Why don’t you start by not saying “your house” it’s his house too because “step children” become our children when we get involved with their parents. Reading this post pisses me off because it sounds like YOU don’t want to do anything to make this little boy feel comfortable when visiting “your house” I mean you rather kick his dad out then let the little boy play a video game??? You sound like a bitch. You’re disgusting.
The father needs to move out and get a place of his own that his son can feel like it’s his home to when he is with his dad. Then dad & bio mom need to seek therapy so the son can adjust to the divorce.
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He needs to control his child or get out. This isn’t your battle or fight. His dad needs to handle this.
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Engage qith him. Take him out qnd do things. Empathize with him. Inagine in your mind being replaced. How would you feel. Try to connect with him. Let him kniw you understand his feelings… give him permussion and validate how he feels.
Adults sid this to him…
Im sorry but you sound awful
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Have you and your husband/boyfriend been together for a while? Imagine being in that boy’s shoes. His parents split up and now he barely sees his father. When he does see his father he has a whole “new” family.
Some of you… need to look at and understand what hellthis child is going through. Smdh
Why do adults think it is ok to mess up xhildrens lives and think they just deal with ut.
Smdfh
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No one has said it but with the acting out behavior he is showing and abusive towards the cat and your daughters I would say to keep your eye on him for sexual abuse towards your daughters. Because he is angry and trying to hurt them. Especially with them being so young. His tendencies are not a far stretch to that escalating. With him also going through puberty he may also have those urges and see your daughters as prey. Not saying he WILL but please be aware. I have seen this alot.
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No…set rules for him the same as your kids and punish him same as your kids. He is trying you to see how far he can go. If his mother is strict you should follow her example. There is no need to kiss a… just because you are a step parent.
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Being a step parent can be difficult especially when the child goes between homes. Believe me, I know. I never gave up on my girls (step daughters, but they are mine) and I took the time and invested in them, it wasn’t easy at first, one told me to go back where I came from because her daddy and mommy are supposed to he together…she was 4 when she said that to me. Now she is 8 and calls me mommy. You have to love them unconditionally…through the behaviors, tantrums, and hard times…like you would your own children. Children have to know that you choose them, you want them…stepkids are no different. If you can’t commit to being this person for his son…then you might need to reconsider the relationship. He is just a kid.
Anf you sound like a homewrecker…God I wouldnt want to be in your hell hole …YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF POSTINGSOMETHING SO NEGITIVE ABOUT A CHILD…IM SURE YOU MAKE HIS LIFE A LIVING HELL WHILE HES THERE.
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If he is a boyfriend…YOUR NOT A STEP MOM …
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Op if you listen to anyone… it should be me. I’ve been on both sides. It’s a balancing act. You need to first establish… he isn’t going to disrespect you, your children, or your home. Dad doesn’t need to do it, you do. Let him know you aren’t going to be on the side lines. If he’s gonna be apart of the family, he’s gonna be treated like one. If he gets mouthy then he can do chores, if he gets caught throwing the cat, or any animal then no tv time, no phone, no games… if he’s smart to one of your kids… then it’s well you two are playmates all day… but you also can’t let your kids get away with murder either. Then… after the punishment, then you talk to him like an adult. You tell him point blank. You don’t have to be my bestie. But you will respect me… as long as your in my house. You will be treated as so, you’ll be loved, cared for, protected… but you will be respectful… and believe me… it’ll change. 5 yrs of being a step parent and 33 yrs of being a step daughter.
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I think it’s a good idea to have your bf move out until he figures out how to get his son under control. It’s not fair for you, your kids, & cat to be terrorized.
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God you sound like a jerk.
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You can’t expect him to conform to all the rules right off the bat. Instead of no screen time, maybe just limit it for 1-2 hours a day and in his room so that your kids don’t see it. Keep the cat in a room away from him and have no tolerance for violence towards the cat or children. You have to be sensitive to his situation and the new environment, but you also can’t let him use his situation as an excuse to act out. His dad should be stepping in and enforcing the rules at first, it shouldn’t be coming from you but behind closed doors you and his father have to be on the same page. If he can’t follow the rules and be kind to the children then he can’t come over. His father will just have to pick him up and do stuff with him for the day rather than him coming over.
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Wait are you the girlfriend or the step mom?
He is 13, most 13 yr old go through being a 13 yr old. Add in dads girlfriend, her kids & his new family it’s a whole new problem he has to work through.
He needs support from both of his parents & you to adjust & feel a part of the new family. He does need those healthy boundaries as well.
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Grow up put your big girl panties on a be a mom if that was your child you wouldn’t hide in a room and you wouldn’t give up ! That kids needs a lot of help and love while also sustains consistency!! You hiding in a room is not except able !! Personal experience if you can do it and it’s that bad you need to tell the dad and be straight forward because staying around and feeling the way you do is only going to hurt everyone more !! You need to sit down all the parents with the child and explain how much you love him as well as set ground rules that way he can see you are all on the same page but no one is out to get him he’s just a kid who going threw a lot also you need to teach him healthy ways to express his angrier
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There are lot of self righteous people hating on a women for asking advice. If you dont have something encouraging uplifting and real advice get off this page!
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Have a word with the father he should do something about his son behavior, mmmm girl he push your baby girl to the wall 
I just pray God not to give me a stepson like this because I swear to God this very same day he’s out of my house.
He is acting out thinking you are stealing his dad away tell his dad to have serious talk with him and maybe get a sitter for your younger children and you him and his dad go do something with each other he might just need that
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Maybe seeing why he is acting out and addressing the issue. My 8 year old is well behaved with me, she listens right away and is really easy going and loving. With her dad, she turns into satan, she is mean and cold. I have noticed that her behavior towards him has a lot to do with how he treats her. When he is cold and not acting like a dad, her behavior changes and she turns mean. When he actually acts like a dad, she is loving. She holds a lot of resentment towards him for the times she’s needed a dad and he hasn’t been there. If he behaves with his mom, then the issue is with his dad, how he is treated and the pain his dad has caused him. It can’t be easy for a 13 year old to see his dad living and raising a gf’s kids every day and not his own. He may need extra reassurance from his dad.
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Well he is 13…hes not gonna want a 4 yr old bothering him, although he shouldn’t have pushed the kid. Your kids have his dad so to speak, so Im sure that bothers him. You aren’t stepmom. You are girlfriend. When the boy is there dad should always be there, and dad should be spending time with him.
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Kick bf out. Let dad find a woman that opens her heart and home to the kid. Not someone who treats him like hes nobody. If the way you talk about him is any near how you treat him then do him a favor and move along.
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Get them both out of your life NOW. He physically abused your daughter, are you happy to wait until he hurts her worse? He is behaving like a self indulgent little shit. I had two stepsons for 11 years and their father left it all to me when they came to stay. The father is now out of my life and the two boys have grown into wastes of space. Glad I am out. I have 4 children and 9 grandchildren who are amazing.
All these negative comments! Girl I’m sorry. I can relate. My step sons don’t go see their biomom. We’ve had them for 4 years now I’d like to say it gets better but it does not. Maybe you should suggest therapy to his father or mother if you’re in good terms with her. Maybe he needs someone to talk to. I would definitely keep an eye on him around your daughters especially if they’re real young. Set boundaries with the son and even the boyfriend. It’s your house. You’re allowed to set boundaries and have rules at your house. You have little ones you also have to think of as well. He’s 13 if he’s pushing a 4 year old against a wall that is unacceptable. He is much bigger than her. You can be patient if your childrens safety are at stake.
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Or have your boyfriend talk to him. He needs to follow rules or be punished. Tell bf to speak to his mother and him . Also if it is a new relationship you probably shouldn’t have met the child yet and he is clearly acting out is him going to his dad’s new . Also u aren’t a step mom if u haven’t even known the child long and if u want to kick your boyfriend out already u probably shouldn’t be with him or be mothering this child
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Maybe dad should be spending more time with him and disciplining him not you
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You’re not his step-mom yet. You need to keep your kids safe. Either your boy friend fixes the problem or he moves out. This teen is going through normal stuff but your kids and cat shouldn’t be terrorized while he works his shit out. His mom needs to talk to him about his behavior too.
Lotta prick moms here. All i can say is have one more go. Set thenrules. Stand your ground. Just talking isn’t going to help at this point. If he talks back, chores. If he hurts the cat or your kids, no tv, no games, no luxury activities. If he cant stay out of your guys things, he is to not be alone and be with you or his dad at all times. Get the dad involved and to act like a dad or else he can take his son some where else for his time with him. Tell them those are the rules and you wont be bending them to his 13 year olds liking or cause he has a tantrum, that he should have out-grown anyways.
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Sooo… you’re the gf who considers herself a step mom, it’s your house so you decide all the rules… no wonder the kid is acting out. His dad should be parenting, not you. And his dad should be setting the rules for his son. If children can’t feel at ease and at home, they act out. I’ll bet the kid does not feel at ease in YOUR home either. If I were your bf, I would move out so the kid has a home…wow…
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Wow some rude a** people on here. Smh. My kids knew my boyfriend for a month and asked him if they could call him daddy. That was three years ago and yes he is still their daddy and we are still not married. As long as you plan on being with him from here on out, you are a step mom. And guess what?!?! Their daddy, my bf, does have the right to discipline my kids same as me! (
shocking I know)
Now as far as his actions go, definitely set up boundaries. Yes 13 yr old boys and girls can be brats, but they need that structure. They might act out now, but they will definitely thank you for it later. (I was THAT brat growing up so I’m speaking from experience). Get him into counseling and talk with his dad about the rules and what you would like to change. If dad doesnt agree or doesnt see a problem with change or his sons actions then yes id rethink the relationship but if he does agree, make dad put a stop to it. Also try 1 on 1 with him and talk about his behavior. You got this momma!!!
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Your boyfriend or husband needs to have a talk with his son and let him know that he has to behave by you. I don’t like that he is mean to your cat and your children. He needs a lot of discipline and his father needs to spend more time with him and give him more attention.
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Your house, you’re rules, you’re safe place. If anyone comes in and terrorizes, don’t let them over. I don’t care who they are. Pretty black and white
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Boyfriend needs to GTFO and kiddo not allowed over anymore. Unless you’re able to get permission from Mom and Dad to beat that ass and get him in line 
If the guy you are living with is your boyfriend then you are not his son’s “step mother”…also, as long as hes not using it 24/7 why would you not allow him to bring his game boy to play while he is there…that’s crazy…with that being said if you are going to continue in this relationship with his dad then you need to have a heart to heart talk with this boy and let him know (from your mouth to his ears) that you are in no way trying to replace his mom…be patient with him as this is a big transition for him too not just you… but at the same time let him know that there are rules for him to follow and your kids as well and you won’t put up with any of them breaking the rules or being mean to one another…remember it is a big deal to kids when their parents are no longer together and it’s very hard on them to accept someone new.
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A bunch a freaking haters on here! So much for support on this page. You women disgust me at your ugly comments! Yall don’t live in this woman’s life. You have no idea her situation day to day. Some of you don’t have a clue what it is to be a step parent or a partner to another’s child. She never said anything hateful about this child at all just that he was acting out towards her children and cat and asking for help… and a bunch of vultures attacked her! No mother is perfect and you all should be ashamed who judge her so badly!
Momma your first priority should be for the safety of your own children always! Talk to your boyfriend and explain the behavior is unacceptable and you will not have it anymore! He is going to respect everyone and everything in that house the way he does in his mother’s house and if he cannot than his father may visit him outside of the home. Or he is welcome to leave. Go get em’
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If you get along with the mom maybe you can talk to her and ask her for help so your both on the same page. Same rules at both homes and also have the son and dad together to get this problem solved.
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I have a 3 year old and so help me if I got a partner with a kid that hurt my kid or my cat, I’d be so mad.
He’s 13 he’s at an age to understand completely, but it’s probably a hard pill to swallow for the kid so have some sympathy.
BUT
I knew exactly what I was doing at 13. I knew right and wrong and if I dare hurt anyone or anything or go anywhere near my mums room I’d be sent to my room with no tv, games, phone or anything for the rest of the day, sometimes even weeks.
Talk to your partner, get your partner to take his son out for some one to one time, and have your partner talk to him. then you talk to him and tell him if he doesn’t get his act together and abide by your rules then you will be having a talk with his mother but obviously tell him this lightly.
If nothing progresses then tell your partner you can’t live like this anymore and have him move into his own place.
Have his dad deal with him That way it all comes from him and he has no resentment
Sorry for being old fashioned but kids are hard taskmasters. Were you in the picture before the breakup ? If not the boy needs to be assured of that. And kids are not as willing to have live in boy friend and girlfriend. Sit down with the childs father and ask him what is wrong? At 13 he is almost grown as far as he is concerned , Don’t get mad , keep your voice quiet and be interested at what he says
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Tell your husband to stay w/ him in hotel!
I bet a lot of these “women” sound pissy and act like your treating him like shit because they relate to the 13 yr old. I read nothing unreasonable on your end. Your house your rules the end! If they’re in YOUR house then you can all yourself whatever you want as long as your boyfriend is cool with it. All of these negative ass-hats have obviously put themselves on pedestals and just want to bring someone down to make themselves feel better.
think you gave yourself the best advice. 2nd to last sentence.
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Kick his ass…everytime he throw da cat…throw his ass
Your bf is the man of the house and he’s allowing this shit to happen? Run as fast as you can, girl that is so disrespectful for him to let his kid do that in your house. He’s not a real man, you deserve better.
Nope nope nope! That kid is old enough to behave. And no kid should terrorize an animal or another child and get away with it. Just cause he had a rough life doesn’t mean he can continue the cycle. And anyone on here saying other wise needs to do some research. That kid would not be allowed at my house till they learned some respect period! You guys should not live in hell just because " they’re a kid cut them some slack" and by then they will be an adult and in jail cause no one put their foot down. No wonder so many kids are brats now days cause all this sugar coating bs!
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He’s lashing out and it’s time for therapy.
Dad has to talk to mom bc I’d lose my whole mind if my son acted like that at his father’s house. Hopefully, together, y’all can work on a plan by finding out what he’s so mad abt…
And it may be jealousy bc his dad is being Dad to your kids and not him.
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Do it. He should be more involved when his so is a brat
Idc what anyone says you really are not a step mom legally, an until then my kids would come first in our home.
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When he hurt my babies and when he hurt my cat it would be a dealbreaker and if the boyfriend can’t see that he needs to get his fat ass the hell out of there with his brat
talk to his mother & see what she has to say. Maybe she is saying horrible things about you. Or maybe not. Maybe he feels threatened with your children. But if this cont. to happen, he shouldn’t be there. He has no respect for you or you child or house. But cont. to encourage his dad to spend time with him, which is very important…just away from your house
The dad would have to move out and with him goes the son. Case Solved!
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Tell your partner how you feel and then get him to speak with his ex to make sure the same rules to be followed at your place the same as the mom’s this way you are all on the same page
Dad needs to get involved with his son. Only have him there when he is home and maybe take him elsewhere. The games I don’t see a problem with other than him being horrid to the 4 year old. If he has his own room there then go in there to play his games? Yours instructed to stay away from him as they sound quite young. His mother is strict you said, maybe talk to her. What are her rules there? It is hard with another persons child, I never moved a boyfriend in though. That has to be really hard for you, kids and your cat!! You can be a friend to him but at 13 yrs old will never be a step-Mom to him. He needs to respect you and your family, he is a visitor at this point.
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A 13 year old boy needs consequences for his actions especially when it comes to laying hands on anyone, get creative. Let him have his games, if he acts up take it away, acts worse throw it I the trash. Teenagers are mental warfare.
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My x husband came with a step son and daughter that would stay with us during summer break and Christmas sometimes. I tried everything to win their affection or at the very least respect. The son was easy to win but not the daughter who was 8 at the time. Finally the son told me his mom payed her and bribed her to act out and the girl confirmed this when I asked. The x wife and I were civil and this just pissed me off. X husband refused to do anything about it so hence the X in the husband part
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Always put your children first, your obligation as a mother is to protect and instill values, trust ,love and you’re the one they look at for protection and guidance. Dont let another’s child come into your child’s protected space and abuse them, they remember more than you realize and some emotional scars never heal.
No live in boyfriends. If you dont want to marry this guy then go your own way. The chirldren need stability all of them and live in lovers is not the way to give that to them
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Rules and consequences. U and ur husband must present them together and ENFORCE. Every time.
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Have your boyfriend keep the boy at a motel when it is his turn to visit with his son
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How does his father discipline him? How does his mother discipline him? Because if he can’t follow the rules in YOUR home, then he can’t stay at YOUR home, and boyfriend has to find somewhere else to keep him on his weekends, like a family member’s home… or maybe they lose out on visitation? If he loves his dad enough and dad says I can’t have you if you refuse to respect the rules set for you, then the boy will figure it out or lose time with dad. The best option, though, is to take away the things he cares enough about to fix his behavior. Find out what that is, and USE IT. Have mom send the gameboy, or buy a whole damn game system, and a few major games, and he has to earn it. You want to play today, you can earn 30 mins after lunch if you can behave until then. You keep the cord or the controller until then. He can earn another 30 mins after dinner if he behaves until that point. And your kids don’t get to use it when he’s there, so there’s no fighting. That’s it, really. You just need to find a motivator, and hold it over his head like you wish you could hold his head underwater.
He has got to go…with that kid!
I would say unless he can behave and show some respect he can’t come around your house simple as that really
Time for your boyfriend to move! Nobody is abusing my children! He knows what his son is doing but doesn’t correct the situation, so yes he’s got to go!
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He doesn’t have to share. Not your kid. Lwt his dad deal with. Keep your kids away from him. Silly to not let a teen have game time/ screen time. Asking for trouble there.
That kid needs counseling for starts he wants the video game to escape and he treats your kids like crap because he is angry he needs help and keep up with the love good job
Let him know that u his friend, he needs to hear that from u, i made a mistake when i got married he had two kids and they hated they didnt want me there. Be patiention it will get better.
What does the father do about this?