.
Sounds like she has some anxiety issues. Maybe try counseling
A teen being a teen with maybe a touch of separation anxiety.
Following. My 13 yr old is the same way.
She does like doing tiedye though so at least we have that.
My sister the same way at that age and as an adult but I think talking to someone who can help her find independence counciling always good
I agree with these comments… from 14 until I actually got with my then fiancé I just wanted to feel wanted and of importance to someone. Which unfortunately led to toxic relationship after toxic relationship. Maybe start introducing things to her that might help boost her confidence that way she’s more comfortable being independent
Shes a teen. She’ll figure it out. None of us were perfect in our teens.
She is 15 lol they are nearly all the same
Take her to a Christian church 
Jesus Christ can help her feel the void in her life
It sounds to me that she, like most kids her age, is lacking self confidence. I’d bring it up to her counselor and see if they can work on confidence building in her sessions and tools to do the same at home.
Number 1, she’s 15 years old, stop being a nosey parent & trying to interfere with her social life & social problems! She needs to figure that out on her own. The phone checks seem way over bearing too🙄 I would’ve chose to not have a phone if my parents did some psycho stuff like that. If you’re THAT concerned though, one of the parents need to bring it up to the counselor but it honestly seems like she’s living her life as a normal 15 year old girl that has parents breathing down her neck🤷
Honestly I would say one of you four parents needs to talk to the counselor and mention these things to the counselor and get the counselor to help. I had this issue growing up and it was due to my OCD. I was never diagnosed with OCD until I was an adult because I was never completely honest with my therapist until I was an adult. Part of my OCD was worrying that I was never enough, and being over bearing trying to be the best that I could for everyone around me. I also needed the constant reassurance that I was needed, wanted, appreciated and accepted. So I would try to go “above and beyond” for my friends and always try to be with them.
As a Hispanic mother we tell em, “Well get to cleaning!”
Sounds like she doesn’t understand boundaries maybe anxiety. But really talk to her counselor but I wouldn’t directly say anything it might backfire and she will think your against her. She will have to figure this out on her own. From the sounds of it her friends are setting their boundaries and checking her .she might learn the hard way but eventually ya gotta have faith she will out grow it.
When I was that age if I tried something like a sport I had to finish the season. I played saxophone and mom paid for lessons in 3 month blocks. I had to finish what was paid for before I could quit. I do this with my kids. You have to finish out the season or what I paid for before you can give it up. You never know, if shes forced to stick with something she may find she likes it.
Maybe go in and talk to her counselor with her. Sounds like she has separation anxiety. Alot of people don’t see it that way but the people around them can see it.
EXTREMELY social hobbies! She’s a people person, she’ll do great with conflict management and customer care if she can learn to grow that love for being around others, in healthier ways of course. Sounds like a kid you could nudge until lots of talks. If she’s so interested in her friends and having that attention, use it to your advantage to teach her. Group paint projects. Multiplayer video games. Dance videos. Google some stuff! And definitely give her examples she can understand.
Show her how grown women do things by themselves and maybe she will model herself after them. I’m not sure what to say, I was like this as well as a teen and it had a lot to do with my mental health I think.
Sounds like typical teenage relationships. In a girl group of friends it’s always some drama with someone. Don’t get involved.
If she doesn’t want to join activities then keep her home and do something all together. Cook, play board games, makeup, paint her room, etc.
if you’re there to keep her busy then the relationship will grow but I think it’s normal for her age to be preoccupied with friends and being social.
To me it seems as though shes having a hard time figuring out who she is alone. She feels unimportant without following someone literally like she feels like she needs to be with someone at all times. She might just be struggling with her self image and being with someone else is stopping those thoughts. She also could have separation anxiety, there’s another word too, when friends tend to get clingy. Usually they make friends super quick but become too personal fast and always want to talk to the person or people. I had a friend like this. She was a sweetheart. But I met her and 2 weeks into meeting her she was telling people we were best friends. She would message me literally everyday non stop. If I didnt answer she would call me. She had some problems at home, her parents made her feel like she had to be perfect at everything and it ate away at her I know this isn’t the situation with you. However with this friend she went through a lot of trauma she would hook up with guys and claim she was raped because she felt guilty after and wanted to stop but didnt. And she almost got some guys in a lot of trouble. Shes 22 and shes been like this the past 2 years that I’ve known her. When she met my family she instantly started saying they were her family too. I felt bad but it was a bit awkward and It drove me away a bit. But from what I heard she was always like this. And some people are just like this with no explanation. They just need someone else around them for validation within themselves even if the friends get frustrated she feels like shes doing something or helping.
She sounds like a teenager.
A. Sounds like she has anxiety; overbearing, excessive…
B. Be sure that you, or another parent discuss your concerns with her therapist so s/he has a clear idea of how to help her.
C. She’s a teenager, majority of teenagers are withdrawn from parents because they have no privacy.
D. Since it sounds like she has anxiety, that is a mental health concern. No wonder she doesn’t want to play sports or do things. She feels like she isn’t good at anything because that’s what anxiety is.
Please get this young lady the help she needs, don’t beat around the bush, and don’t let her deal with it alone even though that’s what she would rather do!
Sounds like abandonment issues. Trying to feel needed, not wanted. It would be a good exercise for her to learn to be okay in her own company and put herself first. Maybe a little bit of therapy. Could save her from a lot of unbalanced relationships in adulthood.
The fact that many of you thinks the constant need to be in the middle of everything and attached at the hip is normal… is disturbing. That constant need to be attached is concerning. If anything one of the parents should mention it to the counselor so that it can hopefully be addressed in a healthy way and worked on before it leads to more disastrous situations.
Sounds like a bit of self esteem issues and a little bit of anxiety. Have you talked to her?
It’s this thing called teenagers. It’s what they do. We were glued to our friends as teenager.
Okay this isnt bashing. It’s real. What if she is never left alone and feels like she needs the validation and attention? Sounds like you are helicopter parents. She may need that constant attention.
Be careful when she gets a bf she will be easy to manipulate I was this way with attention from boys
She doesn’t understand boundaries at her age. She needs to find a level of independence or this will carry on to adulthood. Counseling is great for her and you should do it as a family
I went through something similar with my daughter but she was abit younger then this. I actually removed her phone from her sold it and gave her the money and she went shopping. I wanted to teach her that getting involved in other people’s business wasn’t hers. She wasn’t saying nice things to those people. Getting rid if her ph allowed her to get back into the real world where you had to speak to others to communicate. I think all teenagers go through things where they cant do anything with out there friends. Even to the point of not walking into a shop where my daughter wouldn’t pay for things herself. She started talking to a counselor at school and it did wonders. I also give her alot of reassurance and still give her high fives let her know it wasn’t that hard. Tbh in my opinion technology has a lot to do with behaviours as you are never really alone you just reach for your phone. Getting bk to basics. My daughter had to use her birthday money to buy her another phone when I thought the time was right. I wanted to show her that if she wanted it she needed to earn the trust to use it in the right manner and not everything gets handed to you. If you want something you have to go get it.
Tell her therapist all that you have said here.
Life dwindles away. So do friends. I wish I knew I’d lose all mine. Let her live.
You’re right about teaching her to stay out of other people’s drama. If they didn’t ask her to get involved, than she should stay out of it.
It sounds like she needs to learn some independence. Certainly, she has some skills that could be useful that would build her confidence.
I would start her off by having her cook dinner for the family 1 or 2 nights a week. Ban friends from coming over when she cooks dinner. Make it a sit down family dinner. She cooks the main course. You make the salad. Everyone is home by a certain time to enjoy it together. Have a no cellphone during dinner policy.
You need to teach her about boundaries. Show her that she has crossed some boundaries. She also needs to learn self care. Self care is eating nutritious foods, drinking plenty of water, excercise, sleep, mental health, listening to music, going for walks. I’m sure her therapist could give her a list of thing’s. Reading a book, journalism, coloring, doing your nails.
Encourage her to try new things. Get her to ask someone for help. These are healthy thing’s for her mental health.
It all sounds like normal teenage bs. You guys should probably give her some space unless she’s getting into trouble at school or elsewhere and let her figure something’s out for herself. Let her be, think, be bored etc. You don’t have to fill every second of her day. If she’s going to counseling that’s great but maybe just be there to listen when she wants to talk.
She sounds like a typical teenage girl who doesn’t feel she can find who she is without other people. I’m sure we were all like that at her age to some degree. Maybe help her find an after school job or take her to do some volunteer work. Something worthwhile like that could help her boost her confidence enough to find out who she is outside of her social circle. And one of you (parents) should speak to her councillor about your concerns so they can discuss it during their sessions
A youth group not involved with school. Make new friends. I joined ours in our church. We did allot activities, no preaching at all. There are other places that have Youth programs . In school I did not get involved with feuds and whatnot. 15 was a bad year for me too. Councilor should know what info you have found out though . Tough age and I don’t why.
She clearly has anxiety and with the scenarios you’ve mentioned about getting involved, it sounds as though she is just righteous. She wants the make the situation right and she doesn’t like her friends being mistreated. I’d love a friend like that lol! I’d say her friends are very good friends to be fair when she is being loyal and having their backs then they just say see ya when they dont want to be with her. However, the not wanting to be alone thing is something you need to tell the counsellor about x
Maybe getting a job might help her, it would give her purpose, and something to focus on besides her friends.
Typical teen. I would advise to make her do things to boost her confidence to be independent though. My kids are shy so I made them go buy things that they wanted when we were out on the town or communicate with normal everyday strangers like cashiers or asking a store associate for help. It has worked.
Sometimes the best thing to do is let them figure it out on their own. Her friends aren’t ignoring her and are trying to set boundaries by telling her to stay out of whatever is going on or that she is smothering them. She needs to face the consequences of not sticking to the boundaries. I understand it hurts to see your child in any type of pain, but as a parent you can only do so much for them.
This was me as a teen. It was anxiety that I didn’t know how to deal with. I would definitely talk to her counselor but not push her directly, especially if her friends are keeping her in check like that. It will make her feel like everyone is against her when she’s just trying her best to be the best for everyone
Get her a puppy a d have her be 100% responsible for it. She’ll learn confidence and to be more independent.
That really sounds like a form of anxiety. Speak to her therapist about her behavior (with the agreement from mom and dad first, or all 4 of you talk to the therapist). She has no boundaries with her friends and she needs to learn that she doesn’t need to be stuck up their ass (to put it bluntly).
She’s 15…treat her like a women give her the illusion she is a women. All the time you don’t want her out fill with activities she enjoys. That way when she feels she needs to be away it’s not such a big deal. Now if it gets too too much this is one for a family therapy session. Remember teens only leave if they have a reason to. Like any other person. You your spouse or someone else in the home could be bothering her and it’s her outlet. Again she’s 15… She believes she’s a women. Take it all with a grain of salt hunnie 
good luck. Prayers 
Therapy to help her learn boundaries.