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QUESTION:
"I need some advice and uplifting words. So I found out my husband was cheating yesterday when I happen to borrow his phone and saw Snapchat’s from some girl snd just opened them. Turned out he’d been having a long-distance affair I guess you could call it. They never met in person according to both of them but did send private pics and were very intimate. I’m a stay-at-home mom because we have 4 kids (each of us has one from a previous relationship and then 2 together) and only my oldest (his step) is in school so it made more sense for me to stay instead of paying for daycare. So now my whole world has been flipped upside down. I got what money we had left which wasn’t much but have no idea how to even start over or how to even begin to get a job with 2 kids, not in school, and to find a schedule where I can be able to take my son to school. I own our house so we have a place but I can’t afford the bills. I packed all his shit snd left it outside for him to get snd already changed the locks. But any moms who have been through this please give me some advice and uplifting words cuz I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and like my world is falling apart"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Hold your head up high, you’ve taken the first steps. Look for work from home jobs through indeed. Due to covid lots of places are hiring remotely as well. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! You deserve so much better"
"It's definitely not easy at first but it does get better with time I was in a similar situation with my two boys and their dad left me a month before our youngest turned one but you have the advantage of owning your home which is a really good thing it will definitely help and as another poster said with covid going on right now there are more jobs hiring work from home positions. There is also assistance that you can get as well cash, daycare, and food. As I have found from a friend some daycares if you get a job there will let you bring your kids with you as well some for free some for a discounted rate depending on the daycare itself of course. But I can promise it does get better and easier just hang in there. During the first couple months, it helps to still make time for you when possible to spend time with friends and family even if it's just having friends over it definitely helps a lot. You can do this, you're strong enough. You’ve already proven that by taking the step of leaving him."
"Maybe see if you could get a trusted boarder since there’s a bit more space now he is gone, you have done the right thing, all the best"
"You did the hardest work already - kicking his bum out the door. Keep your boundaries and file the necessary papers to get financial support. Any healthy, loving friends and/or family that can help with the kids is great. If you’re unskilled, you can work part-time as a food server and make reasonably good money from tips. Keep looking ahead. You deserve better."
"I had the same thing happen, we had just moved into a new house that I couldn’t afford. I left and never looked back. It was hard for like 2 years, but I made my life my own and got back on my feet and you can too!"
"I would be careful with the kicking out and changing locks thing since in most states you would have to legally evict him if he chose not to leave"
"Door dash has no rules about your kids being in the car. You can do it with the kids with you."
"Tbh the best option here imo is to let him stay but separate the bills. You’re not doing any good for your kids by getting your house foreclosed on. Start working an overnight job. Like stocking or something. I work from 10 pm to 5 am so I can watch my kids during the day. Its hard but it’s something you can adjust to, but most importantly you’ll start to be able to bring in some income. Set boundaries with him and make it clear where you guys stand while he is still living in the house. From a legal standpoint, you can’t just kick him out anyway."
"Contact a women’s center to help you get started with research. See if you can get free or low cost counseling to help you deal with his cheating and your future. Work with a social worker to sign up for benefits. You should get child support for the 2 kids you share, other subsidies. Do you get child support for your firstborn? Rearrange the house so you can take in a renter to help with expenses, but vet them carefully and do a background check as they will be living with your young children. See if with various benefits programs if you would really need a renter.
Expand your “village” of family and friends who can help you out. Join moms groups (though this forum is good too, so good for you for reaching out). They can provide advice and an in-person social outlet for you and possibly swap babysitting or help in other ways. With lots of kids at home, maybe look into grocery delivery vs packing all the kids in the van to shop.
Consult with a lawyer (consult should be free) ASAP to see what you are obligated to do with kicking out hubs and taking $$ from accounts, what you are legally entitled to, and how much you need to pay for a divorce or if you can get him to pay.
You may also be entitled to support if you get online training or other post-secondary schooling to better your future job prospects.
Good luck! Tons of women become single moms every day and make it work. It’ll be tough but you can do it."
"Babysitting in your home could work. Child care is just as much as a job pays"
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