So me and my bf are a blended family. I have a bio son from another relationship, he has 2 from another relationship, and we are expecting our first together. Now first let me say i am NOT downing these kids at all. I love my step kids like they were my own and have always been close to them. Now that being said, their mother SPOILS them rotten. These kids do not ever get told no by her, they get whatever they want (mother admitted it and kids say it all the time) we dont do that, we discipline but obviously it makes it harder having 2 different parenting styles where she spoils and never says no, and we have rules. So his daughter is 5 and in kindergarten. (I learned she was never put in pre k) her mother has recently been informing us that she is struggling with school cause she doesn’t want to do it when she’s there, or study at home… And its clear her mother doesnt make her since she doesnt make them do anything they don’t want to do. I think its ridiculous since me an her father have tried so hard to help her when they are here, flashcards, educational sites, constant praise and rewards when she does good and focuses. We try to help her whenever she is over here but it seems her mother doesnt want to do her part on her time. She has them the majority,of the time we only get them on weekends. And lately the daughter has been getting mad at us because we try to make sure she studies and we tell her she needs to even if she doesnt want to. And I kid you not, her response to us about that (and pretty much anything we tell her) is, “my mommy doesn’t make me. I wanna go to mommy’s she lets me do whatever I want”. Its frustrating cause now we have been told she might have to repeat kindergarten if she cant catch up…we dont know what to do. We have tried talking to the mother and she just tells us not to tell her how to parent and she will spoil them if she wants to. Apparently even if it costs her child her education…
As long as your bf and you agree on your parenting, you do what is in the child’s best interests while she’s in your care. That’s all you can do, unless he wants to take the matter to c0urt & try to get custody, which is an uphill battle. The struggles of being a step-parent.
That’s completely normal behavior for a 5 year old in a split family. At they age they try and push and pry to see how far they can get. If you want to do educational stuff, make it fun. Instead of pushing so hard think outside the box and be consistent. She will start picking up. Kids thrive with structure and unfortunately with split parenting no matter how hard you try, it’s not the same at each house. Make your rules of common ground and just stick to them. The rest will come with time.
Play a game to practice counting. How many jumps can she do. Something that exerts energy and knowledge. It will be okay, just relax.
It’s kindergarten, she shouldn’t really be getting all this home stuff to do. The school should be the ones teaching and if she is behind the school should be putting things in place to help her extra. If the school really thinks she needs to repeat it then maybe it’s for the best. You have different ways of parenting so you guys will just have to figure it out. You can’t make the mom do things the way you want.
She’s 5. Relax and let her play on weekends. And no kids have to repeat kindergarten!
If I were you, I’d let it go. The school will contact the mother & open her eyes. You don’t need to do that. You are an amazing step mommy for trying to help, please don’t forget that. But once mom realizes in her own head what’s going on, she’ll either step up or the school will take the appropriate measures. Take it out of your hands & let mom and dad handle the situation. You’re an amazing woman, I can tell just by reading your post but you have to step back. You don’t have control of this situation mama. Also, please remember that babygirl is only 5. My children are 5 & 6, my children’s father is in a relationship with another woman & it’s been tough on them for a year now. Home issues may be causing these problems. Talk with her, remind her how loved and cared about she is, and always praise her for doing a good job with school work, chores, etc.
It’s way more fun to make learning a game, counting the rocks you’re collecting, learning measurements through baking, singing silly counting songs where you count forward and then backward and forward again.
Flash cards are a bit intense for kindergarten. It’s not necessary at all for the other parent to utilize that method, and it doesn’t harm a child to be held back a year, either. Most kids do catch up, and some research has shown that even if children are not in school until a bit older they will reach the same level as children who were drilled early on very quickly. Forcing learning through drilling like that is more likely to create a hatred for the learning process than kindle curiosity and genuine passion.
I’d say we don’t have the mother’s side of the story, and your methods are not exactly shown to help children in the long-term.
The US policies and procedures for schooling put children behind their peers in other countries… so I would definitely not take your model of schooling to be the best method.
Then it’s on the mom since she has them the majority of the time. All you can do is do the best with her when you have her, or go back to court for more custody.
It is so hard to be a child of a divorce. The children are the ones that suffer. They have to spend time in two locations, two different sets of rules etc, all while missing their original family. Getting use to new relationships with the new parent’s spouse. New bus schedules to learn. What house did they leave something important. I could on and on. They are sad and stressed. They didn’t choose this life style. Communicate with the child and have talks about what is expected. Your house your rules. Be helpful to make the transition. Just put yourself in n their shoes. It a sad road to travel. Also suggest that you have a short family meeting to address issues, weekly. If you have chores teach them how you expect them to be done. Maybe the same chores are not done or expected in the other parents home. Food preference are different. Same hamburgers may taste different and not appetizing to them. So many things for a child to adjust to. Also give them time to develop a relationship with you. Their life is in a world-wind. Be a little forgiving and understanding. It will all come together soon. Be the adult and guide them and soon things will get better. Raising children id difficult when it is a traditional family.
She’s in kindergarten, why does she need to study at home?
It’s not uncommon for kiddos to repeat kindergarten, my son will be on the younger side of 5 when he starts kindergarten in Aug, my son is still immature and may very likely need a second year, it’s not the end of the world.
Sounds like mom is counter-parenting rather than co-parenting. This may be an unpopular opinion, but my advice is to not bother with the school work. I’m willing to bet that after a little while, mom will actually start putting in the effort. Right now she seems focused on making parenting difficult for you and your boyfriend. Stop talking to her about these issues. The more you voice your concerns, the more difficult she’s going to make it. Right now the kids are still young. If you think it’s bad now, wait until they’re teens.
I was actually held back in Kindergarten. It had zero negative effect on my schooling going forward, self esteem, ability to make friends, etc.
It is your business if you and your bf are serious, and it seems like an issue your bf needs to take to the school and see what they think is the best step forward. I’m sure it’s not the first time they (the school) have been involved in a situation like this. It seems like y’all care, so do everything you can. Maybe try screen time with Ms. Rachel for their age group. My youngest does amazing with Ms. Rachel.
The reality is your boyfriend needs to talk to her. You need to be out of the middle. They are not coparenting. They are parallel parenting and you cannot make the mom do otherwise. The girl is five, so her playing off parents is not surprising. It is the nature lord kids in general especially if it remotely works. And honestly you can’t sit in judgment of the ex cause you aren’t in her shoes and she may not place value on kindergarten but you see even if that’s the case that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care. You are judging her based on what your bf has said to you and on what you would do. You don’t know the whole truth to them, and you and her are obviously not the same. Best of luck and it’s awesome that you love her like your own.
Wow ok I could see if she was like in first grade second grade maybe but she’s 5 sounds like you don’t agree with her moms parenting skills but in reality since you only have her on the weekends it not your choice !! Lastly she’s little reading a book is a lot every night doing painting my kids went to pre k and still struggled that first year of public school !! Kids develop at different stages and ages that’s a fact of life and if you take the fun out of it now and make it work she will not engage!! Plain and simple either treat them like their your kids or back off my kids have it strict but are also spoiled I give them unlimited love and as much attention as I can but when it comes to simple things it’s called pick your battles you can be shaking your finger her at her for every little think because I promise she will get older and she will not only loath you and her father for not stepping in she will make parenting much much harder this is coming from a child who grew up in this environment as well as a parent who’s also co parenting with two completely different styles moral values ect ect ect my daughter is now 10 and has been back and fourth since she was 1 ! She learned how to play parents you name it kids are simple don’t make it harder then it has to be be supportive BE PATIENT TEACH THEM that you are a safe home and person to communicate with now that means letting the little stuff slide to give her peace and teaches her we all need a break and we all make mistakes !! If you can’t be patient and feel you are just absolutely right and no one else understands and just yuck reading this you need to step back and reevaluate your parenting with this little girl before you take her childhood away to meet your comfort and needs !!
You are in it to win it !
I don’t understand you guys saying none of her business. Once her bf let her in his children’s lives and blended their family, they became her business. At least she cares enough to make it hers. What’s wrong with one more person looking out for a child? Now that being said, all you can really do is what you can control in your own home. Though you do care and love the child that is still the mothers child and the mothers home. Just keep working hard to help her and after time perhaps if she’s still struggling after kindergarten the mother will come around. But if you criticize the mother she most likely wont. I know it’s a difficult situation so just make sure what’s happening is for the best interest of the child and that’s it. Try not to let other emotions come in.
Unpopular opinion …. I don’t think she is trying to make it hard for you or her children. She is being the fun parent to possibly feel relevant and wanted by the kids if they have another ready made family with you guys. Also she is in kindergarten ! She has many years ahead for homework and studying. Let her be a kid. Second of all, yes you are a blended family and all of that, but she still has a mother. Of course speak to your partner and support where you can, but don’t push her mum to parent your way. Won’t end well for anyone.
This is between the parents. You can’t tell the mother how to parent her children. The father must be the one involved
She’s 5 don’t burn her out on learning already and pre k is not required.
First of all, you need to relax. These children have bigger issues to handle other than kindergarten, they are dealing with new information and family dynamics. She is five, has to cope with the separation of their mother and father being separated, his father finding a new woman that lives with them and now y’all are having a new baby. Mom probably sees the whole picture and is doing the best she can because she actually cares about her child. The undertone on “ I learned she was never put in pre K” is so judgmental. Your new baby daddy is a parent as well so he is also the reason this child might be struggling. I mean when a family is going through a separation, those things are not at the forefront. You need to be more kind to this 5 year old. This was once an established family and everyone has got to mourn the loss of that dynamic and usually the kids take longer to process it. How long were mom and dad separated before you came in the picture and got pregnant? I am literally asking because it sounds like baby girl is really struggling to keep up with the changes especially if mom has the kids the majority of the time and the little time she is there you want to make it a point to correct moms parenting. Guarantee dad doesn’t really think it’s a big deal either.
It’s Kindergarten! 
Let the kid have her weekends woman! I’d want to go home too.
Yeah, this will be difficult regardless because of the two different parenting styles. You’ll have to find different approaches to teaching that make it fun or innovative. I know it’s hard and you’re mad at the mother. But if your true goal is education, find fun things. I.e I found a flash card set on Amazon where you can write and erase on it, in different colors, that my 4 year old loves. Now he can do some on his own.
Beforehand he’d be bored even doing the Alphabet.
And I know you added in the Pre-K thing as a snub to the mom. But remember you can’t control her. Focus on what you can do. Breath.
And pre-k isn’t necessary. 
Arguably the public system in general is a mess. X.o
But yes, up to the parents for proper education. Every child will learn differently, just keep trying, if you get frustrated maybe ask a friend to help. But you have to keep yourself calm too, not fight. The child doesn’t understand the importance.
Hope you find fun interactive things to do. Great thing is, it isn’t expensive. Even walmart has paw patrol kindergarten books for a few bucks. This age group is mainly just basic numbers, and retaining basic Alphabet, colors, easy 3 letter words, etc.
Like everyone else said… she’s 5 not 15. Also, maybe try ABC Mouse online. It’s worth it and it looks like a video game. My kid was never in preschool bc in our situation it was next to impossible. Preschool isn’t mandatory 
At that age you can’t force it. Repeat a year… oh well. That’s up to her biological parents tbh.
If the school wants her held back its likely what’s best for her. Worst case a second year goes by with no change then the school will step in looking for any form of learning problem. Mom will have to face the consequences of letting her do whatever she wants at some point or another. If not now, then in a few years when she’s got children who walk all over her because they’re used to getting their way. At the end of the day this is between the mom and your bf.
You guys have the child on the weekends and she’s 5. She’s still growing and learning to adjust to everything. Give the child a break. Practice NACHO parenting. Its not your kid so fall back and let her mom do her thing. Its not your place to try and intervene (especially when you see the child 2 days out of the week… she doesn’t live with you). You don’t have any rights to the child to decide how to parent her. You are your man’s supporter and at the end of the day you have no legal say about the child. Thats the mom and dad’s job. She is who your man chose to have a baby with so they both can work with the child and come up with their own plans on how to raise their child. Focus on your own self and stop judging the mom for doing the best she can on her own. Not even your place girl. You’re just the bonus gf not even the wife yet. Who knows how long that will be, so stay your lane til you get the title “Miss” while you’re over choosing battles you won’t win and putting your feet in water that wasn’t ran for you to dip in.
My suggestion would be to not use the word study or work… find fun educational games or make studying super fun for her incorporate something she loves that way she can view learning as something fun and not as a chore… u can’t control what happens at moms house but if u can make it fun for her she will want to learn everywhere. And this doesn’t make mom bad she most likely just sees it as her baby is just not ready and doesn’t want to push her because she is very young. Be patient and just make it super fun
Red shirting a kid in kinder is not terrible, probably for the best. It’s kinder, she’ll be fine.
Does the child or mother suffer from anxiety? They need support not judgement
This is between your bf and the mothervofchis children. Let him know your concerns and he can communicate them. She is their mother. They are her children.
Shes in kindergarten. If she didn’t go to preschool, maybe a second year will be good for her. Nonetheless…she’s your boyfriends child…his concern.
The entire idea of being “behind” in Kindergarten is crazy. Tbh, I don’t think a 5yo should have to sit down and study. They are 5. The learning they do at that age should be disguised as fun stuff like games, shopping, cooking, ect. I don’t blame the mom for letting her enjoy being a kid. I have 2 in high-school and 1 going into 5th. Before you know it, they go from learning colors to filling out college applications. Plenty of time to learn, but not as much time to be an actual kid.
Don’t know how long you and your boyfriend have been together, but you are still a girlfriend not a wife, and their child’s parenting is none of your business. And if your posting this on here, who knows how long you’ll be together. My opinion only.
The reality is
She is not your child
Her mother and father need to sort this out between them
And you really need to take a few steps back
My state doesn’t even have pre k & kindergarten isn’t even mandatory.
Honestly it is none of your business. It is awesome you care that much but you come off judgy and controlling. A child that young shouldn’t have to study at home. 5 year olds are still almost toddlers. Their job at this age is to learn through play & to be small. Their brains aren’t ready at 5 to sit and study. I mean, you sound rediculous
You aren’t even her step mom, you are just the girlfriend. You need to back off & let your bf and her mom handle it. This is not the girlfriend’s lane.
Up to the mother and father gf must stay out of it…
I expect this to be an unpopular comment but… if she’s going to school as often as she should be then she should be learning enough from school to be passing kindergarten. Idk what state you’re in but in the state I’m in it looks really bad on the teachers to have a child all year and the child fail. The teachers will give extra attention to the students that need it and are extremely grateful for the parents that teach their kids at home.
The bf should talk to the school and see what the teacher says
There’s nothing you can really do , she is not your daughter and as much as you love her you can’t overstep her mom , their are not co parenting and this will make everything harder , just keep all the evidence you can , reports cards , text , e mails , anything you guys can use to prove that you try to address this issues with her mom ( in case your bf might need it in the future ) let her mom deal with the schools stuffs , it should be her responsibility becasue she lives with her most of the time .
First off… she is NOT your step daughter. She is your BOYFRIENDS daughter. Step off. If the father isn’t worried about it, then that’s on him. He should be speaking with the mother. You have NO part in this. She is 5. Another year in Kindergarten won’t hurt her. If the father is that worried, he should have took her to court over it and got full custody. Plus again, she is 5, she will act like that anyways.
It’s not the worst thing if she has to repeat. My daughter tried PreK for about 2 months. Keep trying but at the same time… remember 5 is still little. Sounds like you are doing a great job step mom. But at some point you do have to take a step back and not push the issue. If she repeats then maybe at 6 she will be ready.
See if you can sneak in lessons and get non-parents involved (Daisy Scouts, camps, coaches, friends) and the lessons will go down easier. Libraries near me have awesome programs for kids, s maybe yours do too. If nothing else story hour at least encourages reading. Take her to museums, places of interest & let her listen to a tour guide.
Ask her to help around the house and incorporate learning: cooking proportions for numbers: how many eggs? How many one-cup measuring cups does it take for 4 cups of broth? What is 1/4 teaspoon and how many make a whole teaspoon? Use a measuring tape to see how many feet and inches she is tall & then let her measure other things.
Show her how to sign her name to her crayon artwork. Ask her to help you write a shopping list with things she likes. Count how many of things there are as you go around. How many motorcycles did you see today? Which table has the most people at McDonald’s? Try new foods & learn new words as an adventure not as a lesson.
Let her play teacher and “teach” you things.
I have a similar problem. In the DC area, my grandkids got remedial help to barely get to grade level, but now in their rural home they are getting As because their school system & the local environment is so abysmal. At 7 they can barely read, add, or subtract, and at 5 the little one can’t write their name.
The youngest is also indulged and I’ve tried to get her to say “May I please have…” instead of yelling “GIMME!” and walking away when she screams & yells, whines & cries to get her way.
OTOH my grandkids’ mom (not my bio kid) has 3 young kids at a young age 24/7 as a single parent and it must be exhausting and overwhelming. I get feeling like all you can do is keep them fed, dressed, clean and to bed on time while taking care of a house, yard, job, etc. The kids are parked in front of a screen a lot but have moved to an area with a bunch of other kids, so they are outdoors playing and get to see how other people live too, and see other kids who are ahead of them or able to do things they can’t because they can’t read or do arithmetic.
Good luck. Try to block out the mom & her indulgence, and just focus on what you can control.
Go for full custody and or both parties take parenting classes the mom needs to set boundaries sheay need help.
So your Boyfriend and you have the kid on weekends. And your trying to make her do homework on those days. Let the kid have fun on weekends and butt out. Let your BF handle it if there is something to handle. Your overstepping ! The mother already told you what she wants and to let her do the parenting. So why are you trying to interfere ? Your not the mother. Your the Girlfriend ! Not even married to the dad. Your going to cause his child not to want to come around.
It sounds like you’re making a lot of assumptions here and I’m having a hard time believing that a 5 year old said that verbatim. If you only have them on the weekend, you cannot say-with certainty-that anything you’re claiming here is accurate. It’s more likely that she’s having a hard time listening when she’s there, because she’s used to being with her mother. Even if she DID say what you claim, I would wager that she just said it to avoid doing it there.
Where is this school that is open right now? I believe they have kindergarten in the UK. I’ve heard it called reception. Year round schools that I know of are just starting the next year. I’m just curious.
Anyway Its so typical for step-mother to degrade the bio-mom that honestly i don’t believe anything you say. You’re just finding fault in her because she had him first.
*You are trying to parent a child that isn’t yours. Of course there’s going to be resistance. * I know US schools don’t retain kids any more unless the parent requests it & there’s reason. It’s actually been found to be detrimental to the child’s development, learning, social growth.
- Making a 5yo go to school 7+ hours a day then do school work after school & on weekends will burn them out quickly. Let her be a kid. Find fun ways to help her learn like building with blocks that have letters on them & matching the word they built to a figure or card. For example have a cat figure/toy/card & blocks with the letters c-a-t. Once she gets a set of 4-5 words down add extra letters. So for cat you’d have c-a-t-d-m-e. Card games are good for math. Etc. Make it fun, not work. Maybe even give prizes if she “wins”.
*Do NOT critise mom. That’s a sure fire way to make the child hate you, rightfully so.
Its none of your business to be honest
I’m not trying to come off Brash, but…I would like to point out that being in a relationship with a Man that has children Dosent make You a STEPMOM, You are Dads GIRLFRIEND. You have ZERO Rights to this child, Therefore have ZERO Rights to insert YOURSELF on Any Parenting decisions for your BOYFRIEND’S child, HE is the PARENT. Your role as HIS Partner is to SUPPORT him in his Co Parenting journey. Pre K ISNT required so let’s STOP judging the PARENTS which includes your BOYFRIEND for opting Out of the program as THEY obviously didn’t feel ot was best for THEIR child. Also, I will point out that the child is attending school, If the child isn’t engaged or retaining the lessons the school will NOT contact You, They will contact the PARENTS. If Dad Feels HIS TIME with his child should be spent on school work then HE should be the one who sits with His Child practicing the material. If he Dosent then BACK OFF. If DAD feels there’s a conversation to be had over Kindergarten being repeated that’s a conversation DAD should have with MOM. The last time I checked, Spoiling a child isn’t Illegal and is the opposite of ABUSE, I have read NOTHING in your post that raises concerns other than Your self insertion on the education of your BOYFRIEND’S child .That he only has on the weekends ,That you feel somehow Your Parenting views and Practices are the EXAMPLE they should follow. If you don’t have a Degree in Education , Child development ,Child psychology You have NO superiority in PARENTING just an over inflated opinion of yourself. And for the record, If I were 5 years old and every time I went to Daddys his GIRLFRIEND made me sit at the table and do school work I would want to go home too!
So you aren’t “downing” the kids, but you are downing their mom. Pre-k isn’t a requirement, and if the child needs more time in kindergarten then there’s nothing wrong with repeating it so child is socially and academically ready for grade 1.
You have an issue with the kids being spoiled by mom and honestly, it’s not your business. Yes, mom CAN spoil them on her time and NO, you’re not allowed to say otherwise. Her time, her kids, her way.
I really feel like there is a deeper issue here. Possibly some jealousy or resentment towards mom and that’s something you need to work on, not mom.
Pre-k isn’t mandatory, and studying in Kindergarten? Talk about making a kid hate school at an early age! She’ll learn in her own time.
So he only sees his daughter on a weekend and tries to make her do work . she’s his child he doesn’t see. Just because you don’t like it tough. The mum Spoils them so what thats her children to spoil. You sound jealous that its not his first child. She’s 5 not 15. Grow up. Let the parents parent…
Shes in kindy. You sound like a control freak and im not suprised mum is telling you to get fucked
Let the children be children .
Butt out
Fat this age it may just be a maturity issue , let her spend another year in kinder if that’s what it takes, really not a big deal , lighten up , it’s not like she’s in high school , you sound like a slave driver.
That’s not your child not your responsibility not your husband I wldnt gaf. Focus on your children and let them deal with theirs.
Do you know if she has trama after her parents breakup? A lot of kids have anxiety at the moment, how is mums mental health? If the school was concerned then there would be other people involved maybe try supporting them
She’s 5. School is new to her. If you over pressure her she will not be interested at all. I think you need to take a step back and do more hands on learning. Learning while playing ect. Also, my kids did not attend preschool either. For the most part they did great. If she’s struggling in school it’s not bc mom isn’t making her study. It’s bc she needs the extra guidance. My 5 yr old is struggling too. She just passed kindergarten but she is behind some.
How are you making her study. My daughter did best with things that were fun. Writing her spelling words in shaving cream on the bathtub surround. Or we used chalk on the back patio. Things that were more fun than sitting at the table. Make it a tactile experience that makes it easier to remember.
She is 5 and only in kindergarten. Kindergarten is supposed to be fun.
If all you’re making her do is learn, how about trying to have a little fun?
Then let her repeat kindergarten. When her friends are all gone and she doesn’t know anyone, she will change her tune. It’s not the end of the world. Quit pushing and quit fighting with her. If that’s the decision their mother is making then let her. It’s on her. It’s not on you. She needs consistency to learn and if she’s not getting it at home, nothing you do with be enough for her to pass. Let her fail. It’ll be a valuable lesson for them both.
I would try to get custody cause it is affecting the child. They need boundaries and need to put school 1st
It’s kindergarten. Some kids aren’t quite ready. Either she’ll get it soon or she’ll need to repeat. Preschool or not, there are kids that aren’t ready. Especially full day is a lot of sitting still. My daughter didn’t really get it together until the end of first grade. She was behind in some but ahead in others. She didn’t really learn to read until she was ready to. She’s going into 6th and was reading at a 12th grade last year. Her birthday is the end of May, so she’s young for her grade.
My boyfriend and I both have July birthdays. He’s a week younger than me. I started school at 5, his parents red shirted him. It’s more common that boys just aren’t ready. We’re prepared for the possibility of our July boy to potentially need to start at 5 instead of 5.
U no maybe you having her at weekends is not fun for her .I think she wants quality time with you both .not learning like being at school with you .talk with her mum she needs to help with the school work she’s the one who has them most of time .that little girl will remember.as she grows up that it was always being told off at your house xx u still have to have rules I agree but it’s finding the right balance
Step back let her father handle them. She is 5 just starting out in life. There are other way to teach fun things like cooking with her, take her out in nature. Take a book with you sit under a tree.
Step back let her father approach this! You are step mom and I realize you care but when it comes to mom’s do and don’t that between mom and dad not you. Work with her if she will but if not nothing you can do. Sadly. Good luck to this little girl
Talk to the school about the issues. They may offer family counseling on this subject!
This isn’t your place or your right. You’re the girlfriend. Let her parents handle this.
I’d say take her to court but we did that and they did not care at all lol
I would talk to a lawyer see if there anything or options that you can do. Record the daughter say mommy doesn’t make me text messages of mommy saying she dose have to print out and you can try to use them in court from my understanding with most judges you have there attention when it comes to the child education this is just advice this is something I would do for whoever wants to comment bad against this
Leave this entirely alone. The kids that are not yours are outside of your ability to control. The mom likely enjoys being able to irk you. Let whatever happens, happen. The kid repeating kindergarten might wake mom up. Who knows? Either way, don’t push the kid.
We were awarded full custody when my older kids Mom was refusing to parent in the education department. The kids not passing in school is grounds for custody changes. However, our kids weren’t in Kindergarten. I think in your case if she doesn’t improve on the repeated year then you would have grounds to adjust to ensure the kids get a proper education. It’s considered a form of neglect legally to neglect a child’s education. Dad would need to take it that direction. Luckily my husband takes education very seriously so in our case it snapped their Mom out of it her losing the kids and child support so now they have to pass their classes. We have 50/50 custody now though in the best interest of the kiddos. Actually a year after that Mom met a good guy and we all co-parent really well together now. Hang in there. Blended families are tough.
Document everything and show her school. She might need an iep or to be held back a year, that’s ok.
And id ask her dad to talk to her mom or ask for more time with her
I wanna say ty for trying help it is ur bussiness ur trying help and mom I get but spoiling ur kids like that they grow up be spoiled adults and turn disrespectful when they don’t get their way boundaries need be set I would talk to school counselor for help its only gonna get worse I was step mom dad was same give everything and he turned out bad in jail
co parenting is so bloody hard and us stepmums try but don’t stress anymore if the mother is to lazy to help that’s on her ,just sit back
She’s 5. You need a reality check. How awful.
Unfortunately I don’t think there is much y’all can do if the bio mom has full custody. Talk to the boyfriend, try to take her to court but make sure you have everything in order if you go.
Mind your business that’s not your child …leave that btw mom and dad …meddling will just backfire on you
Relax and mind your business. Tend to your own and don’t judge another mother because you’re a “perfect” mother and she’s not in your opinion. Maybe she spoiled them because they come from a broken home. Maybe she spoils them because they’re HER children. Y’all should be spending the weekends having a good time with the child, not forcing her to study. I wouldn’t want to come there either, I’d want to go home to mom’s. It’s a five year old child, not a teen. Stop expecting so much from literally babies. 
Eventually she won’t want to come there and won’t be made to, it’s that the reaction y’all are looking for?
You are not the mother and she can do whatever she wants with her children and it’s not the worst thing to fail kindergarten
Sounds like he needs to take her back to court to get mandatory parent classes… she’s not doing the kids any good parenting this way. They are going to grow up spoiled entitled, nasty brats. With no respect for anyone or anything
If she can’t get through Kindergarten then she will fall super behind in 1st. They have to know a lot in Kindergarten now. She should have went to Pre K. Helps them ready for Kindergarten. They expect kids to know more now days. My son will be in the 8th grade this year but last year he was already doing college Pre Req’s in 7th grade. Nothing wrong with helping her learn at home. Especially if she isn’t doing well.
Try looking at the FB group the work at home lounge. I see ppl posting daily about jobs from major companies
Bf and baby momma need to have a serious sit down with each other if they expect a better co-parenting life. In the mean time start thinking about full custody Incase things don’t change and make sure to keep record of of what the teachers etc are telling you plus the children…she is only showing them attention with objects she buys them etc and is neglecting them in every other aspects.if she’s gonna neglect them with their education she’s gonna neglect them when it comes to seeing a doctor,dentist etc …I know this cause my mother did that same
How do you fail kindergarten anyway? Where I live unfortunately, they don’t fail students at all. Not always a good thing as they get older.
It’s definitely hard trying to be a step mom especially when her bio mom doesn’t give two craps on what her kids do. One thing is that your house, you set the rules, yes she still little but she needs to understand that parents do different things in different house holds. It took and still my son getting used to it. Like for instance when my step kids come from there mom house they get things and brings it, my son gets upset cause he doesn’t get any of it. Like candy, whatever it is. I tell him, that there mom we can’t control what she does. He’s 10 now but still doesn’t think any of it fair lol. I’m still showing and teaching him on it. My son and I got with the kids dad, when my son was 5. He’s 10 now. She should understand as she gets older. You are doing the best you can with the 5 year old. I been there and still doing it lol. We got this. I hate the fact people are saying it’s your bf job not yours. Umm no, it’s both of yours. You all live in the same house, you all make the rules, it’s our job as a mom to tell them what to do, show them right from wrong. I have 3 kids in my house, one child bio mine. I’m with these kids every day through the week when my bf at work. So that being said, they are my responsibility too not just the bf! If I have any issues with my bf kids yes, I’ll say something to the kids, if it’s really bad, I’ll tell my bf. I’m all three including my son, mom. They have to follow my rules, and what not in my house hold. My bf has 2 kids. I have a full time son. My son loves his step dad. He calls him dad. Only dad he knew since 5. My son acts up, my bf gets on him, he tells him what to do, and what not. That is what both parents do! Step or not! Parents are parents!
I lost you at pre k. You mean daycare fancied up by calling it pre k? Honestly what do expect a kindergartner to do? Read novels and write essays? I wouldn’t be putting so much pressure on her the 1st year. If teachers are concerned they will say something.
Wow she’s in kindergarten
Calm down stop trying to make her focus. She is five years old
She’s going to hate school
Honestly, don’t push her so much. I’m a teacher and a mom of a little boy with some learning disabilities. Nothing gets figured out really until first grade. And if you push them too much you stress yourself out and the kiddos out and then they hate school. I’d recommend calling the school (obviously boyfriend will have to do deal with this part - if he’s not allowed I’d sit bio mom down and talk about it/push for it if possible-especially if she doesn’t care about school. It’ll only get worse from here.) and speaking to the teacher about what she recommends because more work is just frustrating her. Keeping open communication with the teacher is going to go farther than you all being stressed out. Good luck. And good job mama!
Oh Lord. I thought this child was an older kid. 
This baby is in Kindergarten. There could be a few different reasons why she’s struggling. Could she possibly have ADD/ADHD? Or a learning disability? Maybe you guys should start there first. Next, if she gets left back, it’s not the end of the world. Not every kid is ready to start school at 5.