I personally think that you should give him an ultimatum. Go to court for legal visits so she can’t use the kids as his punishment or leave. It will only get worse, speaking from experience. It’s HIS choice to make so if he chooses to NOT man up for his family, that should include all of his kids, that’s on him, not you. That’s what the courts and mediators are for and if he won’t do that, he has no interest in respecting you and never will.
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So sorry you’re going thru this…but they have all shown their true colors…you don’t want this ridiculous drama for yourself and your little one…you dont want your child growing up in this environment and lose respect for you for putting up with it…I think your only option is to leave…he has chosen sides, and it’s not with you and your child
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Hes only 8 yrs old
And she gave back the rest of $.
I know its stressful…its for the rent.
I see …she does carry the power. He doesnt know how to stand up
Why doesnt he get a legal parenting plan in the courts to guarantee his parenting time:thinking:
…it will resolve that problem and that way she can use it against him later just becuz u r with him:bulb:
Good for u to get a stalking order
I get it …u wabt a simple life
Your husband will have to figure out rent. It’s his child who stole the $
Hes the nan…let him stress about it
U get it together
More self care
Dint let this women dictate everything
U have to focus on what u can control
U can leave
U can both save money where child cant get to it
I’ve been in relationship when he would not discipline his son nor would he process a motion for parenting and custody…he wouldnt stand up
Took 3 yrs of slacking and I couldnt take it anymore
Plus many other traits he had that ruined it
He killed the love with all this disregard
So I left
Now with my man who always stands up
And will not tolerate bs from his ex
We dont have any problems
We have same parenting style
It matters to be valued and respected from the ex
Idk if ur hubby will finally get it
So…sometimes separating help put things into perspective
He needs to please u…his wife
Not the crazy ex
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It wont get any better unless your husband grows a pair and learns how to set boundaries. I put up with it but my step daughter was 14. She treated me like I was the other woman and if it weren’t for me her dad and mom would get back together. Not true, her mom was already living with someone else. She was just living in her own fantasies. I finally just started leaving when she came over. We still have a very cold relationship. My husband did finally start setting boundaries with her but he still has difficulty telling her no. But she lives over a thousand miles from us now so I dont have to deal with her. She was trying to get us to move to the same state where she and her mother now live. I finally told her we dont plan on moving so she doesnt talk to me any more. Doesnt hurt my feelings. So it depends on how much you choose to put up with. You might try couples counseling so someone else can explain boundaries to your hubby.
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All I know if he doesn’t nip it in the butt right now it’s going to worse later on
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He’s 8 now, imagine when he’s 16. Your husband doesn’t stand up to him now, at 16 he will be impossible to deal with. I was married to a man that was never held responsible for his actions. He was an abusive narcissistic asshole. Only you can decide if you want your child in that kind of environment. No way I would let my child go unpunished for stealing. You’ll eventually lose respect for your husband, if you haven’t already. And the bs from the ex, that’s a deal breaker. I would have left him with all his drama from go.
Why are you still in this relationship?
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Quit being a door mat for this man. Take your child and leave if that is his place. Your child can feel the tension between you guys. If a man doesn’t respect you as a stepmom and partner you need to get out. I think the 8 yr olds mom is causing his behavior problems if this is so it is only gonna get worse. Good luck and God bless you.
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I see that 8 yr old in lock up few yrs if parents dont stop it now
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She cant* use against him
Becuz judgement protect his parenting plan no matter what
I raised my ex’s two children from the ages of 5 to 16 years old. It never mattered how much of myself I invested in them… I was the enemy before we ever met.
If you’re not getting the support you need to help raise them, I speak from experience… it’s not worth the toll it takes on your mental, emotional and physical health. Also, you have to take in to consideration your child and is this the type of behavior you want them learning from and possibly imitating.
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leave. Do NOT stay in relationship just for the kids as this is the biggest mistake you will make. He is not respecting you and your feelings so therefore, he doesn’t care as you let him get away with this disrespect. He is also letting the children in the home from another female rule your home and play with your emotions. He is allowing them to disrespect and allowing her to disrespect. If he is any kind of man, he would respect you. This is blantend abuse not just to you but every single child involved in the home. It is only going to get worse as time goes on if you stay.
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Give hum an ultimatum. He is going to stand up to her or you are going to leave. Don’t pull the whole us or the kids shit like someone else suggested though.
The mother and your hubby are a problem. He probably is scared of her, scared of losing his kids and so far she has done a pretty damn good job on her word. She has him where she wants him…scared and defenseless. If he speaks out, she takes the kids and then what?
He or you should be documenting all of the things she is doing. Pics, texts, emails, etc. He is right that they are his kids, however, you have to be around them, and are raising their half sibling. In that aspect, yes, you should be able to voice your opinion.
You could tell him that no matter what, you will support him, as long as they don’t steal in yours and his home or hurt their half sibling.
If you leave with your child, then you may end up in the same predicament as his ex.
Having another mom in the picture with him with your child.
Have you and him discussed him getting custody of his kids? That would stop his ex from manipulating the whole situation, you get a say (hopefully) in what happens and you know that his son wouldn’t get away with stealing.
Alternatively, you could put a camera in your home (limited blind spots) and catch him in the act of stealing, be able to show hubby what kind of disasterous behavior it is and how it is not acceptable.
Have a chat with him about how he sees you in his life and how his ex and kids do impact your life. That you are willing to help him if he lets you. Also that, the more he gives in to his ex (keeping you away from his kids) the more manipulative power she gets. Her behavior will get worse and so will the kids.
If none of that works, then, good luck to you. You can’t force it.
Goodluck!
Been there…done that…it ended in divorce after 7 long grueling years. I wish I would have divorced sooner.
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My mother busted her butt for my step sisters growing up for 12 years and did literally everything my stepfather asked of her and their mother was the worst to her and they treated my mother like dirt the entire time!!! My stepfather never defended my mother either when it came to those two girls… so you have some serious thinking to do… everyone’s situation is different…
Life’s too short to be miserable!! No relationship can survive, w/ that much trauma and drama!!
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Fk that, whoop alllll their asses & tell them sleep with one eye open after 
time to boss up momma
Life is too short to be unhappy Hun…you know what’s best for you and your kid! I left my X when my 1st son was 6 months old and didn’t know I was pregnant with my 2nd, and here we are as happy as can be. Good luck 
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In a relationship or marriage the kids on both sides has to be on the same page with you both, or it cannot be healthy.
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Pack up baby and leave tell him later
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Leave not healthy and what is it teaching your son that its ok to act that way
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He’s 8!!! A jail cell is waiting for him…so horribly sad…
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You know what needs to be done. You said it yourself. Leave. Your well being is more important. He is not ready to be a man, and tbh not even a dad imo. Let him and his ex do their thing and you go do you baby.
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This is a toxic environment for U and children. U never lay hands on anyone’s child , shame on U. The ex isn’t a good parent and kids should be taken away by CPS. They will be taken away at some point. Their behavior won’t be tolerated in today s society. I would leave.
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If he is not on your side it’s best to move on yell always be last on his list but don’t take his kid from him
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So there 8s a major issue go8 g on with a child so young stealing usually an out ry from some sort of emotional damage or other sort of abuse. Punishing him is not the answer. Neither is ignoring it. The situation will get worse. Getting to 5he root of the reason may take years…What will you do with the dad n them in the I terim?
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The deal breaker for me would be him saying it’s his kid to deal with and not yours. If you are in a long term committed relationship then you need to be in on the decision making other wise they are showing the kid that he dosent have to respect you. Sealing that kind of money is not ok at all, it effects your livelyhood as well. Why isn’t he in court to get 50/50 custody of the kid and have everything in writing so she can’t just use DCS. I personally couldn’t live my life with all that drama. I would be having a serious talk with my husband and then going from there.
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Well this is a little tough because if the kid is with his mom more that is with you guys is really his mom decision to punish the kid or not …
let me explain my point I’m a single mom the kids are with me all the time they see dad and his wife once a week perfect now kids don’t behave nice all the time they get in trouble time to time not necessarily with there father when they gat in trouble with me i usually deal with that on my own I usually tell my ex and his wife what is going on they give me advise on what they think is right or wrong on how I deal with the all situation and then we move on
Now if a happens with they’re dad and stepmom they of course tell the girls that what they did is wrong and ask the kids why they act the way they did and explain that a was wrong. After of course dad and stepmom explain the all situation to me they not telling me what to do with their kids (my kids our kids) we as a family deal with the situation together no one is against anyone this is what a supposed be and let me tell you is not something that a happened over night we work our way there and I do believe that you 3 parents need to figure out a way to discipline this children or it’s going to be a mess for you people and for this kids because apparently your husband and his ex wife don’t believe in punishment as a form of discipline
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I was in same boat. Harrassment order on hubby ex. Ive been accussed of hitting his kids. Social services and police were brought in many times. Ive tried to be nice to his ex. Even took step daughter in when mum thro her out only to be accussed of been control freak. It does get easier as kids grew up. We have 6 yr old together.
Our relasionships fine when his ex buts out.
I wanted to leave many of times but why should my youngest miss her dad due to his bloody ex. They split over 8 yrs ago sje cant still let go.
All can advise is stop taking shit. I fought bk reguardless of hubby and his kids feeling as my 6 yr olds feeling ment more to me and as her mum ill fight to death for my kids x
Scare the crap out of the kid, by getting the cops involved. See if they can’t take the kid & scare him straight, show him where he’s headed if he keeps down this path. Fuck it someone’s gotta straighten the kid out.
If his view is ‘it’s his kids and he can do what he wants’ then he will teach your child that lying and stealing is perfectly fine and he will have no problem visiting them in prison for their crimes. I would leave this relationship and protect your child. Your child is learning that this is ok, that they can lie and steal and not get in trouble, that dad will let them do whatever they want and they will never get in trouble. But the time her father figures it out, her and the older siblings will likely be in jail for theft. And he still probably will say 'it’s ok, they are not in real trouble it’s just a scare" until the judge sentences them to real jail time. Then he will realize there are consequences. Protect your daughter.
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I dont think this should break up an otherwise happy marriage!! If u feel like it is enough to leave then there is a lot more going on with you and maybe u should leave but be brave enough to not blame your husband for it!! If u want a simple life u will never get it if u are so ready to let external stuff affect u so much! Yes the child should be punished but both his parents have decided not to deal with it. It’s out of your hands. Let it go. Dont give the child any opportunity to do anything like that again!! Hide things away when he is over! By the sounds of it your husband just wants to see his kids and is at his ex’s mercy! Support him! By sounds of it she will back off again soon and he will miss out on his kids again for a while… and u might get what it sounds like u really want then … your husband back to yourself without sharing him. 
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I’d go, it’s not worth it! At all he clearly is for you do fudge him!
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Bad situation. You are just going to have to put your food down. Tell your hubby he is not doing his son any favors, and that his son may be shot breaking in to peoples homes. If he is already stealing at this age, and there are no consequences, he will end up in a casket. File a report, and send him to juvenile detention. That may save his life. Also, go down and get a restraining order out for him. I wouldn’t want that thief to be around me or my little daughter. Dad can make arrangements to take his little thief out for pizza or whatever. Don’t allow him back in your house. Dad is being not a dad. And, as far as you go with his EX, just ignore her. It’s like rain on a duck, just shake it off. Love your husband, even though he is totally blind right now. Take care and I’m praying you and your family will be fine. You just have to be firm right now. Fight for your family!
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Well hate to sound cruel but if you don’t stop it now he will end up in prison for sure
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Stay away from such drama. You and your baby are worth it! And if he can’t acknowledge your presence, if he can’t treat you like a partner then you don’t need to be. It isn’t always about them.
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How long does the 8 year old stay when he comes over? Hide your things lock anything important up and leave with daughter while the son is there. Have family or friends you could go to? Hubby will figure it out. OR have your husband take his son out somewhere and you and daughter stay home. Let him deal with his son, he will wake up. The mother is daft if she doesn’t see disturbing signs. Your husband is too. Depends on how strong your marriage is.
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Leave and don’t look back he won’t change not for you or your kids…maybe it’s time you find out what happened to his other relationships before he committed…he is weak to be controlled by his ex .what an excuse of man.
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You have to think of you and your child. Being a good mother is also taking care of yourself that relationship has too much drama. If he can’t step up and punish his other kids imagine what he will let your child do. Leave. Take your child and leave. There’s obviously no boundaries with the ex and no consequence with the children. It’s not worth the stress. Life is way to short to not enjoy these moments with your little one
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Take your child and leave, both of you deserve better
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she had to know. 
No one losses $450 in the woods. Trust me, I am still looking 
Maybe $5, maybe a dollar, but not that much. She is wrong. Now as for this boy, either hid all values when he is over, & it will only get worst when he gets older. Or take your child & leave
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You’ll have to leave even then that may not be the wake up call he needs
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Press charges against your stepson
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Most 8 years olds are terrorists. Kids in general are just miniature terrorists in training. DO NOT negotiate.
I’d just lean in and whisper “I’m on to your game you little shit and I’m gonna rewrite the rules”.
Stop having cash laying around. That was the first thing I had to do to keep my kids from helping themselves to my money was by putting it all in the bank and just having a card. The kid is learning some very bad habits, but he’s with his mom the most. I fear he will eventually end up in prison thinking stealing is okay like that. I wouldn’t be mad at your hubby, nor should this mess up your relationship. It isn’t his fault. He’s doing the best he can. My best advice is just to be sure all money is in the bank in the future and that anything else of value has a place to be during his visits.
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Dad is in the wrong. When I ever did wrong my dad would sit me down and tell me what I did wrong and had to ground me or tell me one of my favorite toys were taken until I was done being grounded what is the matter with him…also that kids is just as much of your business . So I agree with Stacy you might need to stop leaving cash around the house or you get a safty deposit box you have a lock key to and put the money in there maybe?
I’d install cameras, next time she calls cps for anything cameras can show what really went down in the home.
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Things will never change just get worse. I lived it. I loved my husband and tolerated a lot. Best thing is for you and your child is to get out.
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There’s more to this story. First off, you dont need to be putting your hands on that child. Not your place and I agree with dad that it’s his place to be do g the disciplining. Protection orders? Sounds like a lot of drama. With so much mess between grown adults, I’d wonder what’s going on with the kid to cause behaviors. Get him in therapy for sure. Likely some coparenting classes for all.
I feel like you’d be a lot happier if you just left. It’s only gonna get worse as they get older.
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As a kid I got into a lot of shit and it could be because the relationship breakdown within the parents seek professional help now and nip it in the butt
Get the hell out of dodge. I had a husband who mistreated my daughter, his step daughter, without my knowledge. He will always put his old family first, obviously, because he condoned that behavior of that boy, and he may treat your child second best. That woman is evil, and she’s not going to change, especially with your husband’s attitude towards them. I had a husband that put HIS son first, and left my kid pushed away. I wish to God I had paid more attention and had left and divorced him. My daughter is so damaged by his behavior. Please take a good hard look.
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Tell him you’re gonna leave.
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They don’t change their kids can do no wrong in their eyes. Take it from someone who knows as his kids were God’s and mine were a piece of crap. I left because mama bear takes care of her own kids
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My worst fear would be that my child would learn the same behavior. I wouldn’t let someone else’s kid teach my kid that it’s ok to be a liar and thief. You have to decide if this man and his bad behavior is a good role model for your child.
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It sounds like the mother is behind all this. It sounds like she set it up. I really do think you have a great relationship and shouldn’t let it go because of that. I’m going thru the same and just sitting back and watching shit unfold. Men who won’t to be in their kids lives do have to bend over backwards for what seems like the woman. It kills me for real but it’s nothing to do with her. Just keep doing what you are doing when he has the upper hand he will make a move.
It seems. To me that the adults are not setting a very good example for this child both need to take him to church and teach him right from wrong through Jesus or you guys can visit him in prison later in life
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I’d leave. Straight up. That’s some BS ain’t no reason to hang around at that point and this isnt a healthy happy relationship when you have drama nonstop
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So sad for your current situation. And if i was at your shoes, i will definitely leave and get out of that relationship. It isnt healthy if you are feeling so stressed out. I, myself couldnt stand that kind of set up. Leave for the sake of your baby and also for your peace of mind…
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Lock up your money when he is coming over, otherwise keep out of it. He isn’t your child. Let his parents sort it out.
You should leave this relationship because your man has no spine.
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U should leave. That situation is not good for your child and he should be a United front with u and isn’t. It will get worse leave before your yound one is put in danger or understand s
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Don’t walk away, RUN away… it will get worse & no, your husband is not going to change…
I would suggest family or couples counseling. If that doesn’t do any good, head for the hills girl. You and your toddler deserve better. After all, what sort of example is all of that drama setting for them?
I am sorry, but when you two aren’t a united front to the children the manipulation is going to come on full speed. It is time for your hubby to tell the children you are here to stay and their mom and them will not be manipulation the situation any more and if that isn’t something he can do. It is time to cut your ties. Before you get accused of something serious and the husband doesn’t take your side at all. Start by getting a place in an undisclosed location, and put money and you things there. Pack up and go. File for divorce. Make your mail go to a post office box for safety. Break it off. Right away!!!
I’ve been in your exact spot. At the point of despair. Last year I was so fed up with my husbands ex wife controlling our home through their children that I was prepared to leave. We also have a 2 year old. We have been together for 8 years. I calmly sat my husband down and laid it on the line for him. I waited till I was at the point where I knew that I would follow through. I didn’t want to make empty promises about leaving. His children have been yanked in and out of his life so many times over the smallest things that I can’t even keep up. In any case, he chose that day to stand up for himself and our home and me! His children are 16, 17 and 20. They have had nothing to do with us since that day. When their mom could no longer control my husband or financially bleed him dry each week, she simply yanked the kids away. They hate us now and I hate that for my husband but I can honestly say that this has been the most calm and peaceful year of our life together! Either way? I was going to have peace with or without him. I was becoming a victim of narcissistic abuse just as you are for the simple fact that he was letting them do it to our family and home too. My children were victims and I started to resent him for not loving us enough to stop it. Once I was able to calmly express that to him, it clicked and he made the change. As much as he misses his children, he’s at peace. He still shows up to events at their school. They pretend they dont know any of us but that’s alright. They’ll remember that we were there. My husband doesn’t push himself on his kids. He texts them once a week to say he loves and misses them. They never respond d but at this point it’s for him and what helps him sleep better at night. He turned it over to higher power and made peace with it. I sincerely hope that your husband chooses you and your life together. If he doesn’t, you need to get out ASAP. Narcissistic abuse has long term stress disorders. I am dealing with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse and I’m not even the person that was married to one. It just literally overflowed into my home on such a toxic level that even my own children and myself were finding that we were developing coping mechanisms for dealing with the chaos and stress. It is a very emotionally dangerous position for you and your child
Just a simple fact that the stepson stole $450 from you and your husband takes away from your family you have to think about your daughter yourself and your husband if the husband is too scared to stand up to the son’s mother then maybe you should think about leaving your husband for separation for a while so he can figure things out because acknowledging this Behavior is one thing but to not acknowledge it and not punish the sun in some form the Sun is going to end up dead or in prison no one is going to tolerate him stealing from them and eventually the Sun is going to steal from the wrong person so you need to think about yourself and your children and you would advise your husband that he needs to do the same I know he loves his son but at the same time he needs to be a man and stand up to that son’s mother and let her know they calling DCF is not going to work and if the Sun is that much of a handful I hate to say it but maybe he should stay with his mother and maybe Mom need to endure since she don’t want to do any punishment on the Sun other than that all I can say is pray to God for all your answers it’s a resolution to your situation.
RUN don’t walk and never look back. We have been married for 55 years and his middle son has been nothing but trouble for fifty of those years. His other two and my three were made to mind but in my husbands eyes this one doas no wrong. He is A jr so somehow he cashed our bonds, he is A alcoholic,he has stolen my jewelery, tools,old coins and any thing else he wanted. He is not allowed in my home nlw and my husband doesn’t know whats wrong with me because he’s never done anything to me. It will never get any better so run while you have the chance.
If he can steal at 8 dont you think if your child has something and he wants it she could get hurt? I wouldnt advise you on anything as i made very bad choices which impacted my children but i would be afraid at how far this boy will go for what he wants