I am sorry about the long post. --My 23 month old son just recently got kicked out of his inhome daycare. I was told it was for his biting, his hitting, kicking, etc. I am in no way condoning that behavior. But I was talked to a little over a week ago about his biting and how that needed to change. So we worked on that and he actually had good days like without biting, or at least I was told they were good, up until the day he got kicked out. And then I was told all this other behavior.
The thing is, every time I was told my son was so bad, our daycare lady kept saying, “this mom said, I should handle it this way.” Or “the same mom yelled at me about your child again.” Etc. This mom always had an opinion about my child. That mom had a baby 2 months ago, and the day before my son got kicked out, the daycare woman made the comment that the mom wanted her infant to start and she didn’t know if she could handle all the kids. And then, like I said, my son gets kicked out and all this awful behavior apparently happened. She also told me that she has had to warn other parents about their kid’s behavior and I asked her how long she gave them to change, and she told me a month. I got a little over a week. Anyway, she told me not to take it personally, but the fact is, I am taking it very personal. I feel like she is choosing this other mother and her children and not giving us a fair chance. I really want to write her and express my feelings. But my husband told me that I need to just drop it. What would others do in this situation?
I would give u the same advice your husband did. For some reason this woman has her mind set that she can’t watch your child so just let it be as hard as it may be. You writing her won’t change anything even if she said u could bring him back I personally wouldn’t trust her again. Does sound like favorites to me but idk. Maybe she thinks the baby will be easier to care for because it can’t walk and move around like a toddler can. My son is very hyperactive and misbehaves. I’ve come to terms with it and we do our best to work on his behavior but honestly if certain people say they can’t watch him or handle him I try not to take it as an insult and just be glad they were honest.
That’s absurd and I’ve never even heard of this being a thing. I worked in a daycare for years and we had our fair share of “biters”, they didn’t get kicked out. It was our job as the staff to teach and redirect the upset child who was lashing out biting. I understand you can’t have a child biting other people’s children BUT it is something that happens in daycares. I view this from your point and I even worked in a 4 star daycare center. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I wouldn’t want my child there anyways. I’d personally look for somewhere to take him, be honest about his behaviors and let your child and staff gain trust in one another. Almost (not all) but almost all daycare children bite. It is a defense mechanism they take on naturally.
I wouldn’t want my child anywhere they aren’t welcome/wanted. No matter what they say the reason is.
I do home daycare and if i only have 3 spots im gonna put easy kids in those spots… not kids who dont listen or bite or hit. Or parents who are easier sometimes its a combo kids or parents. I have dropped kids cause of kids behavior and have dropped for parents behavior
I would drop it. Address my child’s ill fitting behavior and find another daycare.
I would never leave my child somewhere they weren’t wanted. Screw her and find a provider your child loves and flourishes with. If he doesn’t act that way at home it was probably for the best anyway 
but regardless she has every right to pick and choose her clients… If she views your child as a problem of course she’s going to pick the mom with the better behaved child and also the additional, more expensive, new born. Sorry mom and I’d be so butt hurt my kid didn’t get picked 
… That’s really all that’s wrong lol. I feel you I’d be feeling the same way and it’d be coming out as anger… Anger is almost always a secondary emotion… So just find a new center.
I’d go with what your husband said… you dont want him in the care of someone that doesnt want to watch him
She doesnt have to watch him. Find a new daycare where he’s welcome.
Does he bite and hit around you or your husband? Of not I would just let it go and find better care.
If he does you cant be mad. She doesn’t want that behavior around the other kids. I’m a mom that was on the other end. My child was being bit. I told the sitter it was her kid or mine. I wouldn’t leave him where he was being bit. She chose my son. The biters mom didnt take what he was doing seriously so my story is slightly different.
it sounds like maybe there was some rivalry between her child and yours and now that she has extra income with a extra child it was easier to drop you and your one then her and her multiple…I been in this Position and lost my job as they gave me no notice and I ended up freaking shit…it did me no good and changed nothing except made me feel better lol… find a place that is better equipped and that isn’t gonna take favorites because of over bearing meddling mothers…
Just drop it…shes gonna do what she wants anyway and she’s not worth stressing over
I worked in daycare for 10 years and one I worked in had a 3 bite in a certain amount of time (i want to say month) policy…the kids was removed from the facility
We had a low staff to child ratio and worked really hard to redirect the children who bit but it was so hard on the kids who got bit…
I see both sides. I do think it’s unfair that she kicked you out in a week when she gives everyone else a month. But you also don’t know exactly what is going on and how often your son is biting, how hard he is biting it if he is even biting at all.
That other mom can have opinions about your child but the daycare provider should not be taking advice on how to handle your child from another mother.
I agree more with your husband because even if you write her and express your feelings and your side and she eventually agrees to take your son back you have no idea if she will be mean to him or not because she might feel slighted.
But, because of her actions and the way she handled this situation I would write her and express that you feel like her actions were personal and because of the way she handled this situation in favor of another mother that you will tell other mothers about this and it will most likely cost her business. She has the right to keep and turn away anyone she wants to but if she isn’t fair it will cost her in the long run and she does deserve to know that.
All kids go through a biting phase if you deal with kids daily you would know kids tend to do it because they can’t express them selves when they are angry or frustrated. So if your child in daycare of sort it’s going to happen.
Bites can be very serious,other kids may have a serious reaction to it. Imagine maybe 3kids getting bites from 1 kid all the time…How would you deal with that?How would you deal with your kid always getting bruises from another kid at school(where its supposed to be a safe environment for them)?
I’m so glad our day care tries to help kids get through that phase of them not being able to talk and act out on their anger, instead of expelling a 2 year old. Most kids are trying to figure things especially their emotions out at that age and some stuff they do at school they don’t do it at home.
In all honesty I get it, it sucks. But it’s an in home daycare, how willing do you think she is to give your son the attention he may need if she’s willing to drop him like that all because of the feelings of a parent who’s kid doesn’t even go there yet. Sounds like little miss opinion is paying more for her kid to be there so it was no loss on the providers part financially to drop your kid. I’m with your husband on this. Just drop it, work on the biting issue and work on finding another provider. There’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t argue the point with the provider, and you can’t take them to court so what’s the use in fussing about it.
I do home child care. Others are mentioning what daycare centers do, but daycare centers are a totally different thing from in home care. Centers are more worried about keeping business and less worried about keeping their employees happy (which are the ones who have to deal with the biter and answer to the parents of the children who get bit). That’s also why turnover is so high in a center and children rarely have the same provider every day.
Experienced home providers want to continue doing this for years to come and the only way to ensure that is to make sure we aren’t taking on children or clients that we don’t feel like we can work with long term. Parents who don’t pay, parents who don’t respect our time and show up late, or children with behaviors that can’t be managed and are affecting the good of the group are all examples of issues that could affect our ability to handle this job long term and this is how we feed our families so at that point, it’s a business decision. Just as you will do what’s best for your family, we will do what’s best for ours.
The short term notice generally only comes in when there’s a risk of harm to the provider, her business or the group. Biting would fit into that category. That being said, it does sound like she chose to replace your child with the infant. She may have been on the fence about the change, but the biting issue gave her the push she needed or made the decision for her.
A letter is unnecessary. While child care is personal, it’s still also a business for anyone who stays in it long (most home providers don’t make it more than 2 years unless they start viewing it as a business and set up rules and boundaries to avoid burnout).
Also, for those saying it’s a normal thing. In 7 years, caring for the under 5 group, I’ve had 2 biters. I was able to get a handle on both quickly, but would have had to end care if I hadn’t have been able to in a short amount of time. I can’t risk losing 3 other clients because of the behavior of 1 if it comes to that. Good luck in your search!