Take her shopping. Make her feel like some one is understanding what she going threw. And if the mother gets mad. Well who cares. She should know that her child is growing and needs a talk with what her body is doing.
Definitely ask her and suggest you go girly shopping
Your husband needs to step up and talk to the mother. If she is really that difficult I would refrain buying bras. Get sports bras or little tank under shirts.
I would ask her if she wants one or not 
If she is developing why should she not be able towear them
I just got my almost 9 year old granddaughter some because she’s developing already. There’s a lot of good choices, she likes the sports bra kind. They made all the difference because she was getting self conscious
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Don’t worry about it, when she’s ready for one she’ll ask her mother. But honesty look into how medically harmful bras are. I’ve stopped wearing them as an adult, and I’ll never force me kids to wear one.
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Talk to her make her aware of it. Take her to get one or a few. I just bought my daughter some.
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I would ask my bonus-daughter if she would like to go pick some out, and if she does, take her. Step-parents are parents. Loving and caring for a child, giving guidance and providing basic necessities is also a step-parents responsibility. Whether or not she wears a bra is less important than her knowing that she can come to you regarding sensitive topics and you will be supportive.
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Men don’t wanna think of there kids (girls) ready and it’s like if you take Controll then you will here them say “that’s a mother bonding time” BS IF THEY can’t see it or be bothered then you step up. I’m sure your not gonna say it if not needed. My granddaughter is 6 yrs and I noticed she is budding so I mentioned to my son he was ok with it. With all the sick pigs out there they get off on this stuff. I just got the one like a undershirt no pads just something so not so noticeable and she loves them. Wish you well
I see a couple of potential problems.
- She might not want one.
- If you buy one, you may upset the mother. This is kind of her department.
I would talk to the step daughter first. If she wants one- ask if she knows of her mom is going to take her shopping. You could test the waters with the ex and buy a couple and text her “Hey! XYZ has bras on clearance/sale could I buy (step daughter) some?” 
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You can always reach out to the mom as well. Friends or not your part of that child’s life and you have a role as well. If the mother says she doesnt want to take her, then offer to take her. You can always buy some cami’s for her to wear under her shirts so it’s not as noticeable. Just try to find the inner peace as adults for the child. After all it is about her, and her body. She needs to feel safe and secure about her body. Make sure you include her in the conversation so she can speak up about the issue if she wants to. You’d be surprised with how much children really do pay attention to their bodies and changes.
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I opted for spaghetti strap shirts with those little.built.in bras. My daughter LOVES THEM.
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if the girls mom is really that difficult, then buying bras for the girl might be an issue. perhaps buy her some tank tops with built in bras, or thicker undershirts for her to wear under her clothes. bras aren’t exactly a necessary thing unless you’re carrying around D cups and need some support. only thing a training bra does is mildly conceal anyway, and layering a shirt over a tank top has the same effect
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Get her cami tops with the built in bra. Problem solved
Bras are super medically harmful. Get her some lined tank tops.
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I think if the daughter is developing u should get her some…if the biological mother wolnt step up you might have to and if she has a problem then you should have an adult conversation with you and make sure to include the father in the conversation so it doesn’t turn into a battle of I’m the REAL mother and your not
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I would have your husband talk to the mother about him getting her some(but you going with her).
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If they won’t do bra at least get tanks w built in bra to layer like 5
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Id have some girly time and go shopping with her to bond with her. You are her step mother and a co-parent as well. I would also tell her not to wear them to bed because that does cause problems with her growing. I would probably try to talk to her mother too. Her father may not be comfortable as a man talking about those things. Alot of men don’t and they don’t really understand because they don’t have “lady bits”.
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I would just take her shopping myself. Create the memory with her. If no one else is going to do whats needed, someone needs to! May as well be someone who loves her and she knows she can trust
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Technically no one NEEDS a bra. Breasts are natural and don’t needs bras just because they are developing or developed. I would leave that up to your bonus daughter to decide when and if she’s ready. I would also leave that to her mom. That is one of those things that moms and daughters do together when they feel the time is right. Unless she asks you herself I wouldn’t worry about it.
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With my daughter and bonus daughter I suggested wearing camisoles/ undershirts
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Get one. And see what happens. Men wont talk about a fact that their little girls are growing up. And honestly some Moms don’t want to either. I started with the built in bra tank tops with my little girl. I say little but she is 9. Can wear my clothes right down to my bras. Lol.
Why force a child to wear something just to make you feel more comfortable? I still don’t wear a bra half the time, and I’m over here with a 36H bust…
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Ask her if she wants to go shopping?! Bonus daughter would probably love it 
We literally just had to buy some new ones today for my daughter because her others were getting too small, she is only 9! Lord help us all 
I would personally tell the mother I am taking her this weekend to pick up some bras and tanks with built in bras. Make sure to keep extras at your house in case they “go missing”
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Get her littlle sports bras
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Talk to her mom! Buying a first bra or training bra is something a mom should do with their daughter! I wouldnt take that away…
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My mom would always send notes on certain things, and my dad would pass the girly stuff over to my stepmom. Take her shopping, let her take a couple home and have a couple for your house. She’ll enjoy the attention and she may appreciate you stepping in and helping with something she doesn’t know how to approach, or she may not even realize she needs.
Speak to her and then speak to her mom about it. If it’s something your step daughter wants then she can also voice her opinion with her mom.
It’s kind of you to care though 
maybe even offer some money that she can buy a few bras with? As a gift.
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Don’t confront the mother. That will make it WAY worse. If the child, and both parents are ok with it, there isn’t much you can do.
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I would get some for her.
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If she talks to you about it, offer to take her shopping for bras. If not, I’d let it be.
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Ask her how she feels
If she feels like she wants to then go for it
I wouldnt force them into one
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Sports bras are ok anything else negative
Who said bras are necessary?
They’re scientifically proven to cause more harm than good.
Keeps us from developing the muscle and tone that keeps them perky and in place in the future!
Of course I still wear a bra but not unless I feel I need it for the outfit I’m wearing (thin shirts, sleeveless tops with no support but I’m also a DD/DDD lol)
I wouldnt confront the mom. From experience, my sad excuse for a mother is a narcissist and if it was her you were going to confront youd regret it immediately. Shes spiteful, extremely jealous. I could see her saying shit like ‘how dare you buy her bras without my permission, why are you thinking about her breasts?!? That’s not your place. -looks to child- has she touched you in your private areas? You can tell me.’
Or
“Excuse me? Shes not ready for a bra shes not old enough. I will not have her looking like shes some 16 year old Jezebel for some man to molest or stalk and rape her!”
Now that’s my crazy ass mom I know…but that doesnt mean there arent plenty like her out there (I know there are, I’m in a group on FB specifically for daughters of narcissist mothers) you can say whatever you want to them and they are still going to make you the bad guy and themselves and theirs the victim and will go further than youd imagine to spite you.
Tread lightly on that area.
Maybe some cute, not too grown up sports bras and some built in bra tank tops to wear under her shirts.
Use bralets just little under shirts kinda
I’d get her under shirt/tanks… That have the little support part on it. I buy 3 packs for my daughter at Walmart. It’s a shirt with support.
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Take her “by” a little girls bra section and exclaim “hey this is cute! Do you like this? I’ll get you one!” Walmart actually has really cute bras for little girls. There’s lace cross back ones that my 8 yr old loves! It made it exciting for her and not so weird. She didn’t like me pointing out the shirt she wore gave away more (little buds just do that even if the shirt isn’t tight and revealing.) Let mom reach out to you if she sees it later. She may not actually care. Or if she does, play kinda dumb- “Aw We just thought it was cute when we walked and I thought by this age and her body you guys were already do it and maybe she didn’t bring hers. I didn’t mean to intrude.” Baby steps. 
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I agree with talking to the mom yourself. Even if it’s useless, you can say you tried. I know my daughter said her breasts hurt when she started developing. I took her to the store and let her pick out some sports bras and she said they didn’t hurt anymore.
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Just talk to her . She will tell you if she would prefer to do that type of shopping with her mom or not.
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I would get her the tank top style tops or any top that has a built in bra. I’m a full grown woman, but I’m seriously only a 36A and I just wear the tanks with a built in bra. That should be good for another year or two. Once she starts getting filled out more, maybe her bio mom will step up by then and notice she needs something more. I would just make it fun for your step daughter, and let her help pick out the colors she wants. Make sure they have the little bit of padding in them. That’s what makes it so her nips don’t show, and that’s the only reason that I even wear them. If it weren’t for my nips always pointing, I would just wear no bra and just my t-shirts. Society has made it to where pointing at people isn’t polite is how my mama explained it to me 
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I would take her shopping for some
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Ask to take her shopping. My stepmom got me hand me downs until my dad could take me shopping. Helped me with it. I am so thankful she was great about it.
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Leave it alone. You’ll just make thing’s worse. Sucks but true.
Talk to her and ask what she wants to do. She may be okay with just wearing them when she is with you and her father.
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Ask her if she and her mom ever talked about it and then ask her if she wants you to get her some.
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Your sexualizing breasts of a child - if the mom and dad are not wanting it yet, then let it go! Not your child, not your problem- however I suggest that look into yourself and find the reason that you believe breasts need bras? They don’t!
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Don’t make a big deal about it. Buy some and leave them in her dresser along with some new clothes that fit. You don’t have to ask permission to take care of your stepchild.
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Personally I would just get her some
I buy my great granddaughter clothes all the time I would just include them in with her clothes
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What she wears when she is with you and her father is your business. If you feel she needs one, get her one. If she is more comfortable with it she will tell her mom.
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Sports bra are good but ya I purchased several color of tanks and to this day my girls still wear tanks over their bra and under a shirt, I do too.
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I’d ask her first. Maybe she doesn’t want them ? I don’t use bras. But please don’t make her feel uncomfortable
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Best interest of the child … Mum might be pissed but do the right thing for your bonus daughter better to ask for forgiveness after then permission. If she needs it she needs it
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Take her shopping! She with love feeling grown up and will appreciate you for it x
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Honestly she’s in your care. Pretty sure if they have a parenting agreement it says something along the lines of day to day are in the care of whoever they are with.
My husband has a difficult ex, but honestly try and talk to her if he falls on dear ears at least you tried. Then talk to her about it. She might be uncomfortable she might not be. Talk to her, figure out where she is and what’s going on with her. Go from there.
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Leave a few on the bed in a bag with a note- stating that many girls use them, many girls choose not to. Regardless, here they are and you can choose what to do with them.
No explanation or further conversation is required.
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Ask her first. Many people don’t wear bras by choice.
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Get her some, show them to her and let her decide if she wants to wear them, but also explain to her about the changes her body is going through.
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My 9 yr old grandaughter wears them she really meeds too. I bought her first ones.
Maybe start her off with tank tops at your house. You can have conversations on how as she gets older her body is changing. There are so many helpful books too. Then slowly transition her to training bras. Acting as nonchalant as possible may make it easier for her to have conversations with her mom. Sometimes moms have a hard time when it comes to major milestones. I know for me, my stepdaughter was so ready to be potty trained and so I bought her undies to start. It got the conversation going with her mom who is not my biggest fan. On the opposite token, when my daughter’s step mom was buying my daughter training bras she wasn’t ready for I stepped up and realized that maybe my little girl was blossoming well before I was ready. My daughter and I had the talks and quite frankly it made our conversations about her being a preteen better. She isn’t comfortable with her step mom but it made her more willing and open to talk to me. She has been way more open to me about how her puberty is progressing and I have her step mom to thank (regardless of how much I dislike her). Sometimes we’re placed in difficult situations to help ease the transition with the bio-parent. The unspoken glories of a step parent.
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The mother sounds useless and the father riding on her coat tails. A sign of things to come
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“Professor Jean-Denis Rouillan, of the Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Besancon in France, revealed that bras are not necessary for women’s breast health. According to his study, a bra is not necessary anatomically, medically, or physiologically. Instead, bras actually prevent breasts from growing or achieving their natural lift.
For young women who are only just beginning to wear bras, science says there is no reason to push them. In fact, not wearing a bra is far better for young women because it supports the growth of breast tissue, according to Professor Rouillan’s study. This is in addition to supporting muscle tissue growth in the area.
This means that there is little reason for mothers to force their 10-year-old daughters into wearing a training bra. These bras serve aesthetic purposes that serve only cultural norms and local beauty standards. Rather than supporting a girl’s development, these bras stifle it and force them into a lifelong sentence of bra wearing.”
Also wearing bras can lead to breast cancer so that’s also another reason to hold off on them.
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You can get her one or tank top under shirts and buy her clothes her size have fun shoppibg day
Ask her if she wants a bra for a start, ask her what clothes she needs, take her shopping, let her choose
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This sounds like a decision her parents should be making. Whether you’re right or not is irrelevant. Not your kid, not your business.
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Maybe if mom is against a bra per-se, you can get her a few cami’s with the built in bras to start her off. Just a thought
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If its that bad call cps for neglect.
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I would just take her shopping and make a day out of it. While at the store walk by them and ask her if she would like a couple. As far as talking to the the mom since you say she’s difficult. I wouldn’t do it…. I don’t buy the whole excuse “ maybe the mom is going through something and hasn’t realized it’s time for her daughter to get one”.
What exactly could a mother be going though that’s more important than her child??? When we have children it’s not about us and our our needs, they are top priority!
Or the whole “well that’s a special thing between mom and daughter and you’re over stepping”. If it was that big of a dead mom would have been on top of it by now…
As far as the shirts being too small. at the very least I would buy appropriate fitting shirts if she declined the bra. That wouldn’t be a choice or up for debate in my house.
For the life of me I don’t understand why mothers are so threatened by the step mom actually taking interest and the best well being for the kids. It’s petty af. God forbid another woman actually love the child and not be a total abusive B to the kid 
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Maybe buy her some of those cute colourful matching sets of leggings and sports tops to wear. They act like a bra and she would probably love them
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Buy them and give them to her
Camis or sports bras - much easier to start out. I wore white shirts to school (Catholic school) and my grandma said she could see through my shirt, that I needed a bra. My dad gave her the money to buy some…that was 45 years ago. Back then- not much choice and very uncomfortable. So many options now
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She may be happier right now with a Sports bra since children are so very active most time. I think for developing breasts you can get her several really nice sports bras atleast 7 to get started and she can still run around and feel secure and protected. Groupon has great ones & Amazon.
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Probably not a good idea to “confront” the mother … but maybe kindly bring it up in a conversation?
get her some and explain how the body changes as it grows. all age appropriate of course.
take her shopping, help her pick it out.
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Yes definitely step up and do it. I’ve been in your shoes. Your in her life rather the ex likes it or not. Of course we wish it was different but it’s not like your some random chick. You’re her step mom.
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I mean my point so much that I used to not get along with the mom, but have stepped up and shown how much I’m in the little ones life that’s I’m fortunate it all came out in the end. And now we r friends and am thanked for being me … the bonus mom
Give them as a gift. Or with her back to school supplies. Maybe make it a Lil bonding experience
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It is the step mom’s business when the bio mom is trying to dress her kid like a hoe. If her clothes are to small and not getting bras. Do something as a PARENT even if it’s step parent before something bad happens to this girl at school god forbid cuz the boys notice she’s not wearing bras and is wearing tight clothes
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Sounds like the parents are having a stand off tbh.
Id take her shopping. Buy a few outfits that fit properly and new undies .
Personally id be having words with both parents together as well…they need shaming into looking after that girl properly
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Your husband really needs to step up. The mom is difficult isn’t an excuse, its his child too and it’s his responsibility to make sure she is taken care of. Period. She doesn’t live with you, isn’t an excuse either because he once again is still the parent and is still his responsibility. It’s not an out of sight, out of mind situation. Your child comes first, even over what the other parent thinks. Don’t be the person to fail this little girl since both of her parents are. You don’t need to be a step parent to intervene, you judy need to be willing to step up to the plate and go to bat for her. Get her what she needs.
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Are you raising her? This is her parents decision. Not yours.
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They have young girls tanks. You could do that but first bra to me is over stepping boundaries. That she should do with her mom. Her mom whether your ex gets along with her or not doesn’t mean her relationship is the same with her daughter. Coming from the divorced family side I hated doing any of that stuff with my dad’s gfs or wife no matter our relationship but didn’t say anything besides thank you to just be respectful and not meaning to be hurtful. I understood it wasn’t what they had to do and was something maybe they were doing to be nice just was hurtful to me. Step mom girlfriend married for many years none of that mattered to me. You could be the best step mom in the world but to me those things were my moms place no one else’s and those kind of things ruined the relationship for me and the significant other my dad had. Having my daughter these things are absolutely important to me to be the one that does these things with her because of it being mom daughter stuff that I was cheated out of in life. It may not be a big deal to some but to others it’s everything.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My step daughter needs a training bra and no one is getting her one: Advice?
Just ask the daughter if she wants them, parents always think it’s too soon but she’s not doubt getting something now, so I’d get one as they do need that! Even if it’s a crop top summat will do x
Have a chat to the daughter, explain what options are available for her, see what path she wants to go down. If she wants one, buy her some. Too bad if the mum doesn’t like it, it’s not about her.
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Well firstly I dont think it’s your place to buy her a bra, if her mother and father don’t see an issue, then it seems odd that you do. She has a mother and a father so I’d say your opinion is actually irrelevant, you can’t tell a parent how to parent their own child, unless of course there is immediate concern for the child’s welfare.
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I understand where you’re coming from but if my baby daddys wife brought my daughter her first bra I’d be annoyed, crop top or whatever I’d still be annoyed. However, I started off with camisoles that have a little inner bit that are like a crop top bra. Kmart sell them for woman and a size 6 would fit most girls in puberty probably. I think they are a good starting point where it would be easy not to have stepped on anyone’s toes 
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I’d just mention to your partner that you will ask her what she wants and if she wants to get one then take her and get her something! It’s not about the adults it’s about the child! Why should she go around feeling uncomfortable because of the decisions of parents who are being selfish
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I think you should mind your own business her mother will get her one when she believes she is ready. The fact that your step daughter is developing breats clearly makes you uncomfortable. Check yourself.
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Take her the shops and buy little crop/sports bras. There cheap enough. Have a fun chat with her about growing up. As your a woman you know how it feels support the little girl to have a better understanding of her body 
I’ve been through them motions with my partners little girl she appreciates it a lot xx
I buy my daughter those crop top ones and we call them under tops as she Still to young for a training bra and feels alot more comfortable with these we explained it as it’s just a vest but for older girls so if mum is uncomfortable with her getting a bra so soon a vest that does the job seems like a win win in your situation then your not going against anyone’s wishes
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These comments, my god. It isn’t about the parents, it’s about the kid. If she is feeling insecure or wants a bra, please get her one. I developed early and quickly and I needed one before I got one and got picked on a lot. Let her guide you and pick something out. To hell with the peanut gallery’s opinions, it’s about her and her comfort.
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I’d ask if you could get her some. If they say no then I’d ask her (the step daughter)
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Take her shopping and ask her if she wants one.
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Jesus christ some of these comments are horrid, yes the daughter has both of her parents but a step parent can be just as bloody concerned, some of you seem like the type of people who would kick off and make a baby daddy’s life difficult if he moved on from you 
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When I was developing i wore singlets under shirts before I was allowed to wear crop tops or bra style. Showed less but I still remember feeling uncomfortable before being allowed a proper bra or trainer.
I think you should mind your business , not to be rude but you’re not her actual parent and those decisions are for her parents to make . Don’t make your life harder than it needs to be