I’ve been with my fiancé for five years and have been in his daughter’s life since she was 6 yrs old. She’s now 11. She has constantly tried to block me out of their daughter’s life in many ways. Their daughter has asked me to call me mom (I told her that is her mom’s position that I am not trying to take) I have been nothing but respectful. She just got a cell phone from her mom for her 11th birthday. She was texting me, sometimes saying, “have a good day at work, love you!” Suddenly I was blocked from her phone by her mom. It hurt my feelings being I provide for her as I do for my own and have a close relationship with her, but her mother hates it. Any advice on how I should handle my emotions? Is it not my place to have her number or respond when she texts me? Do I just ignore the fact that she is trying to push me out and deal with it?
Maybe have a sit down lunch with her and let her know that you respect her completely and would never go over her head and make decisions or try to take her place.
Your fiancé needs to handle it. That mom should be happy to have a great mom that watches over her daughter!
Her blocking you from the daughters phone is petty and dangerous. What if there is an emergency and she can’t reach her bio mom or dad? Your fiancé needs to have a talk with her. Bio mom needs to be a grown up and co-parent.
My boys never asked to call any of their fathers wive (s) Mom but I would have FLIPPED OUT. They have only one mom ( ME). There is nothing really you can do You are her dads girlfriend not even a step mother ( no matter how many years). If her mom bought the phone its her prerogative how the child gets to use it. Take a breath and do what you can but pretty much yes you have to abide by the moms rules Just be kind and do what you can with / for her while she visits her father.
I’m sure a lot of mothers will have something to say. But come from a mother and stepmother, I’ll give you my advice! Try talking with her, the mom. Call her (I would say ask to meet for lunch or something but, you know.) and just talk with her. Ask her why she feels they way she does. Talk with you SO. I know my husband would never let me treated that way. I have a fairly good relationship with my stepsons mom. Figure out the problem and talk about your concerns with you SO. See where that goes.
You have to put the child ahead of everthing else and put God first and you will win
My step son calls me moms. I’ve been dealing wirh similar situation with his mom since I’ve been in his life. (He was 5 months old and we’ve been together 2 years this Friday) I have to just ignore it. I say mention it to your fiancé and maybe he can speak to her. Or all 3 of y’all have a conversation. But if she’s acting like this then odds are she won’t listen to you so it’s best to just ignore her and tell your step daughter that you’ve been blocked on her phone and maybe have her speak to her mom about it
I would absolutely try to have a heart to heart talk with your husband and her present.
Yeah thats ridiculous. You have been apart of that childs life for years and you have every right to talk to her whenever you want. That would be rude to ingore her. I am so thankful that my childs mother and me get along. At first we didnt, but after some time she saw that I wasnt trying to take her place and that I loved her child like she was mine. I hope you guys can work it out. But Im thinking that she still has feelings for your fiance and thats probably why she acts this way.
Watching. Exactly the same I deal with but has gotten better but using the Gray Rock method.
That’s so sad. You’re a step parent & it seems like the little girl loves you alot. I’d talk to your fiance and have him confront the mother.
I am in the SAME exact sistuation. Its a losing battle for u. Just keep loving and providing support for ur stepdaughter, and do right by her. Dont make ur mind toxic with thinking about it. Just love her!
The best thing you can do is continue to treat her as your own. Blood doesn’t make a family, love does. Continue being there for her and if she asks why you aren’t responding to her messages etc, be honest without bashing her biological mom. You should also talk to your fiance. He definitely shouldn’t be okay with that situation continuing. It will lead to problems between y’all in the long run.
Hopefully, the daughter is not trying to agitate her mom using you. In any event, I agree with the others. Talk with your fiance and consider having a sit down with the mom.
It’s crazy how some women act. If the child which is 11 feels like calling her mom then she must feel loved, protected, and secure with that person. Thank god because a lot of step parents do some awful things to children. And some children don’t have one mom, it’s a blessing two say she had two!!!
Get her another phone! She can’t block her from that!! 
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I’m on both ends (birth mom and stepmom) and some birth moms can be so bitter it’s disgusting. I feel the more people who love my children, the better.
Your fiancé needs to say something to make her stop. Poor little girl. She doesn’t understand nor was it her fault the decisions made that made this situation.
The mother is jealous, and will do whatever she can to ruin your relationship with your step daughter. Talking to the mother will not help. Be there for your step daughter in any way you can. She will see her mother’s true colors, and she will not be happy with her. Good luck!
Sounds like biomom needs to grow the🤬up.
It sounds like you’re a good and loving stepmom and someone probably your fiance needs to explain to biomom that she is being immature and it’s not only hurting her daughter, but her daughter is old enough to understand that what she is doing is wrong and it will come back to bite her in the butt later when her daughter turns 18.
Or if your fiance is okay with you personally calling biomom you can call her and play dumb and ask her if you’ve done something to upset her or that she feels is out of line with her daughter and explain to her that you care about her daughter and want what is best for her and would like to have at least a cordial relationship with her(biomom) and fir her to give you some ground rules in dealing with her daughter because you are a part of her life right now.
The latter worked for me with my ex-husband’s sons mom. Him and I have been divorced for 18 years and my stepson and his biomom and I all still hav,e a great relationship.
Its childish! I understand boundaries to a point. But when you have left it to the child and their choice and kinda been open as I have and you get harsh words and like my problem the mom constantly bad mouths dad who has sole custody & myself while we say nothing about her. It’s making my step daughter be distant from her mother. I feel if the child wants to speak to me about certain things and should feel comfortable in doing so. They will grow up not knowing who they can talk to if there is a problem. It will cause a social hault in the child. And right now we need children to know they can come to any adult and feel safe if there is a problem.
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I dont speak to bio mom because of her childish ways. Her daughter’s getting tired of it too. I have been investigated a year after being with the children. I have been harrassed and she tries getting a response from me but I don’t respond and it makes her mad. I’m far from childish. But children should not be forced to not like someone because of jealousy from the parents. Sad.
Pretty sure the courts can put a stop to that
She feels like you’re taking her place in her daughter’s life. As much as it hurts back off a bit. Mom bought the phone & pays the bills. She can control who she’s allowed to call. You can’t force her to allow her to call you.
That is a shame. I always felt that it would be such a relief for me to have my children have a stepmom that cared about them and that they cared about.Life is not a given. If something were to happen to me I would know my children had someone. I was a widow so never had that piece of mind. That girl’s mama is very selfish.
You already know she’s petty so buckle up for a ride but don’t just take it…please do not allow her to deny love to either of you bc of her jealousy…let her ‘deal with it’ bc there’s a lot you can do but first and foremost ask your hubby to make sure you’re treated with some level of respect by people…everyone.
Keep on the higher road and always remind SD how much you love her. Dad needs to step up and talk to bio mom. Shes hurting the child, and that’s not right. Keep that bond with the girl…keep loving and supporting her. Keep being respectful and great. The child will grow to see what’s happening and come to her own conclusions. Sorry this is happening. It’s not right. Dad really needs to speak up.
Stupid woman what a nasty cow.some people would love their child to love their step mom and vice versa
The daughter will see all this as a giant manipulation and will not want anything to do with her mum. Wait a couple of years and she’ll want to move in with you. Let her.
I call my stepmom mom and my real mom hates it and is insanely jealous of it. And I’m adult. I’m not even allowed to mention my mom to my real mom. It’s ridiculous but again since I’m adult I prefer my mom to my real mom. I have no advice but if my real mom is an indication, it doesn’t ever get better. Hang in there. The positive part of my comment is I’m closer to my stepmom.
I have this problem too and now she feels like she can’t talk to me or ask for help.
She’s very snippy with me, she’s always got something mean to say to or about me…she told me tonight that she didnt want her mom to blow up after asking me to help her with her school classes.
I dont know how to be there for her without feeling like I’m taking things worse on her, because if she asks me for help, I help her and her mom blows up, I don’t and our bond just continues to get worse because I don’t want to make it worse for her, and shes afraid to even come to me because her mom blows up on her.
It feels like a lose lose situation to me.
I just want a good relationship with her without her being afraid to make her mom mad.
It’s really not fair to them whatsoever.
As someone that has gone through this since 2009 with my stepdaughter…just keep loving her and one day she’ll realize what her mom did.
This is a no-win situation. Been there. Twice. Bottom line: Insecure bio-mom MAY pressure the child and make it an issue of loyalty…her vs you. Do your best to NOT make it worse for the child. Accept that you are, at best, a ‘bonus’ parent. Your position, or the position of any woman with a guy who already has kids, is an ancillary position. Support and help when you can, but you are not and will never be in the driver’s seat. Have patience, pray for guidance, and always proceed with prudence…
Always be there, be loving and kind. Don’t make it harder on the child. No matter how easy the words are to say, never say anything negative about her Mother. She will grow up and You two will have a loving positive bond. Let her mother work out her issues with the dad. When you two get married I pray things get better 
.
Just keep being a good and loving person in the young girls life. Be present and supportive. Nothing else will matter
Maybe you can have a sit down visit with your stepdaughters mom, tell her your not there take her place, that she has alot of people that love her.
I will admit it would be hard for me at first to have another women in my kids lives. With that being said it is not about me or her it is about the tiny humans we are responsible for. I would be happy and do my best to co-parent for my children’s sake.
Idk why you told her she couldn’t call you mom. Those were her feelings that were invalidated just to avoid stepping on mom’s toes. All you can do is explain to her that you’re not ignoring her and that you love her; especially if bio mom is the one paying for the phone.
This is not about you. Your Fiancé can get another girlfriend or wife but his daughter is his forever, she came first. Not sure if you have any experience with divorce and children or not. Just be patient, do not judge the Mom. The intent of the phone may have been to improve her communication with her daughter and it has created another avenue for you as well that was not anticipated. Mom needs to learn how to manage her own feelings better. You as a Mom figure can keep this child’s trust by being kind, forgiving, loving and selfless. Do not make this harder than it already is on any of you. You may need to reconsider your future if this small matter is too hard on you. No judgement but I am not sure this will turn out well for you in the end.
Her mom sounds like she is jealous. She might be afraid she will love you more. Instead she,should be happy you love her. Maybe talk to her.insure her you are not trying to take her place.
I have dealt with a bio mom just like this for the past 15 years. It’s because of jealousy, plain and simple. They wont change and it’s a hard road being a step parent. But good news is the kids grow up and finally see their mon acting like that and understand why they didnt have a close relationship with you and it does spill over to the father relationship. Why a mom wouldn’t want their child to be happy is beyond me.
I hope you guys get married soon too. That comes with some more staying power. The mother will be more upset at first, but can’t say there’s no intentions of you being permanent… Just love that little girl. Don’t focus on what her mom does. Let your soon to be husband deal with that. The more you push back or feed into this stuff the more it will happen and the daughter will not like you… Kids will forgive bio parents of all sorts of things… Not step parents… Mom may get away with being a bit crazy, you won’t.
Let it go…I met my stepdaughter when she was six and she lived me wanted to call me mom. Bio mom had a fit pulled her away from me and my husband…it went on until she was 18 and now she text and calls us both (me more .lol) all you can do is let her know you are there always and she will see her mom for who she is
Thats not okay why cant bio parents be happy they have another loving parent figure in their babys lives? Like if me and my so ever broke up and he found a good woman who loved my kids as her own i would be ecstatic.
Its just petty and mean
She is definitely insecure of her relationship with her daughter other wise she would promote your relationship with her daughter. It’s all about control !
I don’t think there is much you can do honestly. Seems like her bio Mom is jealous/bitter at your relationship with her daughter. Possibly still bitter over splitting with the girl’s Father. Nothing you do will change this. Someone once told gave me a piece of advice that pertains to this and I’ve found it quite true. You have to love your children more than you hate your ex or who they’re with. She should be happy he is with someone so good to her child.
So annoying. What is the PROBLEM with these SELFISH BITTER b words! Be THANKFUL your child has more people to love them and not an EVIL STEP MOTHER who tries and keeps the DAD away!!! I’m sorry but “moms” who use their children as toys and pawns make me SICK. Do what’s best for your CHILDREN. Tell your husband to grow a set and tell his ex to knock it OFF!
I inherited grown step kids and I called their mom my wife in law for a while… Till she did things like steal food stamps from them and destroyed their homes when she was staying with them. Now I have nothing for her. They have told me I have taught them more in the ten years I’ve been around than their mom did. I taught them to make appointment for themselves and to cook more than chicken nuggets and spaghetti. I also ride them harder to be something besides depending on the state than their mom did. What happens when we r gone… Who helps them then. My children are a lot more self sufficient than they r but they r slowly learning. I sometimes get critical that they even fool with her and then I have to remind myself that is their mom. As bad as she may be she’s their mom and if they want to fool with her that’s ok.
As a mom who is separated from my child’s father and in a different relationship where I’m also the step parent to his kids I can say from personal experience…all you can and should do is express your feeling to you SO and let him deal with the mom, and then remain loving to the child. My daughters dad has had girlfriends I couldn’t stand and I made him aware of it and my reasonings and left it at that. He eventually saw the real women they were and left them but as long as they were good to my daughter and respected that I am her mother I kept out of it. I did have one that wanted my daughter to call her mom and I had a huge issue with that. I told her that I was not ok with that just the same as her dad wouldn’t be ok with our daughter calling someone else mom. Now on the other hand, my step daughter has called me mom on occasion out of accident but I didn’t correct her, I felt as though she didn’t purposely call me mom or I would have explained to her that I love her as if she was my own and would never treat her differently but I would never want to take that from her actual mom. You’re in a hard spot but definitely don’t take it personally, that’s what the bio mom wants…to push you away. Just stay the same to the child and eventually she will see for herself that you’re there for her in-spite of her mother or her mother’s actions. Now if she doesn’t already know why you can’t respond to her texts or calls I would have her dad talk to her about that. Maybe coming from him it wouldn’t create as much crap as if it came from you.
As you say she is her bio mom, there is nothing you can do. Just keep showing the daughter that she is loved and let her know you are always there for her.
I’ll never understand a mind set like this. How is having more people love and support your child a bad thing?
Alls you can do is love her when you can. Show her by your actions how to deal with petty people. Dont stoop to her moms attitude.
Her FATHER needs to deal with this and shut it down.
Keep being the good Mom you are! Can your fiancee talk to her?
Some mothers are just stupid and petty. Just let the girl know u are always there for her.
she’s clearly jealous of your bond with your step daughter. and honestly her trying to keep you out of her daughter’s life is only gonna make your step daughter resent her… let her be mad 
Dear heart let me tell you, she has not excepted the blended family of today. That is good you want her to be respectful of her mom. This mom is never going to appreciate the bound between you and her daughter. Think smart, you, the dad and the daughter can work out a phone call time even on a different phone to and from each other. When you call does the phone tell you that the call is blocked.
Real moms shouldn’t hate, “The other woman “ if that person really loves her child and provides for her. Maybe she feels small next to you, but she should be thankful that someone loves her child like you do.
I totally understand! Just keep being the best parent you can to her! She’ll one day realize the pettiness, if she’s isn’t starting to see it already.
At rhe end of the day there is no way to make every single person happy. If you love her dad and her and have a good relationship with them outside of the mother then let it ride. Happiness is what you and your family make, not how she attempts to try and take that away.
I feel like maybe her mom and her dont have a lose relationship or maybe they foght alot. And she is jealous of you for having a good relationship. I would just keep bsing there for the daughter. I mean she has to know that you are blocked. Im sure she knows your not ignoring her. She will see it all when shes a bit older.
Remain calm and be supportive to your daughters now, clearly their bio mom is out of their life for some reason, you are the good mom
This is so wrong and sad. My ex-husband remarried and I heartily encourage a relationship between my daughter and her new bonus mom! It is important that they have a bond because when my daughter is at their house, I want her to feel like she has a mom to go to and confide in. During the bedtime phone call, if she hops on the phone with my ex and says goodnight to “our” daughter, I am elated that she loves her enough to be involved. I wish you all of the best and hope that the mom realizes that she is only hurting the child. Thank you for being a good bonus mom 
First off, it is your place to be able to text her. She is your step child.
The bio mom is being completely selfish and immature. She’s threatened by the relationship you have with the girl.
Just keep being the mom you are. Treat her like you always do. One day she’ll see the toxicity her own mother is causing.
Maybe she doesnt see the importance of your relationship. I still wouldnt disrespect the mother. If she doesnt want you having a relationship outside of visiting hours then dont. Idk.
What the mother is doing is only gonna hurt her daughter. Maybe talk to the father cause maybe they can discuss it as parents what to do maybe figure out what the mothers issues r with u.
5 years ! The bio mom needs to get over it and accept this. Get the dad involved. He can unblock your number. Use email to communicate instead in the meantime. Or if she has Facebook you can message. Don’t take no for an answer.
Send “snail mail” letters weekly & take pictures of those letters, to show years from now, that you made diligent efforts to contact.
Keep your head up and be the bigger person. It’s tough. Parents should do what’s best for a child overall-and he happy they have so many people who love them…but there are “those” who really just make an ass of themselves! Love your “bonus” daughter as you have been-she knows the truth 
You guys could offer to add her to you cell bundle package. It would be “less of a burden” on BM…and maybe keep communication open with your step daughter. Toxic people are toxic people…stay the course and stay kind. Step mom’s can’t have thin skin…can we…