My 3 yo stepdaughter eats anything and everything at her bio mom’s house but acts up at our house and throws up after one bite of even her favorite foods. Says her stomach hurts every single time. Yet same food at her bio mom’s house, gets eaten regularly. Taken her to doctors, she’s fine apparently. Any advice?
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Maybe its not the food but her surroundings
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I wouldn’t force food on her. Offer her some Pedia sure and pick your battles.
I don’t think this is a food issue I think it’s a control issue
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Also I’m not meaning to imply you are forcing food on her… just that I wouldn’t make her ewt
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It not the food she does not want to be there…
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Let her eat when she wants. Don’t refuse feeding her
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Just offer her the food and pediasure
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She’s stressed out or uncomfortable and probably misses home at her moms
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Gosh it sucks to be a kid in the situation!! Adults just don’t understand or care. We just say they will get use to it. Of don’t you want daddy to me happy. Remarrying is so hard on your kids. Think about THEM before you do it. 
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She’s three soo she’s terrified wants her mom and probably does have an upset tummy from anxiety just try little bits of food here and there and pediasure
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Don’t force her. Sounds like she’s not comfortable at your home for some reason.
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Find out what she eats at her mums or ask her if she would like to come shopping with you and help pick out dinner.
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It’s anxiety. Guaranteed. 100%. Stomach discomfort is the number one way it exhibits in young kids. She isn’t showing out. She is distressed.
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have her mum bring food for her
Must be a fresh new relationship if she isnt eating at your home. People shouldn’t rush things when it involves kids. Simply let her warm up to you and your home. Have her mom pack her food just until she is ready… I mean shit shes 3 years old!!! Of course it’s all strange to her.
Children that small can’t identify anxiety yet. It usually is mistaken for a stomach ache instead.
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Tummy aches are sometimes an emotional issue…
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Bio mom?? Wouldn’t it just be mom? Sorry
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I think you need to reduce time at your house. I get that her Dad loves her but she obviously has anxiety and misses her Mumma. Please think of her.
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Maybe she’s uncomfortable there
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I am a step momma myself(we started at the age 3). Dont force it or make a huge deal of it. The situation (new or not) still makes her anxious. And thats ok. Just keep loving her and talking to and with her. Maybe offer a fun smoothie she can help make instead to still get at least SOMETHING in her. Eventually when she is hungry enough she WILL eat. Lol
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I think it’s anxiety . She isn’t comfortable in your home
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She doesn’t wanna be at your house!! 
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Anxious? Tense? Any idea if you are badly talked about at her home?
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Poor baby . Hope she gets used to you eventually . How is she with her dad ? Maybe she isn’t comfortable with him either .
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It’s not the food. She obviously does not want to be there! Whether it be the surroundings or maybe separation anxiety from her mother, she doesn’t want to be there. When small children are feeling anxiety they often say they have a tummy ache. Did the doctor you took her to not explain that as a possibility?
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She will get over it eventually and eat when she gets hungry
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Stress and anxiety going back and forth between homes. She’s only 3. Give her a break sheesh.
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Definitely has anxiety. Let her decide when she’s hungry, let her eat when she wants to eat.
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She doesn’t want to be there. She has anxiety being there. Not that there’s anything wrong with your house or the people in it but she’s probably alot more comfortable at her house with her mother. Give her time. I’m sure it’s an adjustment
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She’s three and you’re an outsider. She could have anxiety or feelings of discomfort in the situation. Though young, kids are smart and can also feel stressed and/or confusion. My daughter was and still is a very picky eater at sixteen years old. She only likes a handful of foods and was never into eating at other people’s houses. Even during the holidays, she would rather be hungry than eat if it looked slightly different. Don’t force it but try to have something available just in case.
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I would talk to her bio mom and see how she makes certain meals or have her help you make dinner
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Stress, possibly the pressure of eating there is too much
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She is 3 she is probably homesick and misses her mommy. Just try to make her weekend fun and relax it’s will be fine.
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It might be stress related. She is still small. Anxiety for children often goes with stomach pain
Maybe try to involve her in making food. Let her put her own topping on her pizza?
My daughter done this when she first started going to her dad’s house. She never left my home before and she had separation anxiety bad. I thought I was going to have to stay the night with her a couple of times. However, what we found helped was she called me about every hour if she wanted for the first half year. Plus, if she didn’t want to go, we didn’t force her. Our son never had issues. Kids have a harder time adjusting than some adults. Yes, we manage to hold ourselves together but kids don’t know what they’re experiencing, how to handle what they’re experiencing, or even try to tell you. Sometimes you have to take it slow because it’s best for the child. I get that dad wants to see his child but sometimes we have to put our wants aside to make sure our kids are okay first. Changes can cause anxiety for anyone. It’s probably not the food, but her anxiety and nerves can cause this. Please try more compassion and understanding. (I’m not saying that’s not what you’re doing, just saying that’s what we had to do ourselves)
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Though I do agree with a lot of the others that maybe she’s just nervous. Nervous AND 3. :-/ Have you tried maybe taking her shopping to buy her a special dinnerware set? A cute little plate, bowl, cup & silverware? I bet she would love picking something out. Also, let her be involved with preparing the meals. My daughter is 7 now but she is still always willing to eat more and try more new things if she helps me cook. 
She’s just a baby, mama… just give her extra love and reassurance. Best wishes. <3
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If I can feel the negativity from just your written words, I’m sure she feels it being at your house. Its anxiety and stress from being there. Poor baby.
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Why not fix a plate of food (not too much, that’s intimidating) and leave it where she can reach it? Then go do something else. I bet she’ll eat at least some of it if you don’t make a big deal out of it. Carrot sticks, Cheerios, deli-type pieces of turkey rolled up, that sort of thing.
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She’s not comfortable yet. Give her time to adjust.
Make eating fun. Dress up like a princess with her and have a pretend princess lunch or dinner.
Kids her age need brain stimulation and excitement. She needs to build a bond with you. As step mom, you have to step your game up.
See what her interests are. Joke around. Eat with her. Dont feed her alone.
Try different foods. Perhaps she is use to mamas cooking and you may need to try some new foods.
Make it fun.
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Down side to split homes with littles is anxiety and stress … sounds like she has this problem… dont force her to eat she’ll eat when she gets ready she has to learn to work through this and the best Thing you can do is be there as a comfort during it all… make sure dad and mom are on the same page and they don’t have issues between the two of them or that’ll make it worse on her… I’ve dealt with this off and on with my kids going on 3 years now… it gets better don’t give up
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Could be her nerves. Maybe she feels some kind of way at your house.
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Try having some compassion for her.
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I would offer food even a snack and let her come to you when she is hungry. Maybe involve mom (if you are in good terms) and ask mom if she can pack her a few of her favorite things to see if she will only eat moms food or if she really is feeling some sort of way being there. At 3 years old, she may be very attached to mom. Have you asked her why she doesn’t eat? Does bio mom know this is going on? There has to be an underlying issue that’s just being left out of the story because if she’s eating good at moms and not your place and no dr reason for her to not be eating, just doesn’t seem right.
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Young kids even pull this with teachers or babysitters or any new person or situation they dont immediately like. Omg a toddler doesn’t like stepmom, it MUST be the stepmoms fault!!1! Give me a break. Give it time and discuss it with the dad and maybe do some fun stuff and fix meals she likes since it sounds like shes already talked to the parents. The kid is a child, she’ll be fine after awhile. 
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Take your time with it, she’ll eventually come around
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Acts up? Sounds like you are the problem. I bet everything she does is acting up to you. If she doesn’t eat, then she doesn’t eat. Set rules. Mealtime is 15 minutes(at least, it can be more if she’s eating) and while she doesn’t have to eat her food if she chooses not to, she does have to sit there for the 15 minutes that is mealtime. If she doesn’t eat dinner then she doesn’t get a snack later, if she’s hungry later then she can have some of her dinner that she didn’t eat. Don’t make it a big deal, and definitely don’t punish her for not eating.
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I think reducing time from maybe two days to one night and one day would help her thru the anxiety she’s feeling. Just for a little while! I know y’all just want to love her and build a relationship but whether it’s my suggestion or another that resonates, ultimately loving her is doing what’s best for her. Not eating is a sign of anxiety. I would not suggest that you let her skip out entirely on ur time together. Or allow her to skip out on meals. Just always eat as a family, sit her plate in front of her and either she’ll eat or she won’t but try not to mention anything more than once. And if she doesn’t eat, just leave her plate on the table and maybe she’ll sneak a bite or two at a time. If you take her plate away thinking “this will fix that and she’ll be forced to eat next meal” will cause her to feel more anxiety and her blood sugar could go down making her moody and hard to manage. She’ll get better if YOU get better.she is still only 3 and learning how y’all operate as parents and co-parents. So just be the example you want to see her become as a person and you can’t go wrong. But your attitude on this has to change. You can’t bull doze her into a relationship, eating, or she will shut down and rebel to try to hold on to a sense of control. If eating or not eating is the only thing y’all are allowing her to have control over, she will continue this. It’s all about compromising and really your attitude will affect hers. It’s your job as the mother and step mother to provide the mood for the home.
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People expect too much from children, she’s three, probably has no idea what’s going on and it makes her sick, happens to me I’m just able to communicate, she can’t because she’s three…how about acting like a parent and try comforting her?
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Sound like she has severe anxiety while there. What’s she like doing activities? Playing? Talking? Etc etc. How often is she actually away from her mum?
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I also DON’T agree with some of the comments that are a bit on the rude side. A lot of kids don’t like being away from their moms at all. That goes for daycare, sitters, even with grandparents. I don’t think it’s fair to insinuate that she just doesn’t like it there… with the stepmom. Have some compassion, y’all. At least this lady is reaching out for help. Apparently she loves this child and wants the best for her.
I understand that a lot of you are probably young moms with the attitude that NOONE else will ever be “mom” to your child(ren). Trust me, I felt the same way for a long time. As I got older though and went through a breakup with my first sons dad… that changed. I would much rather my children have a stepparent that loves them and would treat them as their own. Not someone who couldn’t care less if the child ate or not.
We are supposed to be here to help and support this mama… not make her feel even more awful than she probably already does.
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“mom’s house” lol bio ?
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Good gravy, you guys are bitching about her post, screaming about perceived “negativity” when you’re the ones attacking her. I didn’t sense any negativity or meanness in what she said. I did, however, hear frustration and some exasperation. She came to this group to help with those feelings, and we’ve ALL had the same ones towards our kids before too.
As to the OP, yes, children do use food as a way to convey feelings. Cattiness aside, a lot of these ladies had some good ideas…make meals more fun for her, more laid-back, etc. It’ll get easier with time, my SD did the same thing.
1stly you need to STEP BACK: think howd you’d feel being made to visit a complete strangers house, made to eat when you dont want to as your riddled with anxiety. Also you cant say anything because ur scared & little confidence to say how you really feel… the way you described the situation sounds like your beyond frustrated and the child picks up on this. Remember its a child not an adult. Adjust your patience, attitude and welcome & include the child to assisted transition into your step mother role.
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Rumination syndrome from anxiety. Form being away from her mom ? Maybe make short visits for awhile . A few hours. Gradually work up. All that acid will mess up her teeth and throat .
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I like your level of concern. You guys will be just fine 
Also to the OP, try joining a stepmom group on here. I’m part of the Unapologetic Stepmom, and I think you’ll find you’ll be met with a lot more compassion, less criticizing.
Sounds like anxiety to me but I’m not expert
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Try to ask what does she wants, try to be more compassionate and try to comfort her she’s just 3 maybe she’s just confuse on whats happening around her.
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Anxiety possibly. My daughter had serious stomach issues and nervous nervousness after her dad’s and is divorce. To the point her doctor prescribed medicine, basically a better tums.
I was that “step child” and I was the same way because I didn’t want to be there.
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Shes anxious. Find out whats wrong (is she uncomfortable with anyone in the house?, is she afraid to be away from dad? Is she needing attention? )
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I really dislike all these comments picking apart this new step moms words, she came for advice, maybe show her some compassion you so badly want her to show this child you all know so much about? I agree it sounds like anxiety, and her freaking out at a new situation, I’d suggest maybe talking with the mom and letting her call her whenever she wants or needs her? I dunno the situation maybe you’re already doing something like this, maybe change your scheduled visits around her already eating at moms? Maybe you can’t do this, I’d just suggest trying something out of the box, like some others suggested like making it fun. Stay consistent, it’s gonna be tough but if you’re in for the long haul it’ll be worth it right now hope everything works out for you
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“at her bios mum’s house” just say mum. That’s her mum. But the child is 3, she most likely has anxiety being away from her mother and wants to go home.
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My 4 year old step son does this occasionally. He doesn’t suffer from anxiety and he loves coming to our house. He pretends his tummy hurts or makes himself sick when he doesn’t want to go back to his mums because he knows if he is sick he can’t go home because his mum has a newborn at home so he fakes sick. He also does it when he doesn’t want to eat his dinner because he wants to play etc so what we do is if he starts making himself sick or saying he has a sore tummy we say ‘that’s fine buddy but if you’re not feeling well then we are brushing your teeth and putting you to bed’ after we say that to him he usually has a tantrum and we know he is just making it up.
He knows now that if he fakes sick he misses out in stuff and has to stay in bed so now he eats his food without any problems majority of the time 
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I wouldn’t call this acting up I definitely agree with majority of the others on here sounds like possible anxiety and just discomfort in a home that isn’t “hers.” She’s very small and I’m sure has issues being away from her mom and struggles with that. Littles are not able to tell you exactly what’s bothering them so her tummy hurting is an sign of something more then a tummy ache. Give her time. Work with her not against her. Find out her favorite foods, let her help you make them. Don’t push foods that she doesn’t like you will only make the issue worse. Idk if you and her mom are on good terms but have a “mommy’s” shopping trip show her that you both get along and have pick up things the little princess likes together if that’s what it takes
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id sit her down an see if she can’t open up to me id be as nice an honestly caring as possible id make her feel as comfortable as she does at her bm house there’s something wrong but it’s not something that will be fixed by a prescription or a time out this is a deep psychological issue maybe she is jus nervous around you or maybe it’s something else but i would also bring that to her dad’s attention an her mother’s an maybe they can come together to help solve the issue an include you in it bc when i went over to my dads after he had married my step mom i was acting out bc i didn’t wanna be there i wanted my people around me bc i knew them an i knew i could be comfortable there i didn’t like his new wife for the longest an when i got older i would say mean things i would call her a bitch an when she turned around i would flip her off if got so bad i ran away an was tracked down by the police (as a runaway) an sent to a mental facility for a while but at least i wasn’t where i didn’t wanna be all i’m saying is give her time give her space maybe ask her dad to fix her something like a pb&j or a grilled cheese or something whatever he can make that she likes or ask the bio mom
to make some extras so she can bring it with her an see if that isn’t her problem i’m sure this will resolve itself with little to no conflict i’m sure you’re being the best step mom you can be an i promise you she will thank you later in life i love my step mom now we’re closer than my actual mom an me i want nothing to do with my mother but my step mom was always there for me she’s part of the reason of why i turned out the way i did i hope things get better for you darling please keep me posted on how things are going ! best of luck!
My middle daughter had the same issue when going to her dad’s… she wouldn’t sleep or eat there, she said her stomach hurt & she wanted to go home… when she was 13 she told him & her stepmom she was done going over for visits…
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My oldest has an issue like this… she has anxiety and thats how it presents itself.
Definitely sounds like anxiety, I would try to get to the root of her anxiety to help. Is it just her being away from mama, is there some stress or trauma involved with coming to your house? Body symptoms are often emotion/mental based
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I hope your not mean to that baby. Cuz that what she is is a baby. Ask her mom what some of her fav things are and have them ready for her. You have to cater to that baby not demand she eat what you tell her to. It’s about making her feel safe and comfortable. And I’d be supper pissed if I saw someone saying this about one of my kids and even more that I was referred to as her bio mom just sayin. She is her mother whether you like or not.
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Sounds like shes playing yous. Acting up at urs but not at mums. Needs a clip around the ears
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Ok the way im reading this the acting up and throwing up after one bite of her food are two seperate thoughts like she does both not that shes saying that the actual act of defiance is throwing up or refusing to eat. Yall need to stop being so judgemental at least this lady cares enough about her bonus baby to try to reach out for help.i do agree that it could very well be anxiety girly just love her and maybe make meal time fun do tea partys and things with her or let her help you pick out and prepare meals and make it a situation where shes proud of it get dad involved as well have him taste it and rave about how good it was or how proud he is that she helped you it will get better i promise
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Try a new tactic. Have her help you make her food. Maybe even shop for it. Be patient, it’s stressful to be away from mom. If she gets hungry enough, she’ll eat. If she complains about tummy aches, give her something soft like apple sauce. (If nothing else, it will make her go potty). You may want to see a child therapist. Good luck. BTW, I’m sorry that some of these comments above are shaming! I doubt you call the childs mother “bio mom” in front of the girl & I assume you know better than to be insulting of her mother with her there either.
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I don’t think it’s a dumb question. Nor does it sound like your being a bad mom, I’m going through the same thing w my 4yo step daughter. She use to never be like this until I had her baby sister , which is now 5months old. And if I ask her “well what do you want for dinner then” she always says pickles or cereal and not good for you cereal, sugary cereal. Even if I make “her favorites” that she normally use to devour. You won’t always win but you can’t always give them what they want, cause like I said , it would be pickles all night every single time she came over. I remember one time I made her bacon for breakfast ( made myself bacon because she didn’t like bacon and cause she wanted cereal ) well she didn’t want her cereal cause she didn’t like that kind anymore , and later she saw a piece of bacon that was left on my plate and ate it and decided she wanted bacon , so made her like 10 pieces and she ate every one and asked for more. So I was like GREAT! A MILE STONE. I made sure to have bacon for next time she came over , I was excited to get up and make breakfast. Well the next time she came over , she asked for bacon like right before bed, I told her we was gonna do it in the morning for breakfast and she was pleased and okay w that w/e. I get up making her breakfast the next morning and she’s like " dawn are you making my cereal? " I said " I thought you wanted bacon" she said “I do I want cereal to though” so I made her both, a huge plate of bacon like last time. And guess what .?
she took one little nibble off one piece of bacon and says she didn’t like that bacon even though it was the exact same kind made the exact same way . and barely ate half of her cereal. And then turns around and wants candy. I’m not a mean stepmom but I fs don’t let her get her way like that. It’s an up down situation.
My son hardly eat from others, calm down boo kids will be kids
Try making eating time fun, let her prepare food with you and eat from her plate.
That’ll surely help, no doubt.
She doesn’t want to be there and it’s the only thing she can control as you can’t force someone to eat, maybe get her mum to have a talk to her and see if there’s a solution
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You mean she eats food with her mother and not with you… yeah because she’s a kid… her mother is the mother and you are another woman to her… usually all kids do it… yours might do it too when they visit their future “step mom” and you being the bio mom will be different…
Give the kid love and attention, talk to her, ask her likes and dislikes, try to be her friend so she can be comfortable around you…
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Separation anxiety from her mom most likely.
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Homesick!! I used to do it when I was younger cause I always wanted my mom
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Anxiety.
To this day when my anxiety acts up I get extremely sick.
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wow we are all moms and some of you are being hateful to her she asked for advice…and i think she have separation anxiety and whats her mom…my 3 year old has it when she goes places i just let whoever had her know to call me…its hard on kids not knowing whats going on…
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When I was little, I vomited almost every meal when at dads house. The expectations were just too much! Large amounts of food and lots of criticism.
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Kids with anxiety nearly always exhibit symptoms of stomach upset. Maybe she’s upset being away from her mom, or something else is going on, but it has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with her mental health/well being.
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Everyone saying anxiety and I wonder but maybe she cannot cook for shit:face_with_hand_over_mouth: But seriously, even if you think you’re cooking is fine, to that baby maybe it’s just not:woman_shrugging: And if it’s not the food then it’s a bigger problem imo. If she already went to the dr then psychiatry would be next:woman_shrugging: Kids don’t have feelings like this for no reason at all, and ppl who don’t trust what their kids show them end up regretting it terribly and hating themselves when they find out the worst was happening so get ahead of this! A kid can’t Express anxiety and feelings correctly though so it usually presents as other symptoms.
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Is she throwing up or spitting it out? If shes actually throwing it up that’s very concerning since I doubt she can control that. Maybe you are cooking with an ingredient her stomach can’t handle. Ask her mom if she is allergic to anything. Ask her how she cooks organic vs GMOs etc. Maybe have her mom come to your house and help cook and have dinner together to see what is going on. Maybe she can help. Be easy on her. She’s just a baby.
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Let her go hungry, unless she is a nut job she won’t starve herself. It’s her way of being in control.
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My 6 year old can still be this fuss. I get it’s frustrating but she’s 3, maybe she’s not comfortable. Honestly, if you’re picking at this I can possibly see why…you need to calm down. What about asking her if she wants to cook dinner with you, take her shopping to pick what you’re having and then have her help make it
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Just curious and thinking ? What is she eating between meals and how close ? When she does this does she get special attention and something she likes better to eat? Also try only bite size amounts on plate if she likes it she can get more. I really like kristen Kirsten Noel Lee statement. Keep trying
Might not like your cooking …
Or probably doesn’t like you
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Shes upset maybe shes afraid
My son does the same when his dad takes him at his place. Me and my ex had lots of fights because he is not ressponsable enough and doesn’t act like a dad. So my ex used to take my son against his will away from me, and take him to his place. So i guess my son felt like being separated from me, and his atittude came as a response to the situation. At therapy it took my son 2 months to accept any kind of sweet treats from his therapist.
So what i’m saying is that this might be her response to the situation, not because you are not taking good care of her, but because they understand different the separation from mom, changes, new people in their lifes, everything…
My son won’t eat at home if we have gusets, or anyone else than close family members.
It needs time and patience so she can acomodate and in time when she will feel comfortable enough she will accept food.
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Sounds like anxiety. It’s hard because she’s so young and probably can’t explain why she’s nervous or upset. I’d talk with bio mom if you can, and maybe her pediatrician.
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I believe she’s just trying to get attention - I personally believe if you just ignore it and act like it doesn’t bother you the problem will reside itself.
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It could be anxiety. It was was the first thing that came to mind. But it could be anything.
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My own 2yr old act like she dont want to eat. Its like she only eat when she really hungry. Its a constant battle with her and food. Somedays i think i mastered what she likes and she change it up. It bothers me so much cuz i know she needs to eat but she rather drink milk or eat crackers allday. The doctor said she’s a healthy girl and keep doing what ik doing lol. 
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Either…you’re cooking with ingredients that don’t sit well on her stomach or she’s at extremely anxious at your house.
At this point your best course of action is to reach out to biomom. Its husbands time…yes. But if this doesn’t get resolved its not going to be enjoyable for anyone.
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If you are on good terms with bio mom ask her to pack some meals and have daughter help. Not that it’s the same situation but that was how my niece was for like a year and this worked now she will eat anywhere. She is 5 now
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My 3 year old just goes through moments when she doesn’t really eat a whole lot. She’s fine as long as she is going to the bathroom. I highly doubt she eats as much as bio mom is telling you, she still has a small stomach. Just make the little one feel at home the best you can. I’m sure going between homes doesn’t help. It isn’t for attention and she isn’t acting out. She’s just not adjusting well and all she needs is time and love. Good luck. I hope all goes well, that baby needs both her parents in her life and hate for something as small as this to get in the way when all she needs is love and support.
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Perhaps its stress and anxiety.
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