My step son told me his mom treats him better than his sister: Advice?

My stepson told me that his mom gives him more attention than his sister. His sister is four years younger than him. I know that she does it on purpose because when he comes here, it doesn’t happen. She gives him everything he wants there, so when he doesn’t get what he wants here, he acts up… He has two other sisters here. We care for them all equally and try our best to give them all the same attention. When I talked with his mom about it, she said that she is happy he feels so “special”. In my eyes, I don’t see that as feeling special. If I was her daughter, I would feel like that’s a slap in the face. Like your brother gets what he wants when we want because he has a different Daddy…

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My step son told me his mom treats him better than his sister: Advice?

Step kids play both sides he could be playing you maybe talk to his mom

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It sounds like he doesn’t get the attention he needs from his dad because his dad had more kids and they get to stay with daddy but he has to go home to his mom. He only has 1 sister there and his mom has more attention to give because she has less kids. Just sounds like he’s a mamas boy and wants that same attention from daddy but he won’t get it so he acts up. Maybe dad can try some one on one time with him and reassure him he still loves him.

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Some kids need and require more attention other kids don’t want it.

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:roll_eyes: Maybe his mom gives him special attention at home because he doesn’t get it at your house. Does the father of her daughter live with them? If he does then she has BOTH biological parents together. Just like at your house your kids have BOTH biological parents living together. You don’t see how that might be hard for a kid? :thinking: I don’t know how often he visits your home but does he ever get to spend some ONE on ONE time with his dad?:face_with_raised_eyebrow: I mean think about it, your daughters get their own time with him, does this little boy get the same? Instead of focusing on what his mom is doing at HER home, maybe you should focus on YOURS. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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There’s not really enough information here…there’s a lot that can play into this

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Parents that say we are equal with all our kids is by, it is literally impossible because they all have different needs

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She gave you the right answer…:rofl::rofl:

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im glad he does bcz it doesnt look like he gets any at ur house.

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Mom is trying to over compensate for the fact that his little sisters on both sides most likely have both parents at home. I highly doubt she is overly giving him attention just to spite you and your family dynamic. My real question is why you are discussing your husband’s child with his ex? I get that two moms can get along but that is a boundary crossed in my eyes. What does your husband say about it? The fact that mom responded with saying he is special versus telling you to stay in your lane speaks more loudly about mom than what you seem to have a problem with. I wonder how you would have reacted and felt if mom called you asking you about how you are raising YOUR children in YOUR home? The fact that you’d easily assume your husband’s son is acting up because mom is overly loving him versus he might need counseling due to his parents being separated is concerning. FYI, I’m a stepmom before you think I’m a bitter ex. Be kind to yourself and work on your insecurities before you project them on to others. Sounds more like your stepson is not being disciplined enough at your house in your eyes but that’s your husbands job. Your husband hopefully is a decent enough father that is getting his child the help he needs and the discipline his son requires.

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As a stepmother for a very long time to three girls by three different mothers, I have to say that you definitely need to pick and choose your battles… you’re going to drive yourself crazy if you choose to get upset over every little thing your stepson says. Not to mention you’re going to push him away from you and come across as someone who is unable to stay in their Lane… I don’t really see why this is one that you would particularly choose to fight… it’s not like she is abusing him or mistreating him. Her other daughter and her other daughter’s feelings really aren’t any of your concern or worry because that’s not your child or your stepchild from what I understand. I would definitely just let this one go. You’re always going to have to deal with two separate rules with two separate houses it’s just the unfortunate reality. No two households are going to be run the exact same way and that child is always going to be a little bit different because of that. Maybe she’s trying to make him feel really special for the limited time that he is at her house because she knows that he is not there all of the time. Maybe she really misses him when he is at his father’s house, so she gives him more love when he’s home… How do you know that she doesn’t take her younger daughter to do really special things when her son is at your house? She could take her to do all kinds of things that you would never know about or hear about from your stepson because how would he know if he wasn’t there… Like I said before, this one just seems like a no-brainer to me. There are bigger fish to fry in a stepmother/ stepchild/biomom dynamic. I really don’t see why this one would be an issue for you because it’s almost you minding her other child’s business and questioning her parenting about a child that really has no ties to you besides the fact that she is your stepson’s sister. This could really all be just your stepsons perspective of the situation. Nobody can really say that that’s how she feels she is treating her children. Just because another parent May choose to parent differently than us does not make it wrong. It took me a while to get that one too and stop being so judgy, but I got there thankfully. Just a thought…

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Sounds like a golden child/scapegoat situation many narcissistic parents use.

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I think all siblings do this.

Your not going to be able to change how she treats him. Just hold steady that everyone is equal in your house and the axis of the house doesn’t revolve around anyone in particular but the whole family unit.

You’re last statement says it all.

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I can tell you from personal experience, sons are favored no matter what age or what they do or don’t. Me & my brother come from the same parents but it has been made more obvious over the years that he is the “special” one🤷🏻‍♀️ looking back at when I was younger I can remember certain things & it adds up to that today as well. It’s a harsh reality that not every child is treated fair or the same in every household sadly. It will make her daughter resentful towards her in the near future and have conflicting emotions towards her, so maybe talk to her and explain that treating them differently is not okay, it’s honestly a mental mind fuck on the poor little girl and it will only grow worse as years go on and things never change. This is not something to blow off. I struggle to this day to see eye to eye with my parents due to the different treatments, it’s heartbreaking but them and others take it as I’m just being crazy and whiney but it truly hurts and that’s all I’m tryna say when I voice how I feel about things. I hope this changes for the little girl cause it truly is sad for her.

In my opinion she’s doing it right his sister is the only child when that boys with you guys so but on gods green earth happens when he’s not there she’s loves her daughter and gets one on one time. Her children feel special whether the son see it or not

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Personally I feel like its not your business. I wish my exes new wife would try and tell me I’m not raising my children properly or I’m spoiling one more than another. I’d tell her where to shove it. Her daughter isn’t your step daughter or anything to you ? so stay out of it.

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Unfortunately, you cannot do anything about how the other parent chooses to raise kids at her house. You just have to roll with the punches and continue to raise him the RIGHT way despite her parenting.

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Kids say things. You really don’t know what does on in her home. She doesn’t have to defend herself to you. I know you want to feel important but as far as parenting her kids that’s your lane.

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Just cause he says it doesn’t make it real

At the end of the day if his mother wants to do and give him whatever he wants who the fck cares and who are you to even question that, like wtfff…
Don’t even have a say when it comes to what goes on in their home… shutt up worry about your kids and what you do for them

The only thing that matters is. If he has noticed so has his sister.

Ive raised 5 his mine ours,then my nieces for a year now we are foster parents.you do not treat them the same every child is different they need different things.ill point out the obvious.if he is 4 years older he probably hasmore privileges than his younger sisters and another obvious there is a certain age you can take a child to a dollar store buy them a toy they are happy over for a short period as they get older they require more than that.if he is only in your care part time it is also your responsibility to make sure you show him enouph love to see him threw until the next time.treating them the same is impossible if the other ones are cared for and loved all the time.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My step son told me his mom treats him better than his sister: Advice?

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My step son told me his mom treats him better than his sister: Advice?

Idk I think you did the right thing. You are both parents of the boy. I’d be appreciative if my daughter’s father and I weren’t together and my daughter brought up something concerning him to them. I would make sure she understands that him bringing it up may not be him feeling “special”, he may be feeling upset about it. Children aren’t all manipulative and he may genuinely feel bad. (Say she’s upset that he’s up watching movies with mom) he may just not be understanding that mom does that with him because she sees him less and he’s allowed to stay up later, so that’s their special thing etc. He may feel like he’s just getting better treatment and his mom would be the appropriate one to sit him down and have that talk. She can’t do it if she doesn’t know… And I’d find it better if the person my child said it to came directly to me opposed to their dad coming and saying “my partner said our child said ____” because why didn’t they just come talk to me

I can assure you that all kids will grow up to be wonderful adults ! I (the favorite , better treated child) have also discussed this with my unfortunate siblings and they agree as well

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Children tend to exaggerate or lie sometimes but if he’s not lying it could be because the mom wants him to stay there and wants to be the favorite and fun parent without the rules and it’s also usually because they want them to act up when they go to the other parent’s house so the other parents give up on trying to see him and then they can go for more child support or they just give up on seeing them and they get to keep them the full time my dad used to try that it didn’t work on me but it worked on my brother

Are you there to see it happen? My stepson says his dad and I treat our 4 year old better than him bc my step son has harder chores to do. He’s 10. So naturally he’s gonna do harder things than our 4 year old. They both don’t have a need for anything. Many things they want, which we usually end up getting them for good behavior. Plus my step son gets a dollar a day for doing his chores and my 4 year old gets a hot wheel a week. Which if I were his age would be a better treatment to me. Kids say things and they don’t even know what they are talking about.

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The tricky part here is the little girl isn’t her step child. So they have no say in how bio mom raises her child. This is where the conflict will come in & can get ugly. Teach him that in your house ALL Children are treated equally. There’s nothing more you can do

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Y’all are being so nasty to this woman for no reason… The son came to her, that made it her business. And all she’s saying is that her son even noticed that he gets treated better and may be worried about how the sister feels? He brought it to her attention so it obviously means something to him. Do y’all not remember the saying if you don’t have anything nice to say, then be quiet? Some of y’all need to stfu and get your panties out of a wad. She’s not trying to be all up in the moms business, she’s trying to figure out the best way to go about handling it since it was brought to her attention, she didn’t go looking for it. Y’all are wild, smh.

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See my past self would have said the same, but now,I disagree. SHE is not a remporary item in this child’s life. She is his fathers wife. The three of them need to communicate with one another and come together to best resolve this family’s issue because whether you like it or not, they are all a family. And when mom,dad, stepmother and step dad are civil, united, communicative, caring, and work together as a team then the children come out winning. The kidsare more adjusted and dont get traumatized by the drama that unfortunately most kids go through in separation, and divorce. We always think about ourselves and act petty and dont think about how the kids see that and how it effects them until they start acting up. So I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this step momma expressing a concern.

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Honestly, first and foremost, you overstepped big time. It was your husbands place to talk to her, not yours. If my sons step mom tried to come to me about MY parenting I’d be pissed because if there’s issues, he should be the one to discuss it, nobody else.

Second of all, it’s HER business how she parents at her home. Welcome to shared custody, different parenting plans, and if you don’t like that, maybe you shouldn’t be a step parent. I’ll be damned if a step parent is gonna tell me how to raise the child I birthed.

Y’all parent yalls way and she parents her way. Problem solved.

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You were both right and wrong to talk to Mom. You should have did it with Dad present. Yes it is your business if it is affecting your household. Talking to see if it truly does happen absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sounds like you care enough about the boy to make things better. You can’t control what happens there. Co-parenting works wonderfully

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I am a step mother and what my step daughter’s mom does with her other children is none of my business. That can be for her and her current partner to discuss. You can only control what you have control over. I know I wouldn’t want her telling me how to raise my son because who the hell is she ? I’d say you can discuss the child that goes from home to home, but the children that do not… it is not your place.

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As long as her other children aren’t being neglected and the kids have everything they need, it really isn’t your place to to say anything to her and not up to anyone else how she raises her kids.

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I wouldn’t say anything to her. Maybe that’s how the son sees it but she does stuff he doesn’t see. That’s her kid tho. I don’t tell my stepsons mom what to do with her older child. That’s between her n the child’s dad.

I have 4 kids ( including my stepson we have full time) they each have alone time with us and we do stuff all together. From the outside looking in ppl would say I’m mostly with the baby. But they don’t see that when baby girl can’t sleep n her bros are passed out we do girl stuff together n watch whatever she picks. I do the same with the others just different activities . My stepson is 7 and the oldest and we do stuff the little kids can’t do cause he’s older.

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Actually I like that you went & asked the mom ( you didn’t come cross ways or nothing) I have a 10 year old with a different dad… I don’t go to him when I have a problem …matter a fact I go to his step mom… because she makes all the final rules in the house hold… she makes 1’s I agree with… iv known her & got very close to her in 9 years… I trust her with all my kids… some people will never understand it… she doesn’t over step either… we even work together… have spent holidays together…

Anyways … I’m glad u care enough to bring it up to her… only thing I can do is what ur already doing… trust me they will all remember tht for the rest of there life

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I mean if she wants her other kids to feel like shit about themselves then it sucks but it’s not your place to tell her she’s being a shit parent it’s her kids place to tell her the way they feel about her giving him more attention

Do you have any proof that she isn’t treating her daughter the exact same way when he isn’t there? Maybe it seems like he’s getting treated better while he’s there because she’s making up for the times he isn’t but when he isn’t there the daughter is treated the exact same.

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My oldest daughter does this all the time it’s attention seeking as no way is she treated any different to her sisters. Children say it all the time

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Her house her rules, please also remember kids are very susceptible, impressionable and even manipulative if they they want to be too lol

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You have no idea what attention that little girl gets at home. You only know how the boy is feeling and it’s fine. He’s a child. When my eldest is at her dad’s my youngest is my main focus, naturally getting all my attention. So when my eldest is home, I make a special effort so she doesn’t feel I love her sister more, as she knows her sister has me to herself when she’s at her dad’s. So I get this. Making more effort with your other child so they feel loved instead of pushed out is absolutely okay! How he interprets this is his deal, so maybe talk to him so he understands his mum loves them both the same, and she makes special efforts with him to make up for time she loses when he’s at his dads house. Because that is the real deal! Don’t judge so negatively

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No children are treated as equals. Everyone has different needs and wants. I have 8 grandkids and 3 kids . They are Not the same and are treated according. One may have chores to their age , one needs something else, etc . Children never take this into account, listen don’t comment is my advice, it will get twisted

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Well, some women do, just because it’s a boy.

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he’s the golden child of his mother

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maybe she feels guilty that hes not there all the time so he gets more attention when he is there…i really dont think its your place to say anything

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The amount of people on this thread… “You should just ignore the emotional abuse and mind your own business”

You’re all unbelievable

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Not trying to be rude but it’s really not for you to tell her to run her home

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I realize that parents are not supposed to have favorites but nine times out of 10 the mother has a different relationship with her first born especially if it is a son I’m not saying it’s right but I have seen it a lot were they together when the child was born cuz that sometimes plays a big part in it as well as if she was raising a child by herself versus the children that she had with somebody else she stayed with/ married where one could see the struggles and reality of Life why the other two have more of a sheltered persona on life

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Honestly this is a dicey subject… is there something she feels she needs to make up for ie: having a different dad… I know my son gets treated differently by certain family members (not badly) because he is hyper and hard to handle sometimes, he’s gotten better with age but you don’t know how many times I heard I was spoiling him but in my mind I was trying to make up for things other ppl didn’t do with him but did with his sisters … like take him places or whatnot… I wouldn’t jump too it’s a favoritism type of situation. Also I have four children, they are all very different ppl, they all have very different personalities and need to be handled differently, for example one kid time outs don’t do diddly as punishment, where as my daughter it does… raising kids isn’t black and white, what works for one may not work for the other and this may be where he is thinking he gets treated differently, maybe he listens better ? or maybe the sister acts up more when he’s around because she thinks he’s getting the attention… does the daughter live with her full time? I would tread very carfully in speaking up about a child that is not your step child tho, you don’t want to damage any relationship you guys may have by overstepping either.

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She’s their mom, he’s a child. He’s not equipped to know for certain that his statement is accurate. Now that you’ve made her aware of what he said, it’s probably a non issue for you.

Ooosshh setting that kid up to be an entitled arse hole with no boundaries. Can see it now he treats his mumma like crap, he’s more likely to treat his gf like shit too. Yea cheers for that signed People who demonstrate boundaries in parenting.

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Whoa! First and foremost unless you have the close bonded connection with your husbands ex. Your husband should be the one to discuss issues and concerns with HIS child’s mother. That is borderline over stepping your boundaries and can seriously cause more issues and concerns in the future. Not only with your interaction with her but with you and your husbands relationship as well.

I’ve been on both sides. With my children (now adults) would tell me all the time when they were little that daddy lets us do this or mrs. So so let’s us do that. Haha! Let me just say they learned right quick like just because daddy and his wifey allow you to do etc in their home is their business (unless it’s illegal) lol but this is how we do it it here yada yada yada.

Focus more on what’s happening in your home or not happening and address that first. Stop allowing these children play y’all against one another. They’re very good like that. What you allow will only continue!

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I think u got blind sided lol. So your step son was acting up and this was his reasoning tactic to handle it. Then u had the audacity to question his mother and her other child? Lol…I might would take you down girly if I was her. Js…

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This is crossing over a line that does not need to be crossed…

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It sounds like the other child isn’t your husbands therefore it’s none of your business.

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Unless there’s abuse going on I would mind my business

You’re mad that the stepmom treats your son TOO well?

It probably noť more but different different ages require different attention

Could be son is gaslighting to try and get what he wants at his stepmoms… " my mom gives me whatever I want"… my son tried this with his dad… it was untrue as I treat my children equally… but who knows.

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Y’all bitter baby mommas are showing your colors here. She’s a step mom in a situation is frustrating for her. I swear some of y’all would rather your exs be alone and miserable than to share any part of your children with someone new. That’s so sad and these comments make me sad.

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Can’t control someone else’s home

This is confusing can someone explain it to me. Why is she giving the son more attention than the daughter on purpose?

That’s weird that a CHILD even knows these things even if they are true or not.

What goes on in their house you can not control nor is that any of your business. If it is a problem then the father needs to address his children’s mother.

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I think you all should sit down and have a “parent meeting” and discuss all the things that your behaviors as adults are doing to y’all’s kids and how y’all are affecting them and their feelings and discuss how y’all can better coparent to fit your kids needs

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Its not your business what goes on in her house and how she treats her kids.

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Remember that kids will play the adults against each other. When he tells you these things, how do you react? I feel this is a situation for the dad to address. All kids are not the same. It’s ok if they are treated differently in alignment with their personalities. If my daughter’s “step-mother” tried to tell me anything about my parenting (she has no kids and treats my daughter horribly), I would tell her to F off and mind her own damn business. Sounds as if you’re very caring. But, all of this can backfire on you

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I think you’re focusing on the wrong things, what gives you the right to judge or make any assumptions on another woman’s home/family, feel blessed he feels comfortable in confiding in you and encourage him to make good choices, not only that, children are highly manipulative, he could be telling you whatever you want to hear so that he can have his needs met in whatever way he thinks is best for himself, don’t let the words of a child make you feel bitter towards another woman’s home, you definitely have some growing up to do!

He played you, the bottom line is, those other children are absolutely none of your concern whatsoever, he told you whatever he thought you wanted to hear, if that child understood that you wanted to hear negative things about his mother, you need to change yourself and your own parenting style…… he should’ve never been able to pick up on that, I’ll say this here like I have said this in other comments, just because a child tells you that some thing is a certain way, it doesn’t mean that’s what it is and at the end of the day those other children have absolutely nothing to do with you or your home or your husband, you need to focus on why you would even bring this to a public forum, in my opinion, it sounds like his mother put you in your place and now you’re just bitter and angry about it that’s why you didn’t say how old the children were…… because, if you did we would all know that they are way too young and we would all know that young children Manipulate to get what they want and you fell for it happily so and that’s the sad part…….

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When kids reach a certain age, I believe it’s 12 or 13… they’re allowed to choose to live with mom or dad, if that issue ever arises. It is a tactic that mom is playing to keep him wanting to stay there, because at mom’s he gets everything he wants and all the attention.

Which is weird because usually it’s the other way around
However, you don’t really know what’s going on. Stay out of it. Not your buisness.

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Anybody else confused by this question? It really comes off as a, “I’m looking for another reason to feel superior to my husband’s ex.” I feel there are some important details missing.

Tell her “you’re happy that you make your daughter feel unspecial?”

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That’s her kid, not yours. Stay out of it.

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This is why people use drugs

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Don’t let him manipulate u you’re the adult

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Stay out of it. She’s obviously a stupid woman judging from her response alone.

Just be the best stepmom to all of them, equally.

lol there’s really nothing u can do about this unfortunately :woman_shrugging:t2:

There isn’t really much advice to give, it’s her children, her home, her rules.

please come and join the new Mummy group my friend and I set up. We’d love to have you as a member alongside this wonderful group :relaxed:

He is your son, not your boyfriend There’s a group for this behavior lol

Smh helluva woman, that one is…:woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

Stay out of if, ffs!

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Stop nosing into there business in there home and another thing is there kids there siblings they get jealous mind your own business in your home

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My step son told me his mom treats him better than his sister: Advice?

That’s so heart breaking poor babies :frowning::heartpulse:

Her child so she can treat him how she feels.
You are doing him good by treating him as you do the others.
If he only gets “special” treatment from his mother and not everywhere else he hopefully will grow up not expecting that all the time.

She could be making her daughter feel extra special while he is at your house. I always tell both my kids they’re my favorite when the other isn’t listening. I will call one to me and give them candy, tell them it’s a secret and to eat it there, then go find the other and do the same thing. Both my kids think they’re my special favorite.

Her son. I’m wondering how old he is to realize and be able to say he is treated better. I too am guilty of treating one of my kids a little better sometimes.

Mom is most likely over compensating when she has her son because she has to share custody and doesn’t have him all the time like she does her daughter. With her daughter she gets one on one time and most likely doesn’t get any with the son or has to schedule it so it makes him feel as tho she’s favoring him. I treat my kids equally but if asked they’d all tell a different story and if anyone ever questioned me about it I’d give the same sarcastic answer as his mom did because it’s nobody’s business. Kids get upset when they don’t get what they want. Some cry and some act up….it’s normal and you deal with them accordingly.

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Well, she sounds like a bad parent. Unfortunately, all you can control is your own household.

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Well he’s her only son so she has him spoiled. We have 3 girls, my husband’s favorite is his youngest the baby……meanwhile the other 2 dnt really care. My girls ARE ALL my husbands all 4 of them belong to him biologically. They are already used to it, I know it’s not right. But he raised her (the youngest) not to really care about things so when we ask her I’m taking away….she’s like…ok so. But he treats her a lil different, nothing wrong with that

You can report to DSS about it but they likely will not do anything. It’s wrong to make difference in kids, but not illegal.:pensive::confused:

This is sad…its happening in my home too… my eldest which is not my husband’s biological daughter…gets treated very unequally and very obviously… we have 2 kids of our own… he spoils his own kids…and my eldest gets used to it now but I told my husband if he ever do that in front of my eyes I will always defend my daughter and he can get out of the house…he thinks I manipulate her into thinking he is the bad person…and say I favourite my eldest daughter which I don’t… all I ever tell her is to forgive him and I cant change the way he is… its so hard when we as parent should be giving children a safe, healthy and happy home to grow…and having a toxic partner makes it even harder…how blessed is any parent who can love each children unconditionally because each kids are different and special in their own way

Mother needs to change on how treat, s both her kids or she needs a ass beaten

You kinds sound like you’re not very nice

As the sister who got treated differently I can say with 100% certainty that little girl will start resenting her mom very soon and will want to live with her dad instead