My teen has been pushing us away and I no longer want to celebrate her birthday...advice?

My daughter is 15 will be 16 in august, she wants to be at a friends house everyday after school and every weekend she wants to be gone , when she is home she sits in her room and will only come out when she needs something or wants something from us, it’s so hard to get her to be involved with us, when she is around she has nothing but attitude, you ask her something and she snaps , I am at my wits end and i am so heart broken! When I talk to her she feels that she is doing no wrong , she does amazing in school! Just her attitude and the way she pushes us away breaks me! I am in the process of planning a huge sweet 16 and buying her a car for her birthday , but I don’t feel that she deserves it with how she treats us, this morning we had a falling out, well I proceeded to tell her that with how she has been acting these past few months I don’t think I’m going to be doing anything for her birthday , she said “ that’s fine I’ll work to get a car” this is great that she is willing to do that , but she does not see where I am coming from. Anyone have any issues like this? I thought once they got older it was going to be easier yea I lied to myself! I want her young again!


This sounds normal to me. I was the same way when I was that age. Now, at 28, I love being around my mom. She will likely grow out of this. Extend grace where grace is needed and try having a heart to heart with her and let her you know that you love her and that you’re there for her if she needs to talk about anything. You can also let her know that you will require respect when you’re conversating, but you can also give her space when she needs it.


Honestly sounds like normal teenage girl behavior. As long as she isn’t violent, doesn’t harm herself, doesn’t threaten to harm others or isn’t suicidal she’s fine. Hormones are crazy and being a teenager isn’t easy, especially for girls. The attitude, snapping and not wanting to be around parents as much is normal at this age. I was the exact same way and I’m fine and love my parents.


Even though she is pushing you away, you still need to be there for her in every way. It will definitely be hard, but she needs to know you are there for her when she needs you. I would hold off on buying the car, but have the party. Have you tried sitting down and having a conversation about the way she is treating you and why? There is always a reason behind behaviour and you need to try and figure out what is causing it. Good luck and be strong. Being a teen is hard and parenting a teen is very hard. :purple_heart:
You got this.


I was a complete jerk in my teen years, and once I matured I regretted every bit of it… my mom and I went on to have a wonderful bond and relationship. Teens are moody little shits. Those hormones are something else.

Sounds like…she’s 15 lol
Don’t worry, Mama it is just at this point in her life that she’s spreading her wings, asserting her independence. She will level off eventually and things will get better. Best of luck to you.


I have 6 kids 3 of which have either passed the teen stage or are currently in it and as HEARTBREAKING as this feels mama I promise promise promise this is normal. My advise encourage her friends to hang out with her at your house, get to know her friends, encourage your house to be THE hang out. This worked wonders for us, and it had a major plus we know their friends and they become like bonus kids :two_hearts: good luck and hugs to you!


I really don’t know how she treats you, but from what I read she sounds like a typically teenaged girl.


Have you told her how it makes you feel and that you’d like to spend more time with her? Also, maybe ask her to invite a couple of those friends over and you take them on a girls’ day?

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Hell no to the car for sure, maybe a small party but I wouldn’t do anything big. She’s already said she doesn’t care so following through with a party like this is gonna enforce to her that she can act however she wants and you’re still gonna try to win her over and then she has you right where she wants you


A car definitely will not increase your chances of re-connecting. She may be able to get a car on her own but insurance may be a whole nother issue.
Sorry you’re all going thru this. Any chance of counseling?

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Welcome to parenting teens. This will continue for the next 3 to 4 years. I have 2. My first born babies are twins. One boy. And one girl. They both are assholes :unamused: but just think of what a hormonal shit you were when you were their age! It’s a rough age. Give her her space and cherish those moments they let you in. Plan a special day of shopping and manicures. A car won’t buy her love. Let her earn it (The car)

I feel this post. Angsty teens are hard. Being a mom is hard. Just do what you can and pray the hormones level out soon. Keep communication open and let them know you care. I got a 13 and almost 15 year old and it feels like they get more distant by the day but they always come to me when they need to talk with no topic off limits. So at least I know they still love me and they know I’m always here.


She is exploring herself and trying to figure out where she fits in the world. Never give her a reason to not come home if she needs to. Let her know she is loved and always welcome home.

So what you’re saying is she’s a teenager? Lol


Mom of three girls and this sounds normal to me. Yes it hurts but she will come back around when she is about 17. You have to try hard to not push and not make her feel like she is doing something wrong. Their friends are important to them! Mine all spent more time in their rooms with their doors closed. It’s ok. Unless you feel like she is doing something that is bad, give her some space. You will make a lot of headway by understanding her.

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Don’t buy her a car. She’s not ready for a car! Mark my words you will regret it.


I would not buy her a car until her attitude changes. Just because shes a teen doesn’t make it right. They feel entitled.


She’s a teenager, she’s becoming the person she will be one day. It’s normal, you’d need to worry more if she did none of this to be honest. You need to let her know you are there without forcing it. If she’s not playing up then you should be happy. You can’t expect her to stay a little girl and punishing her for growing up as expected is very harsh. All teens push parents away during this.

Typical teen! This is the part of parenting that sucks! Better hold on cuz this lasts a while!!

Don’t get her the car then, but celebrate her birthday. Welcome to the teen years.


That car thing is going to drive a huge wedge between you and your daughter. She’s not old enough or responsible enough for one. If she gets one; she will abuse it. She doesn’t want to be responsible to you and her father. Children aren’t mentally capable of handling adult things until they are mentally mature between 21 and 25. Her behavior is normal but she still owes you info on where she is going, with whom, and when she will be home. You have the right to tell her “no” on anything you don’t approve of. It’s her job to get mad, throw a tantrum, be snippy but it’s your job to state a firm “no” when you know it’s something she should not be doing. Give and take…yes, you can do this if you sit down to dinner and have a normal time together without being temperamental. Yes, you can spend the night at your friend’s house as long as you leave her phone number and address with us, etc… Let her ease into things as she matures with more space, more time with friends, etc… As long as she spends time with you and her Dad. Our kids never got a car until they could work a job and pay car insurance. They all started driving at 18 and did exactly as we told them.Snippy is okay as long as they know that everything they use can be taken away for a while- if they don’t obey house rules. It’s not our job to be our children’s friends but we have to be their patents to keep them from being injured or injuring others. Keep an eye on her phone, who she is talking to and what sites she visits. Let her know that you love her but you are still her parent. Give her the sweet 16 birthday party. Let her know that you love her and you only want to keep her from harm; that means protecting her at all cost. My hubby and I have 4 kids; 3 girls and 1 boy. Thankfully they are all past that stage. Things get much better when they are adult enough to handle life on their own. Girls were much harder than our son was. Hang in there mama!:heartpulse: Your girl will be back and appreciating everything you did for her in about 10- 15 years. This is the normal separation process that no one warned us about. It’s heartbreaking, nerve wrecking but it happens when our kids think they’ve matured enough already at a young age.

Sounds pretty normal teenage girl behaviour to me! My 16 Yr old the same amd my 13 it’s gets better as they grow older and see the world in a more mature way, well that’s what I keep telling myself lol xx

This is normal teenage behavior honestly. I was that way. My son always wants to be in his room and yes I dislike it a lot. I always say to my mom as a joke “have kids they say it’ll be fun” than I say “this is not fun at all at this stage I just want him to be little again when he actually liked me lol”

I promise this is normal but don’t be punishing her by not wanting to celebrate her birthday. Be happy she’s one of those teenagers that likes to hang out with friends and goes & does stuff instead of always being on her phone or electronics seriously cause there’s teenagers like that out there. Also the asking her to do something and her getting snippy about it of course that’s normal because my son says to me and his grandma “omg why you always having me do everything” “why do I have to do this why can’t you” “I will in a minute geez” “leave me alone will you”

Teenagers don’t like being around their parents especially in public because at this point in their they think we’re embarrassing to be seen with them ( I don’t know why either lol)

This is not normal, none of us (6 kids) would ever thought of treating my mom this way.


You’re wanting to take your frustrations out on her for acting like a normal teen.
The car is irrelevant. Don’t make it worth what you’re deciding her attitude is worth. You’ll only damage things more.

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Lol this is normal teen behavior, and your an AH . Totally understandable to NOT buy a car but it is still your child that is having another year to celebrate life.

Sounds normal, maybe try to tell her how her being so distant and isolating makes you feel.

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Sounds like a pretty average 15 yr. old to me . These years will pass , enjoy the ride .

My daughters 14 and is exactly the same, she just being a teenager.

She might be hiding something take her to the Dr or a therapist


Its normal my granddaugter is like that

Sounds pretty normal, but I would want to rule out any larger issues like drugs or social media and social media predators. Double check her electronics and media accounts, make sure you know where she is and when (maybe a GPS tracking on her phone to make sure she’s safe), and honestly… drug test. If you rule out those things then give space. And some might say I’m extreme, but our kids are the most important things to us. So why not take the necessary steps to rule out life altering or life threatening issues?

Rachel Beechey sounds same about everyone with a daughter

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As kids grow older some become distant…the more you try and force your relationship the farther you will push them away :woman_shrugging:
Hormones play a HUGE role in attitude but no children shouldn’t be talking back
Personally I don’t think there is ever a reason to not celebrate a child’s birthday, maybe scale it back OR get her the car but ground her from it until she treats you better
People often forget that there are 2 sides to every story, maybe there are reasons she’s pulling away, just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there


Gonna come back and bite her

Very normal, and I feel bad you’re taking very normal teenage attitudes as such a defiance by punishing her, even though you said she does amazing in school?! Geez.


How is it “normal” to be disrespectful? I have an 18 year old daughter and never experienced this because my expectations were set from an early age. I’m sorry, but no one in the house I pay for will walk around with a constant attitude. My opinion….no party, no car until she gets it together.


As a Mom of grown up twin girls, my best advice to you is just breathe. She’s being a normal bratty teenage girl. Pushing boundaries and making her own mistakes. She will come back to you again in her early 20’s and thank you for putting up with her BS. Keep parenting, keep holding her accountable, it’s worth the stress and work. Sending you the biggest hug mama! :hugs:


Well I could have written this myself :joy::joy: iv realised that she’s becoming a young woman and finding herself I need to let the apron strings go (only a lil) she does well in school, has good friends and good morals and attitude towards life in general I can’t really complain, she doesn’t run the streets, Dosnt drink/ smoke/ or do drugs and isn’t sexually active soo I just think a lill hormonal teen I can cope and still think I’m doing an alright job as a Mumma, all the best to you love :heart: no one said parenting was ever a walk In the park :heart:

For those saying this is normal, are you all OK? I was a normal teen and never felt the need to treat my parents like shit and act like I lived in a flop house and just be a hermit whenever I was home.

Get her the car with boundaries for the keys. Rules for keys. Don’t follow my rules and respect my household you don’t get the keys. I love u and you deserve to be celebrated. I want the same respect I’m giving you happy birthday

Normal teen stuff. But I’d make her work for the car.

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She sounds like a normal teen. Welcome to the life. lol Think back to when you were 15-16 years old. Did you constantly want to hang out with your parents? How was your attitude towards them? Probably the same. She’ll go back to being your pal in a few years. But to take away her birthday because you can’t deal with her teen attitude is harsh.

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You mean she’s acting her age?

Welcome to the teenage years. She is a Normal teenager. I don’t know about you but at that age I didn’t want to hang around my parents, and if I was home was in my room. They snap back to reality abt 18-19. And just because it’s normal teenage behaviour you still need to stay ontop of it all and ontop of her. Still enforce your rules.

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Sounds like a teenage girl. You’re not her friend, you’re her parent. She doesn’t owe you anything. The fact you want to not celebrate her birthday because she’s growing up is literally bewildering.

She’s gaining autonomy. It’s a normal life development stage. The only thing you do is be there even if she asks you not to be. Showing up is the most important part of parenting. Giving up on her will only hinder your relationship


sounds like … a typical 15 year old ! don’t worry it may seem like she’ll never come around but she will. she’ll realize she needs her mom more then she knows . until then don’t stop tryin and don’t turn ur back on her.


This is BS, I never ever mistreated my mom or dad, She need’s to show some respect. I also have two daughter’s and nighter one of them acted like this, Set some rule’s! Or ground her.

Lol at 15, they’re trying to learn who they are. They want independence. In a few short years, she’ll be an adult. I would compromise. One weekend a month you spend at home with everyone, you have to be involved and do things with zero attitude. And you can be at friends places the rest of the weekends. As long as your chores are done alevery single day after school, you can go hang out with your friends but you have to be home 9.
If you want her to respect you, you have to respect her too. Give her her space. Let her know she can talk to you about anything she might need advice with, if she wants some mom and daughter time, go get dinner just the two of you, get your nails done, whatever.

That’s normal from what I hear. I mean I wasn’t like that with my mom growing up, but my son is like that now and he’s just 13. He’s my oldest so I have no idea if it gets better. Sorry mama

I hate to say it, but this how most teenagers (especially girls) act. They are attempting to assert their independence. They think they’re adults, but lack any foresight of what their actions could cause. They truly believe they know it all, and are invincible. Yet they still need us parents to feed, shelter, clothe and provide funding for their enjoyment. They don’t want us because we stifle their good time, but can’t escape us because they still need literally EVERYTHING from us. My daughter is 15 and is the exact same way. I’ve already made it clear, that she’s going to get a job, purchase, and insure her own vehicle. She wants to act grown, than I’m going to let her experience the burden of being grown. That way she can start to appreciate us more.

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She’s a teenager.
This is normal.
I highly suggest HIC Parenting Education. She has a podcast about teenagers.
Throw the birthday party.

So funny as I read some of these answers … Oh where is the hood old days when we didn’t have to let our kids mouth us and give into them. Her ass wouldn’t have a party and she’s damn right she will work to buy a car … ITS CALLED RESPECT if she can’t give it she gets nothing let her sit in her damn room by herself until she knows how to respect you . PEOPLE STOP BABYING YOUR’RE CHILDREN !!!

She’s doing great in school, is willing to work for things, and has a great social life… and she’s the rude one? Did she “take away” Mother’s Day? Have you ever considered there may be a reason she isn’t at home with you? Getting her material things isn’t here or there but you don’t want to celebrate your child’s birthday because she has friends and is becoming independent?!

It’s honestly normal! But I would plan a family day here and there. For my daughter’s birthday she spent some of the day with friends and then we had family dinner cake and presents. I know it’s definitely hard being a teen Mom, but try and figure it all out in one.

Don’t do what ur heart isn’t too anymore… I’d not give her no party or car. No child should act like they bigger than their parents… so respect no treats plain and simple…

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So your basically your mad that she’s a teenager :rofl::woman_shrugging:t3:……don’t ruin your daughter’s special moment over temporary hurt feelings it’s kinda selfish on your part and your gonna regret it later! If you can afford to make her birthday that special do it you won’t ever get that time back but she will continue to grow up and after some life lessons she will learn that her mamas her best friend and always there for her well unless you do things like this like not doing something because of her being a typical teenager who wants to hang out with friends and is a little cranky sometimes. :woman_shrugging:t3: I mean if all you have to work about is her being cranky sometimes than doesn’t sound like she’s really that bad of a kid!

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That crap wouldn’t fly in my house. Treat people how you want to be treated and her age does not change that. If my child can’t be respectful, they would have the bare necessities (shelter, food, basic clothing), nothing more (phone, car, etc). She will change her tune real quick!

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I raised 2 teenage girls… Was really hard but they eventually grow up and appreciate you

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Welcome to the club! :rofl: 13-16 is the worst. She’s figuring things out. Hormones, school and friends are all going crazy right now. When my daughter hit late 17 early 18, she completely changed. It’s okay mom, I promise things will get better. Girls are just hard. Hunker down and hold on tight. :grimacing:

Give her a BIG HUG and a BiG KISS and softly embrace her and talk about what is happening…… Please try. Pray with her . :pray::pray::pray::pray::heart::heart::heart::heart:

Stand by your word and make her work for her car. Teens begin to break away but you need to draw the line at disrespect. If you spoke your peace and she doesn’t understand, make it clear by letting her know you stand by what you said.

Yep 16…That’s it. Been there done that, she’ll come back to her Mamma around 25. Plus she probably has a boyfriend and no longer needs anyone that truly has her back. She’s got it all figured out while we’re just trying to climb back on that turnip truck we fell off of. This is where you don’t take it personally…Especially with this generation. Hang in there try and not worry (you will worry) and just be there for her, because she Will need you again :heart:

That sounds just like me when I was that age. For me I feel like it was the hormones, trying to figure myself out, dealing with the pressures around me. When I got a little older I was able to reflect back on my behavior and apologize to my parents, but I do think this is pretty normal behavior. I know it’s hard as heck to deal with but remind yourself she’s trying to figure out who she is right now and having raging hormones that are hard to deal with. You should definitely throw a party for her but maybe hold off on the car if you don’t feel she’s ready for that responsibility and respect

It’s a normal cycle of life. She is moving toward adulthood and needs to space herself from you to figure out who she is seperate from you. This happens so when she does leave home she is prepared and so are you… it’s part of the teen transition to adulthood and is perfectly normal and healty. Once she figures out who she is separate from you, then your relationship moves from the child/Parent relationship to the adult child/Parent relationship. Which can be just as beautiful and even stronger than the child/parent relationship was.

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Stand strong…but don’t be a push over n a door mat n bend over backwards for her either…Since she’s 15…What kind of ground rules?? What about daily chores??Have her be responsible n do her own laundry…all them things u do for her that she takes for granted!! Right down to her cooking family dinner once a week…If she gets a part time job…thats good…That will be less time to go by her friends house everyday after school…Plus keep up with her studies…n chores!Not to overlook when she saves enough money for a car…Hello…that comes with added responsibilitys…such as maintance…plates stickers…insurance…gas…etc…And u mentioned u were going to buy her a car for her 16th birthday…seriously?? N WHO would be paying for her gas n insurance n maintence fees?? U …your husband?? Stop n think. SHE IS EXPECTING way too much… When my cousin graduated from HS…he didn’t get a car…his parents were going thru a divorce…He continued with school n commuted to college on his BIKE!!! I bought my first car myself at 18 n it was used!!.Two years later a brand new one…Bought by myself .One appreciates things at a higher level when they have to work n buy it themselves!!!Rather than parents just giving it to then! One more thing…Whose paying her cell phone bill?? If she gets a PT job…have her pay her OWN cell phone bill…Let her see the reality of it all…Sorry but I’m old school…I dont care how old they are…RESPECT for parents n the household should not be overlooked!! NOT to mention …her bedroom Door …haha she would come home n find one of them foldable doors that don’t lock n if she breaks it…a simple curtain!! And damages she causes she has to pay for them as well.U have a house…Whose doing lawn work???Just stop n make a list of things u do…that she should be doing…She needs to pull her own weight…after all she’s 15 …she knows it all!! Good Luck.

Let’s be honest! You spoiled her too much now she expects things and doesn’t even care to interact with y’all. I bet at her friends house there is structure, chores and rules. Kids love structure! I say this from experience. My daughter is 22 now and I had to make big changes at 15, otherwise she was going to go down a bad path.

Buy her a SMALL sweet 16 party… close family a couple of friends. Make her work/earn a car. Draw the line at respect. This sounds like normal teenage behavior. This too shall pass in a few years.

Sorry but this sounds like a normal teen age girl to me. I am sure it will pass

If you have ever had a teen you have seen this stage to some degree!!! They mostly outgrow this stage at some point

Sounds like you spoiled her. Huge 16 bday and a car?. People said sounds like a teenager. I was a teenager myself and I have siblings. We didn’t act like how teenagers nowadays. We’re not perfect kids but always know the fine line or else :sweat_smile:. Don’t buy her a car, she’ll value it more if she’ll buy it herself. But do a simple bday for her

This is very normal for her age

She does well in school - when did you last say “well done. I’m proud of you!” Or are you just always bickering?

She’s FIFTEEN!! She’s a kid and she’s going through physical, emotional and psychological changes as well as trying to get through school!

When she comes home she’s got you giving her toxic ultimatums.

Sounds like you need a Friend…your child isn’t your friend ,she’s acting like any other 16 y o ld !!
That’s a lot of I I I and Me me me for a,parent.

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She’s 16 that’s what they do

Take her phone away. Technology breeds aggression. Look up stats.

It’s the age. It will pass.

She’s 16. Congratulations you have a teenager. I’m getting over controlling vibes. Are you going to give her the car then lord it over her? My mom did that and was all sorts of pissed when I gave it back and got my own car. She’s 16, she wants freedom

That’s typical teenage behavior lol. I think it would be wrong not to celebrate her special occasion.

Congratulations. You have a normal teenager. How is that her fault?

Sounds like she’s had a bad case of a mama who’s expectations are not lining up with her abilities and she’s not being supported through navigating transitioning from a child to an adult without being taught how to express all these new emotions, feelings, changes

I’m going through this as we speak
Breaks my heart as she my womb blesser

Most teens don’t want to be around their parents :rofl: also think about all the hormones and crap they are going through.

Sounds like a teenager, I see no issues here. :joy:

Dont be immature. shes a teenager. ffs