My step-daughter never eats when she comes over: Advice?

Have you tried to have her help you prepare the food. There are a lot of fun recipies that toddlers can help make. Building her own pizza- set out all the ingredients in little bowls. Fruit smoothies- put ingredients into ziplock and let her squish it up. PB&Js- let her try to spread with a plastic butter knife. Making it fun, creative, and inclusive might help her with anxiety. Make her feel like her voice matters.

The fact that you address her MOTHER as “bio mom” is probably the root of your problem. If you address her as such on the internet, I can only imagine how you speak of her “bio mom” in person. The problem may be you. :woman_shrugging:

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I am not surprised that the children in our society are the way they are+. I’m reading these responses and what a bunch of " oh you poor darling" mentality bs, try this or that but for goodness sake make sure not to get upset. What a crock! There is good behavior and bad, winners and losers. Make sure your child experiences all of these and learns how to deal with it. Or when they get out into the real world that you are shielding them from, they will not no how to cope. Because in the real world not everyone wins and not everyone cares about you.

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Its anxiety. Kids usually express anxiety by saying they have a stomach ache.

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She is only 3…upset she is separated from mom…dont make her eat…she will eat when hungry…also have her mom pack her food for when at your home.

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Sounds like toddler anxiety to me

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I wouldn’t eat my favorite foods when I stayed at my cousins house who kept me regularly. She would even take me to the grocery store to pick out my own food. I LOVED staying with her and did frequently but I just wasn’t comfortable eating there. When I would stay multiple days I would eventually eat when I got hungry enough. Just let her eat when she’s ready. Children won’t starve themselves. I never did but I did push eating as long as I could.

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My SD does this literally everytime she comes to our house. She will be eating dinner fine and then bam my tummy hurts, she starts crying, she doesnt finish her food and immediately after she gets up from the table and gets rid of her food, she is fine. We have started making her just finish her food. Once she sees we are not going to give in, she stops and doesnt do it the rest if the weekend

Have bio mom come over and have dinner once a week or something until she gets better.

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Dude if she’s so upset that she’s actually throwing up over her nerves/anxiety what have you. Then you need to find out wtf is going on to have her that upset to be there

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Probably anxiety. Anxiety manifests in children that way

Maybe she is nervous being away , my goodness she is only 3.

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It isn’t the food. She isn’t happy there. Reduce to shorter visits. Maybe Dad goes and visits her at her moms house to help with the transition.

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Sounds like she’s either nervous or doesn’t feel comfortable there

Dont worry about it shell eat if shes hungry our kids do the same it may be how its cooked everyone cooks diff. Stay cool shell come around it takes time just keep loving her

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Poor baby :frowning: shes not “acting up” she probably doesnt want to be at your house and misses her mom or feels stressed

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Anxiety. I had it as a kid at school. I wouldnt eat school lunch, and would even puke after eating treats on special days in class. It wasnt taken seriously cuz this was 25yrs ago, but now there are therapists that know how to help.

It doesn’t sound like the food if it’s the exact same food. There’s a deeper issue going on and it’s most likely her not wanting to be there.

Sounds like shes not adjusting to the separation very well… :pensive:

working in day cares, i’ve learned that children will not eat and not sleep anywhere that they are uncomfortable.

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Don’t make a big deal out of it offer the food if she does not want it just say ok if she gets hungry enough she will eat

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She is not happy at your home. Maybe let her fix her own food with you, your go get take out that she goes and picks out. She is for what ever reason apparently afraid there.

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Sounds like anxiety or being nervous. My stomach acts up when I’m anxious or uncomfortable. Don’t act like eating is a big deal, do everything as you normally would do and definitely don’t give her trouble for not eating you’ll only make it worse.

Have her mom send food

Exclude her deliberately for her ride Ness don’t tolerate it put her on the car or in the other room some kids think they can get away with this…

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She’s not comfortable with you or the house, the situation or something. I am sure you al can figure it out as a family. She is just a baby mostly and very sensitive. Good luck to you❤️

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Its probably anxiety try calming her down maybe spending more quality time with her so she feels more comfortable around you

Anxiety for sure! My kiddo has eating issues when hers is acting up. Maybe shes just missing mama? Doesnt mean it’s anything wrong with you all. Try some shakes, soup broth or something for now and get a second opinion from her doctor. In the meantime, ease up on her. She probably cant help it and the pressure will only make it worse.

Definitely anxiety, I’ve had it all my life and I’m disabled because of it. I carry all my stress n anxiety in my gut n chest. My heart races then almost immediately after is nausea and vomiting. I’m often hospitalized because of it.

This sounds like nerves. The baby wants her mommy . I think you should not make her be away from her mommy if she is not ready.

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Also her mother birthed her and takes care of her so have some respect and call her her MOTHER not bio mom.

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If shes eating good with her mum and only having trouble at your home try to make her more comfortable, ask her mother to come over for dinner, have a nice dinner together and see how she does. If shes feeling bad because shes there and sees that her mum is on board and supports you there then maybe itll ease both the belly and the anxiety she has at your house.

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Its definitely not the food, its separation anxiety. Just like everyone has said, shes not comfortable there. Now that isnt saying that you are doing anything wrong, it’s just that she is only 3 years old and going back and forth between mommy and daddy and all of the stress that comes along with it. She doesn’t know how to Express her emotions. My ex husband and I split up just before I found out I was pregnant so my son has never known his mommy and daddy to be together so he adjusted well. Hes almost 3. Loves being at my house, and loves being with his daddy at his house too. It was a completely different situation with my step son, he will be 4 in April and his mommy and daddy were together until he was 1 1/2 so he remembers them being together and now all of a sudden there is another woman in his life and it was a big adjustment for him. He goes to therapy because of it. Just be patient, give her lots of loves and try your best to make her comfortable. Include her in cooking or ask her what she wants to eat, things like that.

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I dont stepmom is a stranger. Probably been around for sometime and met before stepmom and dad were married. Mom could be sending this kid over there and telling her to give them a hard time. When husband and I got custody of his younger son his mom did that shit. He would puke hit and act like he was insane. We sat him down and explained that behavior was not acceptable and would not be tolerated. 4 years later hes A honor roll and calls me mom and sees his birth mother for what she is. Hes now 11.

She’ll get used to it

Probably just the change in environment causing anxiety. She’s only 3, so all the changing back and forth might be a lot for her.

My daughter is almost 11 and going thru the same issue. Ever since she had started going to her father’s house she hasn’t wanted to eat anything she is given there. I was sending food with her to his house but he became very upset and threw it all away and said it was his house and she had to eat whatever they gave her no matter if she liked it or not. This went off and on for 3 yrs. Until recently she has stopped going there all together. I tried to be reasonable with him but he didn’t want to listen. While she was there for almost 3 wks. She became violently ill and he didnt even tell me at all and said it wasn’t my business.

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Let her throw up. Go to bed hungry.

Test her talk to Mom and get her to cook something give it to you without her knowing and see if she eats it if she doesn’t you will have your answer she if anxiety being separated from her Mom

Maybe she has anxiety, maybe you make her feel uncomfortable?

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Then dont let her eat if she wants to act like shes “sick” only at yalls house. Shell stop after a while when she realizes she isnt getting her way

Shes 3. How much anxiety could she have just from eating at different places.

Many ueard ago I had the same problem with my stepdaughter who was 4. She didn’t get sick she just said she didn’t like whatever I cooked. I called her mom to find out her favorite meal. I made it she didn’t like it. So I told her I love you and will not allow you to eat something you don’t like. I took her plate and apologized profusely that I didn’t have anything else to fix for her. She absolutely loved breakfast the next morning and every thing I cooked ftom that day forward. She is 43 years old now her father and I habr beem divorced for many years but she an I still laugh about this.

Good be anxiety, or stress related. She may be doing this for attention

I would speak to her parents about what is best for HER. She isn’t ready to be separated from her mother and this is how she is able to tell all of you that it doesn’t feel right, so all you have to do is listen to her. Help her be at ease and comfort her. This article might help, but all of you have to be in on it. Good luck :heart: Helping Your Toddler with Separation Anxiety

Stomachaches are very often anxiety in children. Something is happening at your house that is making her uncomfortable.

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Its anxiety for being over there obviously this entire situation is uncomfortable for her.

That’s nervousness and anxiety. There is something wrong. She needs a drs help to understand what is going on. She may not even realize what it is. When I was very young about 9 I had a stomach ache every morning before school. My mom finally took me to the dr and it was nerves about an issue at school that I didn’t even realize was an issue until the dr ask the right questions and brought it out. Took care of the issue and the stomach aches went away.

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Anxiety. Take her to the grocery store and include her in making fun things she likes and wants to do!

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Let her help in some way & make it fun. Maybe with some laughter she’ll ease up.

She might miss her momma & sounds like she is having separation anxiety. My daughter went through this. Everytime I would have to leave her to go to work she would get sick & throw up. She finally outgrew it. They can’t help it.

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Definitely sounds like her nerves, anxiety causes stomach pains in children.

Have her bio mom make food put it in a dish and send it with her then use the dish when you feed her maybe it will make her comfortable good luck

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May she’s nervous about being there. I’m not suggesting you’re doing something to make her nervous, but that may be the issue. Try doing something fun with her before the meal to put her at ease. Does her father try to encourage her to eat?

Remember first and foremost she is only 3, and probably doesn’t understand why her bio mom and dad are not together, and like someone else said it’s possible she may have some coach from her bio mom you never really know. I like the idea of having her bio mom send food because you don’t want to see her make herself sick and also not eat anything. Also asking her bio mom what she likes to eat regularly and then maybe let her choose what’s for dinner one night it won’t hurt to at least meet her half way. It’s never a child’s fault that their situation is what it is, and divorced or separated parents is not easy for anyone, but I can try to meet each other in the middle and make it work. Especially when they go to daycare and see their friends or other family members with a traditional family it’s very hard at 3 to understand what happened.

Sounds like she’s anxious. Three year olds don’t know coping mechanisms for anxiety caused by being away from mom.

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Have her mama pack her some food to bring over. If she sees mama pack it then maybe she will eat at step moms house. Poor little lady must get homesick for mama.

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I would take her with you to pick out foods she likes. And If she does it again then idk …do you think her mom is telling her to do things like that at your house?

Anxiety meals are a time it’ll act up the most if she’s nervous

Dont feed her!!! When she gets hungry enough she’ll eat!!

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