I was with my boyfriend for 8 years we have 1 child and im 5 months pregnant. He never let me work ( he was really Jealous) and I’ve never had a job before ever… all our money came from him. Well he recently left me his words were “I don’t want a family, I don’t want tied down I want to live my life and I can’t do that with you guys.” I’m not going to lie I tired so hard to get him to come back but it’s now been two months and I can’t keep trying when it’s not going to work he is living a totally different/unhealthy life now. How do I go on? I do have my own place the house is in my parents name but other than that I relied on him for everything. I just don’t know where to go from here or really what my steps should be. It all just seems so unreal and impossible to do alone.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Need advice on how to handle being a single mother
Lean on family as much as you need to. When i left my ex i ended up having to stay with my mother, i was unemployed. Got healthcare and foodstamps through the state. And wic. There are a ton of programs to help. Just gotta look.
WIC and foodstamps will help until you give birth and get settled. Then you can get day care assistance so you can work.
Let the loser go. Take his ass though for all the child support you can. Having a home is much more than most women in your place. He conditioned you and now hes saying fend for yourself. F%$# that!! I’d make his life suck.
Make sure #1 is child support, then foodstamps, wic…until you give birth, hopefully your family can help with child care, good luck to you, times are hard
It’s not impossible although it feels that way. One step at a time
He never let me work he was real jealous:roll_eyes:
Red Flags why would you even want him back. You’ll figure it out plenty of single parents in the world. Try to find a job that you are interested in. Apply for child support and look into state resources to help you out.
get childcare, get child support, get a job, and just keep on keeping on. But get that child support and any other government support that you can until you have the job
You have to just get a job anywhere and learn to live as a single parent. Apply for food stamps. And file for child support. You have to learn that you can’t depend on him also
State assistance till you can get on your feet. Look for a job. Get help from family it possible. I was a single mother for 7 yrs. It is very hard but you can definitely do it!!! Good luck xx
Anybody telling her to get a job is stupid lol 9/10 nowhere will hire you while your pregnant!!!
Assistance first. And they will help you get into work etc.
He set you up for a life you no longer have by not letting you work. File divorce and get alimony
Once you get your financial and food support find out if the financial.program you are in will help you further your college education or a trade school, like hairdresser, or EMT for a well paying job or career. Now is the time to do this.
Dial 211, it will give you information about what programs are available, move on and live your life, the best revenge is success,
Get a job he isnt going to take care of yoy forever. He has made it clear he doesnt wanna be a family anymore. Get on foodstamps and all.
Move on baby, nbetter off without him!
There are growing work from home opportunities. Facebook actually has a section for job listings. Many different companies that don’t require a ton of training, work experience or education are on there. Another avenue to look into is getting on with a child care facility.
Your situation is difficult, but its an opportunity to become independent and become a strong role model for your children.
File for child support, medicaid , food assistance and after you have baby apply for daycare assistance and work. You could possibly get school paid for to start a career if you haven’t already.
You just gotta keep going. I know it’s easier to give up b it keep going . Get help from the state and forget him.
File for child support. If you can apply for state assistance. I know a lot of people are saying it will be hard to get a job because you are pregnant but apply for work at home jobs.
I’m sorry you’re scared and hurting.
Use these emotions to fuel planning your and your children’s futures out. Let him go, you and your children deserve stability. Like the previous comments, there is some help and assistance out there. Being a single parent was one of the hardest jobs ever but so worth it. It’s awesome you seem to have support through your parents—people do it with less. You can do it too… Best of luck to you! 
He tied the knot when he had kids so hes still financial responsible for his kids . Get the child support started and you then get a job to pay your Bill’s. I realize 5 mths pregnant it might be hard but get a easy on the feet job if possible. He should cover child care till you get set .
Totally possible. Find a job, focus on your sweet little babies and ask for help from friends and family. You got this mamas. Sending love. 
You can do this. One step at a time. First you need to figure out child care. Are your parents or other trusted family member close? Are they willing to watch? Go onto indeed . Com put your city in and all current jobs will appear. You can even upload a resume. (You can still make a resume even though you have not had a job) just list things like time management if you have any schedules for your children certain qualities that employers look for in people. Most people are pretty desperate. If you have to flip burgers for a while then do it. You can always apply other places. But please please do not take him back. Once he gets this wild hair out of his ass and it will probably be in a few months he will want to come back. Don’t let him. Because he will probably do it again and you will be back to square one. You can apply for medical assistance and food stamps. But just remember they will go after him and garnish his wages so you might have a fight on your hands so be prepared for that. You are a lot stronger than you think! You got this momma. Be strong those kids need you more now then ever.
First start with trying to get help from the government, then look for a daycare, then a job. You can do this! I’ve been through it and it will get better!
You have a home the rest falls
Into place.
Teach yourself
To be strong and independent and don’t be codependent again.
It will empower
You to cope and learn to do things yourself.
Apply for some assistance it will work
You can do it I’ve been a single parent for almost 6 years now and we are doing just fine no child support I just went right back to work after I had my daughter
You can get on Section 8, you may want to go ahead and apply now there maybe a waiting list. And apply for food stamps too. Meanwhile, file for child support, and alimony. Oh when you do this he will most likely want to come back to you. Please don’t have him back. He dumped you and left you to defend for yourself after he would not let you work. you need to work, you will not get any retirement benefit.
Seek god. Go to a church and talk to the pastor. Get on food stamps. Get a reliable roommate, get child support, get your child on the income tax credit program, find a babysitter after the baby is born to find a job with a flexible schedule. Ask family and friends for support. You got this.
Get a job…you cant rely on others all your life.
First of all your vulnerable to him weaseling back to you when his “unhealthy” life bottoms out (which will happen) so you need to protect your kids and you from his bullshit and not take him back—ever, it would be like someone leaving you stranded in the desert then coming back for your water
Well… first, get assistance from your county, food, cash and daycare. Get a job once you have daycare set up. Then put him on child support. He don’t need to be tied down sure… but he needs to financially support his children.
You should never fight to keep someone who doesn’t want to be there. You can do it alone and it’s best for your kids to not be raised in that kind of environment. Get a job (everyone is hiring rn) and take care of your babies.
It might sound strange but try to get some counseling, for you and those babies.just take baby steps and you will be fine.
Nothing is impossible
You are a Mother!
You have Children looking up to you and depending on you .
Lawyer, child support, support for any and all extracurricular activities for your kids, support for any medical expenses, support for child care, and alimony. Find what you want to do, and go to school for it.
Apply for child support. Regardless of what he wants he is responsible for his kids. Apply for Medicaid and food stamps.
I got a job at a daycare. You know how to take care of kids. Some centers offer free childcare for employees. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you will make it momma.
Have a wipe your tears and figure out how to take care of you and your babies. House in parents name boyfriend worked and took care of you. Stop being a dependent. Put your grown girl’s panties on and figure out how to take care of you and your children on your own.
My story was similar. My kids dad didn’t want the responsibility of children about a month before our second child was born, at the time our daughter 2 months shy of her 2nd bday. He’s essentially had nothing to do with them since he left and I’ve been raising them myself. The best advice I can give you is to learn to accept the fact that you may never have the closure you want, learn to let the anger go, put your kids 1st, never forget he is their dad and no matter how terrible of a person he may be he’ll always be special to them so don’t speak poorly about him in front of them, accept the fact that he’ll likely let you down and getting upset only hurts you, if you can afford it get a lawyer and establish custody, support, & visitation, and if you’re smart you’ll get support enforcement involved early you don’t have to talk to him about money, it’s just easier for everyone that way. Brace yourself for the revolving door of women he may parade in front of you when he sees the kids. And remember, some days you’re going to fail miserably but tomorrow’s another chance! Good book: joint custody with a jerk. Lots of luck mama you got this!
Same thing happened to me
Pick yourself up, first. Dust yourself off. And get it together. You’ve got a blank slate here and a chance to start over. Don’t waste it. No CHILD, and I say child, because no grown ass man would walk out on his family. That says volumes about his character. It has nothing to do with you. He needs time to grow up and straighten out his life and priorities, clearly. But that doesn’t mean you sit around and wallow. You have to provide for your babies and yourself, which starts with getting a job and doing what you gotta do to keep them fed and a roof over their head. So go do it! You’re a strong grown ass woman. You dont need a man. And for fucks sakes, when he comes crawling back when the fun me time runs out, tell him to jump off a cliff. That’s not what you need in a partner. That’s not what you want your children seeing or learning from. Remember that. This is a lesson, and things will work out eventually, but you gotta do what you gotta do and keep moving forward. Even if right now that is one day at a time. Eventually, it’ll get easier. Which just means you’re getting stronger. Don’t worry about him. Karma always finds its way to those who deserve it.
Go to college. You’ll get a career, and you’ll get loans and money to make it through.
There’s a lot of back & forth about getting a job and the challenges of doing so while pregnant. While it is true that it’s illegal to discriminate against someone for being pregnant, the reality is potential employers won’t give that as a reason and with no job history, it won’t be hard to do. Also reality is that even if you were to get a job now, you very likely won’t get any kind of paid maternity leave so, personally I would suggest holding off. In addition to all that, you are grieving the loss of a long relationship and trying to figure out who you are as an individual and as a single mom. Pointing out the “red flags” a lot of people here like to point out is actually pointless. When someone is IN a controlling or abusive relationship, they rarely see it as it happens. The way you say that you tried to get him back makes me believe that you see it now and THAT is what matters! Now you know what to be careful about. Now you focus on healing from it.
Others have mentioned food stamps, WIC and cash assistance. That’s a great place to start because the state will pursue child support and you will get the benefit of the income you can count on instead of getting it from him (who may not be as reliable). But by getting on state assistance, you may find that qualifies you for educational assistance which would enable you to get a better paying job. A lot of times daycare assistance is part of that too.
All of that stuff is logistics and definitely important. But equally as important is rebuilding self esteem and realizing that YOU CAN DO THIS BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT. That’s what you want your kids to see in you. See if you can find a good therapist so you don’t fall into another controlling or abusive relationship. I’m speaking from experience. If not a good therapist (or in addition to) build yourself a strong support system. And the most important thing (at least for me) was to remember to never make someone a priority when they consider you an option. You got this!!
Let him go file for child support take care of those babies that’s all that matters you can make it on your own it’s gonna be hard at first but it will get easier
File for child support
Some of you are really rude, she was obviously in a controlling relationship, she never once said that she expected to rely on others or not get a job, smh. It’s very hard to live that way and suddenly you pretty much have nothing. 8 yrs she didn’t work because he didn’t allow her to, I had a relationship like that, he made me leave my job.
Child support, food stamps, talk to your family you will need help physically and mentally because you will be overwhelmed with emotions from all the changes and having to get back to work. You can do it!!
You are not alone. I’ve had a similar experience. Stay strong and try to be selfish for you and your kids. You may be surprised of what you can do
Get his ass for child support and get yourself a job. If you need get on assistance until you’re on your feet. Let him go and when he wants to come back don’t let him. How selfish of him to just up and leave his family. You got this momma.
You need to file for child support the babies need that you will need nutritional help and some financial help a welfare office can help you there he doesn’t just get to walk away
You need to get child support from him. Contact an attorney.
I’m single mama been one for almost 3 years. I will say it’s definitely not easy but I’ve been living on my own since I was 19 so I dident have figure that part out. The hardest part is doing everything on ur own but ones u get the hang of it u get use too it. My child loss there dad when they were 17 months old too a car accident so it has always Been me and my child. You can do it u just have too set ur mind too it
Nothing is impossible. You can do this 
I don’t know where you live but wherever it is that you can get a benefit from to support your children, go there until you can find a job after you have the baby(unless you can’t work for medical reasons).
I have 1 kid and another one on the way(induction is in 4 weeks time) and I’ve been a single mother since I was 6 weeks pregnant with first child who is 5yrs old, turning 6 in February. You got this
Stop chasing a man that abandoned you and your kids. Listen being a single mom is tough, I’m in the same boat and it was hard at first, but you have to do what’s best. Get him set up on child support, he can’t just walk away from his financial responsibilities to those children. Establish custody through the courts because if there is no order set up, depending on the state if he takes the kids somewhere he isn’t legally obligated to bring them back. Get a job and apply for assistance while you get on your feet. If you’re in NJ, dm me and I can show you how to get started with different programs. Arrange for childcare while you work. I know daycare is expensive, I worked in one for years, but see if family or a friend can watch your child during that time. If you have nobody and are in NJ I can see what I can do to help you.
Look into getting assistance with daycare and get a job.
People do it every day. Why would you chase a man that didn’t want to be with you? Sure it seems hard and it’s only hard because you’ve never done it before but you’ll be fine. So many places are hiring and so many places offer work from home positions that finding a job shouldn’t be challenging. Look into assistance programs in your area and don’t look back, only look forward.
Get on child support. I know it’s hard to get a job while your pregnant. Go apply for food stamps, & wic. In Texas you can get TANF for your child & when the baby is born, you can put them on it. I’m not sure what it’s called in other states, but it helps a little bit with money. Once your baby is born, look into getting help with daycare at the food stamp office & find a job. You can do this baby
Unfortunately, without a will, there isn’t much you can do. He is the living spouse, therefore all her belongings automatically become his. 
I hope he finds it in his heart to do the right thing. If nothing else, hopefully you guys have seen for yourselves how important having a will is.
Girl you can do this. First file for child support. Talk with your parents and family let them know you will need help with the kids. Go to community collage and talk to advisor and find a trade you will like and make enough to support you three. Mak sure you clis any banking that you both have name on. If right now its just his go take half of it out for the kids. Seriously the best thing you can fo is right now think of future career. Go at it hard. It probably wont cost anything for you. If possible and you have time work part time to pay for your transportation to school. Dont take a permanent dead end job that hold you back. Go forward that’s the best. Those kids deserve better than him.
Child support, then get a job, work up from there
Get a job. Have Job and family services hook you up with a babysitter. They set up training for jobs to help you be on your own some day.
You need to grow up. You will have two children to raise assuming you dont have unprotected sex in which case you’ll have more. Better lock it up tight and get ready to support your family. Also, Sue him for child support. Better get a good lawyer. Lucky you have housing.
Simple. Get a job. I a single mother of three, my youngest daughter, her father left me when I was barely two months along and I did I alone, I worked he entire pregnancy, it was hard but she is two now and I can say that I DID IT. Not the state. Not child support but I did.