My stepdaughter is developing, and nobody will give her a training bra, and her mother thinks she needs to wear clothes that are too small, showing everything. I’ve spoken to her father (my husband) about it, and he doesn’t see an issue with it because he doesn’t have her all the time, and the ex is very hard to get along with. Should I just get some for when she’s here or ask her myself if she wants some or confronts the mother?
I personally would get some. Keep some at your house and send some home with her. It’s okay to step up and help her since she is starting to develop. I would do the same for my step daughter when the time comes.
I think a great starting point would be getting the American girl The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book 1 and maybe set it on her bed (or other great spot in her room at your house) and leave a note with it along the lines of “I saw this and thought of you, I thought you might find this helpful/interesting. If you ever want to talk about anything/have any questions or need anything I’m here for you. I love you, (your name)” Also perhaps next time you go to Walmart (or whatever store you tend to go to) you could let her pick out some shirts (that aren’t too small) and if affordable enough maybe offer that she could get extras (even duplicates if she wants) to take home so she can wear them anytime she wants or to wherever she wants. If she is in pants/shorts that are too small maybe try this for those as well and same goes for underwear. I grew up with divorced parents both remarried and thankfully for me the parents that I only saw every other weekend were the ones that wouldn’t buy proper clothes for me (my own personal solution was to take clothes from my mom’s with me so I wouldn’t have to wear clothes that I wore at age 10 when I was 16, yes seriously they still hadn’t actually bought proper clothes since then and it was not for lack of money as they had much more than my mom it was simply because they did not want to). I read other comments on the original post and I am so sorry that you have to hear people saying it’s not your place, you are still her parent and it is definitely worth it to try to help her. If you feel like you need to ask someone first maybe (if it’s possible, I know for some situations/co-parents it won’t work) try to ask her mom to lunch or to have a coffee (or something like that) together and see if you can have a casual conversation about the concern and let her know that if she doesn’t mind you are willing to foot the bill to help (daughter’s name) find a bra (and other clothes) that are comfortable. Typically I never respond or comment on anything that I read when I am simply scrolling through things but I felt like I had to give these suggestions because it is so important for a young girl to be properly nurtured and cared for in all aspects especially to be felt she is worth proper clothes. And one more thing in regards to comments I saw, not all young girls are only A cup breasts I was in a G cup by the time I was 13 (and only a tiny bit smaller when I was still in elementary school). For me my grandma (my mom’s mom) was the only one who noticed I was not in a proper bra so she took me to get properly fitted and my mom had me wearing bras from Walmart that were nowhere near the right size, from then on anytime I needed bras or a bathing suit top I told my grandma and she would come get me for a weekend and we would drive the couple hours it took to go to the bra shop and I would get a proper fitting each time after each fitting she let me get every bra I felt comfortable in and a swim top. She told me to never worry about how much it was gonna be then afterwards we usually stopped for lunch on the way home. I promise you that being the savior of this girl’s world will create a whole new trust and bond between you that you never knew possible, that is the bond I shared with my grandma for many years as she always ensured I had proper clothes (which is how I had proper clothes at my mom’s house to then pack to take with me when I had visitation with my dad). Thank you for wanting to find the best way to be there for a young girl that deserves the love you have for her!
The idea of asking her is great, after all it’s her body, but keep in mind she may not sure with you wether because she has relative understanding and disagrees with your views your she doesn’t understand/is misguided or orly guided by the mom
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My step daughter needs a training bra and no one is getting her one: Advice?
Take her and buy them.
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You can buy a few for her
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I would ask her how she feels about it and if she would like to have them then take her to try them and then buy the ones she likes the most.
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And do not make them only for your house. They are HERS.
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Or normalize not wearing a bra
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I would ask her if she would like to go with you and pick some out herself. Keep a few at your place and send one or two home with her. Maybe she hasn’t been given the option to wear them or told about them.
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Buy them or take her shopping
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I’d ask her if she wants you to take her shopping, and follow her lead
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I may be in the minority here, but maybe you should leave that up to her parents 
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Ask her and then shopping spree and lunch 
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Go get her some. Don’t make them for your house only. My ex husbands gf tries that stuff with my kids. Shes attempted with snow boots and other clothing. I let them take whatever they want over there.
Absolutely make this an opportunity to bond with your step daughter. Take her out and make a day of it just you and her go pick some out and try them on let her choose what she likes. Go to lunch. Make this a positive experience for your daughter. You accepted a motherly role in this girls life when you married her father.
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Ask her if she wants a few. If she does then take her shopping for some and then she can do what she likes with them. She can have them at both houses it doesn’t matter.
I had this same issue with my step daughter I took her and got them but her dad said too he also told her mother we bought them and would be sending some to her house and she needed to be having her wear them. Esp for school
I would get them for her
Get her some and leave it at that!! If it’s offending to you or your other children explain it to her!!!
What does the kid want? You can buy some but don’t push her to wear them if she doesn’t want to!
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I’d just grab a couple of bralets, no need for unnecessary confrontations
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Have a girls day to talk about it
But I also had to talk with her mother about her shaving her legs bc she was coming to me crying bc she was being bullied for having hairy legs. Her mother is very difficult too but I told her like this you wouldn’t want someone saying something to you about you boobs or nipples showing or your legs being hairy so why would you want your kid to endure that.
Ask the daughter, sometimes parents are oblivious. She might be getting bullied at school because of it.
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Just buy her a couple sports bras …
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Little cami’s work too. Or sports bra
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Buy them.
Send them home with her if necessary…
And keep a few more 4 her at yr house. Yr her other mom.
.so u do have a responsibility in teaching her about good hygiene n such… good luck…I understand as well about not wanting to step over certain boundaries… but u said yrself…this has been going on 4 a while already…I’m sure she will appreciate it…just use a subtle approach
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My parents bought me bras. I hated them and never wore them. Now as an adult I do once in awhile or I wear sports bras
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I would get her a cpl and ask her if she wants to wear them.
I think with her body she should wear a training bra when she wants.
***Step mom of a sweet girl
with the exact same issue!! I took her shopping and made it all about her. We had a blast together!
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Just go shopping and let her pick some out
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Maybe she doesn’t want one.
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I would definitely try and talk with her momma, with as much of a positive attitude as possible. Maybe you could both take her out and make a day of it! If her momma has a problem at least you tried to address it!
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First talk to her about if she even wants one? If she doesnt want one dont push it. If she does either ask mom or dad if theyd like to take her shopping or if they mind you taking her.
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I would take her shopping but you might cop it from everyone it’s really up to your step daughter
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Mind your own business it’s not your kid
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As a mother I would say get her some if that’s something she wants if not let it go for now. But my coparent ( kids stepmom) opinions matter too so idk what the issue is with her. But don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill
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If she needs it, buy it. Her mother will eventually get over it.
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Maybe write the mom a letter? Or ask your step daughter to write one in her own words?!
Bras are not a necessity. Let her be how she’s comfortable. If she would like one or different clothes, you could ask her but I wouldn’t shame her or push her to wear things she doesn’t want to.
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If you are married to her father then I’d assume that’s approval enough to make responsible decisions without necessarily needing to talk to her mom about it before doing it. But I think you should at least talk with her mom about what you plan on doing. Having that conversation together is respectful and can help build a better relationship
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Talk to your step-daughter and see how she feels about it. If she wants one, take her shopping.
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Point blank she’s young and her body is changing why would they want possible insecurities to grow over something that doesn’t need to happen. Kids can be harsh and bully. I had a training sports bra at 8. And a padded bra by ten-ish. Refuses to let her wear a bra and clothes to small? Yikes. That wouldn’t fly when I was growing up yrs ago simply with the schools dress code. But where I live that’s all gone out the window over the years too.
What about crop top’s
I wear them nearly every day
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Next time you’re together, ask her !! If yes, go shopping. Take charge if no one else will !!
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What does your step daughter want? This post is all about what you want. But guess what? It’s up to her. There is nothing wrong with not wearing a bra.
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I’d just get her one and when the mother complains tell her sorry but she is growing up and I will not let her walking around like that I don’t see nothing wrong with it at all but then again you said she was difficult
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Does she want to wear one or do you think she needs one? There’s no actual need for a training bra so if the kid isn’t wanting one, I’d leave it.
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That is one thing that drives me nuts about developing girls. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE at least give them a sports bra or chichi shirt (cami). Nobody needs to see the little girls buds
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Step parents are parents too, some of y’all are wild saying otherwise. The more love for a child, the better. Talk to your bonus daughter, take her shopping if she’s down for it. Make it fun. Bras can make you feel better or worse about yourself so follow her lead.
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My mother waited far too long to get me a bra and by the time she did, was her size. Girls at school gave me hell as a result. The root cause was no one was comfortable with me growing up, and that made everything worse. Please help this girl. Your husband either doesn’t get it because he was never a girl or is also struggling to deal with it. Bottom line: the child comes first. Ask her how she feels on a walk or something. It’s very possible that she (like me) wants someone to help her but doesn’t feel comfortable reaching out.
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Take her shopping and ask her if she is ready. If she is get her a few. The ex will be ok because she doesn’t have to do it.
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Talk to the girl if she ok with getting the training bra get them for her. I Wouldn’t walk with her around without having no bra on & people looking at her while whispering, l’m not going through the embarrassment. Her mother should know better & the father show let the mom know.
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I’ve been in the step daughter position, and I would ask her what she would like to do and go from there. If her mother freaks out just say “I’ve talked to ____ about it, and she decided this and picked them out herself.” That’s all you have to say. Just please ask the girl first! I’m sure she would appreciate it❤️ I know I would
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I’d ask her yourself, when I got my period for the 1st time it was my dads weekend with me and my step mom came to my rescue with pads, clothes and new bedding etc etc. you aren’t just married to her father you’re part of her life. If you were a girlfriend I’d say eh maybe not but he married you and brought you into their family so you have a right to simply ask if she wants any or at least try them on.
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Talk to your daughter, if she wants one I’d buy her one.
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Just take her shopping
I started my daughter with a sports bra with the pads in then…and maybe just take her shopping for some new school clothes its about that time and see if she wants a bra she may not want one yet maybe just a cami with a built in bra… maybe talk to mom and just tell her you just want make sure she is comfortable and has what she needs for school and that everything fits well and that your daughter will not be a target for bullying because other kids are buttheads
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Take her shopping on a one on one day and show her cute sets they come with bralette and panties , target has alot of choices, so it’s not just a bra it’s a set so her mom wont feel like your doing the bra shopping with out her .
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ask the child if she wants a bra and if she does take her shopping. It isn’t up to anybody but her
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All these people saying mind your own business she’s not your child but when you marry someone who has kids you should think of them as your child. So if this situation isn’t her business say the young girl gets her 1st period at her home should she just mind her own business and not help her?? I mean come the F*** on if her own dad doesn’t want to be bothered with then who does??? Clearly not her own mother who is letting her wear clothes that are too small for her already. Try to have have talk with her mother if that doesn’t help ask your step daughter how she feels about and then go from there.
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The parents of a friend I went to school with got divorced and the dad’s new girlfriend started making her shave, wear bras she didn’t like, get adult skin care, mature clothes etc. and her bio mom FLIPPED because there was no communication and my friend was still in grade school. She felt the gf was making her grow up too fast and it ended up becoming an issue in court. My own mom stuffed me in uncomfortable training bras and clothes that caused me body image problems (you’re too fat to wear this, your boobs don’t fill this out right). For the love of God, please ask the girl what she thinks first or there could be self esteem issues that last for years to come. Maybe she’s like me and has sensory issues that bras feel like strangulation devices.
I don’t think u should confront the mother. But speak with her with concern. You said she wears clothes that are to small for her. They maybe a financial reason for this.
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They have tank tops for young girls with a built in sport bra at Walmart. I got some for my granddaughter
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Heck yeah she needs someone to step up for her! Mother her of 8… 4 SK and 4 of my own! Older girls mom has gotten bras for my oldest and guess what I appreciated it! And I have bought them for hers when they needed them! If you feel she needs it… Take her shopping and get her a cute outfit and a training bra! Make her feel special… Don’t come at it as you have nips showing. Explain to her the importance of it. Dads don’t even wanna bother with it period. My hubs told me to handle the girls he has the boys!
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Talk to your stepdaughter and then take her to get some. I would do training bras and then go from there.
Talk to your stepdaughter, ask her what she wants & then share your opinion with her. And then give mom a call maybe & tell her what the two of you came up with.
Dont make an issue out of it. Buy them and explain what they are.
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Maybe yay her shopping for school clothes and have her pick some bra’s out and appropriate clothing make sure she knows she’s beautiful no matter what inside and out and just have a girls day
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"NEW MOM " JUST talk to YOUR NEW DAUGHTER and Take her SHOPPING !!!
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Buy her some for always not just at your house. You never know if her mom is struggling or not. But even if not do what makes the child comfortable cause thats what is important
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Have a bonus mom/daughter day out… and get her one!
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I would ask her if she wants you to buy her one
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And yes as a father of more girls than boys and having a difficult ex i feel safe stating my opinion.
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I would ask her but really, this should be the mother’s role to get her one. Also, your husband needs to communicate with his ex over these matters. They need to co-parent.
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My daughter likes the tank tops with the bras built in. She absolutely hated reg training bras.
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DON’T COMPLAIN about something that you are not willing to help fix !!
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If the kid wants a bra, go shopping. If not, leave it be. I don’t understand why everyone thinks people with breasts absolutely has to wear bras. Let the child decide for themselves.
It’s not your place unless his daughter asks you
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I think personally you should talk to the mother because maybe the mom wants to do that with her daughter and you just going out and doing that and taking that away from her is not going to be a good thing at all for anyone that might cause even more problems My opinion
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I have a step daughter and I treat her like my own daughter, by her bras undies, talk to her about puberty and sex. The only thing I would ask the mum is for ear piercing and haircuts but then I can always ask my partner also x Just talk to your girl, if you get slammed for doing what you feel is right then mum has an issue that she needs to acknowledge on her own
Went through this. Get her one on your own. I did. We kept clothes for my heart girls with us. I never sent their clothes home as they got ruined.
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Take her shopping. Tell her you two are having a girls day… have her and you pick out clothes… Then walk over to the training bra section… and be like… hey we should get you one… which of these do you like??? Or maybe the tanks with them built in… just don’t make a big deal about it… Just be normal and act like it’s nothing… and especially don’t say anything negative about mom… or dad… maybe mom’s struggling financially? Buy her a few some for your house and her mom’s.
.
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I get people saying get her one but know most mothers want to be with their kids to get their first bra! That’s a big deal…
It was a big deal when I was a blooming girl.
Special mom moment. Include the mother if your gonna…
Clothes is one thing a bra is another…
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Just go buy her one! Someone will wake up!
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I would ask her how she feels and if she wants one get your husband on board for her to at least have them at your house.
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I would just get her a couple really cute ones for her when she’s there. Give her some options that way she can pick for herself. Also the book series above will definitely help her understand more if she’s too nervous to talk to you or her dad
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I know the mom might be hard to get along with, but I wonder of its because she is struggling and embarrassed. I would talk to her and have a heart to heart. Let her know you’re there for her and you want to help and work as a team. It don’t hurt nothing. I was a step mom at one time and when I let momma know I loved her boys like she did and wanted to work with her and not against her, she eased up.
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Get the training bras and larger shirts for her
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A first bra and training bra is a big ordeal, I wouldn’t go there…
But buying teeshirts and other clothes that fit is GREAT
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This was me! It took one of my female cousins buying me one for my dad and step mom to realize I needed one! They weren’t oblivious either, I had an older step sister !
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Just take her shopping to get some or buy her some. If she doesn’t want them then oh well. You tried!
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Yes, get her some… get her like 3… if her mother is not paying attention… someone will and someone at school might tell her and that way she has some already… I was in 4th grade and my mother was too busy to pay attention and some girl at school told me I needed to get a bra… it was embarrassing… I was also in denial of wearing them at first… but atleast she will have some and when shes ready she can start wearing them even if her mother ain’t paying attention cuz she’s busy or whatever.
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This is a really delicate situation. Sounds like the mother will be angry if you do and angry if you talk to her about it. Talk to her dad and tell him she needs one and offer to go shopping with her. This way if the mother freaks out, the father is at least on the same page as you.
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You go get her some for your house do not put this off…
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Girl when my step daughter was 5 her mom would send her in halter tops and booty shorts! I tried to get her dad to talk to his ex but he wouldn’t so slowly but surely I would replace what she sent her in! Every time she came over I bought her a few new outfits and threw away the other ones! When she needed bras and panties I went and got them and she wore them home! That was years ago and now even her mom was thankful to it! You should buy her some and let her take half with her and keep half there if there is issues just explain she’s maturing and kids at school will make fun of her if she doesn’t have one!!
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Off topic… but Facebook really needs to fix the issue that everytime a new comment gets posted, I lose the comment I was reading 
idk if anyone else has that issue… but it hasn’t always been like that… and it’s very frustrating.
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