My teens refuse to do chores and at this point I just do them to avoid arguing…But is there a way I can make them understand I need help? I am a single mother and not home like I should be and I know they feel that But i need to work to afford the house…I just need help…
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following bc i’m a single mother of a 14 year old daughter and its just getting unbelievably harder. sending good luck your way moma!
The question on every teens mums mind
Like Wtaf it was easier when they were little!
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If they are supposed to do dishes and he dishes don’t get done then I guess they can’t eat. If they are supposed to do their laundry and it doesn’t get done they either go naked or were it dirty and smelly. Goes for anything. They have you trained, or guilted. However you want to look at it. I have an 11 year old. I went through this 3 yrs ago …help pick up after dogs (toys and poop) and put his dishes in the dishwasher and gis clothes in the hamper. He didnt so he had no where to play football, no where to play in the house, no plates or cups, and no socks or underwear and shorts. He learned after 3 weeks. Now mind u he didn’t quit all of these at once. He quit one and tried to wait me out to get me to do it. When he caved he tried it with another chore. He then decided to jump up and help me even withiut me asking. Now I know it will probably change again in a few yrs but I will remind him if when he was little and we did this dance
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Consequences…. If they don’t do their chores take things from them. Make them accountable
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Change the WiFi password. No chores = no WiFi. Better still take all their device chargers away, then sit back watch the pain as their devices run flat and they can’t recharge them. Worked on all three of mine.
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We had the house spotless before mama came home from work or there were consequences. She told us what better be done and it was done no if and or buts about it. We respected my mother even as little kids. She didn’t play with us and she never cared if we liked it but if we didn’t we knew where the door was. She’d say don’t let it hit you where the good lord split you.
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Change the WiFi password. Take away their phones. In the mornings before I go to start my work day? I unplug the modem, unplug all TVs and devices and take all the plugs and phone chargers with me. In order to get the power to use their things, they have to do their chores. If chores aren’t done, they don’t have access to electricity for their devices.
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“Hey mom can I ________?”
“Sure, if your chores are done.”
They will eventually learn to not even ask if their chores aren’t done because they know the answer.
How does a child refuse to do something? This blows my mind.
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Hire a friend they don’t know as the “Housekeeper Nanny”
Teens respond much better to those they don’t know, because they don’t know their boundaries. yet. 
Have the “Nanny” set rules they must follow & chores they must help with (obviously YOU make these rules- she or he implements them) or “Nanny” will just call the Police & have you removed until your mom picks you up from police station…
OR. Start paying them for chores. Nothing outrageous but they NEED to see work equals pay & pay day is a GOOD thing. Then you get compliant kids & a clean house for an extra $50-60 a week.
Or make them get after school jobs & THEIR pay can cover a weekly maid service 
Take away everything not necessary…wifi. Games. TV. And absolutely no phone or computer unless doing school work. And stop doing their chores. Go.on strike. Cook for you and pick up after you. Don’t your chores only. Hide all chargers. Shut the bedroom doors so you can’t see their messes. If you keep doing for them they will never do it
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The taking everything away approach never worked on me or my sibling 
Instead (based on age) stop doing things for them. Stop cooking if you want help with dishes. That will teach them to learn to cook. Stop doing laundry. They’ll smell bad and run out of clothes and have their friends say things. Natural consequences always work best. This is kind of leaning towards that.
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Make them earn WiFi and activities. No you cannot go to the movies until xyz is done. No you cannot go to your friends house until xyz is done.
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With mine I keep his Xbox cords until he showers and chores are done and done well.
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Stop doing it. It will be rough but when they run out of clean clothes, and dishes, that’s on them. If you have to go get you a couple cheap pots, bowls/plates etc… use only those and wash them and put them away in your room. Leave no room for “well it’s your mess too”… nope.
My mum was a single mum with 4 children and worked 3 jobs, but we all cleaned and made sure the house was all ready for when she finally got home from work, she never asked us to do it we just did it, she went out to work for us to have what we had so in return we helped out with keeping the house on top of and tidy and clean.
I wouldn’t ever expect my daughters to do the cleaning tbf only to clean and tidy up after themselves bir every household and parent is different! Xx
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Turn.
Off.
The.
Wifi.
“When YOU complete [_____], I’ll turn it back on”
Give them a small list of tasks each day.
“These are the tasks you must complete to earn wifi for today”
Do not cave. They’ll get the point.
Take away phones, turn on downtime until chores are done.