At first I wasn’t bothered, I know I’m not the skinniest girl in the world, but my trainer at work thought I was pregnant. I had made some friends during the first few weeks and those girls are pregnant. We’re all blonde, bigger, white girls, so I’m hoping she was just mistaking me for one of them. That wouldn’t really bother me, though I’m
not as big as then. I’m mostly worried that something was said about me behind my back. When I first started training at this job I was going through a lot of issues with my ex, I wasn’t going to the gym and I’ve always had issues with my cycle (I think I have PCOS, but never been able to get diagnosed). Any time I spend time with pregnant women my cycle gets thrown way off and I pretty much get sympathy symptoms. One of them said outloud “Are you sure you’re not actually pregnant?” And I said no because my boyfriend and I hadn’t touched each other for months after we split. I was pretty open about the crap I was going through, even with my previous trainer, he seemed really nice and supportive, but now I’m worried there’s rumors about me going around to the higher ups and now I’m not sure how to feel. I’m on my lunch break writing this and I don’t even want to eat because it’s really getting to me. I know I’m stronger than this, I know logically anyone’s opinion of me doesn’t actually matter, but what if I’m labeled as problematic because I was open about my problems? What if there are rumors about me going around? I wanted this job to be different, to have a different environment from the previous ones, but now I’m uncomfortable. I almost feel like crying, but I won’t because I just don’t have time for that.