I have a massive issue with my stepson. He lies and steals. He is 8. Well, over the weekend, he stole 450$ from my hubby. He went back to his mom’s and told her he found it in the woods. This was Saturday. She took them out to eat, gave him 50$ for chores he has done, and kept the rest. Sunday, he realized it was missing at the pickup stop. So he confronted both mom and stepson. Mom gave my hubby 100$ back. Both stepson and stepdaughter said mom deposited it in her account. My hubby texts her saying what they had said, and she sends a text with a screenshot of her bank statement saying she only said that to them because stepson was freaking out about taking his money. My hubby never once asked for the money back from her, claiming he has no evidence that she took it this woman has put us through hell and back for the last four years. I seriously think my hubby is scared of her. She is quick to pull the kids out of his life if she isn’t getting her way. Well, no punishment was made for my stepson. Mom condones the behavior, and my hubby was like he told the truth, so basically, he is clear of all punishment. I’m at my wit’s end. This isn’t the first time we have had issues with stepson. He told his mom a year ago I slapped him, and mom took the kids from hubby for eight months, then filed a bogus restraining order on him and said if she kept the kids away from me, she’d drop it and the courts allowed this. So for three months, he couldn’t bring them near me. I had a harassment order on her for stalking and harassing me. It’s good for two years. Things were very quiet and good for months, then this happened with the money. Now I’m debating on whether or not I should just leave this relationship. I thought the worst was over, but I can clearly see that it has just begun. We have a two-year-old together, and our relationship is very healthy, and we get along pretty well. Well, I mentioned to him that no punishment for his actions is showing him from both parents that this is ok. He made it very clear that it’s his kids, and he will do what he wants. In my eyes, it affects all of us because that was rent money, so I should have the right to express myself. After all, he says we are in this “together.” I can’t deal with the stress of this woman anymore. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t stop worrying about this and how much more B’s is going to happen and him too scared to stand up to her. She has really screwed me over in so many ways, and she thinks dcf is her lifeline, and she is always calling them on us. I live a simple life. I want a simple life. I’m not going to get that with her, and I don’t think I can do this for another ten years. I need advice on what I should do. It’s not fair to my two yo not to have her parents together. I feel horrible about this, but I’m truly at my wit’s end. Please help. Thank you.
I’d be gone. It won’t change. Coming from experience…
You have a mess tell hubby its them or you if he picks them theres no love there or respect for you
Why does he not have 50/50 custody???..I wouldn’t want me and my kids in a situation like that. His step son is going to grow up to be a thug and probably end up in jail since they condone this behavior.
It might be best for you to leave. Things probably won’t change or get better anytime soon. So you either will have to keep going with things the way they are or make a change and leave. It may be best for you in the long run. And your child can still have both of her parents in her life.
Girl run. That shit is so extra and not necessary. Save yourself and your kid a lifetime of stress.
I’d leave. Sounds like you two would be able to co parent, or at least hes not gonna fight you for your child. He isn’t going to change and after this long and another child he still doesn’t see you as part of his family, you’re wasting your time.
Sweetie your gonna do what you want but id tell him things gotta change or your gone if he dont youll see his true colors
If hubby isn’t willing to stand up for himself now, he never will. It’s time to either lace up your boots and get ready for war or march your way out.
Also how is it not fair for YOUR child to not have 2 parents together, but ok for his children? What’s not fair is using your child as an excuse to put up with unacceptable behavior.
Asking the question is also telling the answer…
Sounds to me like the mom is putting the 8 year old up to doing this stuff just to get at you. I dont know very many 8 year olds that would steal money from their dad. Let alone turn around and give it to their mom.
I have an 8yo that due to PTSD does some things that a typical 8yo wouldn’t do… but… stealing $450 is WAY over the top…
Omg! So srry. To hear ur going thru this. I would myself up n leave just to keep it healthy for urself n kiddos to be honest. Not gnna change at all,its a repeating cycle,sad but true
I pull the “they’re my kids” shit all the time so I can’t help with that. Kid should definitely be punished for taking that but it’s not exactly reason enough to split up a family.
I feel so sorry for you but think of your little one! Be strong and healthy for her. Worry about her only. I don’t think anything will change for the other part. Hang in there. Seek professional help/advise.
Bethany Russell said it
Yeah. I couldn’t stay around for that mess. You would be way happier with just you and your child. Get rid of the drama, you don’t have time for that!
I’d leave. Pack your stuff and run
When he wants to see his child with you he’ll make the effort.
This sounds like a set up. Who says they “found” $450 in the woods of all places. And the first person he runs to is Mom? Yeah, check that bitch real quick. She’s out for you.
Leave. Things wont get better and thats teaching him its ok
I would tell him that he needs to take her to court for visitation so the ball is not only In The moms court. That way he can discipline them without the fear of them being taken away. It sounds like they need discipline and structure. If he’s not willing to do that I would probably leave. Don’t ask him to not be apart of his children’s lives.
If he won’t stop it then leave
My husbands ex was similar convincing their daughter to steal money/things to pawn and take to her. She would fill her head with things like “daddy doesn’t help with you so I need you to do this” even though he had custody of daughter. He got her into therapy through the court because bio disagreed with it. When bio started going against court order trying to keep her away etc he filed contempt. After enough contempt’s bio lost all rights (there’s a lot more to the why) ever since therapy she’s been a whole different kid doesn’t lie or steal and gets straight A’s. I highly recommend trying therapy for kids it helps them process what’s wrong and right.
A lot of comments are saying you should leave if he doesn’t change but I would say leave UNTIL he changes. Otherwise, the situation will continue and it will definitely influence your 2-year-old to grow up with all that stress and drama.
I would tell hubby exactly what you said. Either he puts his foot down, or you’re out.
I’d seriously speak to him no punishment for his actions shows not only him but all of the kids it’s okay to steal from anyone not only you all! Life has a big surprise for him if he thinks he won’t get consequences for his actions out here! Things will only get worse! I would never let my son do that to his father & wife! Good luck!
Well my bags are packed.your child’s eyes will open when older an see the difference leave before this happens he cannot still be in her life.
He can’t be a man and stand up to her, he’s got issues far worse than you can imagine. Leave now and find a real man to live with.
This sounds exhausting. Have an honest conversation about how you feel and that you are considering leaving. If nothing changes leave
Will still be in her life
I can say from experience I left. I had a step daughter and my husband wouldn’t punish her bad behavior. Her mother also used dfs like her bff. She lied so many times. She said my ex husband molested her on the couch with 8 people in the room. Ended up costing up thousands in lawyers and we had to put cameras in every corner of the house and the car. She even then said that I touched her. This hit especially hard being my two daughters were abused. Then she said my daughters touched her, then she gave my son a black eye, pushed my daughter off the top bunk. Her behavior and her mothers just keep going and going. I removed myself from it for the safety of myself and my children. I love not dealing with the stress anymore. I tried to help, I tried to get her into therapy but when neither parent thinks there is a problem you have to protect your own
A lot of people are saying "think of the little one"and her staying isn’t whats best for their baby. If he isn’t going to step up, then the best option is to leave.
Leave now! It won’t get better and next time you might end up getting arrested and losing physical custody of your daughter. You have to do what’s best for her and these other kids sound like they have toxic traits that are being encouraged to get worse!
I think I would have told that mom off a long time ago. Put your foot down! If she wants to call like that then give her a taste of her own medicine and do it back. The fact that they both dont see this is wrong for an 8 year old at that they are both dumb and they are going to raise disrespectful little shits if they keep letting that slide.
Next time lock up all valuable. Give the kid bread and milk for dinner.
If he complains, tell him it’s to make up for the theft of money incurred last time he visited.
No money means pauper’s food.
Do the same for hubby, no theft are left without consequences.
Show him the door if he complains.
I’m wondering if the mother told him to steal the money. If my kid came home with that much money there is no way i would believe he “found” it. And if he did i would be investigating. This whole situation is fishy.
I wouldn,t nessesarily leave leave but maybe go stay stay with someone abruptly so he thinks ur leaving n tell u can’t deal with it anymore maybe he’ll come to his senses and realize he loves you n want to do the right thing…this child needs to be punished. All it’s showing the kid is hey if I tell the truth I won’t get in trouble.yes it seems he is afraid of her for the simple fact she’ll take the kids away.honestly if she does then she’s is in contempt. I would need space to think about weather I’d want to continue a relationship with him if I were you.
When my husband married me his daughter became my daughter. I discipline her as I see fit and he and her mom stay out of it. But in your situation I would say set down the law. Either he backs you and understands his child took food out of his families mouth or he got to go.
He’s stealing big bucks at 8, whats it going to be when he’s older, and especially when theres no kind of punishment and mom and dad don’t seem to care
You should tell your husband how you feel and what you’re thinking. You should tell him exactly what you said in this post. If he can’t see this is making you ill then you might just have to separate so he can see just how fed up you are. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.
That kid will wind up on prison.
We took in my husbands nieces and the same type of stuff happened which lead to more severe situations that harmed our children. Our 2 girls now have been exposed to things I would have never imagined. I should have left a long time ago for the sake of my girls, but stayed for the kids thinking it was the best decision. It wasn’t. Now we have 2 months till the last one turns 18. It’s been the longest years of my life and I honestly & sadly regret it.
Think of your daughter.
I feel bad for you, I would have to leave.
Just Leave And Stop Using Your Baby As A Reason To Stay And yes your baby does deserve her parents to stay together but it’s not healthy for your baby to see you upset and stressed out behind all of this, I Was in a very similar situation not long ago sometimes the men change and put their foot down sometimes they never put their foot down, Mine Never Put HiS Foot Down And he is still going through hell even after I Left 7 Years Ago his son is now 14 And still doing the same stuff my ex has had 3 other women in his life and that boy ran them off just like he ran me off… You are ready know the answer to what you need to do and you know you need to leave
Go to court and establish visitation for both kids. As far as discipline for the kids make sure they understand that things that might fly with their parents will not fly with you period.
She can still have both parents in seperate homes. This is beyond toxic to you
Girl, run. Your child shouldn’t be the only reason to be with your partner. She deserves happy parents not miserable parents together.
Your little one shouldn’t be carrying the pressure of holding a family together, overtime you will just become more frustrated.
Why is everyone’s solution when things are tough to just throw the whole marriage and relationship away?
First, not to be rude, but money shouldnt be left in a place easily accessible to kids, especially if it’s for something important like rent. If it was that important why did it take so long to notice it was gone?
Second, do you love these kids like your own? Do you love your husband? Find a solution that works for everyone. Ignore the mother and dont allow drama to ruin your relationship. Your husband doesnt stand up to her because he loves his kids too much to risk losing them again. You need to have a sitdown discussion with hubby and express concerns, and a sitdown with your stepson to explain what he did was wrong and that even though you’re glad he told the truth about taking it, you have Bill’s to pay to provide a roof over his head and you cant do that when money goes missing. There is no reason to split your family just because of his ex. Shes purposely trying to make his life hell, even if that means pushing you out the door and setting up your stepson to do ridiculous things. Some women cant stop being bitter but you have to be the better person if you want to make your marriage work.
But that’s just my advice.
Do what you need to to have a happy, peaceful life. What you described sounds like a stressful nightmare. It’s sad he can’t be allowed to be happy in a new relationship because of a crazy ex who probably encourages just what that son did. Protect yourself and your kid. Leave and don’t feel one bit guilty for putting you and your child first.
I’m sure you had incidents occur before you got married and if you didnt take heed then well you basically liked it then now that it’s getting into your pocket it’s a bit too much well this is the bed you have made his kids are your kids and if he says different then walk away your child together will thabk you later for being a strong woman and teaching them right from wrong and getting them away from those toxic kids/kid
Only you can decide how much you can take. She is obviously not concerned with what her son does or what she’s raising him to be. Within five yesrs either she or dcfs will want his dad to take him and clean up her mess. Dad is feeling guilty, wants his son in his life. I would try just absenting myself and my child when that kid is around. Take baby, return within 30 minutes of his departure. Leave NOTHING of value there! Lock up valuables in a bank safety deposit box, put favorite toys, stuffies, dolls, etc in the trunk of your car. Let them fight it out! The kid wants his parents’ attention. You’re getting the fallout. If you’re not on the property during his visits, he can’t accuse you of doing anything to him. Reevaluate in 6 months. If you need to leave permanently, you will be partly moved out already. If you stay, you will have a better pic of whether or not you’re coming in a distant second.
Why leave if you love the man… Tell the boy when your in my house you go by my rules and that means no stealing, no shenanigans, and you parent him as you see fit! Your a step MOM so act like it!
That’s really troubling that he’s lying and stealing like that at 8 years old.
And I do believe you are only going to encounter more drama in the future should you choose to stay in the relationship. Without even hearing anyone else’s side it’s painfully obvious that this is not a family set up that is meant to be.
I would have a officer come and talk to the kid. Put the fear of stealing and lies in place. And talk to your partner about it. If he is that young and stealing already then he learned it from someone.
Wow this drama between you all is not good for the kids. Yall need to get ovwr your issues and get on the same page or this behavior will continue! The child def deserves to be punished and explain that hes lucky the cops werent involved! Wow id be pissed…and worried.
Get the hell out of that situation as soon as you can; no one should have to deal with toxic individuals. The woman will regret enabling that 8 yr old child, at this rate he is headed for big trouble.
My dear I think it is time to pack up and leave
While calls DCF on each other?? Crazy drama, anyway it’s up to dad or the biological parent to issue punishment. Dad has to step up and if he doesn’t and the kid is 8 and stealing it won’t be long before he’s in deep shit with the authorities. So dad isn’t doing him any favors by not punishing him but if bio mom is that crazy then he probably doesn’t stand a chance. Thus is a horrible situation to be in.
You should have a paper trail on her from here to El back your husband is a pussy for not defending himself against her that’s why his kids are bad because he lets him
You need to hide and put up all your valuables all your money and probably your car keys to when they come back to your house
Leave! You have just as much as a right to parent a kid in your house regardless of if they’re biologically yours! My mum could parent me and I’m adopted, so the same applies to your stepson. It’s your house too!
If they can’t accept that: walk out and don’t look back!
Get out…save yourself some heartache.
I was married one time over 30 years ago no children involved.This is strictly my opinion and not by personal experience I think that if I was in your situation I would be very unhappy with the fact that he lets her and his children wrongdoings and forgiveness come be for your thoughts and concerns making you secondary!! the ex would be a big concern and problem of mine he is allowing her to set strict rules for him to live by threatening him with visitation in matters of raising your children together in the meantime hurting you putting you under unnecessary stress he’s letting her have that power over you and over him by myself would also question if given those facts I was willing to stay in that relationship like you said for another 10 years or more I’m 55 I’m sure you’re much younger and have a life long future ahead of you my suggestion is to let him know all of your concerns and what you’re about to do and give him a chance to fix things in order to keep you if he’s not willing to do that then you have to do what you have to do MoveOn take your daughter with you I wouldn’t keep her from him but he would pay support like I’m sure he does for his other children MoveOn find someone new to share your life with that except your small daughter and be happy dear!!
This just happened to my husbands friend. His daughters do not live w him. He found out they went into a neighbor’s house and stole their money then went back home to their moms. He found out and went over there and whooped their ass. Made them give the money back. Bet they won’t do it again. I would lay the law down at the house. To the husband and kids and whatever she does is what she does. But if u are w me, it ain’t happening
Your house your rules. Either parent this child like your own or go.
U need to leave. That stress will kill u slowly and hes never ever gonna change…dont let that crazy family take u down
I put myself in your shoes my bags will be packed I would be gone
I mean If he not gonna do anything about this and u know she will retaliate u might wanna think about leaving I get both sides he doesnt wanna be away from his children u dont want the drama maybe leaving Is for the best
I think you answered your own question either you put your foot down and say you should be able to say something to your step son on his wrong doing or you are leaving keep in mind your mental health is important as well if your always feeling this way your kid could be picking up on that and that’s not fair I’m so sorry for all your stress I wish it was an easy fix
Just because he is acting okay with all this are you sure he didn’t give the ex the money and made up this story?! I as a parent wouldn’t let this slide. If he don’t want you to parent then fine but any concerned parent should have disciplined this child. That’s a lot of money. If I was this child’s mother I also would have tried to figure out where this money really came from and I would have called the father 1st as he had just came home. So my thoughts are with them being okay with all this he either gave her the money or mom put the son up to this! There is more to this story…
How did this child get his hands on that much money with nobody knowing…
Sorry but I would bail. Your husband has no backbone and let’s his son and his ex do whatever they please. You are not in the wrong at all and this kid is doomed with the kind of parents he has…not worth the stress and aggravation at all.
Try family counseling just you and your husband. Then see if you can get court-ordered mediation to help your hubs and the ex co-parent (you may or may not be able to attend). Why did the false CPS accusation stick? Is there any way you could force the mom into counseling? Sounds like she’s angry & vindictive & doesn’t realize the damage she’s doing to herself and the son. I wonder if she got a boyfriend if that would help her self-esteem. She probably is suffering financially.
Keep a record and any evidence of her bad behavior for use in court. And yeah, I don’t think most 8-year-olds would think of taking a parent’s money on their own.
However, if dad explained to son why it was wrong & son apologized, I think that’s enough. If it was mom putting the idea in his head he was between a rock & a hard place. Maybe dad could sit & talk with son about his mom’s behavior & let him know dad is always there to ask about what his mom tells him & they can decide together the right thing to do. He lives both his parents & wants to please everyone; how sad that everyone is working against each other.
But as stepmom, you really can’t discipline the boy without his dad’s permission. It’s hard, but it’s dad & mom’s decision how to raise him, not yours. Pity the kid who had to suffer through a divorce and all the animosity before and after. His world was shattered, his mom is using him & he’s only in what, 3rd grade? Mostly you should be a soft, non-judgmental place for him to land & he’s probably afraid you’ll start yelling and abandon him too.
If hubs won’t fight for you or his son, then I’d talk to a counselor first about being a step parent & boundaries. Then if it appears untenable for you, consult a women’s center counselor about leaving the marriage for your own sanity. Might want to stipulate that the stepson can’t be there while hubs has custody of your shared child though if the boy’s going to be forced into bad behavior.
This happened to some friends of mine & they just had to wait until the child was 18 to have a decent relationship with her. Fortunately she had a decent stepfather as well as a crazy mom, she turned out alright & has a family of her own, so there’s hope.
Follow and listen to your heart…my guess is it already knows the answer…it’s not for any of us to say…or to tell you what to do…but if I were in your situation I would be long gone
sounds like he has already made his choice and you are 2nd. I wouldn’t play 2nd to nobody. Sounds toxic to me. Family counseling may be a good solution but all parties must be willing. Best wishes.
Unfortunately if a person steals from family they will steal from anyone. I have heard of parent having child steal from people. You and your husband need to sit that child down and talk to him about his actions and why they happened
I want to know what adult just has their rent money sitting in their truck…also that lil kid wouldnt be allowed in my home if 1. The mother of said kid causes issues for my child (stressing me out…abusing the DCF hotline system…enough of a harrasser that i was able to obtain a 2yr harassment order…ALLL EACH ON THEIR OWN ENOUGH REASON)
2. he clearly isnt my child any in sort…even tho im sure you wouldnt mind a what should be normal stepparent relationship…even tho you taking on financial responsibilities(covering cost of him being in the home and God know yall payin out the arse in child support) and if i cant discipline a child in MY OWN HOME they are not welcome there.
Honest or not HE STOLE YALLS DAMN RENT MONEY…i would NOT be with a man that would say some backwards arse b.s. like oh not my kid and nothing we can do now…he is weak and that kids mother belongs in jail…for being a shit human and a nuisance
Good lord why cant karma ever get these shitty people they seem to never get theirs
Also…get a friggin bank account…credit union…a paypal something 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 put it on a money order THEY ARE FREE AT AMSCOT
I think the solution for now is to take some time apart. I dont believe in breaks but I do believe in having some space to clear your mind and thoughts. You can’t think if you’re stuck in a toxic environment. If you have family and friends who can help out with a place to stay for a week or two- I would go.
Being a single parent is not a bad thing. It’s better than a child being in a toxic place who will eventually absorb everything around her (your daughter). Its not the most like option- but many parents are co-parenting now.
Leave him and raise your child he will never stand up to her and the older his kids get it will be worse for you and your child his x will never let him b happy so if that is the kind of life he wants so be it but you don’t have to take it
It’s time for you to leave this relationship and get peace in your life your husband isn’t showing any respect for your feelings and if has always given in to his ex he always will and there is no point in fighting that losing battle there is no way that kid should get away with stealing rent money and his ex not giving it back why should things be harder on you because he won’t stand up to her or teach his son that there are consequences to his actions if he is this young and stealing and causing havoc what will he be like as a teenager you have your daughter to think about go make a great life for you and her with no drama good luck my dear
She believed he found the money in the woods? BS! She knew! and he is letting his son get away with stealing that is horrible! I’d leave screw that!
I’d leave. You cannot parent someone’s else’s kid… and it’s bloody painful to watch the train wreck.
“I live a simple life.” “I want a simple life.”
Can someone please point out where the simple life is in this??? 
What is wrong with you? Move out. Sleep alone. It’s actually a very simple life and I love it.
You answered your own question. Stress kills.
This is a horrible situation about to happen to the father … it’s going to be either choose between his son from the other relationship or his wife and kid from the new one. No winning here
Pack up and roll out… make some plans now
I feel for you, I have been a step mom for 7 years of my 8 year old daughter’s life. I’ve had my share of crazy baby momma drama. Honestly all you can do is think long and hard before you decide anything. Do you love his children like your own and are you willing to walk through hell for them? If so then stay, if you honestly don’t that’s fine but do them a favour and leave. It’s hard being a step parent and there will always be a challenge but as a family you work together to make it work. Dad needs to be on the same page as you that’s key, voice to him that you guys are a team and if he thinks otherwise this won’t work. Best of luck momma, from the sounds of it this lil fella needs a positive roll model to show him the proper ways of life.
Defending the kid and allowing that to happen now will mean there will be lawyers in his future doing the same. I say pack up your kid and go to your parents or somewhere else. That’s a lot of money to “find” in the woods. First thing I would have done is ask the father since he just came from there.
$450??? With no consequences? No fucking way mom didn’t know it was stolen, who “finds” $450 in the woods?
If My 8 yr old stole money from me and that kind if money to boot… hed be wishing he didnt. If you dont give your child consequences for their actions, they will never learn and stealing that kind of money with zero consequences is signalling a very bad message to that child. Your husband needs to man up
Get out before you become pregnant. He’s whipped and it’s not enough worth the stress.
Nope. Eff that. I’d be out real quick
I was in a similar situation, step daughter stealing, getting away with everything, etc. left my ex, met my now husband and have kids of our own. A million times better and happier.
Get out take your child and go believe me it will never get better he hasn,t a back bone r he’s just a pu ,y good luck
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I’m sorry but for stealing almost 500 bucks from me I would slap the child. someone has to parent and it’s obvious they aren’t willing. Leave now because he won’t grow a set as long as she uses the kids as leverage.
The kid is 8… maybe the mother told him to steal it? Sound like the mother is the problem. Im not saying the child shouldnt have been punished but maybe its something that needs to be looked into more. Maybe ur husband should sit him down alone and find out why he would do this.
Look you aren’t “in it together” he’s made hit very clear he has two families his family with her and a family with you. And it’s also clear he will choose his older kids every time. He hasn’t chosen you as a stepmom or wife or partner. Leave before it gets worse
My advice is to leave. There is no controlled parenting. The child has all the control and that’s not going to change any time soon. If your husband wants to stay married, the whole family needs counseling together and one on one. Best of luck
I think you need a new husband. He still belongs to his x
Tell him “I know you stole $450, what’s your plans on paying it back?”
Ok this isn’t the mom’s fault which you seem hell bent on making. This was a 8 year old kid. Yes your husband is right. This is their child and they should discipline said child. How you and yours husband discipline your two’s child, you have every right to have a say in. Stepparents don’t get an added vote. It is the parents vote that matters. Sorry but you wouldn’t want someone else having a say in your child’s discipline if you weren’t with your husband. Therapy is what you all need and the way you talk about the mom, you need some alone therapy so you can get to a healthy place to learn how to coparent without resentment.